touched

it may strike you as funny that as a massage therapist, touch does not come easy for me. don't get me wrong- i love my job, i love bodywork, i love bodies in general. i'm that person- yellowing toenails don't bother me...dry callousy skin? no problem! i don't judge people's bodies and i usually don't worry about people judging mine. i love being around others...i pride myself on the fact that my house is the hangout house. so what's up with this touch thing?

i hug my friends. i enjoy doing it. i do not, however, snuggle with my friends. i don't know if this is something normal friends do, but i've been reading about some other dear one's snuggle adventures with friends and secretly wondering if there's something wrong with me. so i'm putting it out there- do you snuggle with your friends?

growing up i had a totally love-a-licious family that enjoyed being comfortable with each other, and peeing with the door open. i did not, however, have the relationship with my mom that i've been hearing about lately where the daughter can just curl up into her mama and laugh and cry for hours. that's why mamas like tab and all my other mama friends breaking my ideas of touch and closeness are so important to me. i want gray, no matter what age, to be able to come into my arms and feel comfortable there, with herself and with me. these are my touch goals. i want to be more present with my friends, and reach out and touch them more often (boo, shut up, yes i'm talking about you!).

let me know what you think about touch. i'd be touched.

self portrait challenge: soft and quiet glam

glam. glam. there are so many sides to me- but none of them really embodies the word "glam". what i find glamorous is probably not what you find glamorous. i find my big huge bright and brilliant yellow felted flower by supermaggie very glamorous, but i do not wear it out. it hangs with the rest of my jewelry on the wall in my bathroom. i love looking at it, just hanging there. it makes me feel pretty and glam, just knowing that it's there. waiting for that perfect occasion to be worn out. glam to me is shutting the bathroom door, and savoring the soft and quiet of the bathroom. peeing without someone screaming and pounding on the door to be let in. looking at my jewelies, taking a minute for myself.

that's glam.

for other self portrait peeps, go here.

five words to sum it all up

in the spirit of the inspirational pancakemama, i offer you my five words:

1. children: isn't that what holidays are all about, anyway? slippers, snuggling, meltdowns- i'll take whatever i can get. reading christmas stories, having my knitting ripped out of my hands, all by these two delighful little pieces of work. i'm convinced that it's impossible to get a normal picture of them both- one of them is always pinching or moving or crying or hiding- so this was our official thanksgiving photo of the two of them- gray pinching her brother's "lobies"- (since gray was born, she's been obsessed with earlobes...to this day, whenever she cries, she immediately reaches for my lobes and tugs on them).



2. slippers: the whole family has new slippers, and we've been wearing them non-stop. i was the only one without them, until i couldn't stand it anymore and went out and bought the pair that i've been drooling over. and yes, they are trendy and all over the place, but if you could just s.l.i.d.e. your feet into them, you'd know why i needed them so badly.



3. food: these past four or five days have been filled with the best kind of incredible food. and we only managed to catch the kitchen on fire once! (you think i'm kidding- i'm not...here's proof).


chocolate silk pie with shortbread and pecan crust was one of my holiday favorites this year, along with the sausage stuffing and homemade spring rolls last night for dinner (see boo's post about what to do in case of a spring roll emergency).

the homemade placecards didn't hurt either:



4. chocolate: watching joey eat his first handful of chocolate chips was highly satisfying for me. although unhealthy and probably horrible, seeing his gooey chocolate hands and happy brown chocolate teeth made me burst inside with happiness.


5. the foundations, and all records: we've been big into the records here over the weekend, esp. the old school scratchy christmas kinds, as well as the foundations "build me up buttercup". seeing gray sing this song is probably one of my most favorite things in the world. even daddy gets in on the fun. and then standing on the tables and benches, screaming christmas lyrics into fake microphones. a must-have for the holidays.

our neighbors must think we're insane.


and here's a little shoutout to all my peeps who've visited, hung out, eaten with me, and taken caramel through our little family flu fest over the past week or two...you really build me up. thank you!

thank-full

breastfeeding pumpkin in bradford, MA- of course i had to stop and take a picture, despite the nasty glares

today i am grateful for YOU.

we have spent the night and the morning discussing what we are grateful for. the responses range from the serious (family, health) to the not-so-serious (gray this morning explained that she was grateful for 'tigloos', which is what we call our toes, and when asked why, she said 'because they talk to me'). reading christmas stories out loud. watching the thanksgiving day parade. drinking coffee. all snuggling on the couch. slowly cooking the meal which we will serve to our loved ones- my mom, and dad and his girlfriend, and best friend, and brother, to be followed by a house-full of dessert guests. i love that my divorced parents are coming to thanksgiving at my home together SLASH am terrified that it's going to be stressful. but hopefully everything will turn out wonderful- i'm just excited to eat some food and drink some drinkies. i'm also wearing a size freakin' four (mind you, i've NEVER taken a size four- i'm a size tenner all the way usually) gap jeans gifted to me by my mother-in-law- so i'm thankful for that. or thankful for the peeps that sized the damn jeans wrong.

here's hoping your day is filled with endless pints, bowls full of goodies, and sitting in front of the (electric) fireplace- and if it's not, then come on over. everyone's invited.

xo

self portrait challenge: mamma glamma/rigatoni glamour shots

this is about how glammie things have been here in nina beana mama land. necklaces made out of hand-dyed rigatoni- gifted to me by my sweet, sweet school-going daughter. whenever i wear it, it fills her with pride- so why the hell not? glam is an attitude, right? we all keep saying it. so i rock out with my rigatoni out like my life depends on it.

more challenge-lovin' peeps here.

just a spoonful of sugar

these are just a few of my figurative spoonfuls of sugar for today:

homemade shepards pie after a long day out in the cold, slaved over by uncle booboo. who took wonderful care of me all day and all night long. who talked about thanksgiving with me endlessly and looked at thanksgiving magazines and drank endless cups of coffee with me while i jabbered on and on about how we should display our nuts and berries and such on thanksgiving

christmas parades. watching gray on her first christmas parade float with my mom. almost bursting with excitement- a double whammie- motherly pride mixed with christmas cheer

yarn. massage oils. sushi. all natural toothpaste. organization and cleaning.

wool blankets. wool mentoring (thanks c!)

diesel fuel house blend coffee beans (thanks jo and lib!)

wine tastings (thanks erina and c. for the heads-up!)

the search for the perfect pair of boots, and the tips that will allow me to purchase them

a triple batch of thanksgiving day cookie batter made with aunties jo and lib this weekend. watching gray and jo crack eggs together almost cracked my heart open with love. each of us wearing aprons. aprons rock.

bing freakin' crosby

christmas movies from the library

watching charlie brown's thanksgiving last night as a family

endlessly saying to my fam "can we talk about thanksgiiiiiiiiving?" and them humoring me, sort of

shopping trip with the girls tomorrow- and bringing the wee gray. could be a trainwreck but could be the best idea ever...it could go either way. not caring too much because it's one of my favorite weeks of the year. holiday freak.

christmas crafting and shopping already. freak.

each and every one of you (well, at least all that peeps that i know check in here regularly) are my spoonfuls of sugar. your comments and emails and checking-ins make each day easier...make swallowing down those not-so-sweet tasting moments all the more pleasant. thank you. i'm not givin' up my sugar anytime soon. xo

immersion

i am immersed in living my life. things feel on the brink of spiraling out of control, but in a good way, if that makes any sense. this week has been filled with working and the people i love and muscles and b.o. (not my own) and the generosity of my friends and family. and knee high boots and skirts and a piece of fruit here and there to keep me going. and even when i think i'm being all independent, there's still a kid or two crawling between my legs. this picture just about sums it up. dressed for work, but a wee still in the background, in the foreground, all around me always.

i'm overwhelmed with the goodness of people in my life. while talking with jess this week about some amazing things that her friends did for her, she said "i'm lucky. i have really good friends." and damn, i've been feeling like this so much. friends and family, family and friends. how did i get all these inspirational people jam-packed into my one little life? nine-ahh and tab, spending time with you both this week was a gift to me. thank you. tab, you can't understand how spending such a short time with you inspired and rejuvenated me to be the best person i can possibly be, no matter what, every day. thank you. thank you. thank you.

i'm transitioning. i feel it. things are changing in big ways all around me, ready to burst. i'm on the brink of a bonafide career. and i'm going to be honest here...making money rocks. i'm not a material girl, and don't strive for bigger things, but today i was able to go out and buy joey new shoes and both kids new comfy slippers and just.not.worry.about.it. usually i'm a big money worrier (unless it's grocery shopping- hence the $199 trip yesterday, not including the trip back this weekend for the turkey and etc.) and i feel an end coming to those stressers. which freakin' rocks.

and i'm taking my man out on a date tonight. and i get to spend the day tomorrow working for a bit and then hanging with two of my favorite aunties. hopefully making good smelling holiday treats and then eating them, watching christmas movies. maybe i should've bought a pair of slippers for myself. gray just remarked about hers "feel inside them mum. go ahead. they're so cotton-y!" worth every freakin' penny i say!

what are you immersed in lately, my dear bloggie peeps that i miss so much? i really, really want to know.

identification

identification, originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

today i'm working on identification, not only of my feelings but the feelings of my wees. i'm reading "buddhism for mothers: a calm approach to caring for yourself and your children" and it's really inspiring, eye-opening. i want to be the best mama that i can be, and this book is pushing me to look at my daily practices and my burnout potential, etc.

this book came to me at the perfect time- this week has been full and c.r.a.z.y. absolutely flying by. hence my mini bloggie break and bad emailing. work has completely picked up...esp. now that i'm the only massage therapist on staff. i was lucky enough to meet nine-aaah yesterday- she came up to get a massage! thank you thank you again dear sweet soul for supporting me in my new business! and today is filled with appointments and to-do's, cooking for tonight (which i love) and hopefully some warm chocolate chip cookies. and lately i've been immersing myself in my doula studies, trying to get all my ducks in a row. last night i was honored to meet with j.d. about her upcoming birth, and just talking about being there had me high for the rest of the night.

i'm riding this rollercoaster for now...luckily right now it's just on it's way up.up.up.up.up. the track.

where's your rollercoaster at today?


ps. if you ever find yourself in my kitchen wondering which mushrooms you can and can't eat, just glance over at the handy-dandy chart and you'll be ok.

let the light shine through

let the light shine through, originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

all day jammie-babies, crusty booger noses, scraped up chins, thursday drives to the beach for blistering hot sweet tripoli's pizza with dad, crazy ocean waves threatening to wash my van away, sitting on fancy dining room chairs on the sand (because they were in my trunk, and why not?), saucy faces of the wees, wonderful clients to talk with birth and mothering with, visit with twin baby boys and fetus friend, and conversation and food and family, and pick-me-up impromptu take-out dinner dates just because, and stalking mafia and family at their new gorgeous home, bringing birthday treats, trip to the farm for stinky animal loving and donut eating and train riding and sandbox playing, christmas shopping for toys (eeks!) by myself yesterday, last night indian food unplanned miniparty with erina and c. and boo and the wedding crashers and peanut butter cups and too too much to drink, and a big homemade pancake breakfast whipped up by my puffy-eyed husband this morning, and snuggling, and rainstorm driving back to the beach, for more pizza, for talking in the car with the rain beating down, watching the horses race on the beach, watching joey form his first words with his mouth that is covered in pizza sauce and crust bits.

this is my life, filled with light shining through even on the darkest of days.

photobooth friday- the movies edition

sunday, november 5, 2006- going to see santa clause 3 at the loop- first mama and daughter movie together

these weird digibooths are confusing, especially for the wees. there's the screen thingie and then the "look here!" thingie. for some reason, us humans really want to stare up at the screen, and not at the "look here!". even me, trying hard to focus and look where i was told, was getting sidetracked and looked in the wrong place for the last shot. my girl just couldn't get it...and ended up looking possessed for most of the shots. if you were at the movies that day...you probably heard me- i was the crazy mama in the digibooth strongly encouraging my three year old to "look there!...right in there! no, not there! here!". digibooths make me crazy.

i must thank each and every one of you for those wonderful comments from my past couple of posts. i should have bad days filled with horrible self esteem more often! (ok, ok, just kidding). i keep thinking of mindertin's description of her bloggie comments and support as a "trail of breadcrumbs". yes, yes, yes, how true. i must say i'm feeling better today- getting on top of my mood, having deep and fulfilling talks with the hubbertins, having an impromptu dinner date (on the couch, after kiddies went to bed) last night, and this morning- taking those damn scissors and cutting off all my hair (again). your hair comments were the ones that really got me- so nice. really people, totally undeserved. the above boothie pics were taken pre-haircut, and you can get a sense of how my hair really was just going somewhere bad. yes, my co-workers shouldn't have pointed it out, but really- they do hair, that's what they do (oh, you were so right vinnie, though- it was totally him!) anywho- i'm not saying my chopped do is any better, i just feel better, and i guess that's what it's all about. so off for a visit now with my fetus friend and her twin beans and some fresh soft pita (large loaf, please!) and creamy lebanese yogurt and hummus and tabbouli (spelling going out the window on those puppies, sorry!) i need my girl and her boys. then work and then weekend. did i mention how much i stinkin' heart the weekends? xo.

spread the love

scrapbook- spread the love, originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

digging into the deepest depths of my soul today to conjure up some thursday love thoughts. i keep thinking about how blessed i am, how many people and things and food and comforts i have around me- despite how much i want to focus on my crazy emotions or my tear-soaked turtleneck collar or how all my salon co-workers had a hair intervention with me and told me how horrible i evidently look.

so on with the positives...all about spreading the love:

joey has taken to patting me (and others) on the back when you hold him. he's obviously mimicking what we all do to him- but coming from him, back to us- it will melt.your.heart. feeling those little patpatpats on your back, coming from the fattest little fingers and hands you've ever seen. here's some for you- patpatpat.

it's no secret that the library is my second home. i've spent an awful lot of time there since both kids were born- and have come to know and love many of my favorite people on this earth thanks to going there. yesterday i had the chance to hang out with three other mamas and our collective eight kids at an amazing mamas house right on my own street! i've known these peeps for a while but haven't hung out with them outside storytime. the kids clicked magically, there were juiceboxes and puddings all around, and the mamas were comfortable and relieved to be in each others presence. other real breastfeeding mamas! people who understand. thank you universe for these small gifts.

wearing my knee high frye boots, even to work (despite horrible body mechanics) just because they make me feel good. even though the stitching has all come undone and i basically step out of the boots with each step (hint hint santa claWs).

gray's famous quote from the other day: something about santa claWS...blah blah blah...and then "but mama, i'm really glad we doesn't really have claws."

danny gregory's new book "the creative license." if you haven't checked this out, and you're of the creative type persuasion, you must must MUST increase your bust (not really, but it's fun to write) and go get a copy

just picking up amy sedaris's book "i like you". i want to crack that thing so bad it hurts- it's the book i wish i'd written first.

roasted sausage. sausage. sausage.

drinking a bottle of wine and then topping it off with eight scoops (split three ways!) of gelato.

managing to write about gelato in every post.

feeling sad and horrible but working through it thanks to this list- thanks to thursday- thanks to spreading the love.

xo

self portrait challenge: wham glam thank you ma'am

there's not much glam about good ole nina beana folks. let's face the facts- i'm wearing socks and birkenstock sandals right now with a peasant top and a long sleeve thermal underneath. but there are days when i'm feeling slightly glam- and i throw on some earrings (still with the sandals...you understand) and then maybe something a little funky like this delicious number that acumama whipped up for me. this scarf is the closest thing i have to 'glam'- it makes me feel fantastic when i wear it. a little bit unlike my everyday self. and when i wear it i'm also bestowed yet another fabulous gift- i get to remark upon all the wonderful people, like acumama, that i've been able to meet through this crazy and constant and wonderful world of my bloggie friends. it's a portable, glamourous bloggie hug that i get to wear around my neck all day.

thank you, kristen, and all you other bloggie peeps, for adding a touch of glam to my life. xo

ps- help a broke mama out! anyone out there in cyberspace have the new g love album 'lemonade'? i really, really, R.E.A.L.L.Y. want a copy, but can't shell out the bucks- so wanna trade? i'll make you a nice little something if you send me a copy of these tunes i can't get out of my head?

blissed out

blissed out fairy girl, originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

back from the weekend adventures. because everyone seems to love a good weekend recap, here's a glimpse into mine:

-friday night massage...but my first no-tipping experience. i keep trying to remind myself not to judge my skills on people's tipping- because one person's $20 does not necessarily correlate with another man's (yes, for some reason i only have male clients) $0. then i remind myself that i make a damn good hourly wage, and should just zip my lip and be happy with it.

-early to bedding kidlets, and hubby and wife time, including lots of reading in bed, and falling asleep early for mama

-saturday morning family fun activities, which included getting a new winter jacket for the wee-girl, and navigating the tricky "oh, that's a great cinderella jacket covered in sequins, but how about THIS beautiful, practical, warm sage green earthy one that would look so cute on you?" finally getting the girl to agree on our choice (horrible, i know, but YOU try carting around a girl in a cinderella jacket. go ahead. just FEEL the embarrassment.) food shopping. yard work.

-date night with johnpigs to pho! for some reason, our waiter was IN.LOVE. with us. would not leave us alone, wouldn't let us order what we wanted. "oh, you want THAT for an appetizer? NO! you are not getting that! you get this! you get these wings! we don't do them like the chinese do them! we do them better!" says the very excitable vietnamese waiter. so we let him order and we very pleased with the results.

-after dinner, we had part two of our date at the local gelato shop. hello! it threw us over the edge of happiness, we can't stop talking about this gelato. must have something to do with the small spoons.

-yesterday gray and i had a girl-by-girl date- to the movies! i. don't. do. the. movies. (as many of you know- as you repeatedly try to get me to go, and i always decline. something about the fire exits being so far away, and the sticky floors, and the PEOPLE.) anyway, this being said...i'm a sucker for a christmas movie. so we went to see santa clause three- and i had the best time. just me, my girl, and a bag full of smuggled-in halloween candy- her cuddling up in my lap, the fire exits in clear view, and the new comfy-ish chairs and non-sticky floors. AND there was a photobooth in the lobby! of course it was one of those digital numbers but it still made my day!

-chicken chop suey (amanda, i'd give you the recipe, but i don't have one- it's in my brain, and changes every time...sorry!)

-park playtime in the freezing cold...tag, animal games, boogers dripping and superman.

hope your weekends were filled with red cheeks, wool socks, and visions of sugarplums.

another polobooth friday

peace at canobie, originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

friday's here again...thankfully. without the weekends to look forward to, i would be a useless, piece-of-poo mama with no drive to forge ahead and get through the week.

so here's another canobie lake park polobooth- featuring steph and i, still the best of friends in so many ways. evidently i was into peace back then, too- and bangs. it seems i just can't escape from the great bang dilemma- to bang or not to bang? my bangs now are just a toned-down version of these bad boys. and you gotta love steph's glasses. i love them. i love every stinkin' thing about those light pink plasticy pimped out frames.

enjoy your weekends! i'll be pondering many projects, and hopefully getting around to some creating. i'm inspired by the monumental get-together of some amazing ladies on the west coast (boho, michelle, liz...to name a few) and trying not to be too envious. maybe we should organize an east coast one? anyone game? speaking of...the local bloggie thanksgiving that i was planning on hosting this coming weekend at my house is postponed due to some crazy scheduling stuff that some of my fav ladies had- so stay tuned.

xo

sappy thursday love

my heart is exploding with love today, as cheesy as that sounds. yet another post where i'm feeling overwhelmed with all the love in my life- all the wonderful, complex, and dreamy souls in my life. thursdays thursdays. they'll do that to me...get me all thinkish about the love around me. so on with the list!:

-feelin' broody and a bit melancholy- and feeling ok with it. thanks to the help of dear thumbelina. last night i was feeling not-myselfish, not-positive-ish- and our talk made me realize that simply- that's ok. most normal people go through ups and downs and have feelings that may not be all happy and shiny, and that's what makes us us, and that's what help us get closer to other people. after our talk (more like talk interrupted) i felt so free of all those things keeping me confused and unfree. the night continued on to be exactly as i would love to spend my last waking minutes on this planet- surrounded by homemade food cooked in pottery bowls, eating together around a table, lots of cheese, a big bowl of halloween candy, and even a little game of "rank you favorite" candy. patiodee- happy travels to spain, land of the mullets. remember, avoid having to pay overseas child support at all costs, despite the lure of those sexy mulletas.

-book group tonight- horrible book (the pianist) but mama gets two hours out alone (aaaah)

-early christmas shopping

-my new vest from free people -new, with tags, little bolero delicious number...thank you ebay for my $.99 buy!

-making some serious cash on ebay with dad

-having a new steering column in my car today...yes, now i can turn my wheel again. all for the cost of $500! (ok, so that wasn't something i loved so much- but now i can drive again- it's been about a good month or so with iffy driving situation)

-homemade salty roasty toasty pumpkin seeds

-massage business picking up- ok, not really- i just have one client that likes to come in four times a week for hour and a half massages (eek!) wish i could write more about it but i feel all bad about confidentiality and such.

-UFO

-paula deen's french onion soup recipe- gotta go with the gruyere

-thumbelina eating said gruyere off my skirt last night, just because she could.

xo
happy thursday peeps. may today bring you broiled buttery slices of french bread, spoonfuls of sticky melty cheeses, and much catching up on your to-do's.