pain in the a$$

So I've been dealing with this thing...this thing of a very private nature.  And it involves my ass.  More specifically, it involves a cyst on my tailbone.  And this cyst on my tailbone is my teacher right now.  And it's a royal pain in my ass.

Not only is it forcing me to slow down, but it's forcing me to be acutely aware of my body and it's needs.  For those of you out there who know me...I'm not a big fan of going to the doctor's.  I'm one of those people that will ignore something for as long as possible until it (hopefully) resolves itself rather than go to the doctor and nip it in the bud.  I don't even really know who my PCP is.  I just don't go.  And I'm usually pretty successful treating things homeopathically.  Or with essential oils.  Which is what I've been doing with this cyst (this cyst that I've had since I was a little kiddo)----using helichrysum oil and sometimes Thieves.  Let me tell you...if you haven't experienced the magical qualities of a good helichrysum oil (I've yet to figure out how to appropriately pronounce this), then go explore!  It's insanely powerful.  One drop goes a long way.

Let me tell you something though...essential oils helped.  For a long time.  But ever since I started IVF, this cyst has been acting up.  And getting bigger.  Bigger than essential oils and some good mojo could fix.  And then once I gave birth and was laying in the hospital bed recuperating from the c-section, it reached epic proportions of painfulness.  I just remember laying there, and the nurses would come in to check on me, asking "How do you feel?" and  I would say "Great, except..." and then proceed to tell them all about my tailbone.  They look confused.  Didn't you just have your abdomen cut open?  And you're complaining about your tailbone?  I found that I was saying yes to the pain medication, not for the incision pain, but for the pain in my ass.

Yesterday I almost cried I was in so much pain.  I can't sit.  I can't walk.  I certainly can't exercise.  And as saintly as Johnny is, he is certainly tired of hearing me talk about my butt.

So my lesson?  I need help.  Doctor's aren't bad.  I need to be open...to someone looking inside my bum.  It won't be pleasant.  I've heard some pretty terrible stories about the recovery from the surgery.   Which is part of the reason why I've put this off for so long.  Luckily I have some good friends who gave me the smackdown yesterday and pretty much forced me to call the doctor and make a consult.  One even offered to pack my wound for me (now that's friendship!).   Lulu is going to be my bum-doula this afternoon when we go in for my first appointment.

I've got this.  Deep breaths.