squam eye candy

i am so lucky to be able to travel up to squam and immerse myself in all the beauty it has to offer, sometimes twice a year.  this year i went up with mindy and helped elizabeth out with registration and a VIP party, but also had some time to sit on the dock for some real talk and a nice deep breath.  i am grateful to my family for watching my children and my dog.  i am grateful that i live in such a beautiful state that nourishes me in the most primal of ways.

trees.

water.

sun.

life.

love.

i really needed that recharge.  badly!

weekend love

this chilly quiet weekend
holds so much promise
so many cups of steaming tea
snuggles on the couch
books waiting to be read out loud
tournaments cancelled
trips to be made
the start to something amazing

signs from the rainbow

this morning, when i went into the city for my final ultrasound before the embryo transfer, it was beautiful and sunny.  the ultrasound itself was nothing but fantastic news---everything is set to proceed as planned!  when i came out, it was raining, and a full rainbow was stretching across the city, from one end to the other.  it was unreal...surreal...and utterly perfect.  i'm taking it as a sign for good things to come.

(i wish i had a picture but i was hydroplaning all over the road and didn't want to risk it!  i will never forget it, though.  did anyone else out there see it?)

rules for this week

*a special lunch with my girl on the deck in the sun*

1.  trust in the process
2.  don't worry so much about your belly fat
3.  go outside as much as possible
4.  take a nap if you want to
5.  make little things special

guidebook for the weekend

1.  get outside
2.  don't be a jerk
3.  love the people around you
4.  eat what makes you feel good
5.  really listen when people talk to you

the end.

ps, if there's time, maybe eat a s'more, or two.  xoxo

rabbit hole of life

i disappeared again, down the rabbit hole of kids and parties and the hustle and bustle of everyday life.  when i run into friends and they ask what i've been up to, i find myself saying "nothing much".  because really, how can i fit it all in, every snuggle, every candle blown out on the cake, every day we laid out in the sun on the grass?  there's nothing, and so much, rolled into one.

the weeks are flying by.  the kids are getting old.  there are stellar report cards, the littlest one learned to ride her bike without training wheels, there is a lot of talk of boyfriends.  there have been trips into the city for doctor's appointments, lots of time spent sending good energy to my lady parts, hoping for the best.  softball has started.  school vacation.  real talk with girlfriends.  watching the kids on the beach and thinking i might cry because it was so beautiful.  tears and hugging.  tragedy close to home in boston , a week of fear and terror.  picking up the kids early from school just because i wanted them to be home with me.  a gathering around a table for dinner with the four people that i love most in this world, laughing.

there have been packages, filled with honey from the desert and necklaces and love.  unexpected beauty in my mailbox---colorful wraps for my head.  scrubs for my body.  friends dropping off bags of clothes for me.  love from my friends far and wide.  i am lucky to have the best family and friends supporting me.  i truly am riding on the high of having a supportive tribe lifting us up every day.

it's not always 'shiny happy people holding hands'.  sometimes the kids hit each other with brooms, and the dog poops on the carpet, there are blood engorged ticks everywhere.  i gained five pounds and don't fit into my jeans.  but at the end of the day, everyone here is safe in their beds, and there's nothing shinier than that.

there's something broken in there!

i will admit, i don't have a great track record when it comes to my kids and broken bones.  gray tripped and fell and broke her collarbone when she was in preschool, and i think it took me about 3 or 4 days to take her in to the doctor.  and her collarbone was literally SNAPPED IN HALF.  lulu jumped out of her crib when she was two and i'm pretty sure it took me just as long (if not longer) to take her in, only to find out that not only had she broken her foot, but there was an older, HEALING fracture in her lower leg (from some other mysterious injury). and then they casted THE WRONG LEG and it took me SIX WHOLE DAYS TO FIGURE THAT OUT and take her back so they could saw the thing off and put it on the right side.

so yeah, i am not kidding when i say that i really do suck when it comes to handling broken bones. 

which is why, this weekend, when joey fell off his scooter and immediately declared "THERE'S SOMETHING BROKEN IN THERE!" while pointing at his wrist, i figured it was my chance as a parent to redeem myself.

and i finally did!

the poor kid was such a trooper.  and it really was broken!  and we went to the ER on day 1 of the injury!   but i lost major parenting points because he didn't have his helmet on. 

can't win them all! 

but there is literally never a dull moment in our household.  just when i have the audacity to start thinking that life is kind of boring, something like happens and shakes up our world.  the best lesson we learned this weekend?  don't let stuff slow you down.  before we got in the car to go to the ER, i made sure to load up the car with the wine and crudites and cupcakes for all the parties we were going to that day.  and we still went to all FOUR of them over easter weekend.  and had one of the greatest weekends ever! 

belated apothecary day recap

a couple of weekends ago, a friend and i got together at my house to create some herbal goodies.  it was just one of those low-key days, when the music is playing in the background (MC yogi), the kids are running around like freaks, there are little bowls of nuts and chocolate all around, lentils are bubbling in the crock pot, and a ton of herbs are ready to play with!   days like this are medicine for my soul.

here was little herbal goddess helper #1----

 and big sister goddess helper #2-----(joey was running around and i only have videos of him from that day playing the wii...i'll spare you)

 i like renee's handwriting way more than i like my own, so i put her to work making all my labels!

 things got messy pretty quickly.  also, the computer was a must for googling the benefits of different essential oils...

at the day's end, we made a tea tree/comfrey salve, a yarrow/bergamot/lemongrass salve, a rosemary tincture, and some lavender/rosemary bath salts.  the kids really got involved with the label making!

 i'm pretty sure renee was pretending to anoint grace with some magical oils in this picture...

brownies were a must, too.  lulu and renee decided to bottle up some "secrets".  all of lulu's secrets are now contained in cute little tin containers.

 putting the secrets in...

overall, a therapeutic day!  i am really loving learning about herbs and oils and their different uses.  i'm toying with the idea of holding some VERY low-key classes here for my local friends who might be interested in learning how to create some herbal products from your natural medicine cabinets.  hit me up if you'd be into that!

xo

wisdom

how can something so simple be so profound, letting others go first, in traffic or in line at starbucks, and even if no one cares or notices?  because for the most part, people won't care---they're late, they haven't heard back from their new boyfriend, or they're fixated on the stock market.  and they won't notice that you let them go ahead of you.

they take it as their due.

but you'll know.  and it can change your whole day, which could be a way to change your whole life.  there really is only today, although luckily that is also the eternal now.  and maybe one person in the car in the lane next to you or in line at the bank or at your kid's baseball game will notice your casual generosity and will be touched, lifted, encouraged----in other words, slightly changed for the better----and later will let someone else go first.  and this will be quantum."

from "help, thanks, wow:  the three essential prayers" by anne lamott


yes.  yes.  yes. 

the beauty in doing absolutely nothing

today was another snow day.  a quiet day.  a day that i promised myself that it would be OK if i just wanted to hide out in bed all day and let the kids work it out amongst themselves.  a "detachment parenting" kind of day.  and so far, it's been awesome. i read, relaxed, juiced, worked out, listened to records, lit some candles, meditated, cleaned the house a bit, ate some salad, snuggled with the dog and the kids, had a B-52's dance party, watched the kids draw together, sent an insane amount of gratitude into the universe for a fantastic neighbor that plowed us out (john's away), made cookies, and just vegged.   deep breaths.  i find that when i set the expectations really low, and practice detachment parenting, the best sort of days happen.  the best part is, it's 1:45p and almost time for sushi date and watching "parade's end"...and then bed again.  

xoxo

the things i never thought i could do

the weeks are rushing by with incredible speed.  the kids are off this week for school vacation, so i've been in mama-taxi mode, where i spend most of the days just driving around, dropping kids off and picking kids up.  we took a trip to the zoo, we had a mini-reunion with friends over brunch in the snow.  we yelled and we cried and then we all snuggled on the couch and watched a diary of a wimpy kid movie.  there's a mini-vacation on the horizon this weekend, with a hot tub and a whole bunch of junkie snacks and fun magazines in my future.

in between, there have been lots of small things that used to be things that i never thought i could do.  or maybe never thought i wanted to have to do. something like that.  every day now, there are needles that i poke myself with.  there are bruises and lumps and lots of things that i thought would freak me out.  there are sharps containers and trips into the city by myself in rush hour traffic for doctor's appointments.  things that seemed too huge to conquer, but now seem just fine.  i look at it as prep work for something wonderful. 

i will admit, i have been lazy lately.  i've taken to napping every day, maybe for mental health but also because i'm tired.  maybe it's the weather.  maybe it's self care.  whatever it is, nothing feels better than curling up in my warm king bed in the middle of the day with a book and falling asleep for a bit.  so yes, the kids have been watching too much tv.  and yes, my kitchen is sometimes a mess of dishes.  but i am happy.  and warm.  and lucky.

herbal goodness

during these cold, windy winter months, i've been creating some herbal products and building my home apothecary.  i haven't been painting or sewing, but creating with herbs is just as satisfying to me.  i love the pots of this or that bubbling on the stove, and i especially love when i take a leap of faith, create something new, and the end result actually works!    i get off on getting huge deliveries of herbs on my front doorstep.  ;)

so far, i've made::

* a rosemary tincture (we use it in a spray bottle and spray the back of our throats when they get sore----immediate relief!)  this was the first thing i made---over six months ago, so it's ready to go now for cold/flu season.

*  citrus/lavender hairspray (wanted to transition away from the crap product i was using...)

* peppermint lip balm (as much as i LOVE burt's bees, i wanted to try to recreate my own at home...and after a disastrous first attempt ---think hard-as-a-rock beeswax balm----, i finally had SUCCESS this morning!  five gloss tubes and two big tins later, i think i might be set for life!  plus, joey's lips are cracked and bleeding, so i can load up his backpack with tubes and hopefully he'll be good to go!)

*  lavender/kaolin clay facial mask (i have a really rigid routine when it comes to what i do with my face, and i find that when i stray from it, i break out!  so i usually shy away from masks.  yesterday i created this mask, used it, and my skin was seriously the softest it's ever been.  it's organic and all natural, and didn't cause any breakouts!  i think i will be adding this mask to my weekly self-care regimen).

*  vanilla honey/mint sugar scrub  (SO good.  i'm also not a big 'scrub' person----but after using this yesterday, i am a convert!  it was the first time i've actually split and scraped a vanilla bean, too, and it's incredible.  i'm obsessed.  it's good enough to eat.)

* red raspberry leaf tincture  (just made this the other day , with LOTS of 100 proof vodka, which got a little eyebrow raise out of johnny when he came home.  as in 'where the heck is half that huge bottle of vodka you bought YESTERDAY?!?!'.  it will be ready in 5-6 months.  which will be perfect timing for all the womb goodness that will be going on right around that time!)



on tap are a couple of different salves---the herbs are soaking the in the oil right now on my windowsill.  creosote balm, and then a heal-all balm with comfrey and yarrow.  i'm going to make an all natural neosporin.  some aromatherapy sprays (i spend entirely too much money buying the pre-made ones...one of my weaknesses!).  a lotion or two.  eventually i'd like to try my hand at soapmaking but i'm afraid of the lye.  excited to have an apothecary day here with a dear friend, mixing up potions and goodness for our families, like good witches do. 

what are you creating?  do tell.  xoxo

room enough for it all

there is room
enough

for all the good times
all the days where everything is shiny
the kids are running around
and playing nicely
all the stuffed animals are lined up
and pampered
by their human caretakers
there are muffins baking in the oven
and good music is playing in the kitchen
the cups of tea are endless, and
always perfectly warm
everyone brushes their teeth
without me asking
and the dirty laundry
finds it way into the laundry basket
the dog has no accidents
we all snuggle on the couch reading out loud
the homework gets finished without tears
and
my glass of wine is waiting for me
when i come down from putting the kids to bed
early

but there is also room for

all the tough times
when the kids are terrible to each other
and i try to take a shower and someone runs in bleeding
the dog poops on the floor
and someone walks through it
my hands can't warm up
nobody takes a nap
the floors are covered in dirty clothes and wet towels
there is nothing to make for dinner
except mac and cheese
which only one child will agree to eat
the husband is away
bedtime makes me want to cry
and i am out of wine.

there is room for both in my life
i embrace
the hard days
because i know that on the other side
are easier ones
and 
i embrace
the wabi sabi days,
the balance of struggle and ease

fertile

with the start of the new year, lots of people in my circles pick a word to carry them through the next 12 months.  the word encompasses everything you envision for yourself for the year----maybe something that you strive for or want more of in your life.  one "assignment" in the apothecary class i'm taking was to think of our word for the year.  for some reason, i was pretty resistant to it initially, mainly because i usually shy away from any self-examination stuff.  for a hippie girl, i consider myself straightforward and do a minimal amount of self reflection.  something in the back of my mind kept nagging at me though, and i kept coming back to the word "fertile". 

i see 2013 as a year of fertility----in my relationships with my children, with my friends, with my family.  fertile listening.  fertility in the way that i am able to plug into people in my life.  fertility when it comes to my work with my clients and my own self nourishment. 

also, a fertile body.  while i am done having children of my own, i am going to be embarking on the journey of having a child for a wonderful couple.  lots of my thoughts lately are centered around preparing myself mentally for being as healthy and fertile as possible, to receive this beautiful gift that is going to be brought into the world.  i am open and ready to begin the process!  it feels scary and tender to write about this here, which is part of the reason why i have been so quiet lately.  but i am putting it out there into the universe----this is going to be an incredible, fertile year. 

the thing is, this word is already so much a part of my daily life.  and for that i am so lucky, and grateful.  thanks for coming along on the journey. 

well then...

first off, this happened::

(we just brought him home last week.  he's a cavalier king charles spaniel.  he's ridiculous.  i never thought i could be a dog person, because honestly i've never really felt a connection to dogs -besides fear- but this little guy has changed my life.  i'm in love.  i'm officially one of 'those people'.)

and then this guy turned SEVEN::

(here he is at puppa and nan's house, sporting his new bike helmet that he got from them...to go with his rad new neon orange bike that we got him!)

i did some crafting for the holidays-----tie dye-ing and blueberry jam making!   i'm going to be an auntie very soon so of course my niece-to-be needed some hippie love for christmas...

(we did a LOT of entertaining.  like a lot.  which is pretty much my favorite thing to do.  knocking the wall down, getting the floors, and doing the big vintage island with the five stools was the best idea ever.  we've already got our money's worth out of it these past two months!)

(i found this picture on my camera.  made me die laughing for a couple of minutes).

and to top it all off, christmas happened.  and with it, it's many many many parties and gatherings and celebrations.  which were all awesome.  i will spare you the details.  just know that it all culminated in john rubbing his gifts all over himself, just like he does every year. 

happy new year!  back to the basement to bag up everything we own to be donated!  i'm over it all.