my monday 'five words'

1. jessi- this is what we've been calling jessica in jest lately, mainly due to a family member's incessant use of the word, and coupled with an outside-of-boston accent, it makes the perfect insult. there are many many reasons why i love jess, but these reasons seal the deal: 1. she uses a strainer to take out pieces of cork from the wine because she had to push the cork into the bottle 2. because she will come over and play scrabble with us and listen to christmas music and still love us even when we break the news to her that stevie wonder is kind of a jerk in real life and 3. because she lets us call her jessi.

2. coffee- not the first time i've said it, and not the last. without it, i couldn't get through the day. is it bad that all i want for christmas is bags of coffee beans?

3. femiknit's new house. did i mention lately that femiknit is absolutely inspiring? and kick ass? she bought a house and then manages, somehow, to rip through the thing and completely transform it. and then lets me take pictures of beautiful things like this, that she plans on ripping down.

4. photobooths- duh! hello, i have a serious problem. two photobooths in two weeks...and the photobooth strips aren't enough on their own anymore. now i have to linger in the booth afterwards and take random pictures.

5. banging- not as dirty as it sounds. i know i've mentioned it here before- it's a little bad habit that i still have that's carried over from infancy. i think boo may have even posted a video of me doing it at one point. my parents thought that there was something seriously wrong with me! but luckily now that i have my own kids, and still have this strange habit, i have no need to worry when it manifests itself in my second-born child! see for yourself: (oh, and delight in the teradactyl screaming, too...god knows i've been drowning in it for the past couple of weeks! and wait for the end of the video for the classic joey stoner laugh!)


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back in the saddle again: photobooth friday, here i come!

as a mama of two wees three and under, i don't get out with my friends all that much. we have lots of people over for dinner and tv and talk, but the outings are few and far between. i try my best to have adult time and make dates with my lovelies, but let's be honest here...i have to get up at 4:30am to someone sucking on my boobs (not what you think! dirty peeps), and my day just goes on from there. so going out after 7pm usually just doesn't happen.

boo has been very patient with me while i raise my babes. he usually complains, but it's more in a joking sort of way...like "why you'd have to have these damn kids?" i forgive him, mainly because he's gray's godfather, and i'd die if i knew he was serious. but lately the complaints of us having alone time have started happening more often...followed by a request to go to the movies together, alone. ok ok! even though i hated the movies a month ago, i'm quickly realizing that the quiet and darkness for two hours straight is pretty much the best invention ever, and i'm all about going to the movies now. so this past weekend we had our date, although it happened in the middle of the afternoon (there's no way in hell i would be able to stay awake for a movie after 7pm, sorry). and we took full advantage of the photobooth in the lobby. and we used the can of mixed nuts that i smuggled into the theater in my pocketbook as our prop. acumama, i knew i'd get around to using a photobooth prop someday!

so here's the final product- with the black printer streaks and all. my goal in these pictures was really to cover the huge zit i had on my right cheek (and still have mind you)- i'm not quite sure what boo was up to. i absolutely heart the nuts picture though. we are freakin' nuts, fo sho.

and i'm headed into the city tonight for another date with boo (so shut up, already, about the alone time now, will you?!?), to visit our aunties jo and libertins. for my first christmas party of the season! bring on the adult time and cocktails and nina beana's social awkwardness!

also, can i just say- you are all freakin' rockstars? i loved all the responses from my last post...reading through them not only made me feel better, but more connected to all of you, sharing those intimate things with me. the "discussion" sparked some very interesting and enlightening real-life discussions with some of you. i'm not done thinking about this topic yet, and may write more about it soon. i think i'll take the weekend to process it all. but thank you for taking the time to give me feedback for all the crazy stuff goin' down in my brain.

touched

it may strike you as funny that as a massage therapist, touch does not come easy for me. don't get me wrong- i love my job, i love bodywork, i love bodies in general. i'm that person- yellowing toenails don't bother me...dry callousy skin? no problem! i don't judge people's bodies and i usually don't worry about people judging mine. i love being around others...i pride myself on the fact that my house is the hangout house. so what's up with this touch thing?

i hug my friends. i enjoy doing it. i do not, however, snuggle with my friends. i don't know if this is something normal friends do, but i've been reading about some other dear one's snuggle adventures with friends and secretly wondering if there's something wrong with me. so i'm putting it out there- do you snuggle with your friends?

growing up i had a totally love-a-licious family that enjoyed being comfortable with each other, and peeing with the door open. i did not, however, have the relationship with my mom that i've been hearing about lately where the daughter can just curl up into her mama and laugh and cry for hours. that's why mamas like tab and all my other mama friends breaking my ideas of touch and closeness are so important to me. i want gray, no matter what age, to be able to come into my arms and feel comfortable there, with herself and with me. these are my touch goals. i want to be more present with my friends, and reach out and touch them more often (boo, shut up, yes i'm talking about you!).

let me know what you think about touch. i'd be touched.

self portrait challenge: soft and quiet glam

glam. glam. there are so many sides to me- but none of them really embodies the word "glam". what i find glamorous is probably not what you find glamorous. i find my big huge bright and brilliant yellow felted flower by supermaggie very glamorous, but i do not wear it out. it hangs with the rest of my jewelry on the wall in my bathroom. i love looking at it, just hanging there. it makes me feel pretty and glam, just knowing that it's there. waiting for that perfect occasion to be worn out. glam to me is shutting the bathroom door, and savoring the soft and quiet of the bathroom. peeing without someone screaming and pounding on the door to be let in. looking at my jewelies, taking a minute for myself.

that's glam.

for other self portrait peeps, go here.

five words to sum it all up

in the spirit of the inspirational pancakemama, i offer you my five words:

1. children: isn't that what holidays are all about, anyway? slippers, snuggling, meltdowns- i'll take whatever i can get. reading christmas stories, having my knitting ripped out of my hands, all by these two delighful little pieces of work. i'm convinced that it's impossible to get a normal picture of them both- one of them is always pinching or moving or crying or hiding- so this was our official thanksgiving photo of the two of them- gray pinching her brother's "lobies"- (since gray was born, she's been obsessed with earlobes...to this day, whenever she cries, she immediately reaches for my lobes and tugs on them).



2. slippers: the whole family has new slippers, and we've been wearing them non-stop. i was the only one without them, until i couldn't stand it anymore and went out and bought the pair that i've been drooling over. and yes, they are trendy and all over the place, but if you could just s.l.i.d.e. your feet into them, you'd know why i needed them so badly.



3. food: these past four or five days have been filled with the best kind of incredible food. and we only managed to catch the kitchen on fire once! (you think i'm kidding- i'm not...here's proof).


chocolate silk pie with shortbread and pecan crust was one of my holiday favorites this year, along with the sausage stuffing and homemade spring rolls last night for dinner (see boo's post about what to do in case of a spring roll emergency).

the homemade placecards didn't hurt either:



4. chocolate: watching joey eat his first handful of chocolate chips was highly satisfying for me. although unhealthy and probably horrible, seeing his gooey chocolate hands and happy brown chocolate teeth made me burst inside with happiness.


5. the foundations, and all records: we've been big into the records here over the weekend, esp. the old school scratchy christmas kinds, as well as the foundations "build me up buttercup". seeing gray sing this song is probably one of my most favorite things in the world. even daddy gets in on the fun. and then standing on the tables and benches, screaming christmas lyrics into fake microphones. a must-have for the holidays.

our neighbors must think we're insane.


and here's a little shoutout to all my peeps who've visited, hung out, eaten with me, and taken caramel through our little family flu fest over the past week or two...you really build me up. thank you!

thank-full

breastfeeding pumpkin in bradford, MA- of course i had to stop and take a picture, despite the nasty glares

today i am grateful for YOU.

we have spent the night and the morning discussing what we are grateful for. the responses range from the serious (family, health) to the not-so-serious (gray this morning explained that she was grateful for 'tigloos', which is what we call our toes, and when asked why, she said 'because they talk to me'). reading christmas stories out loud. watching the thanksgiving day parade. drinking coffee. all snuggling on the couch. slowly cooking the meal which we will serve to our loved ones- my mom, and dad and his girlfriend, and best friend, and brother, to be followed by a house-full of dessert guests. i love that my divorced parents are coming to thanksgiving at my home together SLASH am terrified that it's going to be stressful. but hopefully everything will turn out wonderful- i'm just excited to eat some food and drink some drinkies. i'm also wearing a size freakin' four (mind you, i've NEVER taken a size four- i'm a size tenner all the way usually) gap jeans gifted to me by my mother-in-law- so i'm thankful for that. or thankful for the peeps that sized the damn jeans wrong.

here's hoping your day is filled with endless pints, bowls full of goodies, and sitting in front of the (electric) fireplace- and if it's not, then come on over. everyone's invited.

xo

self portrait challenge: mamma glamma/rigatoni glamour shots

this is about how glammie things have been here in nina beana mama land. necklaces made out of hand-dyed rigatoni- gifted to me by my sweet, sweet school-going daughter. whenever i wear it, it fills her with pride- so why the hell not? glam is an attitude, right? we all keep saying it. so i rock out with my rigatoni out like my life depends on it.

more challenge-lovin' peeps here.

just a spoonful of sugar

these are just a few of my figurative spoonfuls of sugar for today:

homemade shepards pie after a long day out in the cold, slaved over by uncle booboo. who took wonderful care of me all day and all night long. who talked about thanksgiving with me endlessly and looked at thanksgiving magazines and drank endless cups of coffee with me while i jabbered on and on about how we should display our nuts and berries and such on thanksgiving

christmas parades. watching gray on her first christmas parade float with my mom. almost bursting with excitement- a double whammie- motherly pride mixed with christmas cheer

yarn. massage oils. sushi. all natural toothpaste. organization and cleaning.

wool blankets. wool mentoring (thanks c!)

diesel fuel house blend coffee beans (thanks jo and lib!)

wine tastings (thanks erina and c. for the heads-up!)

the search for the perfect pair of boots, and the tips that will allow me to purchase them

a triple batch of thanksgiving day cookie batter made with aunties jo and lib this weekend. watching gray and jo crack eggs together almost cracked my heart open with love. each of us wearing aprons. aprons rock.

bing freakin' crosby

christmas movies from the library

watching charlie brown's thanksgiving last night as a family

endlessly saying to my fam "can we talk about thanksgiiiiiiiiving?" and them humoring me, sort of

shopping trip with the girls tomorrow- and bringing the wee gray. could be a trainwreck but could be the best idea ever...it could go either way. not caring too much because it's one of my favorite weeks of the year. holiday freak.

christmas crafting and shopping already. freak.

each and every one of you (well, at least all that peeps that i know check in here regularly) are my spoonfuls of sugar. your comments and emails and checking-ins make each day easier...make swallowing down those not-so-sweet tasting moments all the more pleasant. thank you. i'm not givin' up my sugar anytime soon. xo

immersion

i am immersed in living my life. things feel on the brink of spiraling out of control, but in a good way, if that makes any sense. this week has been filled with working and the people i love and muscles and b.o. (not my own) and the generosity of my friends and family. and knee high boots and skirts and a piece of fruit here and there to keep me going. and even when i think i'm being all independent, there's still a kid or two crawling between my legs. this picture just about sums it up. dressed for work, but a wee still in the background, in the foreground, all around me always.

i'm overwhelmed with the goodness of people in my life. while talking with jess this week about some amazing things that her friends did for her, she said "i'm lucky. i have really good friends." and damn, i've been feeling like this so much. friends and family, family and friends. how did i get all these inspirational people jam-packed into my one little life? nine-ahh and tab, spending time with you both this week was a gift to me. thank you. tab, you can't understand how spending such a short time with you inspired and rejuvenated me to be the best person i can possibly be, no matter what, every day. thank you. thank you. thank you.

i'm transitioning. i feel it. things are changing in big ways all around me, ready to burst. i'm on the brink of a bonafide career. and i'm going to be honest here...making money rocks. i'm not a material girl, and don't strive for bigger things, but today i was able to go out and buy joey new shoes and both kids new comfy slippers and just.not.worry.about.it. usually i'm a big money worrier (unless it's grocery shopping- hence the $199 trip yesterday, not including the trip back this weekend for the turkey and etc.) and i feel an end coming to those stressers. which freakin' rocks.

and i'm taking my man out on a date tonight. and i get to spend the day tomorrow working for a bit and then hanging with two of my favorite aunties. hopefully making good smelling holiday treats and then eating them, watching christmas movies. maybe i should've bought a pair of slippers for myself. gray just remarked about hers "feel inside them mum. go ahead. they're so cotton-y!" worth every freakin' penny i say!

what are you immersed in lately, my dear bloggie peeps that i miss so much? i really, really want to know.

identification

identification, originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

today i'm working on identification, not only of my feelings but the feelings of my wees. i'm reading "buddhism for mothers: a calm approach to caring for yourself and your children" and it's really inspiring, eye-opening. i want to be the best mama that i can be, and this book is pushing me to look at my daily practices and my burnout potential, etc.

this book came to me at the perfect time- this week has been full and c.r.a.z.y. absolutely flying by. hence my mini bloggie break and bad emailing. work has completely picked up...esp. now that i'm the only massage therapist on staff. i was lucky enough to meet nine-aaah yesterday- she came up to get a massage! thank you thank you again dear sweet soul for supporting me in my new business! and today is filled with appointments and to-do's, cooking for tonight (which i love) and hopefully some warm chocolate chip cookies. and lately i've been immersing myself in my doula studies, trying to get all my ducks in a row. last night i was honored to meet with j.d. about her upcoming birth, and just talking about being there had me high for the rest of the night.

i'm riding this rollercoaster for now...luckily right now it's just on it's way up.up.up.up.up. the track.

where's your rollercoaster at today?


ps. if you ever find yourself in my kitchen wondering which mushrooms you can and can't eat, just glance over at the handy-dandy chart and you'll be ok.

let the light shine through

let the light shine through, originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

all day jammie-babies, crusty booger noses, scraped up chins, thursday drives to the beach for blistering hot sweet tripoli's pizza with dad, crazy ocean waves threatening to wash my van away, sitting on fancy dining room chairs on the sand (because they were in my trunk, and why not?), saucy faces of the wees, wonderful clients to talk with birth and mothering with, visit with twin baby boys and fetus friend, and conversation and food and family, and pick-me-up impromptu take-out dinner dates just because, and stalking mafia and family at their new gorgeous home, bringing birthday treats, trip to the farm for stinky animal loving and donut eating and train riding and sandbox playing, christmas shopping for toys (eeks!) by myself yesterday, last night indian food unplanned miniparty with erina and c. and boo and the wedding crashers and peanut butter cups and too too much to drink, and a big homemade pancake breakfast whipped up by my puffy-eyed husband this morning, and snuggling, and rainstorm driving back to the beach, for more pizza, for talking in the car with the rain beating down, watching the horses race on the beach, watching joey form his first words with his mouth that is covered in pizza sauce and crust bits.

this is my life, filled with light shining through even on the darkest of days.

photobooth friday- the movies edition

sunday, november 5, 2006- going to see santa clause 3 at the loop- first mama and daughter movie together

these weird digibooths are confusing, especially for the wees. there's the screen thingie and then the "look here!" thingie. for some reason, us humans really want to stare up at the screen, and not at the "look here!". even me, trying hard to focus and look where i was told, was getting sidetracked and looked in the wrong place for the last shot. my girl just couldn't get it...and ended up looking possessed for most of the shots. if you were at the movies that day...you probably heard me- i was the crazy mama in the digibooth strongly encouraging my three year old to "look there!...right in there! no, not there! here!". digibooths make me crazy.

i must thank each and every one of you for those wonderful comments from my past couple of posts. i should have bad days filled with horrible self esteem more often! (ok, ok, just kidding). i keep thinking of mindertin's description of her bloggie comments and support as a "trail of breadcrumbs". yes, yes, yes, how true. i must say i'm feeling better today- getting on top of my mood, having deep and fulfilling talks with the hubbertins, having an impromptu dinner date (on the couch, after kiddies went to bed) last night, and this morning- taking those damn scissors and cutting off all my hair (again). your hair comments were the ones that really got me- so nice. really people, totally undeserved. the above boothie pics were taken pre-haircut, and you can get a sense of how my hair really was just going somewhere bad. yes, my co-workers shouldn't have pointed it out, but really- they do hair, that's what they do (oh, you were so right vinnie, though- it was totally him!) anywho- i'm not saying my chopped do is any better, i just feel better, and i guess that's what it's all about. so off for a visit now with my fetus friend and her twin beans and some fresh soft pita (large loaf, please!) and creamy lebanese yogurt and hummus and tabbouli (spelling going out the window on those puppies, sorry!) i need my girl and her boys. then work and then weekend. did i mention how much i stinkin' heart the weekends? xo.

spread the love

scrapbook- spread the love, originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

digging into the deepest depths of my soul today to conjure up some thursday love thoughts. i keep thinking about how blessed i am, how many people and things and food and comforts i have around me- despite how much i want to focus on my crazy emotions or my tear-soaked turtleneck collar or how all my salon co-workers had a hair intervention with me and told me how horrible i evidently look.

so on with the positives...all about spreading the love:

joey has taken to patting me (and others) on the back when you hold him. he's obviously mimicking what we all do to him- but coming from him, back to us- it will melt.your.heart. feeling those little patpatpats on your back, coming from the fattest little fingers and hands you've ever seen. here's some for you- patpatpat.

it's no secret that the library is my second home. i've spent an awful lot of time there since both kids were born- and have come to know and love many of my favorite people on this earth thanks to going there. yesterday i had the chance to hang out with three other mamas and our collective eight kids at an amazing mamas house right on my own street! i've known these peeps for a while but haven't hung out with them outside storytime. the kids clicked magically, there were juiceboxes and puddings all around, and the mamas were comfortable and relieved to be in each others presence. other real breastfeeding mamas! people who understand. thank you universe for these small gifts.

wearing my knee high frye boots, even to work (despite horrible body mechanics) just because they make me feel good. even though the stitching has all come undone and i basically step out of the boots with each step (hint hint santa claWs).

gray's famous quote from the other day: something about santa claWS...blah blah blah...and then "but mama, i'm really glad we doesn't really have claws."

danny gregory's new book "the creative license." if you haven't checked this out, and you're of the creative type persuasion, you must must MUST increase your bust (not really, but it's fun to write) and go get a copy

just picking up amy sedaris's book "i like you". i want to crack that thing so bad it hurts- it's the book i wish i'd written first.

roasted sausage. sausage. sausage.

drinking a bottle of wine and then topping it off with eight scoops (split three ways!) of gelato.

managing to write about gelato in every post.

feeling sad and horrible but working through it thanks to this list- thanks to thursday- thanks to spreading the love.

xo

self portrait challenge: wham glam thank you ma'am

there's not much glam about good ole nina beana folks. let's face the facts- i'm wearing socks and birkenstock sandals right now with a peasant top and a long sleeve thermal underneath. but there are days when i'm feeling slightly glam- and i throw on some earrings (still with the sandals...you understand) and then maybe something a little funky like this delicious number that acumama whipped up for me. this scarf is the closest thing i have to 'glam'- it makes me feel fantastic when i wear it. a little bit unlike my everyday self. and when i wear it i'm also bestowed yet another fabulous gift- i get to remark upon all the wonderful people, like acumama, that i've been able to meet through this crazy and constant and wonderful world of my bloggie friends. it's a portable, glamourous bloggie hug that i get to wear around my neck all day.

thank you, kristen, and all you other bloggie peeps, for adding a touch of glam to my life. xo

ps- help a broke mama out! anyone out there in cyberspace have the new g love album 'lemonade'? i really, really, R.E.A.L.L.Y. want a copy, but can't shell out the bucks- so wanna trade? i'll make you a nice little something if you send me a copy of these tunes i can't get out of my head?

blissed out

blissed out fairy girl, originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

back from the weekend adventures. because everyone seems to love a good weekend recap, here's a glimpse into mine:

-friday night massage...but my first no-tipping experience. i keep trying to remind myself not to judge my skills on people's tipping- because one person's $20 does not necessarily correlate with another man's (yes, for some reason i only have male clients) $0. then i remind myself that i make a damn good hourly wage, and should just zip my lip and be happy with it.

-early to bedding kidlets, and hubby and wife time, including lots of reading in bed, and falling asleep early for mama

-saturday morning family fun activities, which included getting a new winter jacket for the wee-girl, and navigating the tricky "oh, that's a great cinderella jacket covered in sequins, but how about THIS beautiful, practical, warm sage green earthy one that would look so cute on you?" finally getting the girl to agree on our choice (horrible, i know, but YOU try carting around a girl in a cinderella jacket. go ahead. just FEEL the embarrassment.) food shopping. yard work.

-date night with johnpigs to pho! for some reason, our waiter was IN.LOVE. with us. would not leave us alone, wouldn't let us order what we wanted. "oh, you want THAT for an appetizer? NO! you are not getting that! you get this! you get these wings! we don't do them like the chinese do them! we do them better!" says the very excitable vietnamese waiter. so we let him order and we very pleased with the results.

-after dinner, we had part two of our date at the local gelato shop. hello! it threw us over the edge of happiness, we can't stop talking about this gelato. must have something to do with the small spoons.

-yesterday gray and i had a girl-by-girl date- to the movies! i. don't. do. the. movies. (as many of you know- as you repeatedly try to get me to go, and i always decline. something about the fire exits being so far away, and the sticky floors, and the PEOPLE.) anyway, this being said...i'm a sucker for a christmas movie. so we went to see santa clause three- and i had the best time. just me, my girl, and a bag full of smuggled-in halloween candy- her cuddling up in my lap, the fire exits in clear view, and the new comfy-ish chairs and non-sticky floors. AND there was a photobooth in the lobby! of course it was one of those digital numbers but it still made my day!

-chicken chop suey (amanda, i'd give you the recipe, but i don't have one- it's in my brain, and changes every time...sorry!)

-park playtime in the freezing cold...tag, animal games, boogers dripping and superman.

hope your weekends were filled with red cheeks, wool socks, and visions of sugarplums.

another polobooth friday

peace at canobie, originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

friday's here again...thankfully. without the weekends to look forward to, i would be a useless, piece-of-poo mama with no drive to forge ahead and get through the week.

so here's another canobie lake park polobooth- featuring steph and i, still the best of friends in so many ways. evidently i was into peace back then, too- and bangs. it seems i just can't escape from the great bang dilemma- to bang or not to bang? my bangs now are just a toned-down version of these bad boys. and you gotta love steph's glasses. i love them. i love every stinkin' thing about those light pink plasticy pimped out frames.

enjoy your weekends! i'll be pondering many projects, and hopefully getting around to some creating. i'm inspired by the monumental get-together of some amazing ladies on the west coast (boho, michelle, liz...to name a few) and trying not to be too envious. maybe we should organize an east coast one? anyone game? speaking of...the local bloggie thanksgiving that i was planning on hosting this coming weekend at my house is postponed due to some crazy scheduling stuff that some of my fav ladies had- so stay tuned.

xo

sappy thursday love

my heart is exploding with love today, as cheesy as that sounds. yet another post where i'm feeling overwhelmed with all the love in my life- all the wonderful, complex, and dreamy souls in my life. thursdays thursdays. they'll do that to me...get me all thinkish about the love around me. so on with the list!:

-feelin' broody and a bit melancholy- and feeling ok with it. thanks to the help of dear thumbelina. last night i was feeling not-myselfish, not-positive-ish- and our talk made me realize that simply- that's ok. most normal people go through ups and downs and have feelings that may not be all happy and shiny, and that's what makes us us, and that's what help us get closer to other people. after our talk (more like talk interrupted) i felt so free of all those things keeping me confused and unfree. the night continued on to be exactly as i would love to spend my last waking minutes on this planet- surrounded by homemade food cooked in pottery bowls, eating together around a table, lots of cheese, a big bowl of halloween candy, and even a little game of "rank you favorite" candy. patiodee- happy travels to spain, land of the mullets. remember, avoid having to pay overseas child support at all costs, despite the lure of those sexy mulletas.

-book group tonight- horrible book (the pianist) but mama gets two hours out alone (aaaah)

-early christmas shopping

-my new vest from free people -new, with tags, little bolero delicious number...thank you ebay for my $.99 buy!

-making some serious cash on ebay with dad

-having a new steering column in my car today...yes, now i can turn my wheel again. all for the cost of $500! (ok, so that wasn't something i loved so much- but now i can drive again- it's been about a good month or so with iffy driving situation)

-homemade salty roasty toasty pumpkin seeds

-massage business picking up- ok, not really- i just have one client that likes to come in four times a week for hour and a half massages (eek!) wish i could write more about it but i feel all bad about confidentiality and such.

-UFO

-paula deen's french onion soup recipe- gotta go with the gruyere

-thumbelina eating said gruyere off my skirt last night, just because she could.

xo
happy thursday peeps. may today bring you broiled buttery slices of french bread, spoonfuls of sticky melty cheeses, and much catching up on your to-do's.

self portrait challenge: imperfect role model

f
trust me, i ain't no role model. my shower is filled with mold, i use inappropriate humor in front of my kids, i haven't taken my trash out, i'm rocking some black circles under my eyes, i heart potty humor, and i'm not opposed to sticking pine cones up my nose for a cheap laugh from the kiddies.

(after i took this picture, i had sap all over my face for the rest of the day. sweet!)

nourish and nurture

peace my peeps. i love this picture of j. because it looks like he's flashing the peace sign. and it features the yellow hood of his favorite car. not so much an outdoorsy kid, but definitely into the peace.

aaah, monday morning again. for some reason, i get this burst of "to-do" energy every morning, where i frantically tackle anything and everything that comes to my mind. trust me, it burns out as quickly as it comes on, but i try to ride with it while it lasts. johnny thinks i'm crazy- grace and i were carving a pumpkin and roasting the seeds for breakfast at 6:30am this morning. now i'm carving out a couple of minutes on the computer, and planning for the week ahead.

this weekend was filled with two of my most favorite activities in the world- nourishing and nurturing. a couple of weeks back, john and i were on a date (with joey) at my favorite organic pizza place, and the table was decorated with painted words. all the words were covered up (with sippy cups, puffs, napkins, etc) except the two words "nourish" and "nurture". and then it hit me- those are my words! that's what i am. that's what i do best. so there you have it- my new mantra (as if i needed another one).

friday night was a reunion of momentous occasion- my dear d&m, back and more beautiful than ever. food, wine, presents, and catching up- family and naked dancing (not the adults). my heart was bursting open at the end of the night- and i still have a hard time putting it all down in words. thank you guys for coming and blessing me with your light!

sat. was the wedding in CT with boo. i went almost 24 hours without nursing, and needless to say, i was one hurting puppy on sunday morning (i don't pump), begging and pleading silently for joey to wake up and nurse. of course he slept all night on sat- what gives? but i'm feeling much more back to normal, thank god.

yesterday was breakfast at our fav. place, and then family time- and then john and i got to go on two separate real dates. we are old people, however, and chose to go to a little bookstore (my new best place ever) and then out for coffee (at 4 in the afternoon, with all our elderly peeps in town) and then later on last night we went out again to borders. we're old. we like books. thank god we found each other.

so that was my weekend in a nutshell. i'm hoping yours was filled with candy corn, peanut butter cups, caramel drippy apples, tea lights, and peace.

stocking up on love

stocking up for the winter, originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

i have nothing much to offer today
i'm too busy stocking up on love.

wanna see videos (that may or may not only be funny if you were actually there) of the wedding festivities from last night? check out boo's blog and click away. the first video features the marcarana (or whatever the hell that song is called) being played...with not one single soul dancing to it on the dance floor. it was the saddest moment in wedding history. and freakin' ha!sterical.

xo

for me, it's polobooth friday now

happy happy friday- thankfully another weekend is upon us. this weekend is going to be full and frantic- and frenetic? lately when i've been describing my days and weeks to my peeps, 'frenetic' is the only word that comes to mind. answering the phone calls with babies screaming, vacuuming with wees on the hips for comfort, brownies burning in the oven, trips to the doctor's office. frenetic. although i truly thrive when things are chaotic and frenetic (now i'm just writing it to see how many times i can use it in one post), i also savor the moments when things are quiet, and i curl up in bed with two peanut butter cups and pull the covers waaaay up and just be. i'm off to a wedding in CT tomorrow for a couple i don't know- i'm escorting boo. i'm just a wedding dork that i'm extremely excited- one, for the prime rib (i'm a complete pribe rib whore), and two, for the frenetic debriefing that's going to go down on the carride home, most certainly about boo's endearing fam.

ok, off to another topic- 'polobooth' friday! i'm not dropping my beloved photobooth friday- i still have a bit of a stash of your traditional black and white strippies, but i'm getting low, peeps! and i want to stretch out the photobooth love for as long as i can (we usually don't make trips to the beach/photobooth very much in the winterishtime). so i'm moving on (well, back) to my extensive collection of polaroids taken in photobooth-like-booths, hence 'polobooth'. i've slipped a couple of these bad boys in before. they are some of my nearest and dearest of photos- i have so many polaroids that i just put them into an album that fits 200 pics, and the album is nearly full. so have no fear- lots of old school polobooth action for weeks and weeks to come!

most of these polos were taken at canobie lake park- and for any of you locals out there, you know with the local accent, we grew up calling it "cannabal" lake. a trashy, overpriced amusement park that for some reason seemed like the.coolest.place.on.earth. cannabal lake! if you calculated how much of my (read: my parents') money i spent on canobie, plus the money for the polaroids (i had quite the obsession back then, too)- it would be horrifying. but it was the one thing that i loved (ok, not the one thing-) and so i indulged.

this particular one:


is one of my favorites. steph, my little brother tingballs, and me. for some reason steph and i decided that it would be cool to take the rings off our fingers and fit them into our nostrils. it was taken on 9/6/93, and says "da bulls- check out the booger up t.j.'s nose! the rings give us a beautiful touch!". if there were a fire in my house, i'd want to save this picture. that's how much i love it. while i was at it, i'd grab the whole polaroid book.

happy weekend! may it be filled with shirley temples, extra cherries, and tipsy brides.

xo

happy thursday in all its crazy glory

birdalicious, originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

hap hap happy thursday- the day when i get a quick minute to reflect on all things good, on all the lovlies in my world:

the smell of fresh baked bread floating through my car after grocery shopping this morning, making me want to pull over and rifle through the bags in the backseat, and gnaw on said loaf until satisfied

upcoming visits with two of my most favorite individuals in the whole entire world tomorrow afternoon. cheesy toasty chicken parm and brownies and candles and love

this whole week, and past weekend. sounds cliche, but i have the best people in my life...constantly surrounded by the coolest peeps i could ever hope for. between my mama friends at the library and my high school friend get-together where we talked about what kind of toilet paper we buy and myspace, and then my boo and my jess and patiodee, and eating, and more eating, and did i mention eating? and then my visit my cousin today who is literally my twin separated at birth (remember our photobooth strips with the big bubblegum bubbles?), deep talking and catching up admist my drooling and boogery kids. all my guests smelling like pathouli soap against their wills.

when i ask grace "grace, what do hippies believe in?"- she says "peace! love! togetherness!" and then i say "are you a hippie?" and she screams "YES!". probably one of my most favorite things in the world.

egg donation, prospective parents, family histories, all that jazz

author talks, calendars filling up, planning shopping trips and christmas concerts

remembering another loved one lost- thinking of good memories of living with my auntie who just passed from cancer, working with her in her ceramic studio, painting tiny little ceramic care bears

free featherbeds (thanks auntie donna! for the donation and for introducing me to the wonders of featherbed sleeping!)

chili. pizza. coffee. vanilla bean ice cream and warm brownies.

vanilla sugar lip gloss

finally working again (but don't get me started on inappropriate clients)

hanging with name and her sister- being an italian grandmother and forcing them to eat! eat!

taking caramel of all the peeps i love

self portrait challenge: imperfectly mustachioed

ok, ok, it's a stretch- i know. but to be perfectly honest, i wasn't feeling the theme today. i wasn't feeling pinpointing and nailing down one of my many imperfections. today i'm feeling silly and happy and kind of quiet all at the same time. so this is what you get...imperfectly mustachioed.

corn husky goodness- fall sun- scarves and hats and playing outside at the house i grew up in. life is good.

and for all you poetry lovers out there, a tiny piece of a poem entitled "who be kind to" by allen ginsberg:

be kind to your neighbor who weeps
solid tears on the television sofa,
he has no other home, and hears nothing
but the hard voice of telephones
click, buzz, switch channel and the inspired
melodrama disappears
and he's left alone for the night, he disappears
in bed-

something about these words spoke to me this morning, especially considering my tenuous relationship with my neighbor. trying to really reach here with the love- spreading it around to everyone that needs it, even those nasty neighbors.

happy tuesday, happy mustaches.

crying with inspiration

call me sappy, call me cheesy, but i just watched this video and i'm weeping like a baby. inpsired with happiness. maybe it's the four cups of coffee coursing through my veins, but i feel like i can conquer the world with hugs.

hope your sunday rocks the casbah.

whole lotta lovin' goin' down

DSC00129, originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

so i missed photobooth friday, for the first time in a long time. i just couldn't bring myself to get on the computer and get my act together yesterday, although i did manage to scrape together one and scan it in. the kids have been high maintenance and my computer time is limited and unproductive at best. so here i am, a day late.

lots of things going on in my mind- lots of planning for the upcoming holiday. i'm obsessed with thanksgiving. i'm obsessed with the idea of everyone together, sharing food and stories and cramming into my small cottage of a house. if you know me, and haven't gotten a specific invitation, consider yourself invited. no place to go? don't like your own family? come on over to our house, and we'll feed you and drink you up. as long as you can put up with my family and the "cozy" space. we may opt for a buffet style meal due to seating considerations. everyone is welcome. it's thanksgiving, after all.

also thinking about having a "bloggie thanksgiving" of sorts- a time for my bestest bloggie peeps to get together and meet in real life. i feel like when i'm with you guys, you're all curious about each other, and i think you would all get along fabulous in real life, so i was thinking, why not just get everyone together? i'm thinking my house, desserts and possible crafting, and hanging out. i'm thinking mindy, erina, jecca, boo, feminknit, danielle, and anyone else local (i wish you were all local! i want you all here!). i'm thinking possibly sunday nov. 5th, before everyone gets crazy with holiday stuff. i'm sorry to write about this here but i'm just sort of throwing it out there, to see what everyone thinks. anyone in? how's the date work for everyone? i think it would be a smashing good time.

laura, if you're out there in cyberspace, i just received your package, and it made.my.life. seriously the best little package of pick me ups ever. two gor.gor.gorgeous scarves and perfect notecards and the best little journal around, that i'm going to snuggle up with in a bit with some tea. thank you thank you thank you! again, i feel like i'm making out like a bandit in this whole swapping business.

there's been a whole lotta quilting being done (my husband quilts. yes people, my husband quilts for fun. we went on a "date" to the fabric store today. i'm not kidding you). and eating. of course there's been eating. another loaf of scala bread, some chickens, lots of cheese and peanut butter cups. thank god for nursing an almost one year old, because without all those calories being burnt, i'd be a little scared.

speaking of calories, my girl jen had a great idea of a little recipe swap, and i'm posting mine up at swaparama mama (see more at amanda's, too). it's for pistachio torte, john's mom's secret recipe. freakin' A, it's damn good. good enough to blow the secret on swaparama mama. sorry jen, i know you already have this one, but it's the gilbert signature recipe, and the first that came to mind to post!

the story behind the photobooth: me and eric c., an old buddy from high school. when i worked at a local pool as a "pool attendant" (i'm not kidding you- not obligated in any way to save drowning people, because no! i'm no lifeguard, just the pool attendant. although i did end up having to save someone, but that's another story for another time)- anyway, eric came to hang with me often at the pool, smoking his cigarettes, being dark and creepy but somehow cheery at the same time, baring his hairy midriff to make me laugh. eric was a good soul, and i suspect he still is. i saw him not too long ago at borders, and he had become a police officer, of all things. crazy to me, considering some of his past antics. i love these pictures because we both look happy and cozy in the booth, snuggling in our friendship. and the smudgie on my cheek always reminds me of football or strange warpaint. happy late photobooth friday, and happy weekend dear peeps!

all the things around me that i love

-striped socks

-jumping up and down while holding joey- watching him get all excited/confused about it

-pumpkin and amaretto gelato, courtesy of jecca- big scoops on top of warm slices of pumpkin bread, fresh out of the over, topped with real whipped cream (courtesy of a squirty-can)

-not taking a shower yet today even though it's 10am and i should be ready- today i'm choosing to go with the flow, have a second cup, cut myself a thick slice of pumpkin bread and live in the moment

-fat stacks of delicious library books, including "laporte, indiana" and "found" and organic style magazines and gourmet magazines

-looking forward to the little things, like the phoenix coming out on thursday nights, and making a car trip across town to pick it up

-my drive to drop off and pick up grace from school- 20 minutes each way of fall foliage and my favorite radio program (hi, i just wrote 'program'. i'm turning into my grandparents)

-joey really starting to walk now- last night he walked from one couch to the other. me deciding that i'm not putting real shoes (the cutest red sneakers ever invented) on him until he learns to walk for real. i feel like it's messing up his natural balance.

-chop suey. i made a huge batch (read: 6 plus pounds of ground beef- can you imagine what it's
like frying that up?) of chop suey for my best loves last night. a huge, steamy pot full. and we.ate.every.last.drop. not to mention a whole package of buns and a loaf of pumpkin bread. oh yeah, and the gelato. oh, and the wine. and all that beer. can't forget the beer.

-project runway finale. i had the best of intentions to stay up- but with my full belly, and the comfy covers and my hubbiecuddles, i just. couldn't. make. it. i fell asleep for the last 15 minutes of the season finale- when they reveal who won. hello! i did see the runway part though, and was totally impressed with everyone's designs, although my boyfriend michael let me down a little bit with those crazy keyholes and jungle prints. anywho, congrats tattoo neck- if i was a lot cooler (and richer) than i am, i would actually purchase and wear your clothes. if i actually ever had real plans and left the house.

-seeing boo manically happy yesterday made my life

-i have a real date with my mom tonight. we never spend alone time together since the kiddies arrived, so it's long overdue. should be fun to get out and be an adult for a bit.

-my mechanic jimmy. jimmy, you would never read this blog, as you probably don't own a computer, and if you did actually own a computer and find my blog, that would be a little creepy. but anyway, i really love you jimmy. you saved my life these past two weeks, you don't charge me, you let me pull up to your shop with my kids in the car with no appointment and you come out and try to fix my van the best you can, even though you have all these other peeps in your garage waiting for you. and yes, jimmy, my van let us down and is still "wicked" broken, and requires upwards of three hundred dollars of work, and a whole day of your time, but you still manage to put a positive spin on everything, and let me buy my own parts with the help of my dad's mafia connections (kidding, sort of). anyway, jimmy, you freakin' rock. everyone should have a mechanic like you.

-did i mention the gelato? the freaking gelato. i can't get enough.

xo
happy thursdays peeps.

self portrait challenge: imperfect mama

i took this picture yesterday. yesterday afternoon to be exact. both of my kids were on napping strikes, and the chaos level at my house was at an all-time high. i found myself losing my patience. wanting to have my "me" time that i value so much- just a couple of minutes to get me recentered in the afternoon. i was losing it, needing a break- losing my cool when the kids were testing me. i took a step back from the situation, leaned up against the nearest wall, and took this picture. imperfect mama. mama needing a break. a nap. some tea or some ice cream, just to get through the afternoon.


and to counteract all this imperfectness goin' round- i offer you this poem by allen ginsberg:

I made love to myself
in the mirror, kissing my own lips,
saying, "I love myself,
I love you more than anybody."

allen ginsberg, new york, december 30, 1951

breathe out

sunflowers and mint for mama al, originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

aaaaah. the weekend. the forest and leaves turning and sweaters on and sweaters off. knee high boots and socks and romping through the woods and knit pumpkin hats and signing songs and eating with family and friends and watching movies curled on the couch and peanut butter cups and snuggling, reading books under the covers. breakfast in the sun and lots and lots of tea and hay rides and donuts and drink treats and magazine dates and the kids being crazy with love.

may the week fly by, and bring us yet another weekend. f. a. s. t.

and holy cRAp is this man a genius, or what? go here to be dazzled with sticks.

welcome to the fun house

fun house, originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

thank you for the well wishes peeps. i feel one hundred percent better, feeding myself baked chicken parm and scala bread (one of my many food weaknesses- i can eat a whole loaf of seasame seeded scala bread, easily) and pistachio cookies. essential oils and long showers and outfits that make me feel good. the warmth of my friends around me, surrounding me literally (today i'm sporting a shirt of steph's, layered with a shirt of nicole's, topped off with erina's sweater) and figuratively. little vigil's with candles and pictures in the corners of my home to remember the departed this week. trips in the car for coffee and free newspapers. new red shoes for joey, his first big boy pair, as he learns to walk. conversations between women, my women. keeping me afloat. keeping me grounded with perspective. reading "drop city" and loving it- i have about 20 pages left and i never want it to end. moving on to "the pianist" for my new (and oh-so-loved) bookgroup (more womentalk). finding peace in a simple breakfast of eggs and tea, and coloring with my children. helping one of my dears escape on a much needed respite. providing solace. the smell of olive oil and braised ribs downstairs. hay rides and apple ciders this afternoon, cinnamon and sugar sticking to our lips. candles burning next to the computer screen. babies waking in the next room. these are the sounds and smells and events of my days. all part of my wonderful fun house.

sending out wishes for good weekends to you all.

photobooth friday: the stooges edition

happy happy friday. this lovely little digital sticker number features me ramming the heads of the three stooges together. yet another photobooth adventure that i.have.no.memory.of. hum. the only photobooth that i've ever stepped into alone. i do remember that this was taken at the local mall, while john was away in kosovo. i may have been chaperone-ing a field trip of sorts with troubled teens (i can't think of any other reason why i'd be in the food court at the mall inside a digital photobooth.) i'm guessing that i didn't pick the stooges setting, although i do hold a soft spot in my heart for the constant and senseless violence, as i did grow up watching them with my dad. this was me. sad, lonely, newly married with a husband off to war, working with teens that called me the big old cee-u-next-tuesday many times a day. taking photobooth stickers of myself to put on the handwritten letters to my man. sending a piece of myself to him. smashing the heads of the stooges together.


this week has been interesting, draining, horrible and wonderful. it's been filled with mourning, and rememberance, and womentalk. i have a post brewing about the power of womentalk, but right now i'm just too sick to get it together. for some reason i've been throwing up (not pregnant- really). must have picked up some germies along the way- between the library playgroup for joey and the craft group for gracie and gray's school and the ten other playdates we've had this week. so i'm off to the toilet. trying to decide if i need coffee bad enough to warrant it coming back up, burning.

sending love to my girls d&m. love you more than i can say. xo

self portrait challenge: imperfect life

my life is not perfect. despite how it may sound on this sun-shiny blog. i choose to write about the things that make me happy. the things that fulfill me and make me whole. but not every day is perfect and organic and bread-baking-in-the-oven. sometimes i'm sick and cranky and have pms and my kids don't share and one of them refuses to go to school and i lose it...i get zits and the dust bunnies under my bed would frighten you. i look forward to bedtime and sometimes we eat cereal for dinner and my kids don't get baths every day. nobody has the perfect life. we all choose to share what we share. some of you have called me out on my goodness-sharing (and i love you for it). and i really have thought about it, what i write and how i choose to write it. darlene wrote a enlightening post about it recently that got me thinking about apologizing.


what i do know is that the times that i have chosen to write about my muckiness, my real gritty day-to-day frustrations and troubletimes, you all have rallied around me, lifted me up like little life rafts. without those raw and open moments on this blog, i wouldn't have felt that love and support- wouldn't have gotten to know your beautiful souls as well as i have. and for this i am grateful. grateful for imperfections. for an imperfect life.

i think about imperfections. i live through them and work with them and get over them. what else can i do?

for more imperfections, go here.

what the weekend had to offer

*pasta with meat sauce
*organic pizza and the most delicious salad on the face of the planet
*big wood-fired oven and warmth and down vests
*fall festivals and drives and foliage galore
*john and boo splitting a bottle and a half of whiskey, and then crying all night long, telling me how much they love me, and each other (they never drink, let alone together, so this was pretty momentous)
*deep talks, deep thoughts
*incense
*pathouli handsoap driving everyone crazy
*roasted chicken and veggies a-la-gilbert
*watching joey take eight steps
*playing with renee and mike
*lots of candles burnin'
*bird santuaries
*taking myself on a kidless and husbandless date for a pumpkin muffin, coffee, and outdoor antique fair- buying a nepalese painting of shiva for one dollar...and boo's christmas gift, and two relic kitchen utensils for ten cents each
*hippie scarves
*going out to breakfast with the kiddies- watching joey eat pancakes

while full and amazing, this weekend kicked my anus (we throw the word 'anus' around here like it's nothin') and i'm feeling it baaaad right now. my glands are swollen and my throat is k.i.l.l.i.n.g me. add no sleeping (no really...no sleeping) into the mix and i'm about ready for the funny farm. so much so that john took joey on his run with him, and grace and i are having some chill time. i'm supposed to be sleeping. but i'm blogging. drinking herbal tea. gray is watching charlotte's web II. but it's kind of creepy when the bad fox comes on. so i have to keep rushing back to my bed, holding her during the fox parts. and when i just did, and heard the fox say something mean...i said "he's just a butthead. oops! i shouldn't have said that." (trying to be good- she is in school now). and grace then managed to trump me with "yeah, he's pretty much a crackhead".

hope your weekend was filled with crackhead moments that kept you on your toes. xo

photobooth friday: the 'breaking up is hard to do' edition

my parents. sweethearts since the age of 13. divorced when i was 23 (memory is hazy here as far as exact ages goes-) . my mom moved out and moved on the day after john and i got married. but for some reason, even though they've broken up and moved on and taken different paths, i still hardcore heart these photobooth pics (luckily i ended up with them- hence the reason why they still exist at all). they both look young, healthy, happy. and they were, i'm sure, at the time. even though things change, people change- i'm trying to take away the happy moments, the blissfully hippieish moments of my childhood. moments in a photobooth. kisses. miracles. to deny these moments would be to deny my existence completely. thank you, dear parents, for finding each other, for making it work while you did. and for being brave enough to jump ship while you could, making the most of the rest of your lives.

things i love thursday: the movie edition

because i haven't posted clips in a while,
and because someone specifically requested them...here are the babes, at their best

i've tried to capture the "learning to walk" phenomenon, but it gets a little chaotic and tricky, resulting in near-camera-death (see video for example)


Photo Sharing - Upload Video - Video Sharing - Share Photos

and one more:


Photo Sharing - Upload Video - Video Sharing - Share Photos


also, piper...hi! thank you for checking in. i'd write you back personally but i don't have your email address. thank you for your amazing comment- i've been thinking about what you wrote, and your journey, and it has solidified for me that this is something i must do. thank you for sharing, for being brave, for being you.

xo

my five words of the day

in the spirit of my dear blogging buddy pancakemama, i offer you five words (and pictures):

1. nature

the way my children explore in nature is so amazing to me. i've been trying to exercise a certain amount of distance from them while they explore their world- letting them get dirty, and maybe take the occassional harmless mouthful of sand. yesterday, while in the garden, gray moved easily among the plants, naming the herbs and what was left of the veggies, offering little bites of herbs to her brother, which he happily took.

2. art

our house has become a glittered, bedazzled playhouse, our table overflowing with small little scraps of paper. grace has discovered the wonder of scissors- and just can't get enough. i have to find ways to get rid of the days scraps to make room for tomorrow's. it's a scrap wonderland. scraps plus glitter equal happiness.

3. nursing

i spared y'all the full on boobie shots- at 5am, it's just too early for even me to handle them. but my life lately (not much different from not-lately) has consisted of nursing. nursing an almost-walking, bucking-around, little-ish ball of energy that we like to call 'poomalooma'. i'm trying to soak it up, love every minute of it- but our days may be numbered. he's too busy lately to be interested- except, of course, three times when i'm sleeping.

4. coffee

yes, maybe the word 'coffee' shouldn't follow the word 'nursing'- i'm sorry. i can't help it. coffee helps me be the best mom that i can be. and coffee plus fall equals love. and throw dr. scholl's into the equation and you've got full-on bliss.

5. paisley

paisley scarves, to be exact. fall brings out the scarves, and scarves equal paisley. i heart everything about the fall.