when all else fails

when all else fails
i have a burrito for breakfast
and an ice cream cone for lunch.

it's a good thing i don't homeschool

their version:




(i'm sad that the "you're a little flat" part got cut off of this version because it's our favorite part, but i can't find it anywhere right now- you get the point, though...)

our version:



my most favorite part of this video is how happy grace is because she's rubbing the crap out of her brother's earlobies.

hope you have a pooperific day! xx

deep breath in

the things that sustain me:

the beach
eating on the beach
blankets on the beach
laying on the beach and having sand get all over me
swimming in undies at the beach
even though it's freezing out

can you figure out where we were this weekend?

sit with me and wax poetic about my insanity

sit down with me a moment.

and feel free to reassure me that i am not going crazy.

"what's happening?" you ask. "how are you feeling?"

and here's the part where i look at you and tell you that i really have no freakin' idea.


things are wonderful.
still.
but i'm also dealing with all these strange post-squam feelings.
feelings that vacillate between thinking my head might blow off from all the creativity,
where i go to the store and stock-pile supplies and come home and spend the day
creating things with myself and with the kids.
the house is a beautiful mess
of painted papers
and scraps
and baskets of supplies.
there are twinkling lights hanging up in my studio space
and i feel like the floodgates have opened wide
and everything is flowing and right.

but i also feel
overwhelmed
and shut off
like i need to hibernate
like maybe i dind't make enough connections
that maybe people didn't like me enough

all those nasty
g.r.e.m.l.i.n.s.
that andrea scher talked about
are rearing their ugly heads.

why now?

why after all that beauty and perfection?

maybe it's the shock of being back in my daily life,
where rountine is a big ugly beast.
i'm fighting it.
i'm trying to live more genuinely in the moment.

i keep thinking back
to penelope's class
where i gathered sticks
alone
and formed them into a simple circle
and the light was dappled
and shining through the branches up above
into the center of the circle
and i stood inside
and took a deep breath

and just was.

fully full full full

(photo by susan tuttle)

how can i adequately express in words where i'm at right now?
i'm so filled with a new kind of peace that i never knew was inside of me.
i am full.
with new friends and old ones, strengthened.
my tribe, scattered across north america.
a renewed love and appreciation for all that i have in my own life, right in front of me.
my family, who missed me and tell me so.

i really think i should get away more often.


xx

i'm home

i'm home
safe
full
happy

and lucky.

did i mention lucky?

need time to process and drown in the love of my family. back soon. xx

and i'm off

off tomorrow to go rub elbows with some of the most creative and inspiring people in my blogging world. i couldn't be happier and more excited. coupled with the excitement of grace's first day of full day kindergarten tomorrow- this mama may not be getting much sleep tonight. thank god for an endless supply of vampire books to get me through the early morning hours. :)

thank you to all my beautiful people that are helping me make these five days possible. i could spank your fannies with gratitude forever and it wouldn't be enough.

see you next week!

(and yes johnny, i fully understand that i have humongous earlobies and that this picture scares you!!- LOBIES!)

today

today
i picked a bunch of pumpkins
in my dad's yard
with the kids

and today
we are dancing to
old school records on
the record player
waiting for our dear friends from california
to arrive

everything is slowly coming together
as i prepare to leave for five days
there will certainly be damage control upon return
but in the meantime
my mantra is
"today"

and

"the world will go on without me"


sounds simple,
but i do have to keep reminding myself.

so this is what i've been up to

howdy folks
lots going down around here, but mainly cooking this gilbert-child #3
as you can see, the oven is getting f.u.l.l., round, and plumpalicious.
baby is starting to move around, little tiny flutterings here and there reminding me of the oven-times for babes #1 and #2.
trying to keep things in perspective.
trying to savor the time that #3 can't talk back to me, and can't partake in the sibling rivalry.
waiting for squam, waiting to find out the gender of said baby (the day after i get home from squam) so i can stop calling the baby #3 and start calling it by it's name.
our names rock, btw, if i do say so myself, so i'm quite excited.
i love the idea of naming little baby boys these really crotchety old man names. our boy name is "ted" but he will be called teddy. and of course, teddy bear. but can you just picture the freakin' cutestness of a little tiny baby boy named teddy? teddy stonewall gilbert. i could just eat him already.
and the girl name...i'll just wait to share that one with you.

so that's it

food

sewing machine

kids loving and kids fighting

garden

walking in the woods

parties and cookouts

planning

that's my life.
off to an open house for kindergarten.
what the hell would i do if i didn't stay home?

xx