days like this

some days
are really crappy
and at any given moment
someone needs their bum wiped
or someone is puking up cottage-cheese like
chocolate milk
all over the rugs
someone's crying
someone's fighting
someone lost a shoe
someone stepped in dog poop
someone's whining
someone's just being a real jerk.

on days like this
i almost go there
and have a pity party
for myself

i try hard not to
but sometimes i kind of do

sometimes
like today
i put everyone in the car
and drive through the rain
and make everyone look at the foliage
and then i go buy expensive bread and cheese
and some salad
and have a mug of tea.
sure, it's not good for the environment,
this mindless driving around,
but sometimes it's what i have to do.
and then i take pictures of the kids
in mid-flight
and i feel better.


the end. xx

real talk 2010 revisited

after writing and posting this blog post about real talk 2010, people came crawling out of the woodwork, bruised and bleeding, just itching to tell their real talk tales. i could not have imagined the stories that my friends had- just waiting to be shared. it was actually pretty life changing- the opening up, the rawness, and the connections that i felt in the aftermath of that posting. i've been marinating in the real talk over the past couple of months since that post, thinking about the stories that we all have to offer, the secrets that keep us prisoner.

i think there's something to be said for having a friend offer you an outlet to share something taboo. i think there's something healing in laying out your most raw, vulnerable, and oftentimes not-pretty tidbits, and having someone tell you that it's OK. that they do not judge you. that they too, in fact, have their own undesirable shitty things. that we all have our shit.

and let me tell you- i've learned more about my friends since june than in the whole lifetime of these friendships. it's radical. and in the opening, i have learned more about myself. i've learned about balancing the "positive talk" and the "real talk". there is something healing to be had with a good dose of real talk. it allows you to go deeper, to be more authentic.



see how i'm rambling? this is the reason why i haven't wrote this "real talk 2010 revisited" blog post until today. i still can't eloquently say what i want to say about it. but here's the bottom line- NO REGRETS about 2010 being the year of the real talk. keep layin' it on me, friends, and i'll lay it all down for you, too.


xx

my butt

lately
i have had
lots of little people
up my butt
all day long
and now that one of them
has a later bedtime
there really isn't one waking second
during the day
when i don't have someone rubbing up against me

some days i wonder
if my skin
is literally chaffing off
with all the rubbing

there are usually dried streaks
and smears
from somebody's bodily fluids
across my shirt
or skirt

there are days
when i feel
like i might go crazy
and then there are other days
when i feel like the luckiest person
in the world

to be covered in love
overwhelmed with family
to be crowded with joy
to be allowed to bear witness
to the chaos.

xx

simple rules to live by

(gray and her shadow's "peach heart" while peach picking the other day)



1. if your well is empty, fill up someone else's and yours will feel magically full again.

2. if you don't want to do something, don't do it. if you want to do something but are scared to, do it anyway.

3. if you feel like poop, surround yourself with stuff that makes you feel less like poop.

4. if you feel awesome, rub your awesomeness on someone that feels like poop.

5. get up and do it all over again tomorrow.


the end.

xx

grounded

trying my best
to stay grounded
but every day
it's work

hard work

but that is the way of life
and i am thankful
for all the teachers
in my life.

so many things that i like

there are so many things that make me stop in my tracks from the joy they bring. things like:


double braids


painting random surfaces in my house bright colors on dreary days. and lulu messing up my cookbooks all the time.
joey's new picture pose, and the fact that he wanted to take his shirt off at the park the other day so he could look more like a superhero

mushroom hunting

cut butt magnets and gray's drawing of me as a superhero

lulu's budding mullet and joey's other picture face- he rarely makes a serious face in pictures, just like his mama!

the first leaves falling! and new skirts for $5!

the fact that joey loves to wear slipper socks with his sneakers on 90 degree days

tomatoes, and little grubby fingers trying to steal them

the first pumpkin spice muffin of the season, delivered to me by a sweet friend.




loving life. soaking it up. what about you? xx

lavender love

we have a big bunch of lavender growing next to our front steps. i love walking by it when i get the mail, brushing my hands through the flowers and getting enveloped in that amazing smell. i love picking the flowers off at the end of the season and then using them when i make my hot packs for the holidays. i love everything about lavender (except eating it). this year, as summer comes to a close, i decided that we'd make lavender smudge sticks. we sat in the hot afternoon sun, picking off some of the flowers to use later in the season. but i let the kids clip off the tops of the lavender, and then assemble them into smudge sticks. i helped with the tying together with lavender colored embroidery floss. then we set them out on the steps to dry in the sun for a day or two.

i talked to the kids a bit about the smudging process when we finally got around to burning one of the sticks. but i found that the value was more in the process of sitting and creating something together. i may add smudge making into our yearly late-summer tradition arsenal, which includes pesto making and dried herb making.

looking forward

i know it's not good to wish time away, but i have to be honest about something- i kind of am.

it's no secret that i'm a complete fall junkie. i want fall all year round. i want hooded sweatshirts and hay rides and bonfires and cups of coffee flavored with things like pumpkin and spice. i want muffins with crumbly toppings and i want my deodorant to start working again and i want to hike in the forest without being attacked by ticks. i am kind of in love with the idea of sending the kids off to school and cutting down on the sibling rivalry. i'm excited about eating out on the deck and sitting out under the stars and aggravating all my neighbors with the laughter. i like fall scented candles and taking baths with the window open and planning little getaways. i like ripped jeans and knee socks and my big boots. i like scarves. i like reading in the van while we wait for the bus to come. i love snuggling under blankets eating popcorn and falling asleep at around 7pm every night.

i love the fall, and i would be very much ok with it arriving very, very soon.

xx

just because

embracing all the good things around me

even the baskets of laundry

and jumping off the furniture

and taking pictures

just

because

it's

fun.

xx

if you happen to be a little bored

then you should totally take "happiest picture face" pictures with your friends. it really makes everyone happy.

eat the ice cream anyway

i learned an important lesson last week, and it went a little something like this:

eat the ice cream anyway

we've been cramming lots of summer fun into a very short time span, which means beach, ice cream, amusement parks, all fun all the time. we took the kids out to our favorite ice cream place one night last week. lulu has been exerting her fierce independence lately, and even though it seems silly to buy a small child her own ice cream (i'm all about sharing), for our own sanity we bought her her own and let her sit on the picnic bench and eat it. the pine needles covered the forest floor under the table and i knew it was only a matter of time before the ice cream ended up there, and someone ended up in tears.

and then of course it happened.

lulu's ice cream fell face down onto the ground.

and i picked it up. i looked at john. and then i took a napkin and wiped off most of what i could. and then handed it back to her. she continued eating and all was well with the world

crisis averted.

sounds simple, but the lesson lies in learning to just wipe off the crap, and still keep enjoying life anyway. there's ice cream underneath, after all.



xx

before and after

(me before entering canobie lake park with the kids- btw, earrings by gray)

(me after leaving canobie lake park with the kids- ha!)


at the beginning of the day
anything is possible
and everything seems easy and bright

and then the day starts happening
and maybe things don't go as planned
or someone spikes a fever
or someone smears poop all over your shirt
or you burn dinner that you worked really hard on
and it tastes like cigarettes and curry
and it isn't really supposed to.

at the end of the day
we are all tired
and it seems like there is nothing left
to give

but there's always the promise
of tomorrow morning
when everything

is

right

again.

xx

tuesdays can be special, too

today
is a day
that seems
like it would be
like any other day

it's a tuesday, right?
nothing special?

but i say-
that today
is a day that holds
something that no other day
could possibly hold.
a gift from a stranger?
the perfect snuggle from the perfect child at the most perfect time?
the most powerful kindness
hidden inside the smile
of the bagger at the grocery store?

the extraordinary
is hidden somewhere
inside this tuesday.

and our job is to get out there and go find it.




so tell me- what did you find? xx

let go let flow

my dear friend joya posted a status update on facebook recently that said

"If you'd like to learn once and for all how to Let Go, Let Flow, I highly recommend becoming a parent."

word mama. seriously. lately i've been embracing the "let go let flow" mantra for all things in life- routine, cleanliness, tidiness, schedules, naptimes, diaper changes, meal prep, housework, work work. we are in a huge transition time in our family- and everything that we know is being shaken to the core. this sounds tragic and dramatic, but it's some of the best stuff in life- growth, change, and experience. we are on the cusp of greatness! but i'm learning that if i want the next few months to go smoothly, i need to keep the words

let go let flow

constantly in the forefront of my mind.

letting go of control, and jumping in to new adventures. letting it go, letting it flow. and then having a drink at the end of the day, regardless of how it all went down.

food connection

last night i made dinner for 12 people with most ingredients culled from the garden. homemade pesto with the basil, eggplant caponata with japanese long and lavender eggplant, tomato and cucumber salad, and zucchini bread. there is something so satisfying and primal about being connected to the food that we eat, and i'm so blessed to have a family to garden with, to cook with, and to share meals with.

the really, really happy things

sometimes, when i need to feel more like a superhero and less like a hot mess (literally and figuratively), i focus on the things that make me really, really happy.

you know, things like:

fresh veggies from the garden, and kids underfoot

family. and love.

nature. and dirty feet.

color.

art.



relaxing. and drinks.

the meetings with creative friends in this beautiful art space.


aaaah. what are your really, really happy things lately? xx

circus love

lulu and puppa--
they
could
start
a
circus
act.

xx

dear tomatoes...

dear tomatoes,

you know you have always been my favorite food. since i was little, living on nanu's farm, i would wait for you to show your beautiful red faces. and when i saw your beautiful red faces, i would bite them off and love every second of the summer because of you. i'd swig back a little red wine vinegar and call it a day. some of my fondest memories are of you. loading up the back of nanu's station wagon with bushel baskets of your goodness, and then driving around peddling you.

have i mentioned that YOU ARE MY FAVORITE FOOD?

i admit it, i can get a little excessive when it comes to you. one is never enough. i get greedy and before i know it i've enjoyed a whole family of you and your friends. but then i chill out a bit and eat just a few. every day. a couple times a day.

but as i got older, my body began to speak to me. and here's what it said: "DUDE, THE WHOLE TOMATO THING (oh yeah, and oranges, too) JUST ISN'T WORKING FOR US. BACK OFF!"

i ignored it.

with every passing year i would ignore the random sores and blisters and mildly annoying things that made me realize that my love affair with tomatoes from the garden was coming to a close.

but this year...oh this year.

i'll make a long story short and just say that my body has staged a major revolt. it started a couple of weeks ago when i was in the lovely jungle that is our family garden. picking veggies, brushing up against the lovely foliage. then my legs burst out into what can only be described as itchy, burning, ugly, bumpy nastiness. and then it spread systemically and covered my arm and armpits. it wasn't pretty. strangers were (and still are) stopping me and asking me what on earth is going on. loved ones are begging me to go and get help.

but here's my secret, tomatoes, i'm not going to stop. you won't keep me away from the garden! yesterday, after picking a couple of baskets of fresh veggies for dinner (tomatoes included), i went home and felt sick. i was itchy and felt woozy. but then i bit into a cherry tomato and tasted summer again, and all those wonderful memories came flooding back. sounds crazy, tomatoes, i know, but this is how much i love you.

i'm still not 100% sure that it's YOU that's causing all this trouble for me. a more normal person would go to the doctor's or the allergist to figure things out. but i'm still holding out hope that maybe it's one of your less-delicious friends that are making me this way...you know, like squash?

xx

good friends are friends for life

we are blessed that when johnny was in the military, and we were living six hours away from home up in watertown NY, we made some really good friends. mostly everyone that crossed our path there was kind, and we have maintained many of our friendships even after moving away and leaving the military. the charltons are our very special friends from that time, and we are lucky enough to vacation with them once a year. even with our total of five kids, we have managed to get together through pregnancies, newborn-stage, etc! we either go to them, they come to us, and we have gone to burlington, VT and lake george, NY together. this year they were nice enough to come to us (good thing because i'm still a little scarred for life from lulu in the car for a total of 12 hours last year).

the good thing about the charltons is that we can pick up exactly where we left off, which pretty much means that johnny immediately farts and burps all over jen. and then we have a dance party to lionel richie records and pretend to dance on the ceiling. and then we just sit around and eat food and drink. we did make it to boston for a duck tour and some lunch and some dancing in the rain. the kids thought it was pretty rad that a mermaid drove our duckboat- and then gave them each a chance to drive in the charles river! and the kids make a big obstacle course and we laugh and then the weekend is done. time flies, and we say goodbye for another year. it's the best kind of friendship, if you ask me. easy, breezy, beautiful.

thank you to the charltons for another great year!

here are some of our highlights from this year:













(evidently "steamahs" from our area are much different and scarier that the littleneck clams from northern NY! unfortunately the charltons had to learn the hard way)