Somewhere along the line, between the move from MA to NH a couple of years back, and the twin pregnancy, I lost a little bit of my fun. I didn't know it was happening...I just kind of slowed down and started taking a spectator role when the kids were playing. They were older, and they needed me less. And frankly, I was tired. I was tired from being a grownup. I found myself reserving my energy for the adultish stuff I had to do----like cook dinner, do the laundry, and pick up after five people and a dog. Oh yeah, and growing some human beings. I pretty much stopped having fun and switched gears to serious business mode.
Like I said, I didn't even realize this was happening. Until last week. Maybe it's because I have more energy, or maybe something subconsciously just clicked, but I realized that I have the need and desire to be silly. To have fun. To play with my kids. To tickle the crap out of them in my bed until we are all drenched in tears. Maybe I realized they are all growing up, and these moments are so fleeting. And I want to make the most of them all.
It started small. We went to the museum. I played with them. We went out and bought sleds and then we came home and I went sledding with them instead of watching from the window. They were all shocked. Gray called out "Mom, you are so FUN! What's happening?". Later that week, on Valentine's Day, while we were waiting for John to come home from work, we all drew big huge red hearts on each other's butts and then mooned him when we walked in. We've been playing games at night instead of watching TV. I sit myself on the floor and play Lego's and blocks and Barbies. We are reading out loud more. We built a fort under the dining room table. Little things, but big things to them.
For the first time in a while, I'm actually looking forward to school vacation on Friday. I'm looking forward to just being with the kids, and being myself. I feel like the old me is emerging, and I love it.
