These past couple of months, I've learned some incredible lessons. Lessons about accepting help from others. About asking for help. About the kindness of friends, and of people in my community. About letting go, about not feeling bad when people take care of me or my kids. About the importance of paying it forward. About releasing control. About listening. And about the importance of car pooling (my biggest lifesaver lately).
I am blown away, and humbled, by how people in this community have rallied around me and lifted me up. So many caring people have shown me what the expression "it takes a village" means. It can be as simple as a handwritten card in the mail. A meal made and dropped off on the doorstep. Driving my children to and from school. A call. A text. A surprise gift certificate. A prayer.
Between recovering from the c-section, and struggling with a very infected tailbone, and an impeding surgery scheduled for this Friday, I feel like I've been doing a lot of "accepting" of help. It's been hard, and awesome. My natural instinct is to say no, to forge on, to keep routine. But I was talking to one of my friend's the other day, who is one of my greatest teachers, and she wisely explained that people want to help. It makes them feel good, she said. You would do the same thing for a friend in need, she said. Pay it forward.
I've been struggling to sleep, thinking about my surgery. My first time "going under". My first intubation. The control freak in me is scared to let go, and trust in the process. Every night I wake up at around 2pm and worry. I toss and turn. I'm letting my fear control my thoughts. But after my talk with my friend, I'm trying to refocus. I'm trying to fully accept all the love, help, and concern being poured on me and my family. I'm trying to thank God for the friendships that sustain me. And instead of feeling bad, I am looking forward to the time when I can do for others in their time of need.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
