do not let your son eat black eyed susans. they are poisonous. it says so all over the internet. after about an hour goes by, your son's bum will explode with uncontrollable poop shoot riots. you will feel very bad for him (on account for the "rhea" and the stomach cramps) but you will also feel very, very bad for yourself. you will think back to an hour ago when you laughed at how funny it was when all those little black seeds got stuck to his tongue. you told him to spit them about, and he tried...unsuccessfully. after many bouts with poop shoot riots, and a call to your husband where he asks "do you think he might die?", you decide to call poison control.
call it clairvoyance, but last week you decided to copy the number of poison control from the phone book and tape it to the wall in the kitchen. but note to self: the local poison control does not know what they are talking about. the nice woman that you speak to on the phone will blindly search around on the same internet that you are searching around on, and ask you scary questions like "so what are you talking about, the black eyed vine?" and "what website are you on?".
in the end, things are fine. the waves of poop have subsided. the little man is snuggly and sleepy and has been allowed to use his binky (or "bin-tee" as he likes to call it) way more than normal.
note to self: don't let the kids eat black eyed susans.











