debit card

when i dropped gray off at school this morning, instead of goodbye, she says to me "can i do debit for exact amount, please?"

the way her brain works amazes me in the scariest and most profound of ways.

things that sustain

when i am in an herb garden, i am at home. and at peace.


in the spirit of leslie, and andrea, i offer you my list of "fall things to do". especially since it's 90 degrees out today, and i'm sweaty already and it's only 9:32am. i need some fall lovin'. i need a list.

*organize and execute a kick ass mini shower for my dear friend tracy, where we will gather and create a take-home memory book where we can all gush on her about how much her womb rocks.

*find a thrifted jean jacket. or find a friend to take pity on me and gift me one of hers

*make most if not all of our holiday gifts for friends and family

*knit myself something- and not decide to give it away at the last minute like i always end up doing

*finally watch the "weeds" series

*get a tattoo

*gather with a whole bunch of rockin' women and bask in the glory of woodstock, NY

*continue with my new and improved way of eating

*start packing for my january trip now because i can

*go to a show here.

*attend a birth (anyone, anyone?)

*grow out my hair no matter how funkalicious it gets

*go shopping and actually buy a new (gasp!) outfit

*read under the covers, snuggle, make soups, drink lots of coffee, and dream big.

bumper stickers

the walls and foundations of so many people that i love are crumbling down, down, down all around them. there's so much i want to do to help, to fix, to take away the pain, but i'm paralyzed with powerlessness. how can this world be filled with so much love and beauty, but also be so painful? so frightening? i love you peeps. i want to fix it for you, but i can't. all i have to offer you are my hugs and my ears.


this morning, i've been thinking about bumper stickers. in general, i'm not the hugest fan of bumper stickers especially the big, sprawling white ones. but i do (much to boo's chagrin) have four or five little bitty ones on my back window. i have a magical mama with her swirling, beautiiful fetus, and then i have the following:

"share"

"grow your own"

and

"sing songs and plant seeds"


when read together as a group, i guess it makes me sound like a big ole pot growin' mama. but i never thought about that until i was getting gas the other day at my "i'm definitely going to get hit on" full service station that i rarely go to because of that very reason. but i was desperate and running late and lazy so i pulled in and the older man pumping my gas comes to my window and says "heeeeeeey, i looooove your bumper stickers! i'm not even going to ASK you what kind of seeds you're talkin' about. ha ha!" and i was all "ha ha, um, ha?" and got all red in the face and drove away embarrassed. people must look at me with my two kids in the back seat and "tsk tsk", thinking i'm a pot smokin'- bangin'-in-the-car mama!

i swear i just meant the seeds in my itty bitty garden.

what do your bumper stickers say?

freakin' life rocks

lately, the kids have been so brilliant and shiny that i have a hard time looking at them. and lately, i've been getting struck randomly by the feeling that can only be summed up as "holy shit! i have KIDS! they are mine. and they aren't going anywhere."

lately, the kids have also been so hideous and cruel to each other that it's good enough birth control to get me through to january, when john and i are going to the bahamas to stay at the atlantis, for free! john's group met their sales goal (what what!) and now we're being treated to a three night four day stay at the very place that makes oprah cream (not that i care about that sort of thing, but this is what people have told me). not too sure how i feel about plunging into a pool of sharks through a plexiglass tube, but i can be convinced. and now the damn stingrays just remind me of steve irwin, which makes me want to burst into tears, so i may have to avoid that pool too! but anywho, my goal is to stay baby-free until january so i can guilt-free abuse myself for four days, and not be puking the whole time from the good ole hormone roller-coaster.

this weekend we found ourselves on the coast, at the fairy house tours in portsmouth, NH. we explored tiny fairy houses, and gleaned ideas for our own at home. my tiny little fairy with her broken wing broke the heart of the author and creator of the event tracy kane. gray even schmoozed her way onto her lap for a picture!

we traipsed through herb gardens, and i was in my element.

yesterday we found ourselves surrounded by some of our favorite people on the side of a lake, picnicing. gray is just like her mama, with a big love for kissin' on babies. for the rest of my life, i want to eat the sound of these babies laughing.

there has also been pumpkin patches and lots of bright sunny children smoochin' on each other. and carts and carts full of organic and all-natural produce, filling our bodies. there have also been sleepless nights, nightmares, and meltdowns, lest you think all our life is sunny and grand. but overall, i can bask in the greatness of a mailbox full of delicious mail, the thoughts of upcoming women gathering together, lifting each other up, and the fluttering of fairy wings.

weekend wishes

may your weekend be full of inappropriately-stemmed pumpkins, wool clogs, and pumpkin lattes, if that's your sort of thang.

wherever we look, we see things with our eyes: photobooth friday

now that i've figured out how to connect my scanner and printer up to my new laptop, i can finally share my latest photoboothies with y'all. because we certainly haven't stopped jumping into booths here. the above boothie is from 8/30/07, taken for my dad's birthday. i heart the first square, and gray's face, and joey's hat. i have a bit of scary lizard neck going on, but i'm still trying to embrace my love for this strip.


and mindy inspired me to sit my fanny down with the kids and strut my collage stuff...so here it is. maybe this is why i usually don't do collage, but it's what i came up with. it's entitled "wherever we look, we see things with our eyes." which sort of sounds prophetic to me, even though it was something i clipped from a vintage children's dictionary.

speaking of which...this weekend and next are my two favorite weekends of the year...two of my favorite library booksales! see you later spending money, because i'm going to be loading up my new "i collect good people" tote bag with some serious fall/winter reading!

hope your weekend is filled with seeing things with your eyes all around. xx

note to self, part 2

note to self, part 2:

do not let your son eat black eyed susans. they are poisonous. it says so all over the internet. after about an hour goes by, your son's bum will explode with uncontrollable poop shoot riots. you will feel very bad for him (on account for the "rhea" and the stomach cramps) but you will also feel very, very bad for yourself. you will think back to an hour ago when you laughed at how funny it was when all those little black seeds got stuck to his tongue. you told him to spit them about, and he tried...unsuccessfully. after many bouts with poop shoot riots, and a call to your husband where he asks "do you think he might die?", you decide to call poison control.

call it clairvoyance, but last week you decided to copy the number of poison control from the phone book and tape it to the wall in the kitchen. but note to self: the local poison control does not know what they are talking about. the nice woman that you speak to on the phone will blindly search around on the same internet that you are searching around on, and ask you scary questions like "so what are you talking about, the black eyed vine?" and "what website are you on?".

in the end, things are fine. the waves of poop have subsided. the little man is snuggly and sleepy and has been allowed to use his binky (or "bin-tee" as he likes to call it) way more than normal.


note to self: don't let the kids eat black eyed susans.

today is

today is the perfect day
to let your slip hang low
to wear knee-high boots and capri pants
to create something, no matter how small
to cut open into a fresh apple from the orchard and smell it
to light a candle and take a moment for you
to get a pot, put water into it, along with some beans and veggies
to touch someone's life in the smallest of ways
to say hello and smile at a young child without expecting a hello in return
to curl up under a couple of blankets and touch the toes of someone you love.

xx

note to self

we are animals we are UNPREDICTABLE, originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

when you are at a fancypants, swanky wedding, please, PLEASE do not, in mixed company, refer to yourself as a "appetizer whore". really, no matter how much you adore appetizers in general, or the challenge of getting the best pickings of said appetizers as the servant-people come out from the back room with them...please, under no circumstances, do not call yourself an appetizer whore.

especially when the people you are speaking with are your husband's co-workers.

because these co-workers, no matter how cool they seem after you have a couple of cocktails (cocktail whore!), will refer to you as the appetizer whore behind your back forever after those words escape your lips.

and your husband has to deal with the aftermath.

just a little FYI, self.

disjointed, drugged-up wrap-up

i'm seriously feeling the fall spirit here in gilbertland. and the calmness from last week's yoga class has managed to seep into this past weekend, and in to my monday morning. it seems that whatever life has been throwing, we've been letting it rolllll off us, or trying to, at least. another fall on the broken clavicle? no problem! we go and buy an extra-large tub of double chocolate chip cookies and force feed them to the kids. parents need some alone time but can't find a sitter? no problem! we buy an extra-large box of cappuccino bon-bons and watch an amazing movie at home by ourselves.


i'm pretty sure i'm my best me in the fall.


(just don't ask my kids...i had the ultimate mama moment this morning when i waited at gray's school for about 45 minutes before i realized...where the hell is everyone? where is the preschool class? and then me and my ragamuffin kids and my hippie scarf cart ourselves around the school only to find out that gray has school tuesday-friday, not monday-thursday like i thought. hence i didn't send her on friday. yes, she missed her third day of school thanks to her slow mama. and then my first thought was 'damn! a cute outfit wasted! what the hell is she going to wear tomorrow?')

on with the highlights:
o's birthday party pumpkin decorating extravaganza! and the hayride! i hereby declare mindertins the best party giver eva! xx
i heart the fall.

our family-friend lovingly grows monster pumpkins. my dad and i took the kids last week...and saw all four of them. gray looked much smaller than "baby huey".

early morning crafting for the autumn postcard swap, which should go out later today if i can get my motley crew to the post office (which always ends up being a nightmare...is it just me?)


"show mama them apples".


as evidenced by the poor excuse for a post, mama's tired. mama needs more coffee. mama should probably lay off the valerian root.

and because mindy is cool like that (or just insane...and i mean that in the nicest of ways) she nominated me for a stinkin' award! a nice matters award! so now i'm passing the love on...to mama al! because she's cool like that. and she makes a kick-ass guacamole. and she loves to entertain, and feed her guests, and walks you through her garden and lets you stroke her plants. and because she loves her family. and her little ones are precious and leave us sweet answering machine messages. and because she wears pants and skirts at the same time. and just because. she's nice. go check her out. (and mama, don't forget to spread the love!)

and one last shout out to my girl nessie out in NV who sent my broken chicken wing a magical ring infused with love...thank you for your random and much-appreciated bloggie love!
xx

dirty bath

this week feels blurry and blustery and one of those weeks where i want to hide in the bottom of a warm bath. good thing i've got lots of you in the bathtub with me, washing my back.

well, doesn't that just sound dirty?

threatened

what better way to start your first day of preschool than a bomb threat? police cars, ambulances, closed entrances, a long, long walk, and a huge traffic jam later, we entered the upper school (for the really big kids) to be ushered down miles of hallways to the safe little preschool classroom. pushing and bumping in the hallway, all with the broken chicken wing. it was certainly a first day of school to remember. gray, of course, was a shining stars, and sooo like "see ya, ma!". no attachment issues there, clearly.

so now i have about an hour. to myself. with joey in bed, and gray in school, i get to play "how can i squander these minutes?" with myself for a bit. aaaaaah. i could get used to this.

in other news, last night i took myself on a sanity date to a yoga class at the wish studio. my body was thankful and happy that i took caramel. and then afterwards mindy and i went to the organic cafe for dinner...for some quiet mama conversation. quiet. peaceful. sooo un-bomb-threat-like. aaaaaaaah.

(the burps from the raw "pure pad thai" however, not-so-peaceful, and oh-so-fragrant, let me tell you).

little chicken wing

all your messages...your sweet, sweet messages. thank you. how can i explain how much joy that they brought to my broken little chicken wing? she enjoyed reading through each gem waiting for her, and continues to rejoice when she receives a new message. this morning, she said to me "let's send a message to everyone thanking them so much for all the presents...they help me feel better".

these past couple have days have been crazy, but made all-the-more-sweeter by special little surprises. babysitting (thanks dad and mom!) and surprise movie-theater parties with popcorn and new movie presents (thanks shan!) and all your kind messages. and chocolate cream pies and halloween books. and stops at the library to pick up stacks of books about the skeletal system and broken bones. and movies. did i mention movies? i hope that the excessive amounts of tv will not damage gray in the long run...but there are only so many ways that you can keep a four year old still for long periods of time.

the good news is...she's going to be fine. the orthopedist gave us good news yesterday and it looks like she'll heal in in a couple of months. she's still in a sling and wrapped like a mummy in a 6-inch wide ace bandage, which she's not a huge fan of, especially since she's starting school tomorrow morning. she's complaining that she's itchy and can't scratch. we've also been extensively practicing writing with the not-preferred left hand, which is new to us.

i find myself repeating "it's a different feeling, honey, but you'll get used to it." she's a little chicken wing.

thank you again for lifting us up. xx

update

update:

broken clavicle.
completely broken.

and yes, when i took this picture, she had a broken clavicle.

and i didn't know it.

yes, it's sunday night and she's had a broken clavicle since friday morning.
what a freakin' trooper.

please send gray some lovely love messages, which i will lovingly read to her tomorrow morning. thank you kindly.

16 self portraits in 16 minutes

otherwise known as "how i pass my time when i'm sick with worry because my daughter is at the emergency room with my sweet sweet husband"


poor little gray fell down the stairs again today. again, people! i swear i'm not making this up. and things were not good. she's not using her right arm at all now, so we feared that it might be nursemaid's elbow again, or something worse. so john's at the ER with gray, and i'm sick with worry for my terrified bean.

so i offer myself, and you, 16 self portraits in 16 minutes:

1.2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.
16.

think good thoughts for me.

why i love my daughter, part one million

because my favorite movie from my childhood is now her favorite movie
and she will watch it with me on a saturday morning
and laugh at david bowie's inappropriate crotch shots
and cover her eyes when the monsters come
and laugh at the most perfectest times with me
and mouth the words silently
on the couch next to me.

french fry trauma

yes, we usually wear fairy wings when we hang out in public
and if you ask grace, she is, in fact, "part fairy"

today
today was one of those days
long
long
long day

gray's first kinda day at her new school
which is completely amazing
and causes me to go into a mama-high when i'm there

followed by her falling down some brick steps
at nana's
and smashing her neck and tiny little head
and collarbone
on the stairs
and the cement
at the bottom of the stairs

scrapes on the legs
and the knees
and between the legs
and the scapula

and then there were the internal injuries
"is it broken?"
"should we go to the ER?"
ice packs
laying down
and hysterical screaming all day

and then the fighting between the kids

so what's a mama to do but frantically fall clean the kitchen?

i feel like i've survived some traumatic something-or-other today
like maybe getting hit by a truck
something major

so tonight
now that the kids are in bed
sleeping soundly
i will sit on the couch
and reflect
and eat my favorite fattoush from my favorite restaurant
and their delicious french fries
and not worry about anything
not my curves
not the whining

just me
and my husband
eating french fries.

party in my tummy

can i just state for the record that this show is completely whacked? but my kids think it's hysterical...



i'm a big fan of the depressed carrots in this particular clip.

speaking of parties in my tummy, lately i've been feeling especially curvalicious. i'm been trying to embrace said curvaliciousness, but it's a hard road. trying to figure out if my metabolism is finally slowing down to the point where i will no longer be able to get away with eating a loaf of bread and a half gallon of ice cream over the course of a day.

discuss.

smile and relax

(look into frame...smile and relax, dad's birthday 8/30/07)


there's so much to say, and then there's so much quiet.

instead, i leave you with this:

"perhaps everything terrible is in its deepest being something that needs our love."
-rainer maira rilke


do something incredible for someone hideous today.


also, with the help of wendy's computer skillz (thank you wendy...you are a life saver!), i officially opened a cafepress store last night. there you can find lots of delicious clothing (some organic cotton, too!), and you can show your "i collect good people" pride. my dream in life is to see all the people i love gathered together wearing these t-shirts. and then someone will take a big ole portrait of us and i'll hang it on the wall forever.

to go to the shop, click here. and there's a link on the sidebar, too.

good times, good times

it's naptime for one child, and break time for another. it's only 10am and i feel like we've had a full day already. am i the only one that feels like this? i guess when the day starts at 5:30am, and i fumble to my coffee pot, beseeching it to make it all right...i suppose that when 10am rolls around, it already has kinda been a day.

so what to do but make some corn muffins and plop my fanny down on the couch for a little break? because we've got lots on our agenda for later today, including me getting a tooth drilled and bonded without novocaine, and doing a little collage action, thanks to mindspiration.

yesterday we found ourselves at the bread and roses festival, along with some of our favorite people. we ate some crazy food, and then all played on a blanket, listening to folk songs and spoken word. then there were wagon rides and colorful costumes. and dirty feet. can't forget the dirty feet. the perfect day, i say.



in other news, gray's quote of the morning was:

"hey! i just tooted...in spanish".

even the farts are bilingual here, i guess.

on other, other news, here's a reminder that all parties must come to an end, usually ending in blood and tears:


keep the good times comin', universe.