it may strike you as funny that as a massage therapist, touch does not come easy for me. don't get me wrong- i love my job, i love bodywork, i love bodies in general. i'm that person- yellowing toenails don't bother me...dry callousy skin? no problem! i don't judge people's bodies and i usually don't worry about people judging mine. i love being around others...i pride myself on the fact that my house is the hangout house. so what's up with this touch thing? i hug my friends. i enjoy doing it. i do not, however, snuggle with my friends. i don't know if this is something normal friends do, but i've been reading about some other dear one's snuggle adventures with friends and secretly wondering if there's something wrong with me. so i'm putting it out there- do you snuggle with your friends?
growing up i had a totally love-a-licious family that enjoyed being comfortable with each other, and peeing with the door open. i did not, however, have the relationship with my mom that i've been hearing about lately where the daughter can just curl up into her mama and laugh and cry for hours. that's why mamas like tab and all my other mama friends breaking my ideas of touch and closeness are so important to me. i want gray, no matter what age, to be able to come into my arms and feel comfortable there, with herself and with me. these are my touch goals. i want to be more present with my friends, and reach out and touch them more often (boo, shut up, yes i'm talking about you!).
let me know what you think about touch. i'd be touched.
24 comments:
Oh Nina Marie...I am the snuggle queen and I would never hesitate to curl up on the couch with you. you are so snuggly. You just don't know it. Grace and Joey can't get enough of your lap and open arms. never fear. I'm bringing Love Actually over soon and we are havign a snuggle party if you are so inclined.
lovely post... I only have certain friends that I can snuggle with, and it is more because we are like sisters than like friends. We grew up together and that is why. However, when it comes to family and family friends there is always snuggling and that is just the hippie in them I think...
great thoughts, why aren't we more inclined to snuggle up with our friends, touch is so very important...
I don't snuggle with my friends. I can hug them hold their hand for a minute or two, but honestly after that I'm wondering when we are goign to let go. I feel like I'm an affectionate person, I'll snuggle with my kids and hubby all day, but even my sister or mom, it just seems awkward. I don't think there is anything wrong with that though, we're all different.
Hi Nina,
I don't think I snuggle with my friends per se but I do like to hug them and hold their hands and put one of my arms over their shoulders (at 5'8" I'm usually tall enough to do this comfortably). I've also watched movies with them while sharing a blanket. I am a pretty physically affectionate person but I only snuggle with a select few friends. I DEFINITELY snuggle with my mom but we've always been close like that and I need to be hugged etc. by her when I'm upset. I don't thinking snuggling or not snuggling is abnormal, I think it is just a matter of how much an individual person shows and feels love. It sounds like you were close to your parents even though you didn't snuggle and as long as you feel like your needs are met by those relationships that's fine. The cool thing about kids is that usually they make their needs very well known, so as long as you give your kids the amount of physical affection they want from you, I'm sure everything will be fine! Besides, there are a million different ways to show people you love them apart from touching. I'm willing to bet your kids feel pretty darn loved already!!!
Snuggles I love....but don't EVEN get near my feet unless you want to hear my best earpiercing scream :D
love you,
xox darlene
I love to snuggle with my girl, but my girlfriends.....not so much. I'm not a snuggler by nature though so that could be why. I do like to hug my friends though and here in the NYC area, a kiss on the cheek in greeting is quite standard.
funny that you mention you're not a touchy person, when you seem so snuggly with your family. it's certainly not strange if you're not openly affectionate with your friends. that's especially normal when we grow as adults. although i tend to be a cuddler, i know that i've held back because i never know how the other person is going to receive it. if the door's open, though, i'm all about pouring on the affection. in relation to your family, like Piper mentioned, as long as you keep yourself open to as much snuggling as your kids might need, then you'll help them to feel comfortable in their own skin. i'm affectionate with my mom, but that's just because we've always been that way (even though she's not always affectionate with others).
side note/self-invitation: i'd love to visit when jecca goes over for Love Actually. that's one of my top 10 most absolute favorite movies!!!
You know Nina, (you might find this hard to believe because our parents are brother and sister) when I was growing up my mother wasn't all that affectionate with the four of us. We 4 kids were all very affectionate and turned her into a hugger and a kisser and eventually she told us she loved us first. We trained her....I do not snuggle with my parents, brothers or sisters or my friends...I will hug and kiss them hello and goodbye, but that's as far as it goes. The only person I really snuggle up with is my boyfriend, we will share a blanket while watching a movie, hold hands...etc....
I consider myself a very affectionate person, but it never crossed my mind to "snuggle" with my friends.....could be my age group, who knows..
You are quite normal and it's very clear that your children are loved - they are happy little people and 99.9% of that is because of you!!
Your positive out look on life, your forest adventures, your craft projects - everything - your kids have so much more than a lot of kids in this world (and grown ups too) do! They are lucky to have you.
Luv
Vinnie
gorgeous post... thank you for your deep honesty...
i am moving into being more snuggly you know? coz it's more true self and vulnerable, but it doesn't come naturally :)
i was visiting a friend on the weekend, and i adore her muchly, so i just thought "bugger it, i want to be close to her, like we are heart close" so i jumped on the couch and lay down my head in her lap and had a mini nap with her arm slung over me. i woke up feeling revitalised in our shared energy.
:)
blessed be,
Leonie
As a fellow bodyworker, I feel ya. Touch doesn't make me uncomfortable in the least, but I am not a natural snuggler with most people. I've been friends with 3 girls since childhood, and we often remark that for being so close, we certainly don't cuddle. Ever. My family hugs and kisses on the cheek, and my mom will sometimes sit me on her lap and let me cry but for the most part, we aren't snuggly. I love affection, but the only relationships I've found it to be comfortable in are romantic ones. I prefer to show my affection for my friends differently. I wish I was more of a cuddler, however. Kids are a whole different matter---all of my little nieces and nephews (friends' kids) are snugglebugs and I love that. But as far as friends go, not so much. Maybe, MAYBE with my best friend, Jen, because we did massage school together...but that's it. Interesting, huh? We touch people for a living; yet, it's not natural. Do you ever feel burned out on touch? Sometimes, after a long day of massage, I don't wanna touch anyone at all.
Anyways, long comment. And PS to Darlene, I AGREE ABOUT THE FEET! God, I hate having my feet touched! Icky!
I hug my friends and family goodbye--that's it...I am affectionate with my children as most mamas are. But, even with M.--I don't get too snuggly for extended periods of time. I've often wondered about this myself. It isn't really something I feel opposed to--but, for some reason, it just isn't how we relate to one another. Very thought-provoking post...
--D.--
i have similar snuggle qualms. i only snuggle stephen and jack. my sister and i hug and sometimes have a quick snuggle but that is it. its awkward. although i did have two friends in college that i snuggled with a lot but i think that was because we would always skip class and sleep in the bed of the one who lived in the dorms. i think that was snuggling by default because the bed was only so big and we were all so sleep deprived we didn't care.
snuggly friends are nice enough but i don't envy them! snuggling any of my friends would just be werid.
love,
me
Hi to my favorite mama! First, you are such a good friend to me. I cherish you, Nin! Thank you for really getting to know me and showing so much interest in my life!
You know, you WILL have a great relationship with your kids when they're older because you're already conscious of how important the ingredients of "showing" love and “sharing” love are to the healthy-growth of our kids. I’ve said it and I’ll say it again—you and I “click” because we are similar mamas :)
My advice: beyond snuggles, we must have “INVESTED” interest in everything they (our children) do. We need to listen, really listen. I’m honored to be one of Carissa’s best friends, but I am even more honored to be her mother. My children are my greatest accomplishments and I make it a point to remind them of this often.
As for snuggling with friends, I never do this. I have snuggled with my sisters and my brother and snuggle with my dad. (I always snuggle with my kids and hubby and often with my nieces and nephews.) So, you’re even more like me than we realized (teehee!!).
I feel most loved when I’m snuggling with my kids or the nieces and nephews. Those moments remind me -- life can’t get any better!
Love you lots,
Tabatha
PS: I can’t wait for our next date! I’ll be sure to give ya a BIG ole’ hug :)
I LOVE HUGS, BUT I ONLY SNUGGLE WITH BOB AND THE KIDS. AND MOST OF MY FRIENDS DO SNUGGLE WITH EACH OTHER, BUT I'M LIKE YOU, I JUST CAN'T DO IT.
The only person who I feel completely comfortable snuggling with is my son...I could snuggle him all day long. Like Michelle, I know that I have it in me; however, I fear going there...I end up stiff and uncomfortable. I hug, I kiss, I rub arm and I'll hold your hand, but I do not have any friends who I have ever snuggled with. I think that we are all learning that snuggling is actually a good thing, and it is something that we all need, even if we did not realize that before.
snuggles for me are little treasures to be shared with the fam. i like a girlfriend hug or hand squeeze and that's seems to fill me. i wasn't snuggled as a kid and i may be smothering my poor dears now - but how long will they let me snuggle them?
I'm not a snuggle-friend person either. I'm open for the hug and kiss, but I cannot see snuggling on a couch. I do snuggle with my children and I hope they always snuggle with me!
You will LOVE watching Love Actually with Jess (I'm jealous)-- It is one of mine and Brian's (can you imagine?) favorites.
xoxo,
Steph
p.s. I will snuggle with you if you ever want.
I have some very close dear friends that I can snuggle with and other friends just as close that it wouldn't even cross our minds to snuggle. You just have to be "snuggle compatible". When I used to get along with my mom I would seriously snuggle with her but maybe it's because personality wise we don't have a lot in common so that is how we connected. Also it's the same when I take care of patients...I feel very comfortable touching some and not comfortable touching others....maybe it's because you can sense who likes being touched and those who do not.
Nine-ah
i think about this a lot.
i want to be snuggly but i tense up when non-family goes in for the hug. i think that touch is so very important and i want to become more 'in touch' with touch. maybe it's because i'm so introverted that its hard for those feelings to come out.
but my kidlet...we could snuggle for eternity.
My best friend and i always teas eachother about being bad "casual huggers". In highschool when all the girls would screech and hug when they saw one another we would be taking a few steps back! I am a little gangly and I think it has always had to do with me not knowing where to put my arms/head/body in general. My mom is no a huggy person (at all!) and I think that may have something to do with it too. However, Jack, Piers, and I are as cozy and huggy as can be (you kind of have to be when have the night is spent sharing a double bed together, all three of us!).
Oy, the spelling mistakes, can you tell that I am sleep deprived??? :)
I've been told by an ex that I'm like a male cat. A little touch is wonderful (and needed). Too much, and I get tweaky.
If society were more touch-positive, I'd be fine with snuggling with friends.
Also ... the fact that I'm a lesbo with primarily female friends means that drawing appropriate lines is even more important. Because of this, some days I wish I were straight just so I could reasonably snuggle with my girls. I'm jealous of those snuggly female friendships.
Mom - no touchies for as long as I can remember. Wifey - very few touchies. BFF - pro snuggle (and the one who calls me a male cat) so I snuggle when I'm visiting her in Philly.
I love the thoughtful answers and how much the topic brings out in all of us. I grew up feeling and being "untouchable" and I remember in high school when the little girl I was babysitting asked me to kiss her goodnight I had to go in the hallway to practice on my hand before giving her a peck on the cheek, since I had no clue.
Luckily I have found comfort in my skin and no longer think my touch is toxic. I have had some snuggly friends, and learned to love touch and connection so much. Also reading up on attachement parenting and the continum theory etc. I have learned how essential it is, to feel the heartbeats and connection of others. I might not be making sense but...
Nina Nina!!!!
Guess what!?!?! You are completly normal!!!! Well, I hope so anyways because I am pretty much a carbon copy of you in this matter :) Even down to the detail of me being a massage therapist also. When i worked at the Massage School as a Classroom Manager one of the other Classroom Managers used to always hug her students, and hug everyone... I thought it was weird.. I am not huge on that. I mean I can certainly get into being huggy and snuggely, but only if I have a VERY strong connection with the person. And, well... I guess I am the kind of person who keeps herself guarded for the most part. I get snuggely with my friends I have known for a long time... Or the ones I just fell completly comfortable with... other than that, not much of a snuggler. I will sit and talk and laugh and all that good stuff for hours though:D
But... if i ever get the privilidge of meeting you I think i will certainly have at least one hug saved just for you!
xoxo
Georgia
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