early holiday saley-sale

hello dearest of dearpeeps,

just a little FYI that there's a little saley-sale going on in my etsy shop. i really want my paintings to find a home for the holidays. so they are both marked down...way down. it's a great chance for someone to get an original mixed media piece of nina beana work- so hop on over and snag it!

xx
nb.

gratitude

(leaving a space for baby #3)


pumpkin chocolate chip cookies.

dates with joey to our local orchard where you can sit down inside. johnny invested in my happiness and for just $20 bought me a new stainless steel mug from the orchard and i can go 50 times a day if i want and get "free" coffee, tea, or hot apple cider. needless to say, joey and i have been spending a ridiculous amount of our date time sitting at the table together, watching the customers, eating lemon poppy seed scones and refilling my apple cider. he draws, i get fatter. it's a pretty good deal.

whole foods. throat coat tea. finding decaf chai today. free organic chocolate milk.

sleeping all night (well, until 4am but that's progress!) for the past three nights.

having my head rubbed last night.

winning a brand new board game for the kids at a raffle last week.

my brother taking me out to dinner last night at one of my favorite restaurants.

piles of christmas presents already. lists for thanksgiving.

a huge bag of giant apples waiting to be turned into applesauce.

dinner tonight. sitting on my couch with people i love.

feeling the baby kick my laptop right now.

getting organized around the house.

feeling safe and warm in our little situation.

learning about my children who are very complex and completely beautiful and mind-boggling.

opening my mailbox and finding the most beautiful photo of roots from an even more beautiful friend. running inside, putting it in a frame, and hanging it on my favorite wall immediately.

this blog post.

this website.

campfires. hot chocolate machines. family dinners on sundays. endless marshmallows on sticks. the bittersweet popping all around us.


what's got your fires burnin'?

awake

i've pretty much
stopping sleeping
completely

maybe it's all the vampire stories?

but today
i'm thankful
for my family
for bonfires
for friends
who let me fart in front of them
and for project runway canada
at 2am in the morning

the sound of crunching leaves
is all around
and makes it all ok.

baby's favorite things

so this baby
still remains a mystery
as far as gender is concerned

there have been
some ultrasounds
but no conclusive evidence
of
if
the baby
has
a
peanut
or
a
beanerdog.

which is kind of ok.
i'm ok with the mystery.
i'm not sure i'd be as ok if i didn't already have a boy and a girl.
but babies don't need much
except love
so i'm really ok
with the not-knowing this time around.


lots of people
have asked
what i'm craving
this time around

unlike my pregnancy with grace
i am NOT craving ice cream
and milk from glass bottles

this time around
all i crave
is
SALT
and CHAI
(and bad teen lit and vampire books before bedtime)

truthfully i've kind of been eating like poo
but the baby's healthy so all is good.

xx

seriously pregnant

insanity, i tell you
the size of my buddha is complete insanity
as this baby grows
my clothes get smaller
even the maternity shirts
don't cover the whole thing
and that's ok
because soon
i will move on
to john's sweatshirts
and when those stop fitting
then i won't leave the house
because it will be snowing
and i'll be getting ready
for three.


embracing fall in all its glory.
this weekend there were parties and meals and gatherings
and fevers and coughs and clingy, sick kids
but there was so much love
and so many of the most perfect things that i heart
that this weekend
really
truly
rocked the casbah.

happy fall love love love weekend!

pleased to announce the opening of my humble little etsy shop!



see sidebar for handy-dandy etsy link, and stay posted for more goodies! thanks for all the wonderful support and encouragement so far- my peeps really do rock. xx

i woke up at 3am to have peace and quiet to watch this

why i love my husband clark griswold

we had a lovely and relaxing time up north this weekend. like a reallllly reallllly good time.

but here's why i stinkin' love my husband clark griswold.

we (read: me) were all frantically getting ready on saturday morning. there were multiple bags to be packed for multiple tradeoffs with the kids- there were soccer balls and cleats and shin pads not to be forgotten. the toothbrushes! the cough medicine! the wedding shoes and of course the purse for the new burts bees lipbalm for those crazy chapped lips. there were so many details, and we all went about our business, packing and packing and showering and uh, sleeping. johnny was quite the sleepyhead and needed to be prodded to get in the shower, pack, and eat before our departure. but that's cool, because that's soooo johnny. a complete sleepyhead.

to make a long story short, we get up north with a bit (maybe an hour?) of time to spare before the 3pm wedding. we do an early-check-in at our hotel down the street and lug all our bags and stuff up to the second floor of the hotel to our room. we decide to get dressed, run through a drive-through to pick up a quick bite to eat for preggie-mama, and then go to the wedding. mind you, we just had over a three hour drive to get to our final destination. mama's hungry!

so i start rummaging through my bag to grab my new dress. and my shoes. and my shawl. and i glance up at johnny, who's standing right in front of me looking like a deer caught in the headlights. all it took was one look at him and i say

"so you forgot your suit?"

and he nods.

so i put on my dress. and my shoes. and my shawl. and then we proceed to haul-ass to the nearest outlet store and buy a suit and shirt off the rack. the wedding! in a half-hour! dressing rooms, hip checking old people to get the goods. i'm dressed for a wedding, and john's in jeans and a t-shirt. i'm the pregnant mama hobbling through the store on high heels. pretty comical if you ask me.

but seriously, i couldn't love this man any more. this man who is my fourth child. this man who simultaneously holds our family together and causes more disasters* with his clark griswold charm. how on earth did we end up together so perfectly? he drives me nuts, yes, but i love him.


*(but this is why i cringe when we says he wants to get a motorcycle.)

ps- we really did have a fabulous time at the wedding. and managed to stay married ourselves, too. bonus!

dear luscious fall

hello fall.

well aren't you just perfect? perfect for walking around, drinking chai after chai, filling up cartfulls of crisp apples? and wearing capes. yes, i do love myself a cape now and then.

i adore you, fall. i really do.

the whole fall deal was made even sweeter this past weekend during our husband-and-wife trip to north conway, NH to celebrate the marriage of our friends. there was some serious foliage going on up there. breathtaking. and then there were the four bears we saw, right up close and personal. a mama bear and her three babies following along behind her, just crossing the road right in front of us on top of a mountain. my first thought when i looked at that mama was "that's me." there i go. my kindred bear-mama spirit. it was pretty magical and kinda freaky.

anyone who's curious...my cervix is CLOSED and LUSCIOUS (my midwife's word, not mine)! i spent the morning with my midwife getting checked because of some problems that i've been having- lots of pain and scary stuff. for anyone who knows me, you know that it was a big deal that i even called in the first place to get an appointment to go in...a first. but i've never been more relieved to hear that everything is fine, and that i'm actually in excruciating pain because i've gained over ten pounds in two weeks! hello! and i'm measuring a full two inches more than i was two weeks ago. so my body is going through some funkalicious changes, producing some uncomfortable feelings down under. but baby #3 is healthy and fine and the heart is beating great- and my private parts are luscious! so all is well in the world.


AND i don't have to cook dinner tonight because my dad's making chicken soup.

i love my life.

magic magic and more magic

this weekend, i hope the magic swirls around you.

i hope you are so stinkin' magical that dragonflies and fairies swarm to you and land right on your head when you least expect it.

i hope you think it's really rad that you are a fairy princess and the smallest of creatures feel safe with you.

then i hope you realize what's really happening and you totally freak out and lose your mind.

peace out!
xx

nesting, creating, and hibernating

so here's where i've been these past couple of weeks dear people:

in the office drowning in art supplies, marinating.

staring at the sparkly lights and the jars of goodies all around.

working on some paintings. which is big for me. like huge.

this is my painting. hello, painting. i love looking at it. i love the bits of ephemera and the layers of paint peeking through. i think it would make the greatest addition to a baby's room. i need to take some better pictures in real light (it's been raining here forever so i snazzed up the colors a bit). eventually, it will go up in my etsy shop which i also worked on getting setting up this week (thanks to the support and lubbins of dear pix). if you are pre-interested before it goes up and want more deets, please feel free to email me and we'll talk. xx

so this is me. here, sitting right here. with incense burning all around. and some fall candles. i'm either here or in my basement, sorting through about 30 moldy bags of mixed baby and toddler clothes. spending about $100 on those huge 30 gallon bins, sorting and sorting. stacking and stacking. nesting and preparing for the arrival of this baby who's gender remains unknown. sweeping and sorting and creating. thinking of christmas already. presents to make and design. getting ready for a weekend away in the mountains, sans kiddies. as much as i hate to be away from them again, especially with grace being gone all week until 4pm at kindergarten (kindergarten!)- but i really am looking forward to celebrating the love of our friends, eating in diners, and tucking away in a big hotel bed at the end of the night- just pregnant me and my husband.

so that's the scoop.

what the heck have you been up to? do tell.

when all else fails

when all else fails
i have a burrito for breakfast
and an ice cream cone for lunch.

it's a good thing i don't homeschool

their version:




(i'm sad that the "you're a little flat" part got cut off of this version because it's our favorite part, but i can't find it anywhere right now- you get the point, though...)

our version:



my most favorite part of this video is how happy grace is because she's rubbing the crap out of her brother's earlobies.

hope you have a pooperific day! xx

deep breath in

the things that sustain me:

the beach
eating on the beach
blankets on the beach
laying on the beach and having sand get all over me
swimming in undies at the beach
even though it's freezing out

can you figure out where we were this weekend?

sit with me and wax poetic about my insanity

sit down with me a moment.

and feel free to reassure me that i am not going crazy.

"what's happening?" you ask. "how are you feeling?"

and here's the part where i look at you and tell you that i really have no freakin' idea.


things are wonderful.
still.
but i'm also dealing with all these strange post-squam feelings.
feelings that vacillate between thinking my head might blow off from all the creativity,
where i go to the store and stock-pile supplies and come home and spend the day
creating things with myself and with the kids.
the house is a beautiful mess
of painted papers
and scraps
and baskets of supplies.
there are twinkling lights hanging up in my studio space
and i feel like the floodgates have opened wide
and everything is flowing and right.

but i also feel
overwhelmed
and shut off
like i need to hibernate
like maybe i dind't make enough connections
that maybe people didn't like me enough

all those nasty
g.r.e.m.l.i.n.s.
that andrea scher talked about
are rearing their ugly heads.

why now?

why after all that beauty and perfection?

maybe it's the shock of being back in my daily life,
where rountine is a big ugly beast.
i'm fighting it.
i'm trying to live more genuinely in the moment.

i keep thinking back
to penelope's class
where i gathered sticks
alone
and formed them into a simple circle
and the light was dappled
and shining through the branches up above
into the center of the circle
and i stood inside
and took a deep breath

and just was.

fully full full full

(photo by susan tuttle)

how can i adequately express in words where i'm at right now?
i'm so filled with a new kind of peace that i never knew was inside of me.
i am full.
with new friends and old ones, strengthened.
my tribe, scattered across north america.
a renewed love and appreciation for all that i have in my own life, right in front of me.
my family, who missed me and tell me so.

i really think i should get away more often.


xx

i'm home

i'm home
safe
full
happy

and lucky.

did i mention lucky?

need time to process and drown in the love of my family. back soon. xx

and i'm off

off tomorrow to go rub elbows with some of the most creative and inspiring people in my blogging world. i couldn't be happier and more excited. coupled with the excitement of grace's first day of full day kindergarten tomorrow- this mama may not be getting much sleep tonight. thank god for an endless supply of vampire books to get me through the early morning hours. :)

thank you to all my beautiful people that are helping me make these five days possible. i could spank your fannies with gratitude forever and it wouldn't be enough.

see you next week!

(and yes johnny, i fully understand that i have humongous earlobies and that this picture scares you!!- LOBIES!)

today

today
i picked a bunch of pumpkins
in my dad's yard
with the kids

and today
we are dancing to
old school records on
the record player
waiting for our dear friends from california
to arrive

everything is slowly coming together
as i prepare to leave for five days
there will certainly be damage control upon return
but in the meantime
my mantra is
"today"

and

"the world will go on without me"


sounds simple,
but i do have to keep reminding myself.

so this is what i've been up to

howdy folks
lots going down around here, but mainly cooking this gilbert-child #3
as you can see, the oven is getting f.u.l.l., round, and plumpalicious.
baby is starting to move around, little tiny flutterings here and there reminding me of the oven-times for babes #1 and #2.
trying to keep things in perspective.
trying to savor the time that #3 can't talk back to me, and can't partake in the sibling rivalry.
waiting for squam, waiting to find out the gender of said baby (the day after i get home from squam) so i can stop calling the baby #3 and start calling it by it's name.
our names rock, btw, if i do say so myself, so i'm quite excited.
i love the idea of naming little baby boys these really crotchety old man names. our boy name is "ted" but he will be called teddy. and of course, teddy bear. but can you just picture the freakin' cutestness of a little tiny baby boy named teddy? teddy stonewall gilbert. i could just eat him already.
and the girl name...i'll just wait to share that one with you.

so that's it

food

sewing machine

kids loving and kids fighting

garden

walking in the woods

parties and cookouts

planning

that's my life.
off to an open house for kindergarten.
what the hell would i do if i didn't stay home?

xx