delicious things of nina beana

in the spirit of leonie, i offer you my delicious things:

hippie pants for little girls

getting peed on by the wees

chocolate cupcake faces

name-tagged salads

fingerpainting with reckless abandon

babies on quilts made out of boxer shorts

mini clogged feet

and what's spring without fruit salads?

favorite parts

lately, our lives have been so full that i've been at a loss for words. there is so much beauty and movement and f.u.n. that i can't seem to articulate everything i want to say. i feel incredibly blessed, especially considering the heartbreak that many of our loved-ones are currently experiencing. maybe i feel a tad bit guilty having such a full life? during the past week or so, i've kept all my gratitude inside, almost bursting at the seams. so here are some of my favorite parts, all tied up with a bow.


*watching my girl celebrate her 4th with her friends and family- all 70 strong surrounding her
*dates with boo to borders
*lunch with jess and hummous with lamb and huge fatoush salads
*eric carle's "the tiny seed"- thanks c. and j.!
*climbing a local abandoned ski hill to find a letterbox, and in the process finding lots of frogs, one of which was bright orange, and a tons and tons of the elusive ladyslippers
*locally-made, delicious chocolate peanut butter ice cream two days in a row for dinner
*coolers filled with drinks on the porch
*buying myself tickets to medeski, martin, and wood for my birthday in august
*soon to be buying tickets to nickel creek for father's day for john
*stacks of new books and craft supplies for my girl and i to dig through
*watering the garden
*c.' castle in her backyard that she created for her boy's birthday
*m. and her family driving all the way to our house for gray's birthday
*a full jar of home-grown sprouts in my kitchen waiting for me to eat them
*bouquets of lilacs and mint for friends, covered in vintage children's books
*library book sales, and finding my favorite books
*not reading the last chapter of barbara kingsolver's new book because i don't want it to ever end
*sitting under my tree with tab and her family, just talking and loving
*watching gray adore her cake from mimi
*holding hands up and down slippery slopes
*admiring pum in a onesie, a farmer's hat, and mini clogs
*dates to read shel silverstein with my girl later this afternoon
*bug projectors
*watching the birds swoop over our heads
*salads with nametags- i like to personalize them
*flax seeds- frankly, i'm obsessed
*local peeps- www.buyfresh.org
*writing my wishmama piece for here (check back later)
*the wish studio's launch party this friday night! (swoon)
*tingy's birthday quilt made out of boxer shorts
*working on some of the most beautiful souls i've ever met, and grieving with them
*seeing babies play in my sandbox
*feeding people
*hands-off gardening techniques
*sending gray off to school this morning in a brand-spankin' new white eyelet dress
*having some of the best neighbors a girl could hope for
*cheese and grapes in bed
*chocolate in bed
*fans in bed
*not caring about having a clean house anymore when people come over
*stacks of thank you cards
*freshly cut bangs
*curtains blowing in the wind
*boat rides yesterday around portsmouth harbor, and the kids being good thanks to bribery
*sun-kissed shoulders and noses thanks to said boat rides
*little organic hippie stores, and how they always smell the same, and how they are always called 'the mustard seed'
*recycled clothes
*hand painted t-shirts
*6pm bedtimes

hope your long weekend was long in the fun department. xx

thursday gratefulness

*splinters splinters everywhere, the surest sign of spring
*cleaning the floors (only happens once a year)
*crafting dates with femiknitmafia, and a bowl of guacamole
*turning a big stack of johnny's old boxers into a birthday quilt for my brother (luckily he liked it and doesn't mind snuggling up to old panties)
*neighbors that watch out for you, whistle for you to come outside, and walk into your house (or my house, i should say) when i'm on the toilet and then help you tie quilts together
*newman's own organics coffee
*my local greenhouse, which i've recently taken back. i promised i wouldn't go back there when the staff's snatchiness factor reached an all-time high last year, but i gave it another shot this year and i'm pleasantly surprised by their new staff, bigger greenhouse, and more-ample parking. and frickin' cheapass and delicious herbs and veggies, which i brought home and lovingly tucked into my garden. all for $21. now's the hard part- waiting until july (freakin' cold MA weather!) until i can reap the benefits. this is my first year planting spicy arugula and japanese eggplants. can't wait.
*planting catnip and watching the neighborhood cats go crazy
*opening the windows and curtains wide
*to-do lists for the upcoming weekend
*my date with jess tomorrow afternoon
*working again this afternoon after quite a long hiatus
*wearing my wedding ring again (i'm not a ring person but i'm giving my band another trial-run...plus, massage therapist plus wedding rings just doesn't mix)
*plans to work on andrea's postcard swap when i get off the computer and go downstairs
*bright red dr. scholl's
*gray turning 4. i have a four year old. i'm a mama to a stinkin' four year old person, and i can barely believe it.


until this coffee buzz wears off, i need to stop typing. too jittery. must keep pressing backspace to fix mistakes. i'm off to the porch to commune with the birds and my modge podge!

merry-go-round

(photoshopping by teri from blueberry pie- one of the best unexpected gifts ever- thank you!)

pink frosted cupcakes and bakery runs
pork pies and sitting around the table
errands and greenhouses and planting the gardens
beach trips and sweatshirts and snuggling on the couch
coughing and laughing and sleeping with the windows open
bean sprouting in the kitchen in mason jars
phone calls and packages all tied up and thank you's do write
little girls turning four and dressing up like princesses
not enough time to do everything that i should do
but just enough time to do everything that i want to.

our life is a merry-go-round- want to jump on?

photobooth friday- the "no below-40 forecast's gonna stop us!" edition

(beach blur)

it never ceases to amaze me how something like pum getting sick (and gray, too, to boot- just not as severly) can whip me right out of the usual, ho-humishness of my day-to-day living. of course, pum chose to get sick at the most chaotic, vacation-and-upcoming-birthday-filled time, like most children will. what did we do?, you ask....still pack our bags and children and head to the beach! nothing like 35 degree rainy weather to snap you right out of those colds! irresponsible parenting? maybe. did we pay for it? you betcha. was it worth it- of freakin' course. we're all about making family memories, despite the suffering that goes along with it.

my brother-in-law was nice enough to rent a beach cottage for the week, and johnny took.thursday.and.friday.off.to.go. anyone who knows sales/commission people who work 12+ hour days just to bring home the money know that this does not happen. so there was no way i was letting a croupy kid and torrential rain, and oh, did i mention the 30 degree weather and unheated beach cottage part? thursday wasn't all that bad- just cold- and we did manage to hang out on the beach, collect seashells and sea glass (there was tons of sea glass kickin' around yesterday....was cool until gray almost stepped on half a corona that was not-so-seaglassed yet), flew some serious kites, and ran around tearing up the beach cottage. the kids were actually pretty exceptional considering the circumstances, and joey was feeling much better (lest you worry that i've lost my marbles). the steroids immediately opened his airway and he went from no-breathing-baby to eating-sand-but-he-still-has-diarrhea-and-is-kinda-clingy-but-happy baby.

he felt so much better so immediately, in fact, that i didnt' feel too guilty about slipping out on wednesday night after he went to bed (5:30p, cough cough) to go to joya's show at MIT. how could i miss her original songs, with a guest beat-boxer, and watching my gray's soul sister (hello hala and k!) bust some sweet moves in the aisles?

plus, i had two hot dates (boo and tingy...and that's boo's gum, not some jacked-up tooth issue)-

back to the beach!
there was also the photobooth (i heart grace's smile in the last one- i would've paid $20 for this strip),
the creepy fortune teller, the roll-up subs and pizza (sorry barbara kingsolver, i'm really disappointing you harcore), and the beach snuggles (i had on three hoodie sweatshirts and i was still freezing). gray stomping through the arcade stating (loudly) "inappropriate video game! inappropriate!!!" the boogers and the using of our sleeves as tissues and blasting the heat in the car. the being-with of family members in such a small, new space. did i mention the boogers?

we had some serious boogers.

now we're back at our home, with the heat ON and quilts tucked around, planning our soul-warming meals for the weekend. this vacation was all about letting go of expectations, and again, setting the bar reaaaal low. i'm sensing a trend in how i approach situations, but hey, it seems to work fabulously.

lightning-quick update

with the steroids and antibiotics, pum is doing much better. he's breathing more clearly and we didn't cancel our beach vacation, but came home to sleep in our own beds. i'm completely exhausted but wanted to send a quick thank you to each and every one of you who called, sent me the sweetest and unexpected messages, and gave me hugs. a special shout out to mamaHALA and her little girlie sidekick, who's smiles shined up my life last night.

thank you, thank you, thank you for thinking of my little guy.

also, with the flood warnings and impending rain, it looks like gray's birthday party on sunday is going to be postponed. more about the tomorrow. (mom, don't order the cake!)

kisses and wind-blown lubbins,
xx.

just when i thought life was getting boring

we wake up this morning and we have a barely-breathing child again. respiratory distress written all over his limp little body. hustle hustle hustle out the door, back to the hospital. tests screaming bribes more screaming and mama hasn't had any coffee. an IV of java for this mama, stat! the poor boy was completely suffering, struggling to breathe. oxygen, h2o, steroid shots to open his passageways. little man is taking after his sweet nana, always with the breathing problems. more tests, and an ear infection. more medicine.

pum is passed out in bed, mama is drinking an extra large iced coffee and having a donut. sorry barbara kingsolver and all you 100 mile eating peeps, i just needed a frickin' donut.

send all the love you got my way- oh, pum's got croup, btw. no biggie, but it sure as hell felt like it this morning when he wasn't breathing.

xx

spin me right round

(not posed- i swear)


there's been so much that i want to write about, but every time i sit down at the computer i get overwhelmed and just don't write anything at all. i could write about how the world is blooming around us, how there is dirt caked under all our fingernails. i could write about our farm explorations and hanging baskets priced at $95. i could write about the beauty of the children that surround me, about planting sunflowers with them in the spring sun, and about teaching them to get dirty. i could write about my hero's new book, barbara kingsolver's "animal, vegetable, miracle: a year of food life" and the power the book has to change the world. i can write about how i lopped off gray's hair yesterday and how she's back to my little pixie girl, cuter than anything. how i just had to cut her hair, even though she really wanted it long, because it was stringy and broken-looking and she had taken a liking to wearing trucker hats. how i cropped joey's hair while i was on a roll and my kids look fresh and new, little seeds waiting to sprout. i could write about our adventures at the beach, and how i sat at the top of a dune and watched the kids explore, collect, and be independent. how we're headed back to the cottage for an end-of-the-week vacation before gray's birthday party weekend. how much trunk is filled with party supplies and beach supplies. a mother's day filled with love and celebration, fresh fruit and greasy pizza. stinky feet and drippy popsicles. gallons of paint and cups of iced coffee.

instead of getting into detail about all these things, i leave you with some snapshots, crafty and roundupish:

*this is why i love my friends. not only do they enjoy hanging out with mini-me on our girls night, they model thongs on their heads with her, and then pose for pictures like this...
and then there's been the quilting. not even sure if i should be calling what i do "quilting"...but i do use fabric, and my sewing machine, so does that count? mother's day quilts for my mama and my mother-in-law-mama. beachy-beach quilts here we come!



and a little more paper/sewing/crafting for amy and kim's birthdays- blurry, but you get the point, right? amy's says 'amy and steve' and kim's says 'kim and billy'. kim cried in classic kim style and it made it all the more sweeter.
and evidence that the grey tooth does in fact exist. many of you asked for a gray grey tooth pic, and here it is. much darker in real life. but i'm getting used to it (reluctantly). and her haircut helps, a lot.

and finally, here's example 1,000 of why i love my friends. on shan's fridge she has a wipe-board, and this is what it says... what's a good list without a tool set and hippie pants, i ask you?

and my last random thought of the day is this: please click over to wishmama's secret revealed! if you are local and free, come join us for some fairies and letterboxing and fun and trolls. how can you resist trolls?

xx

baby steps

it's almost embarrassing to admit this, but up until recently, our family-footsteps have been quite heavy on mother earth. we're still light years away from being even close to green, but as a family we've been making strides to lessen our impact. it's the little things that we do that help me feel better-

*plastic plates instead of paper
*reusing water from the dehumidifier for plants
*all natural soap and toothpaste
*all natural bugspray and bug-repelling insect incense
*biodegradable wax paper bags instead of plastic baggies
*recycling (up until recently we didn't recycle at all...gasp! so horrible. but now i'm the recyclingmama, going through the garbage. we've cut our garbage down by 3/4!)
*cloth napkins and cloth rags for messes
*turned off home phone line
*unplugged all unused appliances
*energy saver lightbulbs
*biodegradable herb pots
*refilling printer cartridges instead of throwing them away! duh.
*stop junk mail from coming and cancel phonebook delivery and cancel stupid catalogs
*saving coffee grounds
*turning off the water when brushing teeth and doing dishes

most of this stuff is totally duh, but sometimes when i think about global things i get very overwhelmed and don't try at all. i realized lately that i need to start living me and practicing what i believe it. it's not that hard for me to make tiny changes, and when you add them all up they make me feel a whole lot better. baby steps rock.

help, i need somebody!

any recommendations on an all-natural (or mostly-natural, not-going-to-make-my-kids-sick) kind of way to get rid of the ants that are partying in my house? they arrived this morning, they brought the beer, and they are threatening never to leave until the summer's end. any suggestions would be GREATLY appreciated, as joey has taken a liking to snacking on them.

i heart massivequeefshits

can i just state for the record how much i love massivequeefshits (aka massachusetts) at this time of year? i heart the fact that you can drive down countryish roads and see old falling down barns and then drive over to the rocky ocean coast for some tripoli's beach pizza and then drive through and get an extra large dunkin donuts iced coffee (even if it's 20 below). i especially love my little crappy town that i grew up in, where there are still tractor-crossing signs, and loads of greenhouses, and your neighbors (the nice ones at least) share gardening secrets and herbs with you. i love the simpleness of some of the finest people here, where driving around without a shirt on is accepted (and encouraged, especially if you have nipple piercings). i love eating out on my deck with incense burning and friends drinking and pissing off my not-nice neighbor. i love freakin' massachusetts.

the lovely pictures above are from our letterboxing adventures with c. this weekend. this statue had quite an ample package, and i just had to stop and snap some pictures (my family and friends are SO understanding). this happened right before i snapped some pics of gray violating the trees. c. was quite amused when gray described exactly what the tree holes looked like.

as you can see, i'm all over the place, my thoughts jumping all around. it could be the crack i smoked for breakfast (kidding! just loads of coffee), it could be the upcoming vacation next week, it could be mother's day approaching, or it could be the huge-ass party that i have to pull off for next weekend. have fun all you 70 peeps finding parking in our neighborhood!

crafting frenzy...past two days have produced two quilts. lots of tiny's bday gifts to create. these composition-cozies seemed to be a hit so far...

also lots of paper-crafting-sewing projects for two of my birthday ladies. also, we had a huge freakin' clothing swap at our shingdig, and as usual, i made out like a bandit, and i'm currently strutting around in a whole new wardrobe. i'm one happy mama.

peace my peeps! i miss hearing all your sweet voices, so holla at me today.

all over the place

to all my local peeps- come see my girl joya next wednesday night @MIT! i'll be there to support my amazingly talented peep.

also, if you want to read about some mama-meditation musings, click on over to the wish studio and read my piece here. also, stay tuned about a local wishmama meetup that we're going to announce soon!

in other news, gray's tooth is getting greyer, we're going through some major spring cleaning vibes here, and i'm looking forward to hanging with my ladies tonight over some mojitos. i heart the summer.

*please note- our home phone is being shut off in about an hour, for good. no more taking the phone off the hook for me! AND i save $27 a month by shutting it off. so if you want to call me, use my cell, and if you don't have the number, email me for it and i'll send it your way! hearts.

where i've been, or "my life in feets"

a little bit of thisand a little bit of that
and an extra-healthy dollop of this

and the perfect date night with my hussssbeend, seeing jonatha brooke at my favorite theater and dinner beforehand at the most deeelicious restaurant, where johnny ordered a whole fish, head and all, and i got raw tuna and avocado.

swoonalicious, i must say. 10 cent wings sent me over the edge.

the weekend was filled with so much more than this, but if i told you all about it, you wouldn't believe me anyway. and what's a weekend if it doesn't end in violating the holes of some poor tree? (we also letterboxed with femiknit for her first time and popped her letterboxing cherry!...)
we are so lucky to have such understanding trees.

wendspiration

have you ever crossed paths with someone that rejuvenated your interest in a particular something, and with their creativity and spirit transformed your usual into something completely new and unusual?

i'm lucky enough to have crossed paths with wendy of mother rising through cyberspacey connections, and i'm left feeling free and inspired and artistic. if you haven't clicked over to her place, go ahead and leave her some lubbins while you're at it.

wendy was introduced to letterboxing through a link that she followed from something she saw here at the whole self. and as letterboxing usually does (being serious here) it cast a magical spell on her and she became immediately obsessed (after her first adventure ended in letterboxish-less (missing box!)...even that didn't stop her!) being the artist and creator and freakin' cool person she is, she went to work designing her own magical, artistic boxes, and has completed her first box...called "the bee charmer". her box includes artwork and stones and treasures and creativity!

(images are wendy's, which she kindly let me borrow so i could show you her skillz, yo)





my point? wendy rocks. her letterbox (and her sharing it with me) is such a gift. i wish i were closer to her so i could find it. my other point? her box has inspired me to finally get around to designing our family letterbox to be hidden at a local historical site that we like to picnic at. we're been procrastinating. we talk about it a lot. after receiving wendy's emails, however, i got off my fanny, packed the kids in the car, and went to the store and got the appropriate supplies that we need to carve our first stamp. so basically this is a big THANK YOU to wendy and to all my visual, creative sisters out there who inspire me to make the things that i want to make, and to be the person that i want to be.

thank you.


again, if you haven't tried lettberboxing, you totally should. the trollishness and coolishness of it will grab hold of you and never let go. and if you are lucky enough to live near wendy, you can find these treasures hidden in a tree somewhere magical. ask her where, i'm sure she'll share.

(tee hee, i can just hear shaun and sara laughing now!)

black tooth riot!

(gray, pre-jacked-up smile)

let me just preface this story with this- my daughter is gorgeous, and always will be, no matter what happens to her little teeth, no matter how horribly acne scars her face during her teenager years, no matter how many hideous piercings she gets to rebel against me.

with that being said, let me say this- i'm horrified.

gray has a grey front tooth. i've created her childhood destiny unintentionally by giving her her nickname! aaaaaaah!

last week, while playing outside (actually, when she saw a kite and got really exciting and started running on the driveway to said kite) gray tripped and fell on her face. on her front tooth, to be exact. gray, being gray, only cried for a couple of minutes and got over it, moving on to bigger and better things like destroying my dad's landscaping. i didn't think much of it at the time, as the tooth only bled a teeeeeny bit, and it only felt slightly loose.

no big deal, right? until yesterday morning, when i gave her tooth a look-over.


and it was grey. grey! her beautiful already-chipped front tooth (and she has the hugest space which makes her smile extra cute) was freakin' GREY. me, not being one to ever call the doctor or dentist, actually got on the phone and made an appointment. with much bribing (italian slush), i got her in. after many x-rays and conversations with our indian dentist (afterward gray explained to me that "he was so cute i could cry!"), i was sent home with my grey-toothed gray, with nothing to be done for it. evidently lots of children hurt their baby teeth and these teeth turn black and die and rot until they fall out for good, to be replaced by shiny white honkin' teeth. her little nerve died. it's dead. her tooth is dead. i know i should be happy that it's a baby tooth, but now my darlin' girl looks like she had a poop sandwich for lunch and is stranger to a toothbrush.

i'm horrified. i feel so bad.

everyone keeps telling me that before school pictures i need to teach her to smile with her mouth shut.

oh poop. freakin' poop.

amongst the chaos, all that keeps playing in my head is "black tooth riot! RIOT!" a little spin-off from the popular song "zoot suit riot". in our house, we have lots of spin-offs of this song, the best being "POOP SHOOT RIOT!" when you're takin' a big dump. anyway, every time i look at my sweet grey toothed gray, all i can think of is

BLACK TOOTH RIOT! RIOT!

someone help me.

wishmamas

if you have a chance, click on over to the wish studio and check out the new project a'brewin'...called wishmamas. today's bit is entitled "zen in a basket" and has some ideas on what to pack when heading out of the house with some rowdy little ones, or even if you're headed out solo. anyone that knows me knows that i'm obsessed with packing bags and baskets filled with goodies for any possible adventure, so this piece was such a pleasure for me to write.

wishmamas is going to be a little off-shoot of the wish studio, a kind of virtual/real world gathering for mamas with similar creative interests, and looking for fun ways to be more creative with their children as well as connect (via blog and locally) with other moms and kids. i'll be submitting new ideas on a semi-regular basis about various mom/kid related stuff (crafts, creative inspiration, north shore (MA) events/art programs, letterboxing and other family fun stuff to do, doula info, prenatal massage/yoga, and on and on...). there's also the possibility of local mama meet-ups on a regular basis, too (for all my massachusetts peeps).

i want to send a huge shout out to mindertins for all her creative energy, and wish her all the strength and juicy creative juices while she births this beautiful project!

what i've been up to

*me, my super glowy machine, and the kids going crazy
*fair trade organic coffee
*watching our sunflower and basil babies grow
*nut brown organic beer with no kids
*alone time on saturday morning
*date with myself at wild oats, sniffing everything
*all natural bug spray
*reading labels again
*dilly bars (won't read the label on these, no way)
*picnic baskets in the car
*uncle eddie's vegan oatmeal raisin cookies
*mindy's wonderous idea (i'll get back to you today!)
*reading about wendy's letterboxing adventures
*seeing mama al this weekend, eating good food and watching her beans
*date with johnny to flatbread pizza co. in portsmouth
*organic salad with seaweed
*open ovens and nice tatooed people all around
*independent bookstores
*recycling again, cutting our trash in half
*unplugging everything and cutting our energy bill by $20
*planning gray's party
*planning and designing our own letterbox
*the ali g. show with my husbands
*cold feet with flip flops
*out with the old
*buying a book to co-read with john
*a whole new stack (bolts and bolts) of fabric from dad
*all of joey's new words, but esp. "ice cream" and "stinky feet"
*plans of beach trips and cookouts
*messy craft time with gray and joey
*acoustic music and the beatles in the car
*watching joey eat a gluestick
*seeing the beans A&T and listening to their identical laughs
*watching j. drink his perfect, flowery-topped latte
*hot coffee when it's cold outside
*bringing the seedlings in at night
*thoughts of todd farm
*living more in the moment
*sleeping in until 9am on sunday (thanks, j!)
*homemade gifts and big bowls of fresh fruit
*watching joey eat watermelon
*blowing bubbles
*hearing joey say "tweet tweet" when he sees the birds
*growing catgrass for the neighborhood kitties

this list could go on and on, as this weekend was the perfect medicine for my wanderlusty soul, but i must go oversee some serious jewelry making going down on my bed behind me. here's hoping your weekends were filled with surprise stacks of vintage fabrics, hippies, and all the hidden jewels inside you revealed.

photobooth friday- the sugared-up edition

4/6/07
mall food court

what better way to pregame it for easter, the good ole resurrection of jesus (basically just thought it was interesting that there's a whole wikipedia link to this), than going to the mall, ordering sugary drinks and jumping into the photobooth next to the carousel in the food court? while i never do these things, for some reason, on 4/6/07, we all needed this. joey was really wearing those glasses (not a photobooth prop), and gray was seriously groovin' on that icee full of sugar (not an every-day sort of mama treat...but i'm going to be honest, i had a craving and was looking forward to the leftovers...there weren't any. duh, mama.) i'm obsessed with turning at least one of my sweet children upside down for the photos, despite the broadcasted-for-the-whole-world-to-see television on the outside of the booth. even though it was school vacation and the mall was swarmed with scary teens.

you only live once. spend as much as you can in photobooths, i say.

change

first let me say- good morning. the birds outside are going insane in my neighbor's yard, just squaking away, and i love every minute of it. this all starts at 4am, and with our open windows, this is when my day begins now. with the birds. my days just seem to start earlier and earlier lately, but with the new start time, i find that i'm able to accomplish more and more during the course of the day. yesterday, my new awake-time was made painfully clear to me when i woke up and realized that i had to wait four hours for the grocery store to open. we were there, gray with her feather boa and all, at 8am, waiting for them to unlock the doors.

next topic, the future of this little place called 'the whole self'. after reading keri's post, and leonie's illuminating words, and mindy's words, and many many more discussions about this (i know michelle had some amazing things to say about this a while back), and just meditating on my feelings toward blogging in general, i've decided to turn off the comments. my reasons for this are many- sometimes i find myself writing while wondering what sort of comments my words are going to evoke. and then i get all these wonderful and inspiring comments and sometimes i'm just paralyzed by people's love and generosity, but feel unable to respond or lacking in time to create a real and fulfilling connection. sometimes i don't write at all because i just can't muster up the courage to read what is going to be said. sometimes i feel a bit fake when everyone is just so nice to me, because do i really deserve it? how do i portray myself here, and is it genuine?

i've met a number of incredible people through blogging here. i wouldn't change it for the world. what would my life be like without mindy (much less pink), and my renewed daily-check-in's with jen and amanda? and my blossoming friendships with so many of you that i plan to meet in the future? i've realized that over time, the face of this blog and these blogging relationships has in fact changed. and that it's time to make a change that's reflective of this change.

i realized that for the most part, when i have sometime to say to one of you dears, i will email you directly. and that the emailing exchange, for me, right now where i'm at, is more meaningful. i'm better able to respond in that way right now. this isn't to say that it won't be different in the future, and i certainly am not ready to stop blogging. so i'm going to try this out and see where it takes me.

i will, however, enable comments from time to time. just not every day, not every post. i will still check in on everyone here, and miss hearing feedback from you. i will, time permitting, still leave comments when i'm moved and inspired and having some computer time. i will probably email you and hope that you email me, too, if something i say really speaks to you.

i want to limit my time on the computer, especially with the birds singing and the plants blooming in my yard. i want to be out living, sitting by the water watching my kids skip rocks. i want to get lost in the forest and create beautiful blankets for my family to picnic on. i still want you to journey with me...

thank you for listening.

she says it better than i could

keri smith's words here really speak to me today. do they speak to you, too?

immersed

the normal people that my husband works with all think i'm completely out of my tree. after every weekend, my collared-shirt love goes into the office and gets questions like "sooooo, what did you guys do this weekend? climb some trees and plant herbs?" and the answer is most usually "well, yeah." my husband is patient and kind, and most of all, actually enjoys most of the crazy things that we do as a family. like letterboxing. and spending time in greenhouses, "price comparing" and rubbing the leaves and smelling our fingers (i have to force this one on him, but he does it).

these past week, we've all been immersed in family time. stacks of identification books. filling up the bird feeder and watching who comes to visit. taking care of our little seedling babies that have finally poked through the soil. researching butterflies, and talking about vermicomposting. john's co-workers should really have a field day with that one...pounds and pounds of worms living in our house, turning our garbage into gold!

we've purchased the bulk of our herbs, most of which we're tending inside until the nice weather sticks around permanently. our kitchen window is now the home to a random assortment of herbs that i'm bound to be throwing into every meal that i make, whether it fits or not. anyone up for a dill mojito?

in addition, we've been trying as a family to live lighter on the land. as the past high school president of earth awareness (dork) and college manager of the recycling center, you'd think i'd be on top of this one, but not-so-much. so with earth day and the spring upon us, we've been recycling and eating much more organically. i've changed the way that i feed the kids and feed myself throughout the course of the day, and it has been h.a.r.d. let me tell you. and i still suck at it, but hopefully not as bad.

there's also been much crafting, although i find when i'm trying to craft, the kids get a little funky and try to kill each other. the screaming increases when they hear the sound of my sewing machine. but i've got lots of ideas swimming around in my mind, so i'm trying to go with it. plus, our day now starts at 5am sharp, so what else is a mama to do except sew a new outfit or two, all before 7am? it's insane, and i'm bound to crash like i always do, so i'll ride the wave while it lasts.

finally, we've got parties to plan and parties to attend. the prospect of going to CT this weekend to hang with my fellow hippie mama al is one of the major things getting me through the week. that, and the prospect of beach pizza at some point.

thank you all for laughing and crying with me through my last post experience. the day only went up from there, filled with trips to the "good" grocery store, and organic snacks under the sprinkler.

out of the woods

we (meaning me and the kids) just got back from the forest. it's only a bit past 9:30am now, but it's already felt like the longest day ever, and i'm already rockin' a huge headache. let me backtrack...

because it's supposed to be 85 degrees and sunny out today, i thought it would be best to carpe diem and get out early and go for a little picnic with the kiddos at a local vernal pool. we usually venture into the forest with daddy, who with his ex-military-navigational-skills (just a hint of sarcasm here) can get us out of any we-have-no-compass related quandry. but today i decided that we were going to make.this.day.ours.! with the picnic packed, and the kids ready to go, we arrived at the tiny parking lot and started on the trail.

only to realize that we literally had to hike up rocks with my non-hiking-stroller. i stupidly brought the regular baby-trend (uugh!) stroller, and not our more ergonomically-friendly one for hiking adventures. but dammit, we were getting to the water! slowly, i began to realize that last week we.had.a.huge.flood. the area that we were "hiking" in was literally submerged last week. another brain fart moment.

and then i realized, as we got closer to the larger-than-usual vernal pool that we.were.getting.swarmed.by.thousands.of.breeding.mosquitoes. being the good mom that i am, i did not pack anything to protect my sweet baby skins from the attacks. i looked down and joey was covered. i took one look at gray and said "run!" of course, she takes the opportunity to go a face dive on some rocks and comes up bleeding. "run anyway!" seriously, i'm lucky nobody was around to see, especially DSS.

getting away from the mosquitoes, with the exception of the ones still a'suckin' on our bodies...we make our way back (or what i thought was back) to the car. as we keep walking, and walking, and walking, i realize that somewhere along the way we took a wrong turn, or something. now we're hiking up rock faces with the stroller and gray in her little crappy tennis shoes and me in my flip flops, trying to partially carry the stroller when the rocks get too big. we're f'ing lost! and gray's all "this was your idea to go for a walk, and all i wanted to do was stay home, but no! mama wants to go for a walk! and now we're lost. great, we're lost. why don't you call daddy and tell him we're lost. now we're never going to find the car!" and i'm all "we're not lost, but what's up with that 'caution' tape all over the trail markers? well, let's go down this way anyway, i'm sure it can't be that bad."

oh, it was. we literally went down the side of a mountain, following what i thought was the right trail, only to find ourselves at the bottom, and the trail flooded (explains the caution tape, i guess)- having to make our way back up. gray falls again. i feel like i'm in a movie (like the scene in babel when the nanny is in the desert with the two kids and she's trying to find her way and she has nothing to drink...). except i had food. and a cell phone. but no f'ing compass (not like i'd know how to use one anyway). where was the f'ing car? and is that the highway? we were waaaay far away from where i knew the car to be parked in relation to said-strip of highway, people.

to make a reaaaaly long story short, we made it back to the car. gray was such a trooper, hiking for miles and miles with hardly-a-complaint. joey was oblivious to our hiking mishaps, except for the occasional whiplash when i slammed head-on to rocks and the carriage just wouldn't budge. we saw a butterfly on the path right in front of us, brown with white-tipped wings, and it landed on a rock and let us talk to it. we sang songs together. we laughed at the ridiculousness of our adventure. although i wanted to cry at times, gray ended the hike by saying "our car! i finally see our car. thank you mama for getting us out of there. see what happens when we're brave together?"



this whole weekend was spent frolicing in the woods (with daddy supervision) and in greenhouses and with our hands in the dirt, celebrating the earth. many more stories to come.

world peace in all of us

nam myoho renge kyo
(individual happiness equals world peace)

the sun is out
the shades are open
the rooster crows outside the school
the seedlings sit out in the sun
the sound of sweeping up the glass from the broken table after the storm
the birdseed drops from the feeder onto the driveway
and the birds snack all morning long, and sing sweet songs to us
we dream about the weekend, being in the forest
with mud boots and celebrating the earth with the animals
phones are off the hook and all the peace seeps in
the long tendrils of smoke curl around the bedroom
my cold drink makes a ring on the bathtub shelf
the record player soothes me while i slip under the
chamomile and lavender bubbles
all the candles in the world can't make things right
but right now this is enough

inspiration for the greys

(nina beana plus herbal drop- who doesn't need one on days like today?)

on days like today, when the news is nothing but sad and scary and overwhelming, it's nice to recenter and remember that there is some (read: lots of) good in the world. i decided to take a break from sad-eating yet another pound of bacon and some raw cookie dough thrown in for good measure and write a bit about the good things.

:: the wish studio and my dear peep mindertins and her creative spirit and energy-

if you haven't already, you must stop by the new spot for mindertin's creative project, the wish studio. i'm not a good phone person (no secret there) but i made an exception and called m. the other day because i just needed to speak with her so badly about this new space. if you know me in real life, i've already probably talked your ear off about the studio and the opening. see her sidebar? see the info about the opening? wanna come? i'm going to be there for the opening and the trunk show (m's going to be sick of nina beana!). yoga space? creative space? mama and bloggie friendship space? i'm in. please come and support the wonderous endeavor of such a beautiful soul.

:: melba and justBe...Connected

melba's spot is colorful and inviting and inspirational, too. and her project, justBe...Connected- simply divine. on my worst days, when the kids are being insane and biting each other's eyes (happened this morning), i close my eyes and think of october 12-14, and think of being surrounded by such freakin' coolness. i think of my blank journals and my hotel room and the workshops i'll go to. i think about meeting some of you. so consider investing in yourself and join me (and melba, and m., too!) at justBe. you won't regret it.

:: small magazine- eye candy for stressed out peeps like me

wanna drool over pretty eye candy treats? make your way over to the online small magazine.

:: random acts of kindness

you know those nifty flickr pro accounts? up until recently, i didn't have one- my dearie c. lovingly pointed out to me that i'm just to...uh...frugal to purchase one for myself (something about my seven dollar a day limit...) well, a complete stranger who happened upon my photos and felt inspired actually bought me a flickr pro account...what?!? how freakin' amazing is that? and the funny part is that c. was going to buy me an account on.the.same.day. just because she's so damn cool.

some people are good. unfortunately, some people are really, really bad. but some people are just so good.