today

today my goals are simple- soak up the pure, raw beauty all around me. embrace it. move through the day like it will last forever.

cry me a river- the FHP edition

up until yesterday, i had no clue what an "FHP" was. i'd never encountered the term, and this term had no impact on my life. yesterday morning, we were $285 richer. our bank account was fuller, happier. up until yesterday, my johnny had no idea what $285 worth of FHP's looked like slopped on the basement floor.

so yesterday, we spent $285 on drain king services, who lovingly (sarcasm) extracted $285 worth of feminine hygiene products from our pipes. FHP is the drain king lingo, designed to help uncomfortable drain dudes who huck a huge pile of tampons on your basement floor, leaving it for the husband to deal with. luckily i was only home for the "we have a flood in the basement!" part, where i get to run around the house screaming, and then proceed to try to fit a shower in, only to flood the basement more. luckily i was not home when the drain king dudes extracted all my tampons and baby wipes (who knew they weren't flushable?!?) and pieces of cotton fabric (sorry! we're quilters! they must have gotten in there somehow...but we're not quite sure). luckily i pretty much have the best husband in the world and he spent the day bleaching and bleaching and stepping in poop and then shelling over the big bucks all for the love of FHP's.

note to self: don't flush anything down the toilet. ever.

no mas!

"no mas, joey! no mas!"

despite the quiet spreading through the house right now, these words from grace are still ringing in my ears. for the past couple of weeks since gray has been in her new classroom, she's been obsessing about a fellow student who's struggling with the rules of the classroom. this student is also trying to learn both english and spanish, and the teachers have to constantly redirect him (and by redirect i'm pretty sure that means trying to keep him from beating the crap out of the other students in the class) by saying "no mas!" over and over. and "no, no, no" with a side order of finger-wagging in the face, evidently. gray, being the true-blue parrot that she is, has taken these disciplinary actions straight from the classroom right to the household- and is constantly telling joey "NO MAS!". me, never taking spanish...i had no clue what the hell this meant, and promptly googled it. evidently, it means "no more!" (duh). anyway, poor joey...since he is always doing something slightly bad and completely no-mas-worthy, has taken the brunt of the no-massiness. i'm trying to figure out if this behavior modeling is 1. healthy 2. something i should speak with her teachers about and 3. just totally freakin' cute and i should let her do it. something to ponder, i guess.

as an aside, i wanted to say that i was completely blown away by the responses sent to me by the "bellies and books" post. it was one of those stream of consciousness things that i really didn't think too much about in the moment, but jeez did it bring up some stuff for us. i loved the time and care that some of you put into our emails, and what you shared. we all have some sort of issue with our bodies...and find it so much easier to love the curves and bumps and lumps on our mothers and grandmothers and fellow-women's bodies. it's interesting, it's compelling, and i thank you for sharing. xx

hibernation

it's been hibernation nation around here in gilbertland, making quilts, wearing slippers, and hiding away from the world. well, with the exception of a house full of guests every day for the past week, we've been hiding away. our days have been shaped by new routines- darker mornings and darker nights, comfort foods, and halloween cupcakes. pumpkins crafts and new hats and quilts for the babes. when the seasons change, i always go through changes on the inside, and need a couple of days to process it all and stay healthy upstairs, if you catch my drift.

there's also been trips to farms and orchards, picnics at old castles, beads and flowers strung through hair in the sun, jammies at 12 noon just because, watching halloween movies and reading halloween books, clam and lobster bakes in the backyard coolness, sitting fireside with family and bringing the bedding outside to snuggle with my girl, trips to the fabric store with my johnny who quilts better than i can ever hope to, showers that are a little hotter than usual, listening to the wizard of oz on record, a trip into the city to visit dear friends and see their new house and drink coffee and hang out at a playground on the water, cleaning and organizing the house, soups soups and more soups. and loaves of bread...there's something about this season that just makes me want to eat loaf after loaf of bread. and coffee. can't forget about the coffee...

trying to stay focused and positive- good thoughts floating toward my mini-mama vacation with these wonderful women coming in november. i get to be by myself (not really but you get the point) in a wonderful city for a whole weekend. i just may go into wonderfulness-overload and need to make a habit of such retreats.

so that's it in a nutshell- soups, coffee, and bread. family, my couch, and my bum. and a whole lotta snugglin'.

what's new in your world?

bellies and books

(these are the thoughts in my little kittycat mind this morning- and yes i wear kittycat headbands over my hats)

so last night i was lucky enough to sneak out of my house and steal away to my book group. i heart my book group, and heart my dear friend that introduced me to it a year or so back. i took a bit of a hiatus when they started reading historical war novels because, well, that just ain't my thing. but this month's book was something that i've been meaning to read, and so i gladly read through it and anticipated going back to the meeting.

let me just state for the record that i'm roughly the youngest in the group by about 30-40 years. and i'm not exaggerating. but this may be the biggest reason why i love this group so much...because they are kind, and they welcomed me back with open arms. and we all sit around clutching paper coffee cups, and everyone is so loud that we have to close the door so we don't disrupt the patrons in the children's room. last night, not only were the words "girls gone wild" used in reference to members of the group, but a number of the women pretended to lift up their shirts and flash one another. and an added bonus was that i learned to swear in italian. so there you have it.

as i sat there last night, really zoning out and not listening so much to the discussion of the book (the book was pretty horrible really, but that's besides the point) i looked around at all the women. every single woman was wearing a watch (everyone but me, that is, surprise surprise). and every woman's body was particularly curvalicious, with round soft bellies and shirts stretched over them (including mine). the bellies, i was mesmerized by the bellies. some bigger than others, some more modest in size. i heart bellies.

which got me thinking about babies. and having babies. and all these women sitting around me, most (if not all...i'm pretty sure all) have birthed babies into the world. babies that have left their mark on their mamas bodies, leaving soft full bellies. all these women have stories to tell, and everyone's bodies were speaking so loudly to me that i got completely overwhelmed. i was struck by the power of the circle of life, of birth into old age. i got overwhelmed and i got feverish and i had to leave. i literally had to get up and awkwardly squish myself along the wall and make people scoot this way and that so i could reach the door and leave the library. i was overwhelmed by the beauty of women, by the beauty of life, and my the beauty of bellies, and i had to leave. it was all i could do to stumble to my car and get home, crashing into john's arms.

thank you

thank you hot mulled apple cider. thank you dunkin donuts coupons for $.99 hot pumpkin lattes. thank you miranda july for your incredible brain and the stories that it produces, the ones that i feast on under the covers at 3am when i can't sleep. thank you herbs for balancing my life, and thank you to the chicken that gave its life for my dinner last night. and thank you ellen for dancing and thank you tracy for letting me take pictures of your gorgeous and glowing belly in the soft, soft light of your nursery. thank you to everyone who fills up my inbox with the most inspirational emails, which i save and read over and over again when i need a non-caffeinated pick me up. thank you to leonie for your beautiful art that feeds me at the end of a long day. thank you kim for my new shirt that i'm wearing right now, and which is the most perfect thing ever that i would've never have thought to buy for myself. thank you to johnny for your leathery feet that snuggle me at night when i can't sleep, and you lay oblivious, twitching at my side. thank you boo for pumpkin gelato that i would very much like to have my casket filled with when i die. thank you to grace for your plumper-rumper that i squeeze and massage every morning- the most perfect little fanny connected to the best little girl. and thanks to joey who smells like pee in the mornings and snuggles me and kisses my face, begging me for "jews" (juice) and "nuggles" (snuggles). thank you for a week filled with babysitting, everyone, so i can make my life happen, surround myself with my friends and book groups and work and everything else that makes my life go around.

thank you.

worst/best day ever

gray's reason for not wanting to wear her sling today: "i just can't wear it mum! i'm in my pupae stage!"


my dear gray has been a mix of high highs, and very low lows lately. i like to blame it on the fact that she's in pain from her collarbone and has no other way to express it- and that it's not the early onset of estrogen-rollercoaster-adolescence. she can be a real beast, with door slamming and "uuuuuuuuh! i'm leaving! i'm moving OUT!" and then the next minute be licking on my earlobes, and meowing like a little kitty cat. girls. stinkin' girls. i hate to say that i think boys are easier, but my boy- you kiss him, you snuggle him, you give him juice and a banana and change his diaper every once and a while, and he's happy. my girl- you have to make sure her socks don't scrunch her toes, and oh yeah, she hates socks, "i'm never wearing socks EVER!!!! this is the WORST DAY EVER!!!!". i'll never get it. she came out of the womb with emotions...lots of them. but i wouldn't have it any other way- because with the lows come those fabulous highs, where she finds a moth and really truly believes that it's a fairy- and she screams "i FINALLY found one! a REAL FAIRY! this is the BEST DAY EVER!!".

i wouldn't have it any other way, really.

laughter

i have nothing to say today, but i do have a pretty freakin' hilarious video to share.

wait for the glowsticks.

debit card

when i dropped gray off at school this morning, instead of goodbye, she says to me "can i do debit for exact amount, please?"

the way her brain works amazes me in the scariest and most profound of ways.

things that sustain

when i am in an herb garden, i am at home. and at peace.


in the spirit of leslie, and andrea, i offer you my list of "fall things to do". especially since it's 90 degrees out today, and i'm sweaty already and it's only 9:32am. i need some fall lovin'. i need a list.

*organize and execute a kick ass mini shower for my dear friend tracy, where we will gather and create a take-home memory book where we can all gush on her about how much her womb rocks.

*find a thrifted jean jacket. or find a friend to take pity on me and gift me one of hers

*make most if not all of our holiday gifts for friends and family

*knit myself something- and not decide to give it away at the last minute like i always end up doing

*finally watch the "weeds" series

*get a tattoo

*gather with a whole bunch of rockin' women and bask in the glory of woodstock, NY

*continue with my new and improved way of eating

*start packing for my january trip now because i can

*go to a show here.

*attend a birth (anyone, anyone?)

*grow out my hair no matter how funkalicious it gets

*go shopping and actually buy a new (gasp!) outfit

*read under the covers, snuggle, make soups, drink lots of coffee, and dream big.

bumper stickers

the walls and foundations of so many people that i love are crumbling down, down, down all around them. there's so much i want to do to help, to fix, to take away the pain, but i'm paralyzed with powerlessness. how can this world be filled with so much love and beauty, but also be so painful? so frightening? i love you peeps. i want to fix it for you, but i can't. all i have to offer you are my hugs and my ears.


this morning, i've been thinking about bumper stickers. in general, i'm not the hugest fan of bumper stickers especially the big, sprawling white ones. but i do (much to boo's chagrin) have four or five little bitty ones on my back window. i have a magical mama with her swirling, beautiiful fetus, and then i have the following:

"share"

"grow your own"

and

"sing songs and plant seeds"


when read together as a group, i guess it makes me sound like a big ole pot growin' mama. but i never thought about that until i was getting gas the other day at my "i'm definitely going to get hit on" full service station that i rarely go to because of that very reason. but i was desperate and running late and lazy so i pulled in and the older man pumping my gas comes to my window and says "heeeeeeey, i looooove your bumper stickers! i'm not even going to ASK you what kind of seeds you're talkin' about. ha ha!" and i was all "ha ha, um, ha?" and got all red in the face and drove away embarrassed. people must look at me with my two kids in the back seat and "tsk tsk", thinking i'm a pot smokin'- bangin'-in-the-car mama!

i swear i just meant the seeds in my itty bitty garden.

what do your bumper stickers say?

freakin' life rocks

lately, the kids have been so brilliant and shiny that i have a hard time looking at them. and lately, i've been getting struck randomly by the feeling that can only be summed up as "holy shit! i have KIDS! they are mine. and they aren't going anywhere."

lately, the kids have also been so hideous and cruel to each other that it's good enough birth control to get me through to january, when john and i are going to the bahamas to stay at the atlantis, for free! john's group met their sales goal (what what!) and now we're being treated to a three night four day stay at the very place that makes oprah cream (not that i care about that sort of thing, but this is what people have told me). not too sure how i feel about plunging into a pool of sharks through a plexiglass tube, but i can be convinced. and now the damn stingrays just remind me of steve irwin, which makes me want to burst into tears, so i may have to avoid that pool too! but anywho, my goal is to stay baby-free until january so i can guilt-free abuse myself for four days, and not be puking the whole time from the good ole hormone roller-coaster.

this weekend we found ourselves on the coast, at the fairy house tours in portsmouth, NH. we explored tiny fairy houses, and gleaned ideas for our own at home. my tiny little fairy with her broken wing broke the heart of the author and creator of the event tracy kane. gray even schmoozed her way onto her lap for a picture!

we traipsed through herb gardens, and i was in my element.

yesterday we found ourselves surrounded by some of our favorite people on the side of a lake, picnicing. gray is just like her mama, with a big love for kissin' on babies. for the rest of my life, i want to eat the sound of these babies laughing.

there has also been pumpkin patches and lots of bright sunny children smoochin' on each other. and carts and carts full of organic and all-natural produce, filling our bodies. there have also been sleepless nights, nightmares, and meltdowns, lest you think all our life is sunny and grand. but overall, i can bask in the greatness of a mailbox full of delicious mail, the thoughts of upcoming women gathering together, lifting each other up, and the fluttering of fairy wings.

weekend wishes

may your weekend be full of inappropriately-stemmed pumpkins, wool clogs, and pumpkin lattes, if that's your sort of thang.

wherever we look, we see things with our eyes: photobooth friday

now that i've figured out how to connect my scanner and printer up to my new laptop, i can finally share my latest photoboothies with y'all. because we certainly haven't stopped jumping into booths here. the above boothie is from 8/30/07, taken for my dad's birthday. i heart the first square, and gray's face, and joey's hat. i have a bit of scary lizard neck going on, but i'm still trying to embrace my love for this strip.


and mindy inspired me to sit my fanny down with the kids and strut my collage stuff...so here it is. maybe this is why i usually don't do collage, but it's what i came up with. it's entitled "wherever we look, we see things with our eyes." which sort of sounds prophetic to me, even though it was something i clipped from a vintage children's dictionary.

speaking of which...this weekend and next are my two favorite weekends of the year...two of my favorite library booksales! see you later spending money, because i'm going to be loading up my new "i collect good people" tote bag with some serious fall/winter reading!

hope your weekend is filled with seeing things with your eyes all around. xx

note to self, part 2

note to self, part 2:

do not let your son eat black eyed susans. they are poisonous. it says so all over the internet. after about an hour goes by, your son's bum will explode with uncontrollable poop shoot riots. you will feel very bad for him (on account for the "rhea" and the stomach cramps) but you will also feel very, very bad for yourself. you will think back to an hour ago when you laughed at how funny it was when all those little black seeds got stuck to his tongue. you told him to spit them about, and he tried...unsuccessfully. after many bouts with poop shoot riots, and a call to your husband where he asks "do you think he might die?", you decide to call poison control.

call it clairvoyance, but last week you decided to copy the number of poison control from the phone book and tape it to the wall in the kitchen. but note to self: the local poison control does not know what they are talking about. the nice woman that you speak to on the phone will blindly search around on the same internet that you are searching around on, and ask you scary questions like "so what are you talking about, the black eyed vine?" and "what website are you on?".

in the end, things are fine. the waves of poop have subsided. the little man is snuggly and sleepy and has been allowed to use his binky (or "bin-tee" as he likes to call it) way more than normal.


note to self: don't let the kids eat black eyed susans.

today is

today is the perfect day
to let your slip hang low
to wear knee-high boots and capri pants
to create something, no matter how small
to cut open into a fresh apple from the orchard and smell it
to light a candle and take a moment for you
to get a pot, put water into it, along with some beans and veggies
to touch someone's life in the smallest of ways
to say hello and smile at a young child without expecting a hello in return
to curl up under a couple of blankets and touch the toes of someone you love.

xx

note to self

we are animals we are UNPREDICTABLE, originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

when you are at a fancypants, swanky wedding, please, PLEASE do not, in mixed company, refer to yourself as a "appetizer whore". really, no matter how much you adore appetizers in general, or the challenge of getting the best pickings of said appetizers as the servant-people come out from the back room with them...please, under no circumstances, do not call yourself an appetizer whore.

especially when the people you are speaking with are your husband's co-workers.

because these co-workers, no matter how cool they seem after you have a couple of cocktails (cocktail whore!), will refer to you as the appetizer whore behind your back forever after those words escape your lips.

and your husband has to deal with the aftermath.

just a little FYI, self.

disjointed, drugged-up wrap-up

i'm seriously feeling the fall spirit here in gilbertland. and the calmness from last week's yoga class has managed to seep into this past weekend, and in to my monday morning. it seems that whatever life has been throwing, we've been letting it rolllll off us, or trying to, at least. another fall on the broken clavicle? no problem! we go and buy an extra-large tub of double chocolate chip cookies and force feed them to the kids. parents need some alone time but can't find a sitter? no problem! we buy an extra-large box of cappuccino bon-bons and watch an amazing movie at home by ourselves.


i'm pretty sure i'm my best me in the fall.


(just don't ask my kids...i had the ultimate mama moment this morning when i waited at gray's school for about 45 minutes before i realized...where the hell is everyone? where is the preschool class? and then me and my ragamuffin kids and my hippie scarf cart ourselves around the school only to find out that gray has school tuesday-friday, not monday-thursday like i thought. hence i didn't send her on friday. yes, she missed her third day of school thanks to her slow mama. and then my first thought was 'damn! a cute outfit wasted! what the hell is she going to wear tomorrow?')

on with the highlights:
o's birthday party pumpkin decorating extravaganza! and the hayride! i hereby declare mindertins the best party giver eva! xx
i heart the fall.

our family-friend lovingly grows monster pumpkins. my dad and i took the kids last week...and saw all four of them. gray looked much smaller than "baby huey".

early morning crafting for the autumn postcard swap, which should go out later today if i can get my motley crew to the post office (which always ends up being a nightmare...is it just me?)


"show mama them apples".


as evidenced by the poor excuse for a post, mama's tired. mama needs more coffee. mama should probably lay off the valerian root.

and because mindy is cool like that (or just insane...and i mean that in the nicest of ways) she nominated me for a stinkin' award! a nice matters award! so now i'm passing the love on...to mama al! because she's cool like that. and she makes a kick-ass guacamole. and she loves to entertain, and feed her guests, and walks you through her garden and lets you stroke her plants. and because she loves her family. and her little ones are precious and leave us sweet answering machine messages. and because she wears pants and skirts at the same time. and just because. she's nice. go check her out. (and mama, don't forget to spread the love!)

and one last shout out to my girl nessie out in NV who sent my broken chicken wing a magical ring infused with love...thank you for your random and much-appreciated bloggie love!
xx

dirty bath

this week feels blurry and blustery and one of those weeks where i want to hide in the bottom of a warm bath. good thing i've got lots of you in the bathtub with me, washing my back.

well, doesn't that just sound dirty?

threatened

what better way to start your first day of preschool than a bomb threat? police cars, ambulances, closed entrances, a long, long walk, and a huge traffic jam later, we entered the upper school (for the really big kids) to be ushered down miles of hallways to the safe little preschool classroom. pushing and bumping in the hallway, all with the broken chicken wing. it was certainly a first day of school to remember. gray, of course, was a shining stars, and sooo like "see ya, ma!". no attachment issues there, clearly.

so now i have about an hour. to myself. with joey in bed, and gray in school, i get to play "how can i squander these minutes?" with myself for a bit. aaaaaah. i could get used to this.

in other news, last night i took myself on a sanity date to a yoga class at the wish studio. my body was thankful and happy that i took caramel. and then afterwards mindy and i went to the organic cafe for dinner...for some quiet mama conversation. quiet. peaceful. sooo un-bomb-threat-like. aaaaaaaah.

(the burps from the raw "pure pad thai" however, not-so-peaceful, and oh-so-fragrant, let me tell you).