choosing gratitude

today i chose to be grateful.  even though this week was rough, even though i never changed out of my clothes from yesterday, i never put on a bra, i wore a hat instead of doing my hair.  i chose to open my eyes and look at the beauty of the world around me.

i am grateful for::

*being able to go on long(ish) walks with friends in the freezing cold, collecting sticks and climbing rocks.  just getting outside in the cold quiet is such a gift.

*family dinners out.  we went out last night and it's something we all enjoy.  yes, it might be expensive but it's one of the few things we splurge on.  it's nice to take a break during the week from the usual routine and sit across from each other.  we get to hear about gray's endless stream of boyfriends and stories about their friends at school.  i treasure these moments because i know that some day i will miss them terribly when they go off on their own.

*lulu's school.  i love that we are able to send her to a co-op, and that i get to volunteer in the classroom.  although yesterday i was co-op mom and it was also a full moon...and i must say, i came home a VERY tired mama.  i give major props to pre-K teachers...any and all teachers.  that is serious WORK.

*the promise of a creative brunch on the horizon tomorrow on the ocean.  this week has been challenging in many ways for our family and the thought of a mini escape (and my little one is playing hookie and coming with me) makes me happy.

*new bright red tea cups

*fresh cornbread almost every day

*cooking meals for my family almost every day, being healthy enough to get up and do so, and having enough money to afford to provide nourishing food for everyone.

*the new incense i was gifted....burning it and taking a minute to slow down

*sleeping with rusty.  even though i said i would NEVER have a dog sleep in my bed.  even though i've been known to say that i don't even really like dogs that much.  i am totally whipped by my little puppy and he's the best snuggler in bed.  we don't do it very often because we don't want him to get used to it...but when we do....it's good...

*having the kids and johnny take my boots and my socks off at the end of a long day.  joey's foot rubs.  anyone's foot rubs.  calf rubs.  anything.  i'll take anything i can get.

what's making you slow down and say thanks today?

bracelet love

throughout this pregnancy, lots of crazy things have happened that keep showing the parents and i that this experience was truly meant to be.  this story is an example of that...

two weekends ago, when i attended the double rainbows' shower, i was going around being introduced to everyone.  all the people that i met were really incredible, open, and loving.  the DR(double rainbows)'s mom introduced me to one of her best friends, and the best friend said to me "i hope this is OK but i have a little something for you."  (this was unbeknownst to the DR's mom, btw).  she handed me a box and a card.  and as i was opening the box, she said "i took my seven year old to the store with me and she picked this out for you."  when i opened it, inside i found a beautiful "path of life" alex and ani bracelet. 

it was the SAME EXACT BRACELET i had given the DR's mom for her birthday at the beginning of the summer (also when we found out i was carrying the twins).  the best friend had no clue that i had already given this same bracelet to her friend (mind you, there are like millions of alex and ani bracelets with tons of meanings)...but the DR's mom and i just stood there, with the hairs standing up on our arms, all freaked out in the best of ways possible.

so now we have matching bracelets to commemorate this journey.  i love looking down at it knowing that these days of incubation are truly part of my "path of life."  i wouldn't change it for the world. 

gratitude list

i am a big fan of gratitude lists, not just during this time of year, but the whole year long.  i love taking the time to think about all the ways that we are blessed.  i love focusing on the good.  i also love everything about the holidays and the time leading up to thanksgiving, when we will gather with our family and really focus on what matters. 

so with that, i present to you----my gratitudes!

*  so grateful for joey's healing capabilities....this wednesday will be his last eye appointment.  despite his traumatic eye injury, he's walking away with all his vision and no major lifelong complications!  and after this, no more $35 copayments every day!

*  grateful for sitting around a roaring fire with the women in my faith group----just listening to them speak as we go around and share in the circle.  i always preface whatever i say with "i don't have much to say this month" and then typically launch into something...they all inspire me to be a better mom and have a closer connection to my spirituality.  plus, i adore sipping on tea that i don't have to make for myself.  i could listen to them talk and process for hours. 

*  attending the double rainbows' baby shower last weekend!  i can't even put it into words...won't even try.  it was moving, emotional, overwhelming.  i walked away from the day feeling so filled with light and so happy that the babies are going to be surrounded by so much love in their lives.

*  my friends and my mom who took me out to shower ME with love and to celebrate my surrogacy journey.  we had an awesome dinner out----and it even included us having to leave the restaurant while the fire department came!  they showered me with gifts to pamper myself, a wrist full of meaningful bracelets with powerful symbolism, wine, scarves, a pedicure and a beautiful necklace.  i felt so lucky to have all these incredible women in my life.

*  last weekend i also went to an awesome "sprinkle" brunch for my friend who's expecting her third baby.  who invented brunch?  i want to make out with them.  brunch is amazing.  friends eating and drinking together in the morning is amazing.  especially when you are celebrating a baby!

*  john and i finally got a chance to redeem my massage gift certificate that i got for my birthday.  it was life changing!  we got our first couples massage at this awesome place in town.  i enjoyed every second (which truthfully can be hard sometimes for me) and i loved all the aroma-therapeutic stuff my therapist used.  and the hot towels on my feet!  and she massaged the rainbows.  it was a good, good day.

* getting asked to be a bridesmaid in my brother and ashley's wedding!  we went dress shopping this weekend, and not only was i happy to be included in on the day, but i was happy that my very-pregnant body is still cooperating and letting me trek around everywhere and keep up with everyone!  i don't even know what i would do if i had to slow down for some reason.  knock on wood....

*  hanging out with our dear friends and watching polar express like we've been doing before the holidays every year since gray was a baby.  just catching up and sharing food together, picking up where we left off.  watching our children have fun together.  creating new memories and traditions. 

*  the promise of lots of good things on tap----the small things, like breakfast dates and shared cups of tea, and the bigger things, like hosting thanksgiving, all our christmas activities, and then, you know, delivering these beautiful babies. :)


what are you grateful for lately?  xo

Just today

the hostess with the mostess, mindy, at her awesome retreat that i was lucky enough to attend for part of the day

me and my little mini-me...you can see from this picture how drained and exhausting some days in late october/early november have been...she's got enough light for both of us, though

frida kahlo halloween costume...(basically i got home from work, didn't change, threw on my DIY flower crown and a unibrow and i was good to go)

It's so cliche, but time is flying by.  I'm pretty sure I start off every blog post writing the same thing. I'm trying to find the balance between a very busy schedule and making time to just sit down and do a whole lot of nothing.  It's a delicate balance...one that I'm not good at mastering.  Just when I was looking forward to November, thinking that it would be a time for me to slow down and turn inward, Joey experienced a pretty traumatic eye injury (Hyphema...who knew!) which is requiring us to take him to the eye doctor every day for monitoring.  He was on bedrest for a whole week, missing school and trick-or-treating.  He's doing much better now and has regained full sight in his eye, thank goodness.  I think he might even be going to gym class today for the first time.  But seriously, the whole thing had me eating my words about November.  I had a moment where I broke down and cried in John's arms, not knowing if I could manage all Joey's appointments, my appointments for the pregnancy, the girls' commitments, and John's travel schedule.  I felt the overwhelm take over and just broke down.  But John looked at me and gave me the simplest, most epic advice, which was "Just take it one day at a time, Nin."  I was looking at the calendar and getting overwhelmed with it all.   But when I actually chilled the funk out and took a deep breath, I realized that I could (with a little help from my friends) get through each day...and it actually wasn't all that.bad.

I'm feeling better about it all now.  Joey's back to school.  I'm able to have a little breathing room to try to get myself into optimal shape for the last trimester of cooking these babies.  There are lots of vitamins and supplements involved.  And a new addiction to smoothies every day.  Gearing up for a weekend of celebrations, three days of partying!  And also gearing up for hosting Thanksgiving here in a couple of weeks, which we absolutely love to do.  Thanksgiving is definitely our thing...our best holiday.  And since John will be away for Christmas this year, it's even more reason to throw ourselves 100% into it.  November is already flying by.

Every day when I look at the calendar, I try to focus just on today.  What can I do to take care of myself?  What can I do to nourish my family?  What really needs to be done and what can be forgotten about for another day?  Just today.  Just today.

snaps

if i had more hands, i would've made another heart for the other double rainbow ;)

silly rock-jumping photos from our mini-vacation.  we got lots of funny looks from grouchy people in the parking lot as our photo shoot stretched on and on and we just died laughing...

farmer's market....watching the live music and snacking our way through

nubble lighthouse----i can't even begin to explain to you how much the kids were bitching and whining about how cold it was

practice thanksgiving at mimi's----joey was very pleased to eat this ginormous turkey leg....his fav

spending lots of time doing THIS....and picking ticks off of the dog

pure happiness.  leaves are my new favorite babysitter.

free fun.  rolling down the hill at the park for an hour.  i just took the pictures. ;)

we have been full throttle busy lately, between vacationing and hanging with friends...and oh yeah, FIFTH GRADE MATH HOMEWORK.  fit in flute and ccd and birthday parties and softball and then all the other fun stuff on the calendar...there are certainly plenty of reasons to fall into bed completely useless every night at around 7pm.  this weekend proves to be no different.  i'm headed out to mindy's retreat , we have a big family "church" dinner at boo's house, a double header, ccd classes, a hike to take...lots of family stuff.  and to top it all off, we have a dad who is home for the weekend AND is getting paid again.  certainly reason to celebrate last night with sushi and fancy wine (for john).  going to try to find some quiet moments to lay on my left side (totally necessary lately) and send some deep breaths to these double rainbows who have been so cooperative and laid back during all these adventures. 

'tis the season for getting out of dodge

'tis the season for going inward, quieting time, self care, whole foods, crock pot meals, and face-to-face connections.  there is something healing about sitting down with a friend over a steaming cup of tea.  there is something about sending the kids outside and watching them rake up the leaves, only to jump in them and toss them back all over the lawn.  and then start again. 

this weekend, despite the government shutdown and lack of pay, we are going to take some time as a family and go look at the changing leaves.  it will involve a couple of fantastic restaurants, some magazines by the pool while the kids splash around, stomping through streets of crunchy leaves, a few lighthouses, and lots of boogery tissues. 

i am craving this time away...a time to escape from making three meals a day for five (or seven, if you want to count the double rainbows!....or eight, if you want to count my puppy!) people.  i'm starting my mini-vacation off tonight with my monthly faith discussion meeting...one of the things that really fills me up and recharges me.  coupled with some chapters from mandy steward's new book "thrashing about with god: finding faith on the other side of everything", i should be good to go for a nice, relaxing weekend!  hopefully it involves a decaf pumpkin spice americano, too.  xoxo

(*a big thank you to my dad and nan for watching rusty for us!*)

Hiding

Figuring out how to be pregnant with twins, hold down a massage job, deal with the reality of a husband who is out of the country at least three days of the week, and manage three growing, wild children can be a challenge.

Lots of people ask me how I do it.  Especially now since my friends know that my daily glass (or two) of wine has been removed from the equation.

The answer is simple-----I hide. And I lock the door.  Hiding is even better after I indulged and bought myself the best king sized comfy blanket for my bed.   All it takes is a little bit of hiding to rejuvenate me and get me ready to conquer the rest of the day.


I'm all about hiding from reality.

The power of the circle

Yesterday I traveled back to the coast to meet up with a small but powerful group of women.  We sat around a table, ate snacks, and talked about the things that are important to us.  We talked about our goals, about our projects, and about the things we'd like to accomplish.  I left ignited by their passions, and curious about how I can kick-start my own.  I think every woman should have the luxury of circling with people that motivate them to reach for their goals----women who help them show up and lift them up when they need it.  I'm not sure what I did right in this life, but I am so lucky to have so many of these people in my life, always popping up when I need them most. 
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In other news, check out Mindy's upcoming offering----The Wishstudio Fall Creative Alchemy Retreat (the Alchemy of Small Stories and Indie Kindred screening!).  It will be an awesome opportunity for local folks who crave connections with kindred spirits, and who want to tap into the power of their own stories.  I will be attending Jen Lee's screening if anyone wants to make a night out of it! 

gratitude roundup

 fresh juice to nourish and energize

lots of deep breaths at the ocean lately, and time to circle with my beloved friends

renewed creative energy, and the promise of a blank canvas

a trip to squam----sitting by the fire, pumping four kegs, hugging the best people in the world

taking the time to create food that makes me feel good...

 field tripping with my littlest girl

 fall softball!

lots of family time, feeding my soul...


i love fall and all the peace that it brings.  looking forward to slowing down (when though?) and drinking more tea.  wearing slippers.  watching movies.  snuggling under quilts.  going to bed early.  xoxo

turn, turn, turn

all the final lazy days of the summer seemed to blend into one another.  as soon as i managed to clean all the towels in the laundry and make a nice fluffy stack of them, then we'd take another trip to the beach, and i'd be back at square one.  our big snack bag was perpetually filled with smooshed granola bars and banged up pieces of fruit.  there was sand, on everything.  the bottoms of our feet were dirty, and we were happy.

this summer was hands down the best we've ever had.  which is sort of ironic because at the start of it, i sort of expected that it would be a major challenge.  being pregnant with twins and then suddenly having three children home all.day.long., which a husband that travels heavily...i just assumed that most days i was going to feel like pulling out my hair.  this summer pleasantly surprised me. the rhythm was perfect-----i was still able to nap, and nourish, and care of myself when i needed to....but because i did, when the kids were ready to go, i was able to go along with them and keep up.  we did lots of hiking and walking and exploring.  we went somewhere nearly every day, even if it was for a couple of hours.  we enjoyed each other (gasp!).  there were definitely moments where the sibling rivalry got old....or where i yearned for a little more time for myself.  but when i got that time alone, a funny thing happen.

i missed the damn kids!

again, pleasantly surprised.

this is the second week of the oldest ones being back at school.  the littlest one starts pre-K tomorrow.  suddenly, there is going to be lots of tiny pockets of time for *me*.  i bought myself a year gym membership with the expectation that if i don't use it until after february or march, that's OK.  i talked with my friends about setting up some sort of pre-K kid share system so our tiny pockets of alone time can occasionally be longer pockets.  i'm learning to love the routine of grocery shopping on my own without the kids in tow.  i'm also learning to love walking around stores and actually buying treats for myself when it strikes me!  which is huge, trust me.  it's taken a while to get here.  this pregnancy has forced me to slow down, while simultaneously allowing me to enjoy the times while we are packing it all in.  i am eternally grateful to the parents of the rainbows, and to the universe for bringing us together.

i love the change of seasons, especially summer to fall.  even though the days are still hot and muggy here and feel tediously long, i SO look forward to the quiet moments where i sit with a steaming cup of tea on my lap, taking it all in. 

away away away again

we've been away, soaking up all the natural beauty that this world has to offer!  also fitting in as much summer fun as we can before it fades away in a short couple of weeks.  here's a little teaser of where's we've been...

this has been by far the busiest and BEST summer we've ever had.  i feel so blessed that i'm feeling healthy and energetic enough to keep up with my active little family!

well hello there, vacation

we just got back for a miniature, whirlwind vacation.  sometimes it just takes leaving for a little bit to recharge!  and we're certainly recharged.  we started the weekend off with a little love note over lunch::

then we went to a family reunion at my dad's house and had a chance to just relax, catch up with people with love, and of course i got a chance to eat my niece's face off, to i was a happy camper::

yesterday morning, we got up early and hit the road.  we headed up the coast and hit all of our favorite spots.  we started in newburyport, and treated ourselves to our most favorite bagels, and we actually got a table in the outside dining area.  then we walked over to the farmer's market, listened to some music, and got ourselves some drink treats (apple/cran/ginger iced tea and a blueberry smoothie) and some cinnamon sugar donuts for the kids.  we got back in the car, and drove further up the coast looking for a parking spot so we could go to the beach.  evidently, everyone else in the world also wanted to go to the beach, and everyone was looking for a spot, too!  we ended up at rye state park, which was very rocky and kind of secluded, and there were only a handful of people there.  it ended up being the perfect spot and we spent hours lounging in the sun, catching crabs, eating chips, and dipping our toes in the freezing cold water!

when we finally got up to portsmouth, we spent our time walking around and eating!  we went to our favorite spot, flatbread pizza company, and ate so much it was ridiculous.  i was very happy to have a nice big glass of their rootbeer on tap!  lulu was happy to misbehave and watch the man working the huge brick oven.  she was his #1 fan.  later on in the night (after we found out our hotel pool was drained and empty!), i took the older kids out for gelato and actually got to talk to them and enjoy it!  we got some fudge and a decaf latte for johnny to make up for having him sit in the hotel room with our overtired little girl (who passed out and hogged a whole bed).  i had the pleasure of splitting a full sized bed with grace and joey (lucky me!) but was rewarded in the morning by an awesome breakfast at our favorite spot, the friendly toast.  believe it or not, our waiter was actually friendly, and we didn't spend $100!  after breakfast we rushed back home to get rusty.  we all missed our puppy very much.  then it was a day full of camps and library events and general crankiness and re-entry!  overall, an awesome getaway.