I've been attending Squam in one form or another since its inception in 2008. Every year I attend with an open mind, try to learn more about myself, break open in a hundred ways, feel seen, and then come home. And when I come home, I slip back into my life and leave that feeling back at Squam with a "until next year" attitude. When people at home ask me how my time was, I say "It was good," just like my kids do when they get home from school (which drives me crazy, and I always say "GOOD TELLS ME NOTHING!"). It's hard to translate to someone outside of Squam what the magic feels like there. So it's just easier to leave it there and move on.
This year felt different. I attended in a helping capacity, but also had a lot of time for fun. I jumped in the lake alone on a chilly morning. I took long, hot showers. I ate way too much food that I didn't have to make myself, or clean up afterward. I worked on some beautiful individuals, giving massages after my bedtime. I tried to make eye contact. I showed up. I sat at a sewing machine and made things. I let people help me when I needed help. I took a lot of photos with my big-girl camera. I pushed outside of my comfort zone and mingled with lots of people I didn't know. It pushed the limits of my introverted ways, but it felt good. Day after day, I felt open to whatever Squam had to offer me this year. It felt transformative, and I felt the most relaxed I've felt in a long time.
And you know what?...I still do. I feel different. It's like I brought a little piece of it back with me, and it's there in my heart, shining through.
The challenge lies in how to carry this blissed out feeling into my day to day grind. I wish I could bottle up the goodness, the connection, and that in the moment feeling that I feel when I'm there. Here are some of my favorite snaps from my time there.
Moving forward with deep breaths, and the deepest kind of satisfaction that comes with circling with fierce, kick-ass women.
