calling out for help, and offering it

It's no secret that with my husband's schedule, I'm left to do the majority of the kid-juggling solo.  Which isn't to say that I'm left to single parent----because it's anything but.  He works his ass off so I can primarily stay home with the kids and do the juggling that I love to do, and I am grateful for that every single day.  And I have plenty of friends who are single parents...it's a whole different ball game.  With that being said, when John's away, for large portions of the week and handful of overnights, I am here, holding down the fort. 

As the kids get older, it's getting trickier in some ways to manage everyone's schedules.  Today was the first day of school, and I now have three kids at three different schools.  Throw in a bunch of extracurricular activities and an upcoming long hockey season on a team in a town twenty minutes away, and a job in a city the next state over, I'm left spread thin sometimes.  The reason why I'm writing about this is because I was talking with a couple of different friends today about this.  And here's the deal...

We all need help.

And when we accept help, it opens up this awesome energy, causing us to offer help more.  An energy that transcends keeping score and just feels good.  And to be completely honest, I used to really suck at not only accepting help, but offering it too. I was happy (or unhappy) to just do it all myself, and just manage my little circle of people.  Living in this new (although it's been three years!) community has taught me so many beautiful lessons about friendship and the power of leaning on others.  Nothing makes me happier than looking in my rearview mirror and seeing six smiling faces (three kids who aren't mind, just hitching a ride).  I love that kids can come and hang out here while their mom's get shit done.  And I love that I have a bunch of people in my local tribe who I can call on when things get hectic and I need to get stuff of my own done.  I love that I can call my neighbor if I need a favor.  Sometimes she just takes my kids and paints their nails.  I love that she can call me if she needs me, too.  I feel so happy that I was able to get over myself, and burst that bubble of "I can do it all myself."  Because really, I can't.  And you can't either. 

This town has blessed me with an ever-expanding group of people who I call friends.  One of them is picking up my child now as I write these words.  Their numbers are saved in my daughter's cell phone, and she knows she can call them and they will come to her if I can't be there.  This is just a small piece of my self-care regimen.  Asking for help.  And it's an important lesson for the kids, too----it takes a village.  We all need people that we can call on to make our lives easier.  Even if that means sitting down across a table together over tea (or wine) and just listening.  It makes life so much easier. 

Ask for help.  Offer it.  It's a beautiful thing. 

The Liebster

I was nominated for The Liebster Award by my friend and mentor Claire, who blogs at Shifting My Perspective.  Her blog incredibly insightful, and I have the pleasure of circling with her (at least) once a month for over the past year.  I'm honored to accept the award, and to spread the love of blogging!  I am always looking for new and inspiring blogs to click on, and this is a great way to be exposed to new friends.  The award is simple---it's a fun and easy way to spread the love of blogs who have between 200-2000 followers.  At the end, I nominate some bloggers to participate, too!

Here are the rules for receiving this award:: 

1. Each person must post 11 things about themselves
2. Answer the questions from the person who nominated you and create 11 new questions for those you nominate
3. Nominate 5-11 of your favorite bloggers and link them in your post
4. Go to their page and tell them
5. Thank and link back to the person’s blog who nominated you

 

11 Things about myself::

 

1.  I vacillate between being hyper-social and really introverted.  I love being with people, hosting here at my house, going to events and meeting new people, but I also really love when everyone goes home and I put my comforter over my head and read a book alone for hours.

 

2.  Even though I'm a dirty hippie at heart, I really need to take a shower every.single.day.

 

3.  I have control issues with my hair. I rarely wear it down, and almost always wear a head-wrap.  Not many people see me with my hair down. Sometimes when I'm at the beach, I leave it down, even though it drives me crazy and makes me feel out of control.

 

4.  We try to live very simply.  But it can be challenging living in such a wealthy, keeping-up-with-The-Jonses town.  Trust me, I don't want to keep up...but the pressure is there.

 

5.  I spent part of the summer on the softball field, part of the summer at the hockey rink, and the other part on the beach.

 

6.  I learned a hard lesson about NOT wearing flip flops to my son's hockey lessons...a hard lesson that involved dropping a sharpened skate on my naked big toe.

 

7.  I have a minor obsession with essential oils.

 

8.  And nachos.

 

9.  And I like cheap wine.

 

10.  I recently got certified in Reiki and I'm looking for guinea pigs to practice on.

 

11.  I am about to get off the computer soon, go make a bunch of homemade roasted salsa, and then take my youngest to her practice bus ride for her first day of Kindergarten tomorrow. 

................

 

Now to answer Claire's questions...

 

1.  Who was your favorite teacher and why?

My favorite teacher was my first grade teacher, Mrs. Fitzgerald.  I was a highly sensitive kid with some major anxiety issues (and also with an odd habit of head banging), and she treated me with sensitivity and kindness, and never gave up on me.  And I won her Hello Kitty coloring contest.  So yeah, awesome.

 

2.  Who are the five famous people (dead or alive) that you would invite to a dinner party?

I would definitely have the chef Jamie Oliver, Georgia O'Keeffe, the singer Jeff Buckley, Bob Marley, and the author Barbara Kingsolver. 

 

 

3.  What's one quirky thing about you that most people don't know about?

I still suck my thumb and sleep with my doll from when I was little.

 

4.  What would your "perfect day" entail? 

My perfect day involves fresh juice, tea, a family gathering on the beach, fried seafood, cold wine, cool sheets, incense, candles, a walk through the woods.

 

5.  Where's the place that brings you the most peace and why?

I can't decide between the woods or the beach.  The best part of living in New England is that I have both of these places right at my fingertips!

 

6.  What are your three most valuable possessions and why?

My photo albums, because I have a terrible memory and these help me hold on to all the best times.  My kitchen island, the ultimate gathering spot.  My house, because it keeps my family safe and warm.

 

7.  How would your friends describe you?

My friends say that I smell like Whole Foods.  I think they would say that I am a good balance between relaxed and insane, kindness and real-talk.

 

8.  What's one New Year's Resolution that you never seem to fulfill?

Exercising every day.  Or once a week.  Or ever.

 

9.  What's your favorite movie and why?

I've always loved the movie Labyrinth.  I'm not a movie person AT ALL, and this is one of the few movies that I've seen multiple times.  I love David Bowie, I have an eternal crush on Jennifer Connolly, and, well, creepy puppets.

 

10.  What are three items from your "bucket list"?

I'd love to travel to Iceland (again...but actually leave the airport this time).  I want to do some volunteer work overseas.  And I'd love to see my grandchildren be born, grandmama-doula style.

 

11.  What was your childhood dream for yourself?

I wanted to be a crossing guard.  It was seriously my only life goal.

 

Now for my nominees!  I would like to nominate Stacy at 19 Butternut, Corinne at Corinne Noel Cunningham, Mindy at Mindy Tsonas, and Emily at The Kindergartener in Me, and Jen at Live for Today. 

 

My 11 questions for you are as follows::

1.  What is the best scary decision you ever made?

2.  What is something you are doing now in your life that you never thought you'd be doing?

3.  What is your absolute favorite dinner?

4.  What draws you to blogging?  How long have you been blogging for?

5.  What are three adjectives that describe you best?

6.  What symbol represents you?

7.  What thing grosses you out the most?

8.  What's your favorite way to unwind?

9.  What's your favorite restaurant?

10.  What's your biggest accomplishment?

11.  What is your spirit animal?

 

 

So 11 things about yourself, answers to the 11 questions, 11 of your own new questions, and then some more nominees!  Thank you in advance for playing along!

the birth of a new day

The beginning part of August for me was really difficult emotionally.  I am still trying to gain insight on what the heck happened, but I'm guessing that it was hormone-related, coupled with a bit of family upset, and let me tell you...it was not.pretty.  Not pretty at all!  I pride myself on being someone who's even-keeled---predictable, stable, happy.  And for about two weeks after we got back from vacation, I was an emotional wreck.  I cried.  I pouted.  I didn't do many of the things that made me happy.  Is there a such thing as post-vacation depression?  Because if there was, I certainly had it.  I was going through the motions of being a happy person, but I really didn't like myself one bit on the inside.  I kept calling my friend and leaving her voicemail updates that said "I STILL can't stand myself."  I was no fun to be around.  I was poop.

I was a piece of poop.

But the awesome news is...now I see the LIGHT!  I finally got to leave my friend a voicemail that said something like "I finally like myself again!"  The tides have turned, and now I feel like doing all the things I love again---circling with friends and family, having people over to eat, siting around debriefing, crafting, going on walks and adventures, and sticking my toes in the sand at the beach. And I'm still not quite sure what was going on.  I'm just happy to be on the other side of it, especially with the first signs of fall presenting themselves.  I've got my sweatshirt and knee-high boots ready to party!

Do you ever get stuck in a funk?  And what do you do to pull yourself out of it?

life, unplugged

This summer, I've been mostly unplugged and without a working computer.  When we went on a week-long vacation, I tried my best to put the phone away and disconnect from Facebook and Instagram, the two biggest time-sucks in my life.   I plugged in to my friends, and I plugged into my family.  I pulled up chair, I ripped open bags of chips, and uncorked bottles of wine.  I took deep breaths.  I did the best I could not to lose my patience, and to plug in to the reality around me.  Sometimes it was hard, and it was uncomfortable.  There were times I grabbed for my phone to fill up random minutes of downtime.  But at the end of it all, I realized that when I put the phone away, and when the laptop was gone at the shop getting fixed up...life was better.  Life was there to live.  My kids were happier.  There was less fighting.  I did less hiding behind the screen.  I caught up with my some of my closest friends, toe to toe on the beach.  I served up bowls of ice cream with the people that I normally catch up with online here and there.  I put on my bathing suit and jumped in the waves with friends who live over 300 miles away.  We talked.  We connected.  It was like the best sort of Christmas present, right smack middle of the summer.  It was just what I needed. 

The challenge now lies in carrying this over into the fall, into the rest of my life.  Finding a balance between staying connected online and staying connected in real life.  If anyone has any answers, please enlighten me!