dirty bath

this week feels blurry and blustery and one of those weeks where i want to hide in the bottom of a warm bath. good thing i've got lots of you in the bathtub with me, washing my back.

well, doesn't that just sound dirty?

threatened

what better way to start your first day of preschool than a bomb threat? police cars, ambulances, closed entrances, a long, long walk, and a huge traffic jam later, we entered the upper school (for the really big kids) to be ushered down miles of hallways to the safe little preschool classroom. pushing and bumping in the hallway, all with the broken chicken wing. it was certainly a first day of school to remember. gray, of course, was a shining stars, and sooo like "see ya, ma!". no attachment issues there, clearly.

so now i have about an hour. to myself. with joey in bed, and gray in school, i get to play "how can i squander these minutes?" with myself for a bit. aaaaaah. i could get used to this.

in other news, last night i took myself on a sanity date to a yoga class at the wish studio. my body was thankful and happy that i took caramel. and then afterwards mindy and i went to the organic cafe for dinner...for some quiet mama conversation. quiet. peaceful. sooo un-bomb-threat-like. aaaaaaaah.

(the burps from the raw "pure pad thai" however, not-so-peaceful, and oh-so-fragrant, let me tell you).

little chicken wing

all your messages...your sweet, sweet messages. thank you. how can i explain how much joy that they brought to my broken little chicken wing? she enjoyed reading through each gem waiting for her, and continues to rejoice when she receives a new message. this morning, she said to me "let's send a message to everyone thanking them so much for all the presents...they help me feel better".

these past couple have days have been crazy, but made all-the-more-sweeter by special little surprises. babysitting (thanks dad and mom!) and surprise movie-theater parties with popcorn and new movie presents (thanks shan!) and all your kind messages. and chocolate cream pies and halloween books. and stops at the library to pick up stacks of books about the skeletal system and broken bones. and movies. did i mention movies? i hope that the excessive amounts of tv will not damage gray in the long run...but there are only so many ways that you can keep a four year old still for long periods of time.

the good news is...she's going to be fine. the orthopedist gave us good news yesterday and it looks like she'll heal in in a couple of months. she's still in a sling and wrapped like a mummy in a 6-inch wide ace bandage, which she's not a huge fan of, especially since she's starting school tomorrow morning. she's complaining that she's itchy and can't scratch. we've also been extensively practicing writing with the not-preferred left hand, which is new to us.

i find myself repeating "it's a different feeling, honey, but you'll get used to it." she's a little chicken wing.

thank you again for lifting us up. xx

update

update:

broken clavicle.
completely broken.

and yes, when i took this picture, she had a broken clavicle.

and i didn't know it.

yes, it's sunday night and she's had a broken clavicle since friday morning.
what a freakin' trooper.

please send gray some lovely love messages, which i will lovingly read to her tomorrow morning. thank you kindly.

16 self portraits in 16 minutes

otherwise known as "how i pass my time when i'm sick with worry because my daughter is at the emergency room with my sweet sweet husband"


poor little gray fell down the stairs again today. again, people! i swear i'm not making this up. and things were not good. she's not using her right arm at all now, so we feared that it might be nursemaid's elbow again, or something worse. so john's at the ER with gray, and i'm sick with worry for my terrified bean.

so i offer myself, and you, 16 self portraits in 16 minutes:

1.2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.
16.

think good thoughts for me.

why i love my daughter, part one million

because my favorite movie from my childhood is now her favorite movie
and she will watch it with me on a saturday morning
and laugh at david bowie's inappropriate crotch shots
and cover her eyes when the monsters come
and laugh at the most perfectest times with me
and mouth the words silently
on the couch next to me.

french fry trauma

yes, we usually wear fairy wings when we hang out in public
and if you ask grace, she is, in fact, "part fairy"

today
today was one of those days
long
long
long day

gray's first kinda day at her new school
which is completely amazing
and causes me to go into a mama-high when i'm there

followed by her falling down some brick steps
at nana's
and smashing her neck and tiny little head
and collarbone
on the stairs
and the cement
at the bottom of the stairs

scrapes on the legs
and the knees
and between the legs
and the scapula

and then there were the internal injuries
"is it broken?"
"should we go to the ER?"
ice packs
laying down
and hysterical screaming all day

and then the fighting between the kids

so what's a mama to do but frantically fall clean the kitchen?

i feel like i've survived some traumatic something-or-other today
like maybe getting hit by a truck
something major

so tonight
now that the kids are in bed
sleeping soundly
i will sit on the couch
and reflect
and eat my favorite fattoush from my favorite restaurant
and their delicious french fries
and not worry about anything
not my curves
not the whining

just me
and my husband
eating french fries.

party in my tummy

can i just state for the record that this show is completely whacked? but my kids think it's hysterical...



i'm a big fan of the depressed carrots in this particular clip.

speaking of parties in my tummy, lately i've been feeling especially curvalicious. i'm been trying to embrace said curvaliciousness, but it's a hard road. trying to figure out if my metabolism is finally slowing down to the point where i will no longer be able to get away with eating a loaf of bread and a half gallon of ice cream over the course of a day.

discuss.

smile and relax

(look into frame...smile and relax, dad's birthday 8/30/07)


there's so much to say, and then there's so much quiet.

instead, i leave you with this:

"perhaps everything terrible is in its deepest being something that needs our love."
-rainer maira rilke


do something incredible for someone hideous today.


also, with the help of wendy's computer skillz (thank you wendy...you are a life saver!), i officially opened a cafepress store last night. there you can find lots of delicious clothing (some organic cotton, too!), and you can show your "i collect good people" pride. my dream in life is to see all the people i love gathered together wearing these t-shirts. and then someone will take a big ole portrait of us and i'll hang it on the wall forever.

to go to the shop, click here. and there's a link on the sidebar, too.

good times, good times

it's naptime for one child, and break time for another. it's only 10am and i feel like we've had a full day already. am i the only one that feels like this? i guess when the day starts at 5:30am, and i fumble to my coffee pot, beseeching it to make it all right...i suppose that when 10am rolls around, it already has kinda been a day.

so what to do but make some corn muffins and plop my fanny down on the couch for a little break? because we've got lots on our agenda for later today, including me getting a tooth drilled and bonded without novocaine, and doing a little collage action, thanks to mindspiration.

yesterday we found ourselves at the bread and roses festival, along with some of our favorite people. we ate some crazy food, and then all played on a blanket, listening to folk songs and spoken word. then there were wagon rides and colorful costumes. and dirty feet. can't forget the dirty feet. the perfect day, i say.



in other news, gray's quote of the morning was:

"hey! i just tooted...in spanish".

even the farts are bilingual here, i guess.

on other, other news, here's a reminder that all parties must come to an end, usually ending in blood and tears:


keep the good times comin', universe.

sunday morning

clothespin people, originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

five things:

1. downtown time yesterday, we skipped one festival because of a high entrance fee, but stumbled upon another many many miles away, on the ocean. we ate indian food and piece after piece of fudge, washed down with lattes, and then watched a kiddie-oriented variety show. joey had a poop shoot riot, ruined his pants, and reeked up the world.

2. breakfast at our favorite diner this morning. the kids coloring. cup after cup of coffee. my bag filled with washable crayons and matchbox cars.

3. learning our letters. craft projects to be done. new school clothes. vintage rainbow brite lunchboxes to be cleaned.

4. stories to be read. a stack of fairy books to look through when i'm done taking a couple of minutes of mama time.

5. plans of the horizon for the rest of the weekend: articles to be written, pumpkin spice lattes to be drunk-en, fabric to be sorted through, yarn to be fondled. it's the little things that make us happy. the little things.

welcome to the outside-world, little willa far far away across the country! and hello little connor...even though you are inside, us gilberts love you!

the things that amuse us

the things that amuse us, originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

today i'm wearing jammies
and taking herbal supplements
and taking care of myself

today i'm listening to good music on pandora.org
and feeding my brain
with good websites and working on my new blurb book

today we sat on the deck
with the cool breeze on our backs
and did drawings of each other
and made up silly poems
about peeing in igloos

today the planes fly overhead
and the cicadas sing their songs
on the final days of summer.


we're on the cusp of another weekend, filled with more festivals and food. off to feed my supercurvy body and my supersleepy soul. xx

today was a good day

ranch dressing girl, originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

i'm gonna get a little crazy on y'all and quote ice cube, and say:

"Today I didn't even have to use my a.k.
I got to say it was a good day."

ok fine! i don't have an a.k. i don't even know what an a.k. is. but i do really have to say that today was a good day.

today my dad turned 51. it was a celebration day, which started at 6am. me in the kitchen, making sauce like all the good italian mamas that have come before me. sweaty and hot in the kitchen on a 95 degree day, making homemade sauce, and lovingly cutting little x's on the bottom of each sweet tomato before i plunged them into the boiling water to take off their skins. i picked fresh herbs and threw them in as i saw fit. i took some crushed chili flakes and freshly ground pepper and got a little crazy. i had some coffee, and then i had some more.

and then there was the harvesting with the kids, and the making of homemade pesto. because what's a birthday party without "pasta done two ways"? so we had the red sauce and then we had the pesto. and then the salad. and then all the other delicious things that other people brought. including a cake that had hidden coins inside. which gave us lots to laugh about and many jokes to make.

and in between there was the trip to the beach, and the photobooth, and the pizza eaten outside a tattoo parlor, with grace saying "please mama! pleeaaaase don't go in there and get one of those tattoos! promise me!"

there were tire swings and wagon rides and big fat ice cream sundaes and conversations and family and dancing to "won't you take me to funnnnky toooooown?"

today really was a good day, ice cube.

feelin' wordy

don't worry, be happy, originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

"think about it bub, there's invisible shit and beams flying through the air right now, allowing you do to that...it's crazy, the internet is crazy man. i'm getting hit in the foot by them". -my dear husband, two seconds ago, referring to our new laptop which i'm typing on right now

technology scares and excites us. we took the plunge and bought a new wireless laptop thingie because i just couldn't go on the computer anymore...you know, with joey going outside and playing in traffic and flushing things down the toilet, not to mention the all-out wars that happen between the kids every time i scoot upstairs for a couple of seconds to check my email,etc. so we got a laptop, and now i'm typing peacefully in my bed, with st. john's wort coursing through my veins,calming me after a week of trying to hook this little f*cker up. ok, not a week, but a day, and it was a looong day.

but now i heart my laptop, and all is well in the world.

i took myself out of a date tonight. i went to our local naturally organic goodness place and fondled all the stuff. and sniffed things. and lurked. if i didn't know better, i would think i was high out of my mind, because i just slowly walked up and down, and then back around, and lingered a little too long at the "stress reducing" drug aisle. and then sneakily loaded up my basket with all the herbal remedies i could. oh yeah, and some organic ben and jerry's vanilla. (which, by the way, i may just want my casket filled with).

gray's been doing this funny thing lately where she wakes up at night. she'll bust into our bedroom, scaring the living crap out of me, and come over to the side of the bed, saying "mama, i just miss you SO MUCH." if she didn't have the cutest little naked fanny and morning breath in the whole world, i may have to send her to live with her grandparents. i need my sleep! after the initial bursting-in, my heart is racing so badly and my mind is all i-need-to-wake-up-in-a-bit-and-this-isn't-FAIR-ish that i can't get back to bed.

hence the drugs.

in other news, it's been lots of harvesting lately. i've been trying to teach the neighborhood kids about vegetables. it's quite scary what they don't know. i accost them and then recruit them to help me gather all the goods, and i'll hold up a tomato and be all "now who knows what THIS is?" thinking i'm setting these four year olds up for instant answer success and all i get is a big ole "huh?" back. of course gray is all PICK ME PICK ME I KNOW but these other kids wouldn't know a cucumber to save their lives.

i'm afraid.

in other, other news, life has been interesting lately. the kids, my emotions, and lots of family stuff to boot. trying to stay focused and healthy, which is always interesting. hence the ben and jerry's. this past week, i've been in some situations where i've looked around me and thought "i can't believe i'm doing this" or "i can't believe that this is how sad some people's lives are" or "wow, humans are really sick and messed up in a lot of ways but sometimes with help they can get better but other times life is just really sad" and then a healthy dose of "wow, my life is really freakin' good. some people have it really good and how is it possible that i got lucky enough to be this lucky?"

time to sign off, as husband in bed next to me just questioned:

"feelin' wordy?...bub, do you realize what time it is, and do you realize that you're still up? it must be that root we just took."

xx

i collect good people, on flickr

wanna join the "i collect good people" flickr group that i started? fall is upon us, and since it's my best season...the season where i typically burst at the seams with creativity and start making christmas gifts in august, i decided to channel my energy into focusing on people. really good people with shining souls bursting out of their bodies. i guarantee you that your life is filled with these types of people, and i guarantee that even if you think that i wouldn't want to see pictures of these people, i do.

(go ahead and laugh at my hippieishness all you want, boo...i'm still posting a picture of you and your shiny but demented soul.)

so join.

here:
http://www.flickr.com/groups/446603@N24/

some kids see dead people
and that's just fine

but i collect good people
and they're mine mine mine
. . .


do you collect good people, too? do you invite love and light into your life? do you like to take pictures of your shiny happy friends? next time you're looking over your pictures, and you see a glowing smile of a really good person that you've chosen to surround yourself with, and they've chosen you, too...post it here.

if you're feeling extra crazy, let us know why they rock so hard.

share the wealth of happiness!

peace,
nina beana

enough, but not enough

this is the newest family portrait, and it explains everything that i've wanted to write about for the past couple of weeks, but haven't. here is me, happy...so very happy. beautifully happy but feeling oh so not enough. i feel enough-enough on many days, but other days i'm stretched and pulled like taffy, left without enough energy to stay up much past 7:30pm. but when i roll in at the end of the day, i think to myself "this is enough...i've lived enough for thousands of people". every day is filled with adventures and treats and caramel. so why is it so hard for me to feel like i can keep my head above water?

there are things a-brewin', i can tell you that. lots of good conversations (as good as can be expected with hyper children running rampant, i suppose) with my posse. there was even a bathtub and beer drinkin' phone conversation (the beer and bath was all me) with pixie! and if you know me you know this is a big thing because i don't do the phone. not only was pixie charming and perfect on the phone, but the conversation got me thinking about connections and women's circles and standing firm about what you believe in.

this month has been huge for me on so many levels. finally finishing up my doula training has been a big thing for me, something that i never thought i'd come around to do. it's all about the follow-through lately, and if there's a loose end dangling somewhere, i'm all about tying it up. which is also something that i don't do very well. i've been pushing the limits of comfortability, trying to force myself to do new things or have conversations that may not be easy-peasy. i also finished up my training to become a certified prenatal massage therapist (more titles!), which was another thing that i really wanted to do. it's like spring cleaning for my brain, except we're on the brink of fall (sort of). i always do much better in the fall. always have.

so here we go brain. getting ready for room for new projects, new titles to collect after my name. new people to meet and new circles to gather in. my goal for the fall (as always) is "collect good people". it's become my new mantra. when i'm feeling particularly taffy-like, i just remember how lucky i am to have such an rockin' collection already, and i've only just begun.

enough of not-enough, i say. maybe that should be the addendum to the mantra "collect good people...and you are enough, nina beana, just the way you are." wanna join in?

oh happy day!

DSC04008, originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

just checking in to say:

1. this weekend was rockin'

and 2. gray just said to me "mama, why on earth do i have germs?"

and 3. this is my weather- breezy and kinda cool

and 4. i have a huge pot of homemade tomato sauce on the stove, made from everything in my garden. wanna bite?

and 5. keep little guy is a feverish mess. we're going to try to conquer it by going out and doing a random good deed.

please be kind to us universe. thank you.

lucky am i

i'm feeling so lucky today, even basil is sprouting from my cleavage!

ok, not really, but i'm reaaaaly reaaaaly lucky. and loved. and did i mention lucky?

it's been a week full of celebration and prizes and caramel and love. sickening, no? last week i got two rocking packages in the mail, one from emily and one from mindertins. new music for my ipod and lots of love and treats, too. family dinner on sunday night, my favorite pork pie, and talking baby shop with parents-to-be c&erina. then there was my hanging out time on monday with femiknit, where we had a chance to catch up, nibble on cheese and pie, and watch the kiddies work shit out for themselves. then there was the time spent with my dad, ordering computers and eating gelato. then there was my delicious meal made for me by boo, indian smells galore and spices all over the kitchen floor. packets of spices still surprising me when i open drawers or pull down things from the cabinets. time spent with jess and bobby and boo and my johnny. opening one of the best birthday presents ever- a huge stack of cd's and this little troll gnomey vintage christmas ornament that i really wanted from my favorite shop but didn't indulge, and a gorgeous necklace featuring a birthing mama squatting it up (which by the way i'm wearing now and about to go to work and totally get made fun of for it but i don't care). and then working on some great clients. and then a day in CT with mama al and stefania and erin, with the kids running around naked like good little hippies, and walking around in the garden sniffing the heirlooms, and sitting around a big table nibbling on homemade goodness. and the blueberry cranberry sprite drinks. and the ice cream bonbons. yes, we sat around eating bonbons and totally laughed about it. i ate more than one, i must confess. and then jana and shannon and sonya and all the girls and boys running around at night, with pizza and princesses and jewelry all around. and new school supplies. and then this morning's surprise visit from dear shannon and her beautiful tribe, hands full of homemade treats, a flower arrangement with lollipops and whole coffee beans floating in the water (!), and donuts and coffee for moi. then pinching chubby baby thighs and smelling of baby hair and just soaking in the goodness that is my life.

lucky am i, i tell you. lucky am i.

7am this morning (aka- i don't make this stuff up)

i was in the shower this morning, trying to have a few minutes of pathouli quietness before our trip to CT today (followed my a double birthday party later this afternoon...) and left the gate of the bathroom down, just to see what happened. you know, because pum can now scale them and everything, so what's the point?

well, mistake. big mistake. tomorrow and every day thereafter i will be leaving the gate up.

not only did joey try to swim in a toilet filled with pee, but grace ran in and out, opening the curtain, claiming to want to "hang out". there was also some sort of domestic altercation that i did my best to ignore despite my better judgement.

during one of gray's trips back and forth, i hear the water running. she exclaims:

"mami, don't worry, i'm just washing my hands, because i accidently shoved my fingers up my butt totally by accident."


nothing like starting the day off on the right foot.

6am this morning

i'm making this little summer mosaic on the computer just to cheer myself up, and gray is in my bed behind me. she states (while ripping off her undies):

"hey mum? my fanny's getting bigger. i just can't wear these panties anymore. there's just no way. my crack is totally hanging out."


happy summer and happy fanny cracks hangin' out everywhere.