quick...the kids are asleep!

joya and cj rockin' out at felt this past thursday night...i had to have a couple of drinkies to settle my nerves. i always act all weird when i see joanna perform...nerves, nerves, nerves. and then you throw all the socializing into the mix and i'm a total wreck. i do have to say that it was wonderful to get out of my routine, get into the city. boo and i walked and walked and walked...from cambridge to downtown crossing. it was gorgeous, although we spent the whole time complaining about our torn-up feet. bad shoe choice for both of us. we got to hang without grace interrupting to discuss her beegine or me having to whip my boobies out, which doesn't happen very much. jo rocked the house, and i got hit on by TWO girlies. at least i think they were girls.

sunday was joey's baptism. and while i won't get into our religious beliefs here, i will say that it is something that we do with our family...can't say much more. it was a beautiful ceremony...pum was the best, singing and then sleeping through being drenched on the head with water. he was perfect. we have such a beautiful family and wonderful friends who have helped us on our journey. sunday was a perfect time to reflect on them and the kids and how far we've come. some i'm great-full for that. thank you to everyone who came and who helped out...so much lovins coming your way. and the best part was joya's little prayer for pummy- i would post it now but it's downstairs and my belly isn't feeling good, so i'm going to continue to sit on my fanny and keep writing.

my girl. my beautiful glowing girl is very very sick. explosive, horrible poops since sunday. well, a bit before that, but it's been bad since sunday. she's never really been sick before. never been on meds or anything. she's otherwise happy and playing and normal, except for every four or five minutes when she looks at me with fear in her eyes and says "mami, i have to go poop..." and we fly to the potty and all her insides fall out. poor girl. i'm not used to seeing her sick. not used to her crying in pain because her bum is so raw from wiping. i just keep giving her fluids and hugs and snuggles. right now her and pum and sleeping together in my bed under quilties, hence my posting. there hasn't been much "nina" time around here lately.

pum singing in church. i'm not kidding, he was singing and singing. so beautiful. freakishly good babies make me think i could have more. must.remember.grace.as.a.baby.!

even though the girl was sick, it didn't stop her from digging into her 3rd bday cake, probably infecting everyone else in the process. pum wanted in on the action, too. i love how little gilbert gatherings can turn into 40+ gatherings in the blink of an eye. thank you everyone, again.

and thank you bust magazine for putting out a new issue just when i needed one most.

final thoughts:

baked lays + sweet relish = crazy delicious

friendlies vanilla/chocolate ice cream = giant adult hoodsie cup

john has taken care of me the past two nights by serving me ice cream when i was too tired and/or useless to move. he's also let me rub his feet raw with my sandpaper heels in bed when i needed to snuggle. this is why i love him. he spoons me even when it means physical pain.

reconnecting with an old friend this weekend (jc) = we can not see each other for months, even years, and pick up right where we left off...the best.

grace asked libby officially to be her "auntie libby"- one highlight from the weekend

lots of crafting to be going on here in the coming weeks...lots of gifties to be made for my tiny birthday crew


sending lovins and snuggleoos to my cybersisters-
n.

self portrait tuesday: introduce yourself 2

hello, my name is nina, and i have a serious problem. i have the worst habit of cutting my loved ones out of photos when we're taking them together...as boo would like to say "it's all about you!" this pic was taken last thursday when boo and i walked from cambridge to downtown crossing (boston) to see joya in concert...we wanted a photo of us with the citgo sign in the back. you can sort of make it out, sort of. boo, unfortunately, not so much. me, however...it's all about me.


see more at http://selfportraitchallenge.net/

happy photobooth friday

dad and ting 1988
Originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

love this picture...back reads summer 1988

which means i was 10 and tingy was...i don't know, around 4? not quite sure what's going on with his tom sawyer hat. and my bright yellow sweatshirt reads "slave". i don't remember the full story behind the sweatshirt, except that i loved to wear it, it wasn't mine, and it made me feel slightly scandalous. as you can see, i was still sporting the mullet, along with the cool bangs that were oh-so-uncool back then. and of course, the best part of the pic is the pizza...the reason for our family drives to the beach every weekend. oh the pizza. still driving for the pizza.

friday lubbins-
n.

my family is this cute

this photo isn't posed, i swear. my family really is this cute in its natural state. gray's hand on her daddy's sleeping head and all.

i'm just posting real quick because i can't stand the thought of everyone having to look at my crazy close-ups in my last post. currently i'm working through a mini-funk because of the super sunny wonderful weather this morning followed by a confused cloudy and muggy weatherized afternoon, coupled with no-naps all around. i experimented with giving the kids a joint-bath, but realized with a squirmy four month old and a splashy-exuberant-non-napped three year old, this was a horrible idea. i have smelly pits and feel not-so-bangin' right now. i have to get ready for joya's show tonight in boston...try to get myself sexy and feeling young again. i'm only 27 but sometimes i just feel so freakin' matronly and old. hopefully the bangs help.

sending healing healthy thoughts to femiknit. freezer paper projects soon! i'm thinking gnomes and mushrooms and lotus flowers for my kiddies. still haven't bought supplies.

sending good vocal vibes and hottie hairstyles to joya. can't wait to see you rock felt!

sending hugs and thanks to all my cybersisterinspirations...thank you for all my emails and comments. i read them over and over to get through my day. little hits from the cyberlove bong!


muchlubbins,
n.

she bangs/bookshelves assignment cont.

ok...someone needs to TAKE THE SCISSORS AWAY FROM ME!!! i have hair issues. i was having hair issues last night and hair issues this morning- feeling like it was too poofy, too much. so this morning before my shower i took my scissors and...and...and...

shit, i'm not a hair stylist! i should NOT BE USING MY KITCHEN SCISSORS TO CUT CUTE BETTIE PAGE BANGS! what the hell was i thinking? and more importantly, where were all my friends this morning when i desperately needed a hair-tervention? hello?

ok, so now i have weird little uneven bangs. ok. i can deal with that. they're just bangs.

she bangs, she bangs!


moving on to the bookshelves-(these pics didn't come out exactly the way i'd planned...and some are on their side in typical nina-fashion, but you get the point, right?)

self portrait tuesday: introduce yourself

self portrait tuesday: introduce yourself
Originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

hello. my name is nina and i'm addicted to taking pictures. everywhere. and if you look closely, one of my dear friends (i won't name who to protect her poor identity) can be seen hovering over a public toilet in the background of this picture. luckily she's also addicted to taking pictures, so she puts up with me and loves me, even when i catch her wiping.

at any given moment in the day, i've got a number of children attached to me. to my breasts, to my neck, on my back. i can usually be found at a park, at my dad's, at the libraries, or in the forest.

my feet are not clean. they are not soft. neither are my hands even though by trade i am a massage therapist. i am a bad massage therapist because even though i finished school last july and i'm certified and ready, i have not gotten a "real" job massaging. mainly because i've got kids attached to me and this doesn't work during the whole interview process, or massaging process.

i love having people over my house. i usually have lots of people in and out throughout the day. this keeps me sane, keeps me alive. johnny works until around 8p every night...so this extended family is how i get through the week. it's also why we have a crazy grocery bill. that and the fact that i can't stop buying snacks.

i'm a procrastinator that's really good at making to-do lists that make me feel bad.

i don't listen to much music.

i don't like to watch movies.

my kids listen to classical music when they sleep, not because i think it makes them smarter, but just because.

i'm obsessed with debriefing. sometimes it feels like gossiping but if you're talking truth, feel free to just call it debriefing.

lubbs,
n.

what our bookshelves tell us: an assignment

kitchen mirror by dad
Originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

i've been thinking lately about bookshelves. every night, when i'm trying to sleep, i look at the spines of the books lining my bookshelves, and they help me feel like me, bring me back to myself at the end of a long day. they are part of who i am. even though i may not take them down and read them often, they are there as reminders of where i've been and where i'm going. i have doula books and mama books and my favorite books on the top shelf. i have some random books of john's thrown in the mix, just because he's part of who i am. i have some old journals, the famous college quote book, some yearbooks, past issues of bust magazine. just having them near makes me feel better. i was thinking that it would be cool to post a couple pictures of our bookshelves...an intimate peek of who we all are. i get so much from learning about all my cybersisters and cyberbros- and would love to share my bookshelves with you. will you share with me? post your link or email me, and we can sneek peeks into each other's lives-

i'll be posting mine tomorrow. when will you?

lubbs,
n.

ooooh, vacation-

mum and pum
Originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

at the moment, i'm having a bit of vacation amnesia. i know that it was the best vacation ever, totally relaxing and wonderous-sand-between-my-toe-ishness, but i'm having a hard time articulating it. let me start with a goodygoodygood-drop list-

our little surprise party at 10p orchestrated by boo for johnny's birthday on thursday night when we got to the cape...gray was able to wake up and stuff her face with cheesecake with us. johnny loved his glasses! thanks for helping me hook our husband up with some p-town style, boo!

hot-tubertins! they cleaned the hot-tub (we'll just keep telling ourselves that) so i was able to do some serious soaking and meditating (sort of) under the gorgeous stars

our ocean view...step out of the room...there's the ocean, baby!

collecting shells with gray and then watching her obsessively sort and resort them for the rest of the weekend

fried freakin' seafood

pum's wind-burnt cheeks

not showering but still feeling glamourous and beautiful

snuggletakkies

mozzarella, basil and tomato, with lots of oil and salt and pepper

large iced coffees

sleeping so close to the kiddies for two nights

no gracie accidents

chatam lighthouse and freezingcoldlove

dunes

runaway kites

being in the car with john for four hours

using someone else's shampoo and conditioner

hats

glasses

love overflowing


well, i'm going to end here because there's an ant crawling around inside my sweatshirt and i need to go downstairs and extract it gently and make some fresh brew. hope you all have had nurturing and fulfilling weekendies! can't wait to hear all about them.

forest of trees and lights

the forest friends

tiny gray and big ole trees

pum riding in the front pack

a quick snack

the happiest campers


so yesterday was wonderful and busy and full...spending the good part of the day in the forest, teaching the kiddies about ferns and moss and butterflies, throwing stones into a pond, watching ducks, and walking endlessly. my new favorite place...the bird sanctuary in andover at phillips. my dad is heartbroken that i don't remember going there as an infant. but i do know that this place had great vibes and i'll be going back again and again.

more good news...boo just called and told me that they cleaned his hot tub! i CAN go soaking now!

we're leaving tonight and we'll be gone until saturday. no email, no bloggies...just the sun and kites and brown paper bags filled with food. i went to the store today to buy snacks for the road trip (anyone who knows me is laughing right now...i have a snack-packing problem)- and i ended up spending $40. oops. i'm a snackaholic! we've got enough nuts and berries to power us through for weeks.

have a great couple of days everyone! sending you sage-burnin' love.

n.


ps. on the way to the forest...we were driving on the highway and gray said the most saddest thing i've ever heard: "mama...look...a light forest! a forest of lights!" she saw the endlessendless row of lights lining the highway and thought it was a frickin' forest. i gave that girl a huge dose of real forest after that!

thanks galore!

me and john's painting
Originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

thank you thank thank thankin' you for all the wonderful emails and comments and over-the-top lovins i received as my last post. i wasn't fishing for them, but i loved reading everything everyone had to say.

i've been doing lots of healthy thinking and meditating the past couple of days. thinking about changing the ways of my world. looking forward to going on vacation on thurs. and friday...ah, the cape...bathing suits and searching for shells and smoothies. ah! just what i need.

can i just say that boo is on vacation at the cape...and when i talked with him yesterday i expressed that i was feeling weird and down the past couple of days, and that i missed him, etc. and i'm not kidding you, without telling me he drove FROM THE CAPE to my house (actually, my dad's house, because boo knows me and knows if i'm not home that i'm there) JUST TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER? hello! we're talking a 2+ hour trip one way. this is one seriously good friend, the best of the freakin' best. we had a day filled with random meals and random conversations, many self portraits and birthday shopping quests. i found a new pink hat to cover my trainwreck hair. boo's car broke and has $2,000 worth of damage so we cried a little about that. life is so freakin' good, so crazy, so wonderful, just when you need it the most.

so grace and i were walking out of the library yesterday morning, and she looks up at me and she says "mumma, i just want to build a frickin' fairy house!" i also frickin' died. mind you, i can thank my dad and boo for this, not me...thanks in advance for getting my daughter kicked out of preschool, guys!

ps...i figured out my anonymous family blog reader...hi, christine! :) nice seeing you the other night.

lubbins,
n.

some serious consideration

gray's rainboots, this morning...rainrainrain-
pum's first bite of a biscuit, this weekend
finger and foot painting...making an earth day banner

my new skirt and my feeties, earth day 2006

this weekend at the clothing swap...i've got a sculpture blocking my face

one of the buttons i made for the swap...felt and vintage button- modeled by a lovely lady, who's also modeling joya's coat

all the trash we picked up in my dad's neighborhood on earth day



ok- here are some topics for serious consideration:

first, let me just ask...WHO THE HELL IS IN CHARGE AT THE WHEAT THIN FACTORY?!? my past three boxes have been burnt, and i've been forced to eat them anyway because i don't like to waste and because i bought them because I REALLY WANT WHEAT THINS. but i like to eat lightlybeautifullytoasted wheat thins. so come on wheatie peeps, please! quality control.

ok, with that out of the way, i can move on to more pressing matters.

i'm seriously sleep deprived. something's going on with joey and i'm not sure what. he was up until 3am last night. and while he's sleeping peacefully now, in the middle of the day, this does me no good at 3am when normal mommies of three year old boisterous little girls need their beauty sleep. needless to say, i'm looking less-than-beautiful, and fighting off a big case of the bad-placies and grouchies-in-the-worst-ways. actually i'm feeling pretty blue but trying my best to keep my head above water. my hormones are all out of whack and i just don't feel like myself. and i had a headache yesterday that caused me to miss kim's birthday and i feel really horrible about it, cancelling on my girls.

secondly, i'm thinking of taking a blogging/computer break. i can't really articulate my feelings on this right now, just saying i'm thinking about it. blogging makes me feel wonderful and supported most of the time, but then there's all these expectations, and reading other blogs makes me feel incredibly inadequate and unproductive sometimes. this is all my baggage coming out and i understand that, so i'm trying to figure out if taking a break is the way to go.

in other news, i'm going to the cape on friday for a day with boo. i had a brainstorm in the bathroom this morning that my depressed feelings lately have coincided with boo working 24 hours a day, and us not seeing each other for like three weeks. coincidence? or not? you be the judge. looking forward to driving with husband and kiddies and then going in a hottub (hopefully boo hasn't had sex in it, and hopefully i don't get an immediate yeast infection like always).

i'm also having some other strong feelings related to the following items:
1. feelings about playing happy hostess
2. feelings about wanting to know more people that are breastfeeding...i love breastfeeding and it's incredibly difficult sometimes not being around other people that do it, too. i wish sometimes that i lived somewhere else where more mamas breastfeed, or talk about it, or something.
3. feelings of anxiety about starting/finishing my doula stuff...what the hell is joey going to do for three days without milk for 8 hours when he can't talk a bottle?
4. feelings that i'm being too nasty lately and need to cleanse myself of some toxic crap going on in my head...possibly having some sort of ceremony (jokingly of course)...maybe in the hot-tub?
5. really can't decide how i feel about this whole blogging thing. has anyone out there had mixed feelings about blogging and reading blogs and checking email and keepingupkeepingupkeepingup? i'd really like your feedback on this as it's been driving me COMPLETELY INSANE lately, almost as much as my burnt wheat thins.

in the meantime, stay tuned, stay happy. and thanks heather at four sweet peas for your sandwich idea...avocado, bean sprout, tomato, and fresh mozzarella...i made them for my mom's birthday yesterday!


lubbies,
n.

stop!

DSC07283
Originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

these past couple of days have been entertaining madness...complete funwhirlwindishness. pum only got up once to nurse last night! so that's a good thing. and now i can drink my coffee black, so that's another notable milestone. in other news, the clothing swap yesterday in boston was just what the doctor ordered...an unattached mama driving into the city, banging in the car (don't ask for all y'all who don't know what this means)-, blasting the music in the car, singing, picking up joya, hardcore debriefing and catching up, walking around the freakishly cccccCOLD city (hi, gloves?), going to femily's house and meeting some very nice ladies, and then trading clothes! wonderful women, wonderful community feeling. i made off with one of femily's sweet little see-through numbers, a tank, a kick-ass bracelet and fabulousfabulousiloveit necklace. oh yeah, and a little beltie. felt good getting rid of old crap that just made me feel bad. and getting new sparklies! i would love to host one of these babies in my hood...so if any of my local ladies are interested, let me know. i liked that some people brought soaps and jewels and i made some of my flower pins...that was it wasn't just clothes to pick from. i like the idea of purging your old crap you hate and getting some fun new stuff to play with.

i'm off...pum's crying!

lubbs.

tracy and nina 1989

tracy and nina 1989
Originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

these are some of my most cherished photos...my dearest cousin tracy and i at hampton beach in 1989. i don't know what my parents were thinking letting me have a mullet. i was a mere 11 years old. and tracy is turning 30, which means she was only around 14. we used to be inseperable...she was older, cooler, and a freakin' MODEL! hello! she taught me tons about who i am and who i wanted to be. i found these pictures while looking for another one of tracy and i when we younger and i had to post these for photobooth friday. despite the mullets, i still hold them dear to my heart.

what a little difference a day can make

sunsunsunshiny tie-dye...a mini-mama tee.

pum holding onto a tiny purple flower

all our crazy tie-dyes...our neighbors think we're crazy and we love it. they refuse to say hi or wave back at us!

johnny's shirt


i know i already posted today, but i just wanted to share with everyone what a little difference a day can make. not only did we have a fabulous day today, but it was PRODUCTIVE! we cleaned up all the trash in my dad's neighborhood, and did fingerpainting with our feet on a big earth day banner. we got our feet filthy, we all smell like dirt, and we loved every minute of it. these pics are from the weekend...our tie-dyeing festivities. isn't it funny how a badbad mood can just lift off of you at the perfect minute, revealing nothing but goodness and swirling colors all around you?

lubbs,
n.

family snuggles

family snuggles
Originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

how can i not feel like the luckiest girl in the world with a family like this? oh, cheesy, i know, but seriously! yesterday i was feeling hardcoreblue, going down into a badbad ninaplace, but today, i've got the incense burning...i've already had two cups and two chocolate chip cookies for breakfast...and i'm gearing up for a fastcrazyfun weekend and guestsguestsguests. f

irst off, earth day is tomorrow and i've decided that the gilberts are celebrating it like a big holiday. we're having auntie steph and melissa over for part of the day, and the rest of the day will be spent cleaning up the neighborhood, looking at things through our magnifying glass (or microfine glass, whatever you want to call it), and making fairy houses. fairy houses are still a big part of our day here in gilbertland...fairies this and fairies that. our yard (and all the nooks and crannies of the trees) are filled with shells and sticks and flowers and "barks". now if i could just get our neighbors to take down their fake flowers and greens from their trees! (i'm not kidding you, people...they have fake flowers in their trees...and they've taken to draping them over our fence so they still into our yard. not a big fan of this).

the rest of the weekend will be spent getting some serious auntiejotime and femme clothing swap (please clothing gods let me find something hott) and then mom's birthday on sunday with keith here at our house and then kim's birthday party sun night. holy schmoly, poor joey's going to be missin' his mama and his milk. sorry in advance little baby!

as you all can probably see, i'm in rare form today...cracked up and high on sleep! i got sleep! i'm rested! hopefully the high lasts the weekend.

meow!

self portrait tuesday: april fools

self portrait tuesday: april fools
Originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

feelin' a little nuts lately

working on no sleep, between "mum, i have to go pee"!s in the middle of the night, and joey's constant nursing and growing and nursing, and then add a good dose of insommnia into the mix, i'm pretty much up from 1am on. needless to say, i've been feeling a little nutty (almonds) lately...a wee bit off. and i kind of like it.

xo

how perfectly does this connect to mamasaysom.com, and the theme "careworn"?

pum is seriously this cute

pum is seriously this cute
Originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

did everyone have a good weekend? here's a quickie listie of all my most favoritest parts of the weekend, gilbert-style:

1. pum's drooling and raspberries, his new favorite thing. see above picture for example.
2. eating way too much chocolatechocolatechocolate.
3. seeing gray and collin hunt for eggies at my dad's house...watching collin drink the water out of the fountain and gray pour sand into her hair.
4. snuggletakkies.
5. our tie-dye extravaganza this weekend...john and i opened up the grill, and simmered the dye for about four hours and dye-ing fun. all our stained clothes are wearable again! and we did some onesies for the twins for easter presents.
6. seeing the twins, the tiny miracle babies who are now 10 months old! snuggles with craigie, and massages for both of them.
7. uncomfortable dinner conversations, including john's quotable "so, how old is your cat?"
8. debriefing
9. lots and lots of photos
10. did i mention chocolate?

stay tuned for more pics and more love.

photobooth gray

photobooth gray
Originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

i love these old photobooth pics from back when gray was a wee one. they remind me that she's always been a tough one to hold down, box in, keep quiet. and that's why we love her. also love how my dad is peeking into the booth in the last shot. that pretty much sums it up. her new thing (and i really have no idea where she picked it up, i'm not kidding) is that when i tell her something that she's not cool with, she'll say "YOU'RE WRECKING MY LIFE! YOU'RE WRECKING MY LIFE!!!" over and over, very dramatically. i'm going to have my hands full when she's a tween and teen, people. stay tuned for the ride.

pumpum's doctor's appt was today...and he's healthy at 16 lbs. 11 oz.! he's grown three inches in two months which apparently is crazymuch. he was so cute on that stinkin table...with his whiteywhite skin and pink all over. i love our doctor but i'm scared to ask him so stuff because i think he secretly thinks i'm insane, so i may change. plus, he didn't act too surprised when he learned joe's rolling over. um, hello? a three month old that rolls over. let's at least have a simple "wow" or something. throw me a freakin bone!

in other news, we're trying to get outside and do some planting, etc....but our house is a beehive. i'm not kidding you here, either, people. let me say it again...OUR HOUSE IS A BEEHIVE. last fall i found 33 bees INSIDE our house in a matter of hours. i'm down with bees and all the cool things that they do, but IN OUR HOUSE? ok, ok. really, bees scare the crap out of me and give me the willies. not quite sure how to handle the takeover because i don't want to know how many bees live inside the walls of our house. i'm scared of being those people you randomly see on tv that hear this weird buzzing sound in the walls of their house, and then someone comes and takes off the siding and their whole house is a honeycomb.

on another note, anyone know anything about homeopathic treatments and remedies and nursing? any contraindications? on the packaging it says that if you're pregnant or breastfeeding you should consult your doctor. but 1. i don't have one and 2. i was too out of it to ask joey's ped

thanks!

a mini great-full list to end my friday post:

1. pum's white eyelashes
2. grace's breath (just kidding)
3. springy egg hunt tomorrow
4. raspberry seeds in my jam
5. chocolate mint
6. hala's phone call
7. jo's wedding prebriefing
8. honey seasame sticks
9. losing 7 pounds since my goal list posting!

meow meow meow everyone!

xo

a big tall drink of nature

a big tall drink of nature
Originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

just what the universe ordered (because if you know me, you know how i feel about going to the doctors)

thank you ladies for all my pick-me-ups...how nice to be lifted up, spirit-wise, when i was feel like poopoopanties.

today was really wonderful for a whole bunch of reasons, and it's only 1:43p. lots more living to do!

decided to spend $15 today on a homeopathic treatment, pathouli incense cones, and chai at wild oats in attempts to hardcore take care of myself (ie take caramel). feeling much better than yesterday, even though it's all in my head. long shower, two cups of coffee, tea tree oil and lavender, hot packs...feeding the birds stale bread, recycling, homemade dough. both babes asleep...off to read more of 'the namesake' by jhumpa lahiri with the smell of my incense.

hala...i'm trying to call you...plans with my dad and aunt fell through this morn because of the weather...hope we can connect soon girlie.

and joya...i'm calling you, too!

i could

DSC07300
Originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

i could write a post about all the wonderful parts of my day...like apple turnovers with my dad, how good my coffee tasted, walking around the forest taking pictures, having a picnic of cranberries and nuts, getting my feet dirty in the sand, watching grace playing under baseball field sprinklers, making homemade playdough. i could go on and on.

but for some reason, despite all these wonderful things, today is trying and difficult. grace has been testing me for days on end now...nearly suffocating pum with a towel yesterday, and greeting her daddy with a good morning smack across the face. this picture sums up how i feel. i barely recognize myself. worn down, exhausted. i love being home with the kids, but it's days like this when i just feel so tired.

and judging from this picture, pum is feeling his mama's pain. he always looks so shocked in pictures. little pum.

don't get me wrong...gray is a wonderful, caring, loving little cherub most of the time. and with everyone else she's usually so well behaved. but lately with johnpigs and i, she's just so testy. we literally need to take her to the track and let her run around it to get all over her energy out. she's had a fever lately, too...with blisters on her lips. her hair has been untameable. she looks like a wild woman bursting at the seams. i love these parts of her but it's difficult being a mama to someone with such a fire burning in her...a girl on the verge.

torture

new way to freak out my kids:

http://www.careerbuilder.com/monk-e-mail/?mid=7068261

self portrait tuesday: fun with shadows

fun with shadows
Originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

being silly with gray in the springysun...shadows on the side of the house

sowing the seeds of love

buddha love
Originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

yes people, i love tears for fears! i don't care what anyone says...i'm a fan.

anywho, spent the day in greenhouses smelling the flowers with the kiddies and my dad, teaching grace the names to all the different types. we're not anywhere near ready to plant around here...way too cold still, and there's always a danger of frost (or snow). so we were just browsing mostly, looking for sunflower seeds (although i've got bags of salted ones in my cabinet...can't i just use those?)

this weekend was a whirlwind of guests and excitement and food and love as usual. boo's birthday was fabulous and i actually (yes, actually, surprisingly!) had fun at the bar! i'm over ethiopian food costing $170 but i liked meeting boo's coworkers and being a nondrunkbreastfeedingmama...we all got to make breastmilk jokes. nothing like a good boob joke! em's visit was great...my kids were well taken care of by their aunties and grandparents this weekend. at the end of it all, gray had a huge meltdown (due largely to the two slivers she has in her hand that she is refusing for me to touch) and is currently still melting down. accident in the bed last night, too. i'll be spending the week doing damage control and trying to get our family back to some semblance of normalcy (hum) and control (ha).

weekend preview

gorgeous girlie
Originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

i love this pic of gray. i love the sun on her beautifulbeautiful skin and her wide-eyed wonder. i miss her! can't wait until 10a when i can pick her up.

i have some serious sleep deprivation issues. serious. the night before last, joey woke up every 45 minutes-ish to nursenursenurse. last night he woke up about three times, but i got up at 4am this morning for some unknown reason and couldn't go back to bed. i'm not complaining (yet) but dear, dear body...can you please sleep when you have the opportunity to? i'm worried about my energy levels for the weekend, but since it's BOO'S BIRTHDAY!, this also means that there will be plenty of cooking, chocolate frosting, and of course, coffee to get through the day.

yesterday we spent the day tromping through the black-fly infested forest. i got one stuck in the tiny folds in the back of my throat and i wanted to either throw up or kill myself. then my mom took gray for the rest of the afternoon and i spent the day with joe in the library stacks, reading poetry and magazines, then at home watching him sleep, kissing his face. i felt like a lost soul without grace. last night gray went with her mimi and slept over (they went to see ice age and when i talked to grace on the phone she was all "mami, it was wicked scary...the squirrel hit the fishie!" i have no idea). anyway, gracie was gone, and puppa insisted on watching joey for a bit, so the adulties (john and i:) got to go out for some dinner by ourselves. of course we had to pick somewhere close and cheap, so we went to the dirtydirty china tea house. before we entered the building i literally said "please god don't let us see anyone we know", and as soon as we open the door, denny is standing there! i gave him a big hug and told him that i just said that i didn't want to see anyone but he was an acceptable person to see. love that kid so much.

anywho, ate disgustingdelicious food and talked with hub and then picked up joey. i'm so tired i don't even know why i just wrote that story...

ok, happy happy happy birthday trollspotting! can't wait for em's visit. dad's pruning my tree today (that sounds dirty), em's coming, steph's coming over for a bit, and then it's into the big city tonight for dinner and then to a bar (hi, have i ever been to a bar in boston with the exception of the bachelorette parties this summer? i don't think so...i'm scared!). here's to a wonderful weekend. please send me energy and stamina and good hostess and baker and friendfriend vibes.

what are you doing this weekend?
xo
n.

things i love part 5,000

the hugest strawberry ever at my dad's house for lunch...and sosososweet

steamysteaming beverages in my christmasgift mug

buttons buttons buttons...and grace sorting and resorting into cups, making "jimmiecoffee"

grace's gap teeth

my ridonkulous new sunglasses that are so un-nina but work so damn well...this is why people wear sunglasses! can't believe i've missed out for all these years! i'm a convert.

steaming beverages (sorry for the sideways pics again, peeps!)

ben harper's song "better way"

ben lee's song new song about love...the lyrics floor me every time

the way shakira's song (i know! how embarrassing to admit) "hips don't lie" is stuck on repeat in my brain

the fact that my van broke again yesterday and today was the second time in two weeks we've had to bring it back (just kidding that i love this, but trying to stay positive). at least it was free

watermelon for dessert tonight

thin mints

grace's priceless quotes...new ones: "read those books while i go pee. that's acceptable!" -geg
and when she's disappointed or frustrated, she says "that's fair!" instead of "that's not fair!". i laugh every time

visiting auntie donna in the hospital today and watching her smile, giving her hugs and kisses and cards

both kids sleeping right now

thanks

grace the nature lover
Originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

this picture is from this weekend. we took a long nature walk at harold parker state forest, with identification books (trees and butterflies) in tow, along with a "field journal" (hi, grace made that up) and a antique magnifying glass that puppa gave us. it was sunny and gorgeous until we made it all the way into the forest, and then it turned cloudy and cool. grace wanted to "swim" in this stream...she was having the time of her life, singing at the top of her lungs and throwing rocks. against our better parental judgement we let her go for it. hence her cold yesterday, and us having to stay home. at least it was rainy, and i got some craftypresents done, and some button sewing. i really felt like the stereotypical housewife when i took the shepard's pie out of the oven! anyway, grace dubbed this pine needles "tickle-lillies". the cutest.

thanks for all the great comments yesterday and always...i felt like it was lovefest 2006!

we've got incense burning this morning, spring cleaning, getting prepared for a fabulous femme clothing swap coming up in a couple of weeks...boo's birthday festivites this weekend, along with emily's visit. lots of preparations in the works. i'm at my best when i have houseguests. planning the food shopping list is always a treat.

in other news, pummers discovered his feet...his new favorite toys. i secretly get off watching him struggle to get them in his mouth, which he can't do without my help.

also, really feeling good about being back in touch with one of my favorite ladies in the world, d.b. haven't really been in touch since she was in my wedding party!, but got reconnected recently and i'm so happy. d.b...even though you're not computer saavy, i love you and i'm so happy you're checking in here!

and c.d., i've got nothin' but love for you. sorry about yesterday.

what else? oh, the goal updates! i actually rode my bike this weekend around and around and around the valley...it was rusty and creaky and one of the best mornings of my life! my legs were burninghot. i rode to my dad's for some much-needed wd-40. he tried to get me to eat some bacon but i just wouldn't break down and do it. i also did some serious yogatime with gray, which is always a treat, because she's always pooping and announcing it to the world. "i tooted, mumma, i tooted!"

xo
n.

self portrait tuesday: this aint no april fools

locks of love
Originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

first let me start off with a gray quote from the morning: "i don't like your trainwreck hair!". my bedhead style just doesn't agree with the little critics around here. joey keeps looking up at my hair and smirking. grace doesn't like me stealing her clips. evidently i'm just a big ole trainwreck.

so a little bit of the backstory to this self portrait creepy april unfools tuesday. i found out my cousin's girlfriend, who is only 18, found a huge lump in her hip (malignant cancer) and tests showed she also has cancer in her bone marrow, and now her lungs. only 18! my cousin had an engagement ring for her previously and when this all came out a couple of weeks ago he asked her to marry him. i can't stop thinking about their story...how the world is such a crazy place, how sometimes people take their health for granted, etc. etc. i obsessed. i decided to just go for it and chop off my hair and donate it because it was the only thing that i could do. locks of love actually deals primarily with kids with alopecia, but it will hopefully be put to good use. it's just hair. i feel so much lighter without it. and even when i look in the mirror and don't feel so hot with my new short hair, and my daughter's calling me a trainwreck, i still can feel good because i know it was the only thing i could do.

xo
n.

goodbye hair

goodbye hair
Originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

early self portrait tuesday...a little bit of a self portrait sunday night.

goodbye long long hair...you're being sent off to locks of love in honor of someone special going through some tough times...more story to come. in the meantime, i am back to my short-haired self and feeling FREE! loving it. and i love knowing that my longass hair might help a small one get a wig if they so choose.

xo!
n.