update

update:

broken clavicle.
completely broken.

and yes, when i took this picture, she had a broken clavicle.

and i didn't know it.

yes, it's sunday night and she's had a broken clavicle since friday morning.
what a freakin' trooper.

please send gray some lovely love messages, which i will lovingly read to her tomorrow morning. thank you kindly.

16 self portraits in 16 minutes

otherwise known as "how i pass my time when i'm sick with worry because my daughter is at the emergency room with my sweet sweet husband"


poor little gray fell down the stairs again today. again, people! i swear i'm not making this up. and things were not good. she's not using her right arm at all now, so we feared that it might be nursemaid's elbow again, or something worse. so john's at the ER with gray, and i'm sick with worry for my terrified bean.

so i offer myself, and you, 16 self portraits in 16 minutes:

1.2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.
16.

think good thoughts for me.

why i love my daughter, part one million

because my favorite movie from my childhood is now her favorite movie
and she will watch it with me on a saturday morning
and laugh at david bowie's inappropriate crotch shots
and cover her eyes when the monsters come
and laugh at the most perfectest times with me
and mouth the words silently
on the couch next to me.

french fry trauma

yes, we usually wear fairy wings when we hang out in public
and if you ask grace, she is, in fact, "part fairy"

today
today was one of those days
long
long
long day

gray's first kinda day at her new school
which is completely amazing
and causes me to go into a mama-high when i'm there

followed by her falling down some brick steps
at nana's
and smashing her neck and tiny little head
and collarbone
on the stairs
and the cement
at the bottom of the stairs

scrapes on the legs
and the knees
and between the legs
and the scapula

and then there were the internal injuries
"is it broken?"
"should we go to the ER?"
ice packs
laying down
and hysterical screaming all day

and then the fighting between the kids

so what's a mama to do but frantically fall clean the kitchen?

i feel like i've survived some traumatic something-or-other today
like maybe getting hit by a truck
something major

so tonight
now that the kids are in bed
sleeping soundly
i will sit on the couch
and reflect
and eat my favorite fattoush from my favorite restaurant
and their delicious french fries
and not worry about anything
not my curves
not the whining

just me
and my husband
eating french fries.

party in my tummy

can i just state for the record that this show is completely whacked? but my kids think it's hysterical...



i'm a big fan of the depressed carrots in this particular clip.

speaking of parties in my tummy, lately i've been feeling especially curvalicious. i'm been trying to embrace said curvaliciousness, but it's a hard road. trying to figure out if my metabolism is finally slowing down to the point where i will no longer be able to get away with eating a loaf of bread and a half gallon of ice cream over the course of a day.

discuss.

smile and relax

(look into frame...smile and relax, dad's birthday 8/30/07)


there's so much to say, and then there's so much quiet.

instead, i leave you with this:

"perhaps everything terrible is in its deepest being something that needs our love."
-rainer maira rilke


do something incredible for someone hideous today.


also, with the help of wendy's computer skillz (thank you wendy...you are a life saver!), i officially opened a cafepress store last night. there you can find lots of delicious clothing (some organic cotton, too!), and you can show your "i collect good people" pride. my dream in life is to see all the people i love gathered together wearing these t-shirts. and then someone will take a big ole portrait of us and i'll hang it on the wall forever.

to go to the shop, click here. and there's a link on the sidebar, too.

good times, good times

it's naptime for one child, and break time for another. it's only 10am and i feel like we've had a full day already. am i the only one that feels like this? i guess when the day starts at 5:30am, and i fumble to my coffee pot, beseeching it to make it all right...i suppose that when 10am rolls around, it already has kinda been a day.

so what to do but make some corn muffins and plop my fanny down on the couch for a little break? because we've got lots on our agenda for later today, including me getting a tooth drilled and bonded without novocaine, and doing a little collage action, thanks to mindspiration.

yesterday we found ourselves at the bread and roses festival, along with some of our favorite people. we ate some crazy food, and then all played on a blanket, listening to folk songs and spoken word. then there were wagon rides and colorful costumes. and dirty feet. can't forget the dirty feet. the perfect day, i say.



in other news, gray's quote of the morning was:

"hey! i just tooted...in spanish".

even the farts are bilingual here, i guess.

on other, other news, here's a reminder that all parties must come to an end, usually ending in blood and tears:


keep the good times comin', universe.

sunday morning

clothespin people, originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

five things:

1. downtown time yesterday, we skipped one festival because of a high entrance fee, but stumbled upon another many many miles away, on the ocean. we ate indian food and piece after piece of fudge, washed down with lattes, and then watched a kiddie-oriented variety show. joey had a poop shoot riot, ruined his pants, and reeked up the world.

2. breakfast at our favorite diner this morning. the kids coloring. cup after cup of coffee. my bag filled with washable crayons and matchbox cars.

3. learning our letters. craft projects to be done. new school clothes. vintage rainbow brite lunchboxes to be cleaned.

4. stories to be read. a stack of fairy books to look through when i'm done taking a couple of minutes of mama time.

5. plans of the horizon for the rest of the weekend: articles to be written, pumpkin spice lattes to be drunk-en, fabric to be sorted through, yarn to be fondled. it's the little things that make us happy. the little things.

welcome to the outside-world, little willa far far away across the country! and hello little connor...even though you are inside, us gilberts love you!

the things that amuse us

the things that amuse us, originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

today i'm wearing jammies
and taking herbal supplements
and taking care of myself

today i'm listening to good music on pandora.org
and feeding my brain
with good websites and working on my new blurb book

today we sat on the deck
with the cool breeze on our backs
and did drawings of each other
and made up silly poems
about peeing in igloos

today the planes fly overhead
and the cicadas sing their songs
on the final days of summer.


we're on the cusp of another weekend, filled with more festivals and food. off to feed my supercurvy body and my supersleepy soul. xx

today was a good day

ranch dressing girl, originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

i'm gonna get a little crazy on y'all and quote ice cube, and say:

"Today I didn't even have to use my a.k.
I got to say it was a good day."

ok fine! i don't have an a.k. i don't even know what an a.k. is. but i do really have to say that today was a good day.

today my dad turned 51. it was a celebration day, which started at 6am. me in the kitchen, making sauce like all the good italian mamas that have come before me. sweaty and hot in the kitchen on a 95 degree day, making homemade sauce, and lovingly cutting little x's on the bottom of each sweet tomato before i plunged them into the boiling water to take off their skins. i picked fresh herbs and threw them in as i saw fit. i took some crushed chili flakes and freshly ground pepper and got a little crazy. i had some coffee, and then i had some more.

and then there was the harvesting with the kids, and the making of homemade pesto. because what's a birthday party without "pasta done two ways"? so we had the red sauce and then we had the pesto. and then the salad. and then all the other delicious things that other people brought. including a cake that had hidden coins inside. which gave us lots to laugh about and many jokes to make.

and in between there was the trip to the beach, and the photobooth, and the pizza eaten outside a tattoo parlor, with grace saying "please mama! pleeaaaase don't go in there and get one of those tattoos! promise me!"

there were tire swings and wagon rides and big fat ice cream sundaes and conversations and family and dancing to "won't you take me to funnnnky toooooown?"

today really was a good day, ice cube.

feelin' wordy

don't worry, be happy, originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

"think about it bub, there's invisible shit and beams flying through the air right now, allowing you do to that...it's crazy, the internet is crazy man. i'm getting hit in the foot by them". -my dear husband, two seconds ago, referring to our new laptop which i'm typing on right now

technology scares and excites us. we took the plunge and bought a new wireless laptop thingie because i just couldn't go on the computer anymore...you know, with joey going outside and playing in traffic and flushing things down the toilet, not to mention the all-out wars that happen between the kids every time i scoot upstairs for a couple of seconds to check my email,etc. so we got a laptop, and now i'm typing peacefully in my bed, with st. john's wort coursing through my veins,calming me after a week of trying to hook this little f*cker up. ok, not a week, but a day, and it was a looong day.

but now i heart my laptop, and all is well in the world.

i took myself out of a date tonight. i went to our local naturally organic goodness place and fondled all the stuff. and sniffed things. and lurked. if i didn't know better, i would think i was high out of my mind, because i just slowly walked up and down, and then back around, and lingered a little too long at the "stress reducing" drug aisle. and then sneakily loaded up my basket with all the herbal remedies i could. oh yeah, and some organic ben and jerry's vanilla. (which, by the way, i may just want my casket filled with).

gray's been doing this funny thing lately where she wakes up at night. she'll bust into our bedroom, scaring the living crap out of me, and come over to the side of the bed, saying "mama, i just miss you SO MUCH." if she didn't have the cutest little naked fanny and morning breath in the whole world, i may have to send her to live with her grandparents. i need my sleep! after the initial bursting-in, my heart is racing so badly and my mind is all i-need-to-wake-up-in-a-bit-and-this-isn't-FAIR-ish that i can't get back to bed.

hence the drugs.

in other news, it's been lots of harvesting lately. i've been trying to teach the neighborhood kids about vegetables. it's quite scary what they don't know. i accost them and then recruit them to help me gather all the goods, and i'll hold up a tomato and be all "now who knows what THIS is?" thinking i'm setting these four year olds up for instant answer success and all i get is a big ole "huh?" back. of course gray is all PICK ME PICK ME I KNOW but these other kids wouldn't know a cucumber to save their lives.

i'm afraid.

in other, other news, life has been interesting lately. the kids, my emotions, and lots of family stuff to boot. trying to stay focused and healthy, which is always interesting. hence the ben and jerry's. this past week, i've been in some situations where i've looked around me and thought "i can't believe i'm doing this" or "i can't believe that this is how sad some people's lives are" or "wow, humans are really sick and messed up in a lot of ways but sometimes with help they can get better but other times life is just really sad" and then a healthy dose of "wow, my life is really freakin' good. some people have it really good and how is it possible that i got lucky enough to be this lucky?"

time to sign off, as husband in bed next to me just questioned:

"feelin' wordy?...bub, do you realize what time it is, and do you realize that you're still up? it must be that root we just took."

xx

i collect good people, on flickr

wanna join the "i collect good people" flickr group that i started? fall is upon us, and since it's my best season...the season where i typically burst at the seams with creativity and start making christmas gifts in august, i decided to channel my energy into focusing on people. really good people with shining souls bursting out of their bodies. i guarantee you that your life is filled with these types of people, and i guarantee that even if you think that i wouldn't want to see pictures of these people, i do.

(go ahead and laugh at my hippieishness all you want, boo...i'm still posting a picture of you and your shiny but demented soul.)

so join.

here:
http://www.flickr.com/groups/446603@N24/

some kids see dead people
and that's just fine

but i collect good people
and they're mine mine mine
. . .


do you collect good people, too? do you invite love and light into your life? do you like to take pictures of your shiny happy friends? next time you're looking over your pictures, and you see a glowing smile of a really good person that you've chosen to surround yourself with, and they've chosen you, too...post it here.

if you're feeling extra crazy, let us know why they rock so hard.

share the wealth of happiness!

peace,
nina beana

enough, but not enough

this is the newest family portrait, and it explains everything that i've wanted to write about for the past couple of weeks, but haven't. here is me, happy...so very happy. beautifully happy but feeling oh so not enough. i feel enough-enough on many days, but other days i'm stretched and pulled like taffy, left without enough energy to stay up much past 7:30pm. but when i roll in at the end of the day, i think to myself "this is enough...i've lived enough for thousands of people". every day is filled with adventures and treats and caramel. so why is it so hard for me to feel like i can keep my head above water?

there are things a-brewin', i can tell you that. lots of good conversations (as good as can be expected with hyper children running rampant, i suppose) with my posse. there was even a bathtub and beer drinkin' phone conversation (the beer and bath was all me) with pixie! and if you know me you know this is a big thing because i don't do the phone. not only was pixie charming and perfect on the phone, but the conversation got me thinking about connections and women's circles and standing firm about what you believe in.

this month has been huge for me on so many levels. finally finishing up my doula training has been a big thing for me, something that i never thought i'd come around to do. it's all about the follow-through lately, and if there's a loose end dangling somewhere, i'm all about tying it up. which is also something that i don't do very well. i've been pushing the limits of comfortability, trying to force myself to do new things or have conversations that may not be easy-peasy. i also finished up my training to become a certified prenatal massage therapist (more titles!), which was another thing that i really wanted to do. it's like spring cleaning for my brain, except we're on the brink of fall (sort of). i always do much better in the fall. always have.

so here we go brain. getting ready for room for new projects, new titles to collect after my name. new people to meet and new circles to gather in. my goal for the fall (as always) is "collect good people". it's become my new mantra. when i'm feeling particularly taffy-like, i just remember how lucky i am to have such an rockin' collection already, and i've only just begun.

enough of not-enough, i say. maybe that should be the addendum to the mantra "collect good people...and you are enough, nina beana, just the way you are." wanna join in?

oh happy day!

DSC04008, originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

just checking in to say:

1. this weekend was rockin'

and 2. gray just said to me "mama, why on earth do i have germs?"

and 3. this is my weather- breezy and kinda cool

and 4. i have a huge pot of homemade tomato sauce on the stove, made from everything in my garden. wanna bite?

and 5. keep little guy is a feverish mess. we're going to try to conquer it by going out and doing a random good deed.

please be kind to us universe. thank you.

lucky am i

i'm feeling so lucky today, even basil is sprouting from my cleavage!

ok, not really, but i'm reaaaaly reaaaaly lucky. and loved. and did i mention lucky?

it's been a week full of celebration and prizes and caramel and love. sickening, no? last week i got two rocking packages in the mail, one from emily and one from mindertins. new music for my ipod and lots of love and treats, too. family dinner on sunday night, my favorite pork pie, and talking baby shop with parents-to-be c&erina. then there was my hanging out time on monday with femiknit, where we had a chance to catch up, nibble on cheese and pie, and watch the kiddies work shit out for themselves. then there was the time spent with my dad, ordering computers and eating gelato. then there was my delicious meal made for me by boo, indian smells galore and spices all over the kitchen floor. packets of spices still surprising me when i open drawers or pull down things from the cabinets. time spent with jess and bobby and boo and my johnny. opening one of the best birthday presents ever- a huge stack of cd's and this little troll gnomey vintage christmas ornament that i really wanted from my favorite shop but didn't indulge, and a gorgeous necklace featuring a birthing mama squatting it up (which by the way i'm wearing now and about to go to work and totally get made fun of for it but i don't care). and then working on some great clients. and then a day in CT with mama al and stefania and erin, with the kids running around naked like good little hippies, and walking around in the garden sniffing the heirlooms, and sitting around a big table nibbling on homemade goodness. and the blueberry cranberry sprite drinks. and the ice cream bonbons. yes, we sat around eating bonbons and totally laughed about it. i ate more than one, i must confess. and then jana and shannon and sonya and all the girls and boys running around at night, with pizza and princesses and jewelry all around. and new school supplies. and then this morning's surprise visit from dear shannon and her beautiful tribe, hands full of homemade treats, a flower arrangement with lollipops and whole coffee beans floating in the water (!), and donuts and coffee for moi. then pinching chubby baby thighs and smelling of baby hair and just soaking in the goodness that is my life.

lucky am i, i tell you. lucky am i.

7am this morning (aka- i don't make this stuff up)

i was in the shower this morning, trying to have a few minutes of pathouli quietness before our trip to CT today (followed my a double birthday party later this afternoon...) and left the gate of the bathroom down, just to see what happened. you know, because pum can now scale them and everything, so what's the point?

well, mistake. big mistake. tomorrow and every day thereafter i will be leaving the gate up.

not only did joey try to swim in a toilet filled with pee, but grace ran in and out, opening the curtain, claiming to want to "hang out". there was also some sort of domestic altercation that i did my best to ignore despite my better judgement.

during one of gray's trips back and forth, i hear the water running. she exclaims:

"mami, don't worry, i'm just washing my hands, because i accidently shoved my fingers up my butt totally by accident."


nothing like starting the day off on the right foot.

6am this morning

i'm making this little summer mosaic on the computer just to cheer myself up, and gray is in my bed behind me. she states (while ripping off her undies):

"hey mum? my fanny's getting bigger. i just can't wear these panties anymore. there's just no way. my crack is totally hanging out."


happy summer and happy fanny cracks hangin' out everywhere.

overheard

"mami! mami! he can FINALLY do it! he did it! he can finally get over the gate without me taking it down! without me even helping him! now joey can climb over the gates like me! horraaaay!".

then they both show their faces at the top of the 1st flight of stairs, smiling.

awesome. goodbye showers. goodbye going upstairs. goodbye downtime.

not that bad after all

there's been a lot going on lately. a lot. i usually don't' do well with a lot but lately i've been learning to manage and juggle. two things my body does not how to do well instinctively. learning, slowly but surely.

today was gray's annual doctor's visit. it's been a week of nonstop crying and full out freak out attacks because i made the mistake of telling her last week (duh!) that she had an appointment, and that yes, she was going to get one.little.shot. and i've paid the price for that honesty every day since. let me just tell you something...learn from my mistakes. do not lie to your children, but do not tell them in advance, either. seriously. nightmares, night sweats, sleeplessness...not worth it. luckily, we made it through, and the nurse, realizing that she had a full-blown-four-year-old-freak-attack on her hands, let us get the shot first, before the appointment, which is not protocol. as soon as the shot was done (sorry to all those mamas out there that had their kids at the same office today!) gray was fine, and charming, and her usual hippie my-little-pony-huggin' self. my four year old girl only weighs 33 pounds. seeing her on that crispy white paper in her little tinkerbell undies almost made my heart burst. she's a tiny four year old person, personality bursting at the seams. and after her shot, she stated

"see mama, getting a shot wasn't that bad after all".

maybe i can learn a lesson or two from my sweet girl. with all the hustle and bustle, and disruption of routines...maybe it isn't that bad after all. in fact, in little over two weeks, i've got to spend a week with one of my besties, watch two babies being born into the world (my third birth was yesterday!), and immersing myself in summahtime. not that bad after all.

(gray's new shoes, and this picture- courtesy of auntie emily)

matchbox 200

(another picture stolen from auntie emily, but i can't resist)

we ain't no stinkin' matchbox 20 here, people, we're at least matchbox 200.

having a boy after being the mama to a little girlie girl is so different. i hate to blame it on gender but my little guy is so boyish. all on his own, he's discovered the beauty and allure of matchbox cars. and after realizing that he just loves them so much and they keep him so damn occupied, this feminist-geography-majorin'-mama is full on board, buying up the yard sale cheapies like they are going out of style. the older and crappier the better...i figured i better at least teach him to appreciate the vintage cars while i'm at it. cars cars cars, that's pretty much all you'll hear about over the course of the day here. we even went to a antique car show this past weekend, something that 1. i never thought i would do but 2. found highly enjoyable. cars cars cars. gotta love the cars.

in other news, gray looked up at my very seriously yesterday and stated:

"mama, i know i have a really deep voice, but i'm still a person." hum.

taggie tag tagged

i've been taggie tag tagged by mindertins and erina (anyone else?) to play along in this meme...so i'll take a second break from the chaos and check in-

*We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
*Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
*People who are tagged write their own blog post about their eight things and include these rules.
*At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged and they should read your blog.

reading: harry potter #7- i'm taking my time with it. i don't want to speed through it and be left with nothing. i don't care if it's trollish, jkr can write herself some good books. i like looking forward to bedtime, when i slip under the covers in the AC and read about 5-7 pages before i fall blissfully asleep.

watching: nothing much. PBS kids. we don't have real cable and i don't stay up late enough to watch anything good. although last night, after realizing that our dryer is broken, we lied in bed and watched fat march. which is just wrong on so many levels. but we watched anyway, of course.

dreaming: gray has a doctor's appointment on friday. no big deal, right? wrong. she needs to get a shot, and pretty much it's the end of the world as i know it. yesterday was filled with bloody-murder screaming about the impending appointment. girl's got some major anxiety. it would drive me crazy except i.used.to.be.the.same.way. funny how quirky stuff like that can pass down. anyway, she woke up screaming last night, screaming about shots. so we went into her room and i gave her some guided visualizations, which i should probably be good at considering my line of work...but instead i made her imagine a big pool filled with peanut butter cup ice cream, and us floating on big peanut butter cups, and floats that were big spoons. and big birds in the sky that pooped chocolate sauce, and when it starts to rain all that comes down are sprinkles...

eating: tomato and cucumber salads from the garden. and about to make zucchini bread, as soon as i can get my lazy ass to the grocery store to pick up eggs and sugar.

doing: doula meetings. upcoming births. horribly behind on emails and to-do-stuff in regular life.

wearing: hand-me-downs. my friend nicole was kind enough to gift me a big bag of fabulous clothes this past weekend, and now i'm strutting around in a purdy new dress today. it's helping me deal with the humidity. thank you.

managing: to clean out basement today? maybe? i heart the fall...i want to start clean and fresh. i want to get rid of everything but i have yard sale baggage and can't manage to have my own. maybe i can convince my dad to have one for me?

bonding: we've been reading books. lots of books. and drawing. gray's drawing skillz have increased exponentially. and her letter-making abilities. it's incredible how kids learn on their own, when they are ready. i'm in awe of my kids every day.

who do i tag now? i hate this part. femiknit, em, erina, mindy (cheating, i know), jen, amanda, stacy t., wendy, and todd. xx

"oh!..."

(picture blatantly stolen from auntie emily)...and just as an aside, my cherubs don't usually go around advertising for polo sport ralph lauren, but it was a hand-me-down, and if you knew how fast joey can tear up and stain a t-shirt, you'd understand why at any moment he can be seen 1. advertising for companies i don't know thanks to loving hand-me-downs and 2. wearing tutus and easter dresses if we don't have clean laundry and 3. usually strutting around naked. so there.

so joey's got this new thing. everything is "oh!...cars!" or "oh!...blue!" or whatever he may be observing at the moment. i have to say that it may be the cutest thing i've ever witnessed in my life...my 19 month old son mimicking a little old granny. i love the oh's. it reminds me to never lose the wonder about the simple things that life has to offer us.

oh!

so what do you do?

so what do you do when your best girlfriend is in town...the one that you lived with in college, the one that saw the best of you, but also the worst of you? the one who laughed when you were on the bathroom floor hugging the public toilet bowl after your first love affair with vodka, with strangers' pubes close to your lips? you relive old times, and then you make new ones, of course. having my two little mini-me's with us only increases the nina beana and auntie emily fun.

here's us. see how sleepy we are? that's because we are. not only was this picture pre-coffee, but it was post-week-long-visit. i snapped it right before emily walked out...after our jam-packed week filled with crafting, birthing, thrifting, bonding, travelling, gardening, and being with each other.

there was a healthy dose of travelling around in the car...which was thankfully air conditioned.

and then there was this silliness...at a photo studio, getting our "family portrait" taken. yes, those are child-sized cowgirl hats. and yes, i have an invisible lasso. and yes, those are magical mushrooms and fireflies on the backdrop.

our gay husbands even got in on the action. don't think for a second that i won't frame this bad-boy and hang it on the wall. giant pencils and stacks of fake books are a must.

so how do you balance having two insane children while having a wonderous houseguest for a week, you might ask? well, when things get boring, you give them giant bars of auntie-emily-gifted soap, throw them out on the deck in a rainstorm, and have them take showers, au naturale.
and then there was the crafting. bookmarks, quilts, the usual. crafting, coffee (lots of coffee), and thrifting. buying stuff for a change was kind of fun, made funner by a girlfriend egging your purchases on.


then there was the picnicing and the festivaling and the concerting. and the kids acting wild on the ocean. and the kids getting covered in tuna. if i have one gross-out in the world, it may be kids covered in tuna. the only thing worse is breastfeeding a child after they eat a tuna sandwich. give me naked unshowered people to massage, give me toe jam and toe lint, but please don't make me breastfeed a recently tuna-ed child.

moving on...
lots of pictures. lots of love. new memories to eclipse the already-full-locker of memories we already have together. thank you em for taking caramel, for doing all the things in one week with me that i've been wanting to do forever.

xx

photobooth friday- the squished edition

7.23.07. lake george, NY- arcade

we played "how many people can you fit into a photobooth in lake george?" with the charlton's last week, and this is what we came up with. four adults, and three kids.

ro, nina beana, jen, johnny
joey, gray, and seth

i could eat seth's face in the first shot. jen and i cut the strip in half and then she made me close my eyes and choose my half. although both halves rocked, i was secretly stoked that i picked the top one...the one with seth's intense wide-eyed doe stare.

happy photobooth friday! and don't think this was our only strip from the trip, yo.