happyhappyjoyjoy

tiny moments

grace's favorite conversation to have with joey. i overhear them conversing these exact words many, many times a day, while i'm in the bathroom, while i'm in the kitchen trying to cook. it's often followed by the sound of joey gagging when grace tries to plug his crying up with his binky.

"oh! you're looking for your milk? there it is!...in mami's boobies!!" -grace, to joey

self portrait tuesday: mirrors

new photos up on flickr

http://www.flickr.com/photos/ninamariegilbert/

inspiration and chubby thighs

doesn't get sweeter than these chubby thighs...the bigger his get...the smaller i want mine to be!

does anyone have any inspiring book suggestions for me? i want something first personish or slightly self-helpish (although i usually hate these kinds of books...) or memoirish. right now i'm reading "a million little pieces" and i need something positive and inspirational when i'm all done.

xo

thank goodness for dora and her annoying backpack (grace's picture of the tv)

anyway, thanks to everyone for your thoughts and well wishes for nicole. i haven't had an update since i saw her thursday night but she was looking better than i thought and is really just lucky to be alive. it's enough to scare me not to drive again, though. it really is such a crazy, crazy world. but we're all glad that she's living and breathing on her own, and for now, that's got to be enough.

this weekend is semi-relaxing...i'm trying to live more in the moment but it's freakin' hard with two screaming little ones. john and i went out on a "date" last night but came home after an hour...a VCR problem at home sent grace into dora withdrawal. today it's mom's house for lamb and beans and weird conversation.

xo

thoughts

sending out good thoughts and love to my dear friend nicole who got into a major car accident yesterday and is in the ICU. i was lucky enough to spend sunday night with her catching up and eating and talking, and now she's in bad shape due to the crazy wind and rain yesterday. keep thinking of her and her family and hope everything turns out OK.

other than that, my dad took care of us today by taking us (yes, again) to newburyport and the beach. we went to an outside sculpture garden and took great photos and then gracie and i chased waves at the beach (hello, freezing). life is fleeting and fragile and i'm trying to savor every moment of it.

xo

self portrait tuesday

blissy blissy breastfeeding time

as much as it's been a struggle, i'm proud to say that these moments are such a big part of my personal history.

my life

this picture just about sums up grace's mood today...clingy, whiny, grouchy. oh these days make me appreciate the happier ones where everything is sparkly and crafty and wonderful.

love this quote...found in a magazine last night at our almost three hour family date at borders!

"one cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well."
-virginia woolf, "a room of one's own"

off to the doctor's for joey today. thank god, because he's stopped pooping (you think i'm kidding but i'm not) and i need to talk to someone stat about it! poop, boobs, throw-up...this is my life.

peace

still tired. no people, that's not red eyeshadow that i'm sporting. those are my goddess-given capillaries showing through my eyelids! sleep deprivation and sinus issues are catching up with me. lovely johnny took grace out to breakfast this morning so i could cry and try to sleep in peace. and last night i got to go out ALONE for almost five hours. i'm lucky to have some wonderful ladies in my life who take such good care of me. i wish i could've lived more in the moment and thought less about my little ones but i guess that's motherhood for you. the night before i also went out with just joey and had a grand old time listening to my radio in the car, banging, and catching up with friends. looking forward to the week ahead, looking forward to joey's acne clearing me up (it's breaking my heart...along with the cradle cap and the chunks of hair falling out of his head!), and looking forward to feeling at peace.

xo

the good things

(a pre-acne sweet shot)

as a p.s., i thought i'd add a little "good things" list to help stay focused and positive:

1. library book sale today...and lots of wonderful finds...felt tutorial, gyo fujikawa, sweet pickles
2. pizza at the beach again yesterday, and the heat blasting in the van, with hot coffee
3. seeing grace in aunty emily's quilted dress
4. dora the explorer videos that keep grace occupied while i cook
5. steak for dinner, or scallops!
6. seeing friends this weekend
7. working on my family and relationship goals for the year
8. grace's ice skates
9. joey sleeping in his crib, on his back! and waking up twice to nurse
10. yoga journal
11. creamy tea in sippy cups
12. sugar
13. finished thank you notes (or hopes to have them finished soon...)
14. grace pooping on the potty
15. boo bringing me surprise iced coffees
16. getting rid of my porch full of christmas gifts
17. watching my forced bulb grow
18. folded laundry
19. seeing john proud of himself and his body
20. the future of non-maternity clothes!

snuggles

looking forward to the weekend, which is funny, because i think some may think that as a stay at home mom, every day is the weekend!...but this just isn't true around here. i can't wait for john to be home, can't wait for grace to go to puppa and dede's for her friday night date, can't wait to watch 'born into brothels' and sit on my couch and drink tea and hopefully do something crafty and see my friends. oh the weekend.

back to nursing full time, no formula. met with lactation consultants and they were able to keep me in their clan for the time being. i felt like i was being recruited! anyway, joey has his bad times and good times, but i love nursing, so i'll keep with it. he doesn't have a milk allergy (they tested his poop!) so i feel good knowing that. grace is being a complete piece of work this week...and i find myself continually wondering how she learned to be so damn mean and nasty. i feel like the mother of a hormonal teenager. she's absolutely biting sometimes. and then other times she'll look at me and tell me i'm beautiful and her best friend and how much she loves me. i can't figure it all out.

the only other thing going on is joey's acne...it's so bad at this point that i literally have a hard time looking at him. every inch of his face, ears and neck is covered, except for the round tip of his nose. i'm talking thousands of small red zits. it's horrible. there's nothing to do about it. except at least now i know it's not my milk doing it to him, it's just something that happens around 3-4 weeks. grace didn't get it. i wish i would've read the advice "take all the pictures before the acne arrives" before last week!

gems and boobs

thanks for the kind words, dear friends. things here are not good. i just cried on the phone to a lactation consultant. i need to look outside my world and realize there are much bigger, life-altering decisions to be made other than to breastfeed or not to breastfeed, but right now this seems so huge.

and so do my boobs.

to remember to laugh, i found this video:

http://gem.space150.com/

also, www.gemsweater.com

great material for trollspotter.

self portrait tuesday

freakin' exhausted.

focus, mama! focus!

lots of screaming and crying here, although everyone is currently (temporarily) sleeping. joey had some formula last night and we put him in his crib for the night. probably more traumatic for me...he seemed to do ok until 3am rolled around. everyone's cranky today, including me. tried to counteract it by getting out of the house and buying a yoga mat (fancy pants me!) with store credit from christmas (goodbye fugly sweater!). anyway, boo's on his way over and joe's about to wake up soon...just wanted to check in.

poor little pummers

look at this stinkin' face. look at the little bags under the eyes, and the sad-man pout. oh little pummers has a bad, bad belly. it's been crazy here...lots of screaming, lots of not sleeping, lots of trying to poop and not being able to, lots of suck-blisters, and lots of pushing. poor little pummers is having a tough time digesting something and i'm not quite sure what. don't get me wrong...i love breastfeeding more than anything, even when it's tough, i love it. but i feel like i'm making my baby sick! we may break down and try him on a formula bottle tonight (i can't believe i'm going to do this, but i can't stand to see him like this anymore!). we'll see how that goes. i don't want to stop!

and how is it that 3 weeks after having a baby i can get my period!?! why am i such a fertile mertle?!

congrats to johnny on his big big deal!

and check out jo's photoshoot through the link on my fotolog...
www.fotolog.net/ninamariegilbert

taken 5 minutes ago

not planned, not posed...my two guys snuggling on the couch, taking a morning nap.

instead of resolutions, try this--

http://www.superherodesigns.com/journal/archives/000452.html

more emily pics (thanks em!)

another emily pic

tiny tiny tiglets...one of my favorite pictures captured by auntie emily and her amazing new camera.

xo

gettin' out

my dashboard and the beach

even though some days are crazy, some days go perfectly and make me realize that having two kids isn't all that insane. today we were all showered and bathed and presentable, and out of the house by 10:15am. i'm still behind on thank you's and laundry and responding to emails (sorry everyone! i'm getting to them!), but in the meantime, i'm learning to appreciate the little things, like grilled cheese and soup at my dad's, and playing memory with grace at the library while joey sleeps in his carseat. hanging out with shannon and her three kids also helps, because no matter what, i know that someone's got more of a full plate than i do.

xoxo

self portrait tuesday

my new necklace from johnny for christmas...a little piece of my ever-growing personal history.

kisses

thanks auntie em for the gorgeous pics...i love them so much, and have one has my desktop-

also, much love to everyone for the new year. eat much and relax today! and if you're bored, come over for chili. i made enough to feed the world.

and finally, congrats and love to auntie jojo and libby. we all couldn't be happier...the more aunties the better!!
xoxo!

happy happy happy

hello everyone in cyberspace
here's wishing you and yours the happiest and safest of new years

off to brave the grocery store for steaks and lobsters!
xo

dorks

we're enjoying our auntie emily's visit...grace is in a state of bliss-

john and i took this picture of ourselves on christmas...accompanied by another one where we look totally out of it. we're complete dorks. i miss my husband. i feel like we're stuck in babyland and haven't been able to connect lately. meow.

xo

self portrait tuesday part 2

i took this picture in the hospital hours after i had joey. it was early early in the morning and the first moment i really felt alone with him, and the power of "wow, i just had a baby and i'm sitting here holding him in my arms, and i'm all stitched up and hurting and elated and wonderful and bleeding" kind of hit me, and i pulled out my camera and took a blurry picture. i was nursing him at the time, and he latched on like a champ. i love the way that the picture is out of focus and dreamy and quiet...in a way, it sums up everything i was feeling at the time.

self portrait tuesday

new mama, happy as can be, filled with milk...taken on christmas at puppa's house.

today

joey's first ride to the beach for pizza

house guests and more to come

sorry for my lack of responses lately...but i have no time to get onto the computer due to family demands and a house full of guests throughout the whole week. next week things should be getting back to normal, but in the meantime, know that i'm thinking of everyone, love you all, and i am so thankful for all your love and support! have a great holiday...eat much, drink much, and hugs to all!

xo

poo and peace

my new family


been out and about today...stopped in at the library to show off the bundle to the nice librarians that had to look at my pregnant for 10 long months. other than that, it's been breastmilk and sleeping and waking and eating, and lots of poo.

xo

my little mohawk man

thank you everyone for all your well-wishes! once i stop looking like a porn star with triple d breast implants, i'll be better able to comfortably type at the computer. until then, here's my little guy-

he's here!

more posting to come, as soon as i upload my pictures, but just wanted everyone to know that i had little joey on thursday night at 11:24pm...he was 8 lbs. 13 oz! he's healthy and happy and such a cool little kid. i've been quite busy and overwhelmed and overjoyed but i sense a crash of some sorts on the horizon, so stay posted!

xo

never fear

never fear peeps! i'm still here. just no computer at home...it's being doctored up by the fabulous IT geeks at johnny's work. getting a computer makeover. when all is said and done, hopefully john will be able to work a bit from home, allowing me to have somewhat of a normal household when joey decides to make his debut.

everyone is taking such good care of me. thank you. messages and hot chocolates and tea and candy bars up the arse and yummy christmas tree lighting and snow. i feel so blessed and warm and wonderful today. there's about 10 inches of snow outside and my dad came to my house this morning with breakfast and then came back at lunchtime to pick me up and take me to his house. to light me a neverending fire and feed me pie and salad and chicken and bread and tea. is it obvious that lately i've been basing lots of my happiness on food? grace is napping with dianne right now, i'm on the computer catching up, thinking of christmas. john got his fourth deal, steph returns tomorrow. unfortunately the snow is making me miss boo's housewarming party in the city tonight...(can't risk fender bender or having the baby in the car in a snowstorm!!) joey has the hickups and his bedroom is all ready. just have to hang up the mobile. all things mechanical have fresh batteries. there are frozen pies and cookie doughs in the freezer for holiday guests. the pantry is stocked. laundry folded. i cleaned our closet out today. put away maternity clothes! life is so so good.

i'll keep you posted. xo!

self portrait tuesday

these pictures (taken as part of the self portrait tuesday reflective surfaces theme) were shot in my dad's bathroom...i like the hazy, lazy lighting look of them. they were taken maybe two weeks ago...and i've gotten huge since then, and my belly's dropped even further. i love how they capture a moment in time. i love that i'm wearing grace's hat. i love that my hair is down even though most of you will never catch me like this. i love how i'm at my dad's, and it's winter, but he still is using my beach towel that i left at his house at the end of the summer for a hand towel.


for anyone wondering...i'm doing ok. i'm contracting and spewing strange substances but still no baby. still dilated. just keep thinking of my dad saying "well, hope you don't have mice!" not the greatest visual. anyway, thanks to everyone for all the love, all the chocolate, the mail, the putting up with me saying that "i'm really in labor, for real, this time."

xo

seriously, could i get any bigger?

why oh why do i get so enormous when i'm pregnant? i weighed in at 184 today at the doctors. i spent all morning there, almost crying. lots and lots of tests to find out why i feel so horrible all of a sudden. really out of it, scared to drive, nauseous, weird vision, fluid retention, cramping, you name it...i've got it. waiting for the results. nonstress test came back fine, which makes me feel good, because i wasn't feeling as much movement as i would've like to. he's fine. it's just me that dr. lemonnier is worried about now! but my blood pressure was only slightly elevated. i'm effaced and 1.5 cm dilated...and he's in position. so let's get going buddy. although i'd miss my knitting class (hope i get a refund!) and steph would be away (have a good honeymoon, girl! we'll see you when you get back). i'm just having one of those days where all i want to do is cry (which i don't do often) and mope and get this little boy out.

xo

Quirky

(grace's self portrait, wearing her smock).

grace eileen is the original quirkmeister, and i often find myself wondering where the hell she came from. but wondering it in a nice and awestruck way...we often say "where did she learn that?" or "how does she come up with these things." oftentimes her vocal stylings revolve around the topics of genetailia, or relationships between people (i.e. "mama, I'M your GRANDFATHER now!!!"), or my prenatal checkups (she said to the doctor last week "you're going to check my mama's beegine AGAIN!?!?") anyway, her newest quirk involves talking on the phone and lulls in conversation. lately, whenever she feels uncomfortable with a silence in a conversation (like on the telephone) or at the thanksgiving dinner table, she repeatedly states "so, like...a couple weeks ago...so, like, a couple weeks ago..." it's the most hilarious thing i've ever seen, because it's accompanied by uncomfortable giggling under her breath, something you see grown adults do when they want to jump out of their skin during a conversation. she may have learned it from me but i can't recall doing this. regardless, it's freaking hilarious and i love her.

xo

self portrait tuesday

exploration of identity: pregnant

i figured since i'm down to the wire here as far as this pregnancy goes, i'd post another pregnant self portrait. i took this last week at a fancypants coctail party, right before i literally busted out of the dress...i'm talking ripped fabric and all. nothing too traumatic, but it makes for a funny story. that happened right after eating an obscene amount of roast beast and drinking shirley temples like water.

and a little p.s.

if everyone out there could please wish for me to go into a quick and peaceful labor, preferably by tomorrow morning, that would be just peachy. as long as i have time to jump in the shower and wash my bum beforehand, there will be no complaining from this mama.

xo!

i'm punished but productive

my scarf to wear to the hospital when i deliver joey...my purling experiment, and my stockinette debacle all rolled into one piece...-


my advent stockings for wee gracie eileen...all hung and named. johnny was more excited about these than gracie and i put together...he named them all. we put a tiny ornament in each one for gracie to open each day of december. she has her own christmas tree in her tiny, unheated room (i know, abuse! but we have our priorities here at gilbertland, and christmas is high on the list. heat, however...) and she can put an ornament on each day-

a (very bad) closeup of both shaun and sara's log cabin wedding quilt (done entirely by johnny) and crystal's pincushion with tiny handmade pushpins (that would be my project.)



a glimpse of secret herbal christmas treats-

crystal's wrapped treat-


for some reason, i can't get out of my own way lately and post, but at least i've been productive during my blogging siesta, with lots of crafting and eating and lazing around on the couch with my swollen ankles and pie-filled belly. here are some of the things i've been working on...(see above).

i do have to give credit to soulemama for most of my creation ideas lately (i always make sure not to take credit when friends tell me how crafty i am and ask "how do you think up these things!?!") also, i've taken some ideas from wee wonderfuls as well, along with many others that should go nameless right now because i'm so freakin' tired.
if you really are curious who else inspires me, check out my linkies on the left. i get daily inspiration from all the wonderful peeps out there in cyberspace who freakishly craft and think and process continuously. thank you.

also, one last thought...i just finished reading the epic novel "a fine balance" and it was AMAZING. and i've moved on to "julie and julia," a nonfiction book about a smarty-pants woman who decides to cook every recipe in julia child's "mastering the art of french cooking" in 365 days. makes me feel jealous that i'll never be as witty and wonderful a writer. but such a freakin' good book. about to jump into bed right now (and if you could see my ankles, you'd know i'm not really doing much jumping lately) and read, read, read. and drool.

self portrait tuesday

much more updating to come, esp. craft related...but in the meantime, here's my picture for SPT. me, far away, in my own world, knitting my scarf to wear to the hospital to deliver joey (which is now officially completed) in my dad's leaf-covered backyard.

that stinkin' face

little mug

it's been craftcentral here in gilbertland, finishing up projects and doing it up christmas style. got tons done today and feeling great. joey is down low and he's in position! his heartbeat was a bit fast yesterday due to too much coffee and not enough water. looking forward to date-night tonight, taking john out for conversation without the littleone! grace has been a challenge this week...very demanding, whining, very high and low. i need mama time, i need crafty time tomorrow at spark with jo, i need coffee and magazines without crying and "ouch, he hurt me, she hurt me, i want 'nola, mama, where are you!?!" very excited about the weekend.

but how can i be mad at that face? ;)

xo