self portrait challenge: me and my excitables

i'm convinced i've been blessed with some of the best wee ones around. but damn, are they busy! always on the go. go go go. for me, this picture sybolizes it all. i set up my camera on the floor with the timing setting on, trying to capture a real second of my day- something less staged and less beautiful. my floors are flithy. i'm trying desperately to keep joey out of the bathroom while his sister "takes a dump" (as she's taken to calling it). he's obsessed with getting into the bathroom. he cannot be tamed until he's explored the rim of the toilet bowl, gotten some hairs wrapped up in his drooly fingers. grace screams "he's coming in the bathroom again! gate him! GATE HIM!" gray likes to "gate" joey with her body, meaning she slams herself up against him, trying to block him from anything- the bathroom, her little ponies, her bracelets, her food. everything in our house is always in motion. no sitting or relaxing during the day. beautiful, creative, fun energy. draining, baggy-eyed, whirlwind energy. it never stops. except, of course, sweet sweet bedtime.

happy self portrait challenge my dear peeps. thanks for peeking into my world.

"everybody is original, if they tell the truth, if they speak from their true self. but it must be from their true self and not from the self they think they should be. so remember these two things: you are talented and you are original." -brenda ueland, via keri smith, via mindertins

mindy can put together one kick-ass package. thank you dear sweet one for this fabulous book
and other wonderful treats.

i'm still reeling from emotions about the weekend, about the power of love and life, about the connectedness of us all. what a complex and amazing journey it is.

wedding bliss

happy wedding day to my ladies!

last night i went into boston solo and got the chance to ride the T and wonder about people's lives- questioning their tattoo choices, thinking about their days in vietnam, wondering how a person can be so drunk that she can spit and belch and sing horribly offensive songs without a care. looking at people's new babies and old people with swollen ankles and people with worn shoes. i love slash detest riding the T- detest mainly because at the end of my night, when all i wanted to do was to get home to my crying babes- i got stuck on a smelly, crapshoot of a train for what felt like hours but was probably more like an hour. people started smoking and bitching and i was only three.stops.away. from where my car was parked. but gotta love boston- it was not a walk i was about to chance taking- about 45 minutes in the dark, with no real direct route. gave me more time to think and analyze life, though- lately i've been so overwhelmed (in a good way) about the juxtaposition of such beauty and such pain in life...i keep wanting to weep from all the sadness and happiness around me.

the rehearsal itself was absolutely divine, filled with many happy tears. they have the.best.priest(ess). presiding over the ceremony, and an all-around fabulous j.p., too. jo and lib were presented with their big wedding quilt, made by friends and family, and i had to get up in front of everyone and give a little thingie about our square.

i.don't.do.well.talking.in.front.of.people. i actually got choked up, again! i've been a cryin' fool lately. i'm just a sucker for weddings, and even more so when the couple rocks and are so much in stinkin' love it hurts.

(rody love courtesy of femiknit and little man- i couldn't resist snapping a pic of his heart-head...rody, the most perverse children's toy ever!)

happy wedding, happy day! we're off this afternoon, with both kids in tow- back to the big city (joey's first real time!) for a kick-ass celebration.

hope you all have wonderous weekends.

photobooth friday: new love, old love

young love. photos taken on the brief break while john was home between trips to kosovo. newly married. scary world times. deliriously happy yet bittersweet, as he was about to board a plane and be shipped off to stay in kosovo for a good portion of a year. 11/03/01. at least we found the time to jump in a photobooth at the mall before he left. eeks.

just found these photos the other day tucked in among a stack of old "war" letters between john and i. distance. sadness. happiness. i was so glad to find these. so glad we kept these letters. although i'm not sure most are fit for reading by our kids or anyone else. it's something we'll always have for each other. kind of like the reagans. except not.

old love. laugh lines, saggy baggies, puff rice (what we endearingly call our puffy bags under our eyes- then proceed to pretend to pour milk on each other's, and then eat each other's puffed rice with pretend spoons). marriage. kids. busy-ness. missing each other even when we're together. crazy young parents. building a beautiful life. love you piashire.

as i was just writing this, gray is sitting on my bed, asking me "mami, which designer do you like? which designer, mami?" she's obviously been sneaking more project runway behind my back.

happy friday everyone, and happy birthday to acumama and boho and pixie!

things i stinkin' love thursday

wed. nights and wine

sitting around crying and laughing and snuggling with pillows with jess

making voice overs for bad tv when we have it on mute

fresh basil and tomatoes and mozzarella and olive oil on crusty bread, baked

indian food, and more crying

watching gray pee on the mini toilet at school- both horrifying (germ-wise- she sits on the porceilan bowl part) and heartbreakingly the-cutest-thing-ever at the same time. all the wee ones pull down their pants, pee, and flush while chatting about their panties and who should get the turn to flush, etc.

new earrings for the rehearsal dinner tomorrow night. i.am.not.an.earring.girl.! femiknit, don't laugh! you and john traumatized me from the last time i tried to wear earrings! this time i'm going to try to slip out of the house unnoticed. tee hee.

target trip and a new shirt

surprise meetings with my first-kiss boyfriend's mother at the gas station this morning- severe hug attacks and kisses ensued, and then she proceeded to swear that joey must be his baby because of the red hair. hum.

surprise hanging out time with dennertins today

trip to go visit steph and the babes and kissing baby toes and smelling and cradling the wees

getting free tickets to the stone zoo for a soon-to-be meetup with mindertins (fyi min- sept 27th)

meeting with the girls and the crazy kidlet crew in newburyport yesterday for parktime and oceanside time

also:

the colors of fall. nothing beats the greens and the oranges side by side. nature and its magical creations never cease to amaze me. look at this tie-dyed gourd! nature kicks ass.

knitting gray a teeny little scarf to wear to school, as if her teachers already didn't think we're a freaky bunch already. scarf power! fall power!

and to top off the list, a little butthole tree- just to make you smile.

self portrait challenge: me with my number two

me. my baby boy. pickin' apples in the orchard. the first bite. the first pucker. falling in love with fall.

it's no secret that grace was a challenging wee one. she was demanding, cranky, high maintenance in that i-can't-get-enough of her kind of way. she's always had a strong personality from the start. but at some point, i thought for sure that i was meant to be the mama of just one wee one. i couldn't certainly parent two of these strong-willed, challenging babes, now could i? people started asking when i was going to have number two, and my answer slowly became, "no number two for us." as grace got older, and cooler, and more independent (almost too independent!)- i had a change of heart. i wanted another bean! and then came joey. my number two. my baby boy. every single time i look at him, i think "thank god we had him! what if we never had him?!?" i'm not kidding you, i think this every time. he's so different than anything i could have ever expected. bright red hair. rosy cheeks (well, today after being in the cold at least), the fairest complextion, the fattest legs. sweet, kind, complacent pummie. and there's room for him to change and grow, to be needy and high maintenance, too. i've changed as a mama...much more relaxed now i think. not much phases me anymore. not quite sure about number three...i may leave that up to my more prolific mama friends. but i sure am glad that joe is my number two.


love how he's grabbing my superhero necklace- superhero powers by osmosis? although i'm not loving the fact that he's broken two of my necklaces in the past two weeks, one of which i made myself. will i ever learn?

5 years and a life list

five years have passed since september 11th, and the pain is still as real as the day it happened for me. still remember being separated from my husband, with no contact, and receiving a phone call from my mother. still remember crying listening to the radio driving to my st. ann's interview, getting the job because i was crying during the interview, explaining my husband was in the army and i was separated from him and had no contact. getting phone calls from military wives telling me everything and nothing. watching the news. nightmares. nightmares while being awake.

my dear, dear friend's father died that day. on a plane leaving boston. headed to ny. today i think about mr. waldi. and everyone. i light a candle for everyone touched.

in this spirit, today i also think about life. boo and i, sometime last week, sat down by the ocean and wrote our life lists. things that we'd like to accomplish on our short stay on this planet.

here is mine-

life list:

1. go to ayers rock
2. eat gelato in italy
3. hike the applachian trail
4. attend 50 births
5. become a reiki master
6. eat 100% organic
7. be a surrogate mother
8. become a nurse midwife
9. learn to identify trees and herbs
10. smoke marijuana for healing purposes (tee hee)
11. repierce my nose
12. join a CSA
13. become a JP
14. join a drumming circle
15. use natural toothpaste
16. be a nude model for an art class
17. practice yoga
18. find a spiritual mentor
19. have accupuncture treatments
20. live in ithaca
21. live in a created commune
22. have a cat
23. own a cabin/cottage/hut getaway


show me yours and i'll show you mine. what's your life list, my bloggie friend?

weekend snippets

this is how i spent eight straight hours of my day yesterday- with two of my favorite engaged ladies- on the brink (like in-exactly-one-week brink) of getting married. aah yes, massachusetts is a glorious state, where my dear ones can actually get married like they should be able to! so we glittered and embossed and placecard-created at my table, on top of junk political ads, for eight hours. luckily, i was in good company, and there were plenty of grapes and cheese and spinach pie pieces to go 'round, keeping us in relatively good spirits. at the end of it all, we were covered in glitter and all crafted out.

sparkly politicslove the coffee in the backpack- it was empty, and not mine- but it's still funny. also sporting newly cut bangs for upcoming jo*lib wedding, where i'm part of the ceremony, and don't want people to gasp in horror when they see my growing-out fringies.

today was spent riding around on tractors, eating apples, picking apples, eating apple cider donuts, walking around a park, playing baseball, going to the farm. usual fall gilbert fun activities. joey was enamoured with the hayride. the farmer had a crush on gray that was sort of pervish. it was sweater weather. i'm feeling more like myself.



john dressed like a hippie today just to make me even more happier than i was- he wore clogs and everything.

happy weekend, happy life.

ps- emily and boo, i want to be with you! i'm crying i miss you so bad.

photobooth friday: the 'no memories' edition

i've been known to state, on many occasions, that "i have no memories." i have a really bad memory. which is maybe why i tend to write things down, save 'to do' lists, grocery lists, little tidbits of my day, just to refer back to someday. well, when i was digging through my history this morning looking for a little bit of photobooth love, i stumbled upon this recent-ish journal and found this little strip, glued in among to do lists, to buy lists, supermarket lists, old reciepts. but here's the catch- i have no memories of this ever happening. strange. it features yours truly and my dad's girlfriend's son (lost yet?). i have no recollection of ever going to the beach with him (i'm assuming this is where it was taken). i have no memories of this. granted, i was living with my dad at the time- my husband deployed to kosovo, us living apart for 10 months. sept. 11th happened. i was a mess, on anti-anxiety meds just to get through my day working at a school for extremely troubled youth, the c-word and the b-word being thrown around like nothing at me all day long (mindertins, you know what this is all about!). anywho, that's my photobooth friday. here i am. stuck in a booth with someone, and not remembering why. my life is so much better than it was then. photobooths equal perspective.

the end.

thank you for being part of my wheel of love

i took a chance...put my raw emotions out there, a sort-of secret call for help. i took a spin on my own bloggie wheel of love, and what came back is awe-inspiring. thank you dear friends for holding me up, and each taking a piece of my stress/anxiety/ailment- and making it disappear. i'm still hyper emotional (new territory for me), raw, tired-to-the-bone. but learning how to breathe through it. live through it. not just live like "i have a pulse" live, but to take each bitter moment and live through it until i taste the sweet.

if i had a link or a copy of the alexi murdoch song "breathe"...or the lyrics...i'd post it. i keep hearing this song, and i keep crying. bittersweet tears of loving and longing. i want to play this song on repeat in my brain forever. "keep your head above water, but don't forget to breathe"- i could cry right now writing this.

thank you for all the emails and links and suggestions. each one of you is a purifying smudge (thanks name) stick of love.

trying to heal

so here it is....my brainstorm. yes, it's 6am- but when else is a mama of two rambunctious toddlerpeople supposed to get her thoughts straight? lately i've been feeling- how shall i say it- not quite right. a little off balance. (not mentally though. suprisingly i feel ok mentally. all squared away.) but physically, especially for these last couple of days, i felt like a big steaming piece of poo. first it was a head cold. then it was a throaty thingie. now it's a fatass headache and lower abdominal pains and urinary-ish pains (anyone who's ever had this knows exactly what i'm talking about). and i'm bloated. not period-style bloated, mind-you, but big, distended, crampy, sickly bloated. oh yeah, and i just want to go to bed every night at 7pm (about an hour earlier than i usually find myself wanting to go to bed- around 8pm.) hum.

so what gives, you ask? first i wrote it off as 'change of seasons'. i'm usually a pretty sensitive girl who doesn't do well with change, and my body has always responded during the change of seasons. but this isn't my usual sneezing-for-a-day change of season thing.

i'm lying in bed early this morning thinking about what's causing all these imbalances. and call me crazy- but here we go- i think i'm all messed up because i'm storing all these toxic emotions that i'm feeling for other people. right now my life is great, no problems, no stress. but two of my most dearest loved ones are going through some really bad relationship stuff- catacylsmic stuff. and as a confidant (if you are reading this dear loved ones- if you take this as 'i'm not talking to you anymore because i'm making you sick'- i'm seriously going to kill you) and an empath, i tend to internalize all this stuff and not know what to do with it. oh yeah, and on top of this, my other dearest of dear fetus friends is in the hospital- so i can't stop thinking about that, worrying about her, being away from her babies.and i think that my body is just screaming at me to find a way to purge all these feelings. please help! what the hell can i do?

this weekend, on the other hand, with completely blissful. friday night we all put on big comfy sweatshirts and trucked to the beach- and the arcade. hot pizza and cannolis in the car. is there a better food combination, i ask you? and then saturday (cold chilly windy) we took a drive to ipswich, rockport, gloucester- and took the kids to the place where john and i had our first date- halibut point. we climbed the rocks out into the turbulent ocean (yes, potentially dangerous with wee ones- but SO worth it) and searched through tide pools and learned about our ocean friends. and then went to a seafood place and ate them (eeks!). but seriously- hot seafood, cold blustery day? home afterwards for a big pot of chicken soup simmering on the stove. sunday was dinner with name- chalkboard advertising our menu and all. lots of fresh herbs from the garden used in the fare. boo cooking away and making a deeeelicious meal. and monday was taking pummie to maudslay state park in newburyport for a walk and a picnic in our secret garden. yesterday was gray's first day of school. i may have said this before, but- i.do.not.cry.all.that.often. and i didn't think i was all that emotional about dropping her off at school. but when we got there, seeing her with her little lunchbox and leaving her- just leaving- i got into the car and bawled my eyes out. and when i went to pick her up after only three measely hours, i peeked into the classroom, and there's my small hippie daughter, halfway participating in the song, but mostly wandering around checking out the toys and being her usual unfocused self- i lost it again. just lost it. it's just that i'm so damn proud. she's a person. she's a person! separate. it's so bittersweet. one of the teachers came out into the hallway and said "grace is just the sweetest- she really earned an extra star today. some of the little boys were having a tough time, and grace tried her best to cheer them up- offering them toys, saying 'maybe this will help make you feel better'. she's just a sweet girl." ugh. more crying.

anyway, thanks for listening to this rant of a post. it's all over the place. i'm all over the place. any healing advice will be gladly welcomed!

self portrait challenge: with someone

me with julie and dick.

this record is saving my life. for some reason, gray has taken to mary poppins something fierce. i did not implant this love in her. she actually doesn't even watch the movie much, as it sort of drags for a three year old. but she loves the music. loves the excitement of the cartoonish parts. loves good ole julie and dick (mary and bert). at any time during the day, you can catch gray saying "i really love bert" or "i'm mary- only call me mary!".

so i put my intentions out into the universe and asked for an original mary poppins record (to play on my new record player, of course) to make it's way to me. the prices for shipping on ebay were just downright ridonkulous. and lo and behold, a couple of weeks- no, days, later, my dad picked up a huuuge box of records for me, all eagles and three dog night and joe cocker, and guess what's sandwiched in among the goodies- yup, mary poppins. so it's been nonstoppoppins around here in ninabeanaland. gray is happy. i'm happy. even joey likes to shake the maracas or strum on the mini ukelele. life is good. julie and dick- i love you.

and my final offering

today i offer you-
baby feet.

because who doesn't love baby feet?

another offering

today i offer you:

petals among the gravel
wisps of sweet smelling smoke
candles keeping your heart warm
cozy quilts and blankets
your favorite movie keeping you company
scented showers
bottomless cup of coffee
a walk among the rocks
tidepools filled with treasures
comforting conversations
deep peace

an offering

today i offer you:

a handful of wildflowers
a walk with a loved one
holding hands wearing sweatshirts
the ocean breeze
a lovingly cooked bowl of chicken soup
bakery fresh bread
a kiss
a hug
a blessing


happy weekend

those were the days: photobooth friday

nina and janessa

oooh, flipping the bird is something i usually don't do- but i guess i got photobooth anxiety and tried desperately to think of something cool to do, and unfortunately this was what i came up with. high school. beach cottage days. nose piercing. hippie shirts and necklaces. bad relationships. experimenting. bowls on boobies. polaroids in the shower. those were the days. love janessa's pose in the second one. j. just got married to her longtime love and lives in cali...i'm not currently in contact with her but i've heard it through the grapevine that she had 1. the best wedding ever and 2. is one happy happy woman. so i'm happy for her!

happy photobooth friday dear peeps.

things i love thursday

i still craft! oh yes, i do. i may not write about it much here anymore, but i've been working on projects here and there- the above picture is a gift i made for jo and lib for their upcoming wedding...a framed paper quilt. i used pieces of paper, vintage and new, that reminded me of them- their initials, their names from the phonebook, an old children's cookbook, paintings by gray and i, seasame street ephemera, etc.



what else do i love? you ask-

-spending lots of QT (ok, well maybe not lots, but lots in comparison to none, which is what i usually have) with crystal and little man. watching the kids tear through our houses. and yelling at femiknit for cleaning up. drinking barry's tea. basil jelly. roasted garlic jelly. goat cheese. heirloom tomatoes. being fancy, but not really. how can you be fancy when you have pummie slobber all over you?

-massaging boo and johnny last night pre-project runway

-red peppers, canneneli beans, marinated artichokes, wheat pasta

-no plans for the upcoming weekend for the first time all summer

-my new wrist cuff that i've been wearing nonstop since it was fantastically gifted to me from femiknit

-watching women talk at the park. expect upcoming post about "women's conversations"

-taking dad out yesterday to the water. talking. perfect day. green curry and coconut and chicken and bamboo

-jubilee jumbles getting kicked from pr- although she did kind of grow on me. but she smokes!?! hello.

-still in love with the saving grace of lavender and tea tree essential oil saving my life

-tab...your comments- i love them! that necklace is amazing- it's going to look great on you. glad we can connect here

-seeing steph and the babies this morning. andrew and tyler are the most perfect little furry treats i've ever seen- i got to hold them both and snuggle their little baby love smell this morning. aaaah.

adjust up and down

"in a world of disorder and disaster and fraud, sometimes only beauty can be trusted. only artistic excellence is incorruptible. pleasure cannot be bargained down. and sometimes the meal is the only currency that is real.
to devote yourself to the creation and enjoyment of beauty, then, can be a serious business- not always necessarily a means of escaping reality, but sometimes a means of holding on to the real when everything else is flaking away into...rhetoric and plot. " -elizabeth gilbert- eat, pray, love


and a quote for my dear d.b.: "...and when you sense a faint pontentiality for happiness after such dark times you must grab onto the ankles of that happiness and not let go until it drags you face-first out of the dirt- this is not selfishness, but obligation. you were given life; it is your duty (and also your entitlement as a human being) to find something beautiful within life, no matter how slight." -elizabeth gilbert- eat, pray, love

today we celebrate my dad's 50th birthday. more beaching and eating and loving and experiencing beauty. d.b., thinking of you. off to the post office today with packages for dear pixie, boho, leonie, and amy. (d.b., i'm saving yours because i'm scared you won't be there to receive it and it will get snatched up!).

namaste party peeps. namaste.

self portrait challenge: enclosed in a photobooth

me enclosed in a photobooth, pre-pictures, with the kiddies. aah, the anticipation and grooming and goofiness.


and two more photoboothies:


by far my most favorite place to be enclosed.

here we go again

i miss you bloggie world. this weekend has been fast and furious, as are most of our weekends are here in ninabeanaland.

friday night i made broiled buffalo chicken that made our noses water and our eyes tear up for the rest of the night. we sat around and ate at the table as a family and listened to ravi shankar and all smelled of burning incense. saturday we hosted a gilbert family get-together (rare happenings) here at our house, so the morning was spent picking big bouquets of mint and wildflowers and getting the yard/house ready for our peeps. all this with a semi-sick baby attached to my hip. chicken parm and lasagna and all those other yummy party treats- i heart making people chubby. the day ended in chilly sweatshirt weather, so i was basically in heaven- until the sneezing started. so now i find myself with a little sickness of my own, blowing through rolls of toilet paper and killing my poor tree friends left and right (although my husband will tell you i don't give a damn about trees when it comes to my t.p. consumption).

anywho! i picked joey out of his warm crib this morning only to find him covered, esp. under his chin/neck/face area with this mysterious rash. so basically someone in the universe is determined to make it impossible for me to see my girl steph's new(ish) baby boys who came home yesterday! i'm terrified of infecting them with one of our many unidentified germs. so off to the doctor's tomorrow for my pum- although i'm sure it's just a virus. probably from licking the shopping cart handle at market basket. that's my guess. and i'm hoping to feel better in the morning.

joey's sickness, however, did not prevent us from having a huge garden harvest and then heading off to newburyport to see one of the tall ships in the harbor- some park playing and some food eating (black beans and lime and onions- i heart you).

off to bed with my new book, and the rain falling softly outside. and my new socks from nessie noodle keeping me snuggly and warm. thanks nessie! they are my new most favorite posession in the whole wide world.

things that have saved me these past couple of days:

-finding multiple frogs all over our yard and playing with them with gray
-gray's new boho outfit
-caramel coffee
-cups and cups of tea
-organic unbleached sugar
-mint
-chocolate
-strawberry shortcakes with biscuits
-baskets full of musical instruments
-your emails and comments and phonecalls
-nag champa
-tea tree oil
-garden clogs
-cookies and cream ice cream
-freshly mown lawn
-libraries
-free newspapers
-inspiration boards
-magical unexpected packages


here's to a healthy week- a new week- a new begining.

photobooth friday: high school edition

steph, nina beana, and kimmie- high school style

love these photos- love how i'm all washed out with a halo-ish light. love the happy faces and crazy kisses. most of all, i love how both of these lovely ladies are still in my life today. also, steph's baby boys are coming home from the hospital, possibly tomorrow! steph, you are going to be a great mom. we're all rooting for you!

happy friday peeps! still sick here with 104+ temps, but your comments and kindness are like little life rafts for me. thank you for getting me through these rough couple of days (and nights). xo

self portrait tuesday a little late: enclosed in my china cabinet

today, i want to crawl in and never come out.

smile and relax

look into frame- smile and relax


look into frame- smile and relax


look into frame- smile and relax


my mantra of the day


one sick bean and possibly another bean coming down with fever...another day in the house, another day with a sore left arm from koalaman clutching, another day of nursing and snuggling. good and bad, bad and good. look into frame- smile and relax.

help arrives in the beautiful form of mindertins

mindertins was rad enough to take initiative and plan a date for us today. we were both going to meet in the middle at the "imagination station" in reading. we arrived only to find this glorious sign: "this facility is closed per order of the board of health." yum! safe! healthy! um, no. so we decided (well, we had to convince the kiddies first not to bust through the warning signs to get to the park) to move our adventures elsewhere.

we ended up a town or two over, deep in the forest (trying to escape the buggies)- impromptu letterboxing adventures! our kids took to each other immediately- no awkward introductions there. they were like two little hippie spirits frolicking in the forest, finding hidden treasures, stamping away, identifying (sort of) mushrooms (aka: is that a wild mushroom?) everyone but mindy and joey ended up taking off either their pants or pannies- peeing in the forest can lead to that. luckily, mindy is a pro and not only carries tissues but doesn't pee on herself! kudos!

this was just the therapy i needed...light coming through the trees and all. perfect day, perfect company.

despite this sick and feverish little one. i feel so bad for him- he's never been sick before. not even quite sure what's wrong with him. i knew something was up this morning when he was actually snuggly. not a good sign. very feverish but i was hoping the forest would do him good, like me. no luck. he just got a good dose of tylenol and now is in bed. i keep peeking in to make sure he's still breathing. not used to seeing my babes sick.

here's my girl teaching the babes to whistle through an acorn. my soul sister!

thanks mindertins, for saving me from yet another day of being stuck in the house! we must, we must get together again soon and let our wild ones play.

tired hippie seeking sleep and pathouli oil

tired today. yes, the happy hippie even has bad days. mopey. tired-eey. sleepy but can't sleep. the up-at-nights are getting to me, i think. and getting used to a new routine. changes. changes. i never did well with changes.

this morning we invited our peeps over for butterfly crafting. colorful scraps of tissue paper on colorful butterflies and ladybugs and even a baseball and football. and listening to rainbow brite records. and sesame street. so at least the day started off good. but two days without leaving the house for out-of-the-house activities are catching up with me.

sounds like i need some serious forest therapy.

random list- hope you still love me.

(swingin' and chompin')

-using essential oils in the shower to c.a.l.m.
-symphony chocolate- who would've guessed that it would be so good?
-augusten burroughs is my gay boyfriend
-spring cleaning for the upcoming fall
-making room for the kids bigger clothes by putting all the non-fitting ones in storage
-despite hormonal rollercoaster rides over the past couple of days, managing to eek out a good day yesterday- going blueberry picking and then going to the beach and finding rocks and shells and semi-swimming and getting all sandy and then riding some rides and taking some pics. although my husband (that's you babe) cut me off from taking any more photobooth pics. evidently three strips in two days is just too much. hrmph!
-organizing memories
-trying to get used to this crazy non-working schedule. i.e. i have no clients. but i need to pretty much be available in case i have clients. life would be a whole lot easier if i just 1. had clients. or 2. didn't have clients and didn't have to work. i'm going to have to get used to this in-betweenishness
-had my first client last week. loved it! i forgot how rewarding massage can be. when i was in school i had a love/hate relationship with massage (mostly hate) because of the nature of my education, and the whole subjectivity of massage (not hard enough! not fast enough! not enough enough!) being in school burnt me out and made me somewhat cynical. but! alas! being on my own, with nobody watching over me...aaah. love it. the only one that's judging me is my client. and hopefully they are enjoying themselves. i loved lighting the candles and the music and the dark dark room. i love my space. so much better than hospital-curtain-school-clinic! aaah!
-going to try to sit down for a second now and clear my head while bean #2 is sleeping- it's been nonstop since 6am this morning. tonight is housefull of guests, so must clear my head!