gray's rainboots, this morning...rainrainrain-
pum's first bite of a biscuit, this weekend
finger and foot painting...making an earth day banner
my new skirt and my feeties, earth day 2006
this weekend at the clothing swap...i've got a sculpture blocking my face
one of the buttons i made for the swap...felt and vintage button- modeled by a lovely lady, who's also modeling joya's coat
all the trash we picked up in my dad's neighborhood on earth dayok- here are some topics for serious consideration:
first, let me just ask...WHO THE HELL IS IN CHARGE AT THE WHEAT THIN FACTORY?!? my past three boxes have been burnt, and i've been forced to eat them anyway because i don't like to waste and because i bought them because I REALLY WANT WHEAT THINS. but i like to eat lightlybeautifullytoasted wheat thins. so come on wheatie peeps, please! quality control.
ok, with that out of the way, i can move on to more pressing matters.
i'm seriously sleep deprived. something's going on with joey and i'm not sure what. he was up until 3am last night. and while he's sleeping peacefully now, in the middle of the day, this does me no good at 3am when normal mommies of three year old boisterous little girls need their beauty sleep. needless to say, i'm looking less-than-beautiful, and fighting off a big case of the bad-placies and grouchies-in-the-worst-ways. actually i'm feeling pretty blue but trying my best to keep my head above water. my hormones are all out of whack and i just don't feel like myself. and i had a headache yesterday that caused me to miss kim's birthday and i feel really horrible about it, cancelling on my girls.
secondly, i'm thinking of taking a blogging/computer break. i can't really articulate my feelings on this right now, just saying i'm thinking about it. blogging makes me feel wonderful and supported most of the time, but then there's all these expectations, and reading other blogs makes me feel incredibly inadequate and unproductive sometimes. this is all my baggage coming out and i understand that, so i'm trying to figure out if taking a break is the way to go.
in other news, i'm going to the cape on friday for a day with boo. i had a brainstorm in the bathroom this morning that my depressed feelings lately have coincided with boo working 24 hours a day, and us not seeing each other for like three weeks. coincidence? or not? you be the judge. looking forward to driving with husband and kiddies and then going in a hottub (hopefully boo hasn't had sex in it, and hopefully i don't get an immediate yeast infection like always).
i'm also having some other strong feelings related to the following items:
1. feelings about playing happy hostess
2. feelings about wanting to know more people that are breastfeeding...i love breastfeeding and it's incredibly difficult sometimes not being around other people that do it, too. i wish sometimes that i lived somewhere else where more mamas breastfeed, or talk about it, or something.
3. feelings of anxiety about starting/finishing my doula stuff...what the hell is joey going to do for three days without milk for 8 hours when he can't talk a bottle?
4. feelings that i'm being too nasty lately and need to cleanse myself of some toxic crap going on in my head...possibly having some sort of ceremony (jokingly of course)...maybe in the hot-tub?
5. really can't decide how i feel about this whole blogging thing. has anyone out there had mixed feelings about blogging and reading blogs and checking email and keepingupkeepingupkeepingup? i'd really like your feedback on this as it's been driving me COMPLETELY INSANE lately, almost as much as my burnt wheat thins.
in the meantime, stay tuned, stay happy. and thanks heather at four sweet peas for your sandwich idea...avocado, bean sprout, tomato, and fresh mozzarella...i made them for my mom's birthday yesterday!
lubbies,
n.
8 comments:
Last year, I had to cut my bloglines feeds by at least half because I was reading all day long and doing little else. So, yes, I struggle with this too. Not to mention, those insanely crafty mamas with multiple kids, beautifully artistic creations, perfect homes and lives and brilliant blog-prose, and and and. Either they have a nanny or they're only presenting the happiest parts of their lives. It can't be possible. Seriously. Hang in there mama. I'd miss having you around.
Yea those are tasty huh? I've seen lots of bloggers take a break. I agree I've been feeleing performance pressure lately too. Maybe it would help to set some boundries for yourself. I was thinking of just simply haveing some cumputer free days each week, I hear you though, for some weird reason blogging is a bit stressful at times. I'm so sorry about all your other worries too. I'm still nursing my 19 month old, do you hae any La Lache leauge people in your area? They have really great meetings. Take it easy, wishing you rest peacefulness.
I just went to La Leche League's website and see that there are some meetings in Maine, but I don't know if they are near you or not. Maybe you've alreadly checked into this but here is their website if you haven't. www.lalecheleague.org
sending you crazy love girl, call me please!!! do you still have my number?? I hear you on all forementioned topics. ESPECIALLY the nursing and wheat thins :)
I too feel all I do is read and check and read, and oh, has anybody checked mine I should check and Oh i......blah, blah, blah....
Lil man got mad at me this weekend and told me very sternly "GO play on your computer mommy."
I figured I better chill.
love you girl. A
i love burnt wheat thins. they are my fovorite in the box. seriously though, i think you shoudl call the number on the box. that would make me smile beacuse i always wonder who calls the number on the box. :-)
as for the blogging... relaese yourself of the pressure. i check only two blogs a day (guess who)and update mine when i can, but no pressure. we all love to read about you and your life and your creations whenever you have time... but screw the expectations... we love you no matter what or how often.
Although I can't speak much about the momma issues, I can say that blogging can be draining at times. Feeling obligated to write, knowing what is/is not appropriate to write, reading others' blogs and posting... it can become a tired ol' boyfriend at times! You're always so positive in your posts (is that really you?) that I was beginning to wonder if you function as a normal woman with crazy hormones and out-of-control mini fits, like myself (have I said too much?). It's nice to really hear from you, and not just your handlings of the world around you.
The point is, once blogging becomes a chore, it's probably best to take a hiatus. Although it's always nice to read your life happenings, make sure you're happy first :-)
in my yoga class this morning, our teacher had us wrap our arms around ourselves while sitting down and slowly rock back and forth. we were hugging ourselves.
if you do this right now...just imagine it is me hugging you.
i am sorry you feel overwhelmed and blue and all those other emotions in between.
i do understand all that you shared about blogging. i felt so many similar feelings. when i went away to Canada for a week...i came back refreshed and with a lighter attitude about it. perhaps it was the week break. but now...i give myself permission to do whatever i want with the blogging world with no pressure. if that means a no blog day, then life goes on in the blogging world...because i found out it sure went on without me when i was away. you know?
i find the blogs that are more raw, real, ranty, venty and full of flaws so refreshing.
i hear you.
you are validated and understood.
careful in that spa...no yeasties!!!!
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