blessed mother

i am so blessed
to be the mother
of three beautiful, healthy children
who are my guides
and teachers
now and always.



happy mother's day! xx

into the woods

the kids love to make "potions", just like good little witches. they take buckets and fill them with things from nature. they spend hours mixing and preparing (and then inevitably lulu comes along and dumps them and lots of crying and screaming ensues). even though we live on a pretty quiet street and have our own little fenced in yard now, i'm really looking forward to moving to the woods on new hampshire (fingers crossed!) and having our backyard have lots of woods to explore. i can't wait to see what kinds of potions we can all cook up while nestled among the trees!

saying goodbye

we are in the process
of saying goodbye
to our sweet home
that has served us well
for over seven years.
we love it
our guests love it
we have made babies and raised babies in it
there have been parties
and tears
and dance offs
there was a garden
filled with vegetables
and a woodchuck
who liked to eat them
there are some wonderful neighbors
who watched out for me
when john was away
there were many meals
cooked
and shared
with friends and family
there have been many drinks shared
on the deck
and many baths
shared in the bathtub

we will be sad to leave
but happy to find a bigger space
for the five of us



(our house is under agreement--fingers crossed!) xx

new blog makeover

in honor of wearing the pink pants that someone left on my front lawn
in honor of having a baby in a cast
in honor of having a house full of sick kids and a fridge full on antibiotics
in honor of sanity and insanity
in honor of art nights in barns
in honor of cutting off eight inches of my hair and coloring it red
in honor of YOU...

i did a little blog makeover.

life is crazy, life is my teacher, and i'm constantly learning. peace out! xx

the good stuff exists even though i'm failing at being a good person lately

life has been crazy busy between hanging out with people i love, eating good food, managing sick and/or misbehaving kids, and you know, SELLING OUR HOUSE. i'm quickly realizing that i don't do well with change and upsetting the cart---but i'm trying to be better. it's hard. i've been anxious and mamamc.snappypants. and i'm not proud of that. but there have been sweet moments that i cherish more than anything--

* heart-shaped pieces of bark

* going for our first picnic of the season yesterday, laying on our blanket in the warm sun, eating clementines and fruit leather

* chinese food takeout and watching a movie and drinking wine

* having a clean house

* buying more "little critter" books with joey to expand our existing collection---but he calls them "the little hairy guy books" which makes me want to buy him every single one ever written. reading them in his bottom bunk before bed.

* watching food network shows with grace

* friendly neighbors

* doing two hot stone massages yesterday on nice people

* olivia's organics salad mix

* laying on lulu's bedroom floor reading with the kids tonight

* driving around researching new towns. tonight we explored a new town in a different state! (sounds dramatic but it's only like 10 minutes up the road in NH)

* being so excited to get into bed tonight. trying to wait until 7:30p but i'm not sure i can make it!

kisses to everyone! xx

new england love

only
in
new
england
do people
go hiking
in the snow and mud
with three wild children
while wearing flip flops.


xx

good thing roundup

*this little seven year old girlie that has just become obsessed with reading. up until recently, she's been all about the obtaining of books and not so much about the actual reading of books. but thanks to the geronimo stilton series, she's now a reading maniac and it makes me want to let her stay up past her bedtime (6:30p still, i know! gasp!) and read with me.

** homemade chakra flags hanging all around.

** it's still been cold enough here to have coffee dates in front of the fire with my silly guy. and speaking of joey, he's been feeling MUCH BETTER lately. so i'm hoping that all the testing and going back and forth to children's hospital will be ending soon...(if i've been m.i.a., this is partially why.) do we know what the heck was wrong with him (vomiting and diarrhea for two months!)---no. but i'm just happy it's gone for the time being.

** little superheros in tutus who believe they can conquer the world. and who really, truly believe that they are rainbow brite. she calls herself "lulu ruby rainbow" which comes out like "you-you oo-bee ain-bow". love. (cape and tutu courtesy of auntie stephie---thank you!)

** fancy little bundles that come in the mail, filled with chocolate and healing herbs. love.


so same old same old----life is good, life is busy, life is crazy, life is hard, life is beautiful. all the good things rolled up into one chaotic life. what's shaking in your world? xx

10 random things

random 10

(because i've got nothing else for you)

1. one of my dearest friends emily is here visiting for four days. we are doing all the things we like to do together---like sit on the couch and chat, eat good food, and play with the kids. we are also going out for smoothies and eating kale.

2. i keep making chakra flags and hanging them up around the house. it looks a little cookoo-clocks. i have four banners hanging up currently. i can't stop making them.

3. i just got my first co-op order in from the earthy crunchy place. i spent too much money but saved a lot---and now i have so many fun organic bath and beauty products to play with! yay for me! if you come over, i will spritz you. beware.

4. i had a chai smoothie tonight and now i'm chasing it down with a lot of wine. you know, for like balance.

5. we got new pillows this weekend. john and i hate them because they are too puffy and hurt our necks.

6. i want to purchase something from this lovely company. don't you?

7. i also want to learn to make my own jewerly.

8. i'm also addicted to taking photos through the viewfinder style.

9. i would also like to know if when you get a letter returned to you because of insufficient postage and it says that you need to add .41, do you just add a stamp, or do you have to start over with uncanceled stamps?

10. i love getting the mail. i especially love it if i get magazine or a real letter.

bonus! 11. wheatgrass powder is ass.

i love my life. the end.

naughty little rufflebutts, and bright colors all around

lately i've been doing some major hanging out with this little mischievous rufflebutt. lulu has been out of control---if we turn our backs for a second, something is broken, someone is crying, something is missing, something is destroyed, my wood floors are painted on, crayons are eaten, markers ingested, diapers taken off and smeared, someone's playing with razors, someone's dialing 911. this child is such a teacher to me. with her, my mantra is "let go let flow". i repeat it over and over in my mind, on a loop throughout the day. i've never dealt with this level of naughtiness (and yes, it IS naughty because she knows what she's doing is naughty!) in my life! but somehow, we all look at that cute paint-stained face and that chubby rufflebutt and nobody can be mad at her, even if she just demolished your most cherished family heirloom.

in other news, i've been taking an awesome class called 'got paint,' offered by emily falconbridge. it's gotten my creative juices flowing. gray and i are diving into the little assignments, learning some new techniques, and enjoying getting messy together.

a little someone is also getting involved in the mess-making.

there's something about spring--- the blank-slate-iness of it all, that makes me want to clean, paint, and get my ducks in a row!


also, a BIG shout out to angela and penny for each gifting me ttv cameras to play with! i am consistently awed by the generosity and overall radness of my friends, near and far. (penny's latest post, here, is totally worth checking out and getting on board with!) xx!

home.

this morning it is snowing outside. we are having a "home" day, which i love. (well, it will be a "home" day until we go "out" to our family's house for dinner later, which is a whopping mile away). the paints are already out, the baby is naked and painting like an inspired maniac at the table. i've already had like eight cups of coffee. the older kids are watching old pink panther reruns and jump roping and learning how to walk the dog with the yo-yo. lulu has now painted her lips and surrounding area blue. the paint doesn't wash off. i love the look of snow when it's freshly white because it covers up all the poop brown chunks of unmelted snow we have everywhere. i cut the tip of my finger off last night and i'm worried about 1. how i will take a shower in a little bit and 2. if i will heal in time to give a decent massage next weekend when i have to go to work. typing is hard right now. i love the date night i had last night with john. i love the lobster mac and cheese that i got even more. i love that part of our date involved going to target and buying cleaning supplies (sexy). i love that we came home "late" (like 8:30p), i got a hot pack ready, put it on my tummy, and went to bed (sexy).

the end.

happy happy sunday! hope it's everything you need it to be.

through the viewfinder

one of my other "goals" for 2011 (you know, other than 'get a french press coffee maker and drink more coffee') was to learn how to make and use a through the viewfinder (TTV) contraption. i haven't been able to find an affordable dualflex camera, but a sweet friend of mine let me borrow hers! yesterday i sat down with some supplies and made the contraption (it was a bit of a hot mess---lulu was trying to get her hands on my box cutter and scissors, the kids were playing with my scraps, and i'm a notoriously bad measurer!). i finally (with LOTS of help and intervention from johnny) got it up and working!

if you are interested, here's the pattern i used:

TTV pattern

and here's some more inspiration from hula seventy:

hula's TTV love

i need to make another one using the "proper" supplies (you know, like BLACK tape, which is kind of key...). and i need to get my hands on my own dualflex. but in the meantime, i am loving this new toy to play with...and kind of loving how the first images came out.

<3

six travel confessions

i'm reading a really good book about some really great travel adventures right now, inspired by the travels of jack kerouac. every page makes me think of how blessed i am that i had some fantastic journeys of my own in my 20's. looking back now i'm so grateful that i was young and dumb- and that my parents let me do some crazy shit!

here are a few of my adventures:

1. somewhere in sophomore year of college, i traveled to europe for a month. i lived in luxembourg and took a class that was called something like "examining the cultural landscape of western europe" which translated to "go out and drink at the local bar and write a paper about it for credit". which is kind of funny because at the time i wasn't a big drinker (i could teach that class now). anyway! one of my besties and i traveled to paris and germany and switzerland on the weekends, feeding horses, being scandalous, and listening to the song 'groove is in the heart'. i remember my tiny bedroom, i remember the dark cavern in the basement of the old building we were staying in, i remember the bathroom tucked away underground where i would poop, i remember the green hills, i remember putting dots of nailpolish on the backs of snails, i remember writing papers about who had their shades up or down along the country road, i remember pizza hut downtown, i remember wearing a headwrap every day and not fitting in but not really caring. i remember learning about friendship and keeping the people who have your back.

2. between sophomore and junior year of college i took a trip by myself to new mexico. i got on a greyhound bus in worcester MA and then traveled across the county to meet an artist friend who was staying in the trailer of some dude that she didn't know but found online when searching for a place to stay. my friend had arrived first and was still alive so i figured it was somewhat safe. traveling solo on a bus for three days with a shaved head and a little backpack was pure insanity. i remember reading and writing in my journal. once i arrived in new mexico, i slept on the floor on the trailer with my friend. we ate tortillas and salsa and went to the grand canyon. we retraced the steps of georgia o'keefe. we drove a shitty car to sante fe and took pictures of adobe churches. then we got on a bus and came home.

3. a couple of days after college graduation, me and my two best friends got into my friend's truck and drove around the country for five weeks. which doesn't seem like a long time but it was like the longest and most amazing and hardest five weeks ever. i remember eating a lot of kielbasa and beans and rice over campfires (we camped in a different place almost every night). i remember eating yogurt parfaits from mcdonalds and bean burritos from taco bell. i remember thinking dairy queen was a shining beacon of goodness. i remember the badlands, i remember my journal, i remember seattle, i remember portland. i remember the seals in california and i remember wanting to come home to be with johnny. i remember the buffalo snorting outside our tent. i remember the wolves howling on the marin headlands. i remember breaking down in las vegas and staying in the seediest hotel. i remember that i gambled a total of two dollars in nickles. i remember wearing a thin yellow t-shirt about nuclear war in utah and hiking in the water at zion. i remember getting naked somewhere in the rainforest and taking pictures in the river. i remember being obsessed with julia butterfly hill and reading her book over and over. i remember being grateful that i was doing it when i was doing it even though it was challenging.

4. after returning from our trip (which was supposed to be three months but ended up being five weeks because i wanted to go home so badly)- i got in the car a few weeks later with johnny and drove to san antonio, TX with him. i remember absolutely nothing of this trip except writing on a yellow-lined tablet with a sharpie, and drawing elaborate windchime designs. we powered through and got there fast. we were engaged, john was entering the army, and there was a scary deployment looming on the horizon. i was absolutely clueless as to what lay ahead.

5. we lived in san antonio for about three months. i lived illegally in john's hotel room, which meant i pretty much stayed inside all day. i remember it being depressing and unsettling. san antonio was experiencing a heat wave and it was like 120 degrees every day. we would sometimes run across the hotel parking lot to eat soup at jason's. because soup made sense, somehow. luckily we were young and in love because that's the only thing we had going for us back then. when i look back on my journals from that time, i cringe a little because they were a touch of mental illness with a side order of boredom---lots of really weird polaroids.

6. then we drove home to MA, only to drive to watertown, NY, where we lived for the next couple of years on and off. as much as i loved watertown, i'm so obsessed with home that we made the 6 hour each way trip back and forth almost every other weekend. i was obsessed with coming home. and driving through lake effect snow didn't stop us! i was headed for methuen no matter what. we have some funny driving stories from that time. we are lucky we never got hurt. when i got pregnant, the 12 hour trip because more interesting, and more pee breaks had to be factored in, sometimes making the trip closer to 14.

there are more trips here and there (like my trip to bermuda to take a class where i studied bacteria on rocks), but those are for another time.

back to reading! and maybe planning another adventure...

five love confessions

1. johnny and i started dating junior year in college. i re-met/ran into him at a barnes and noble on thanksgiving break. he looked me up and down and said "nina catalano-----still making your own clothes?!?!" (we still say this to this day). weeks later we were saying i love you and making whispered wedding plans late at night. it was a little fast and furious, and in retrospect we both realize how freaked out everyone must have been (especially our parents!). but we could've cared less and did what we wanted to anyway.

2. we had a long distance relationship for a couple of years---i was at school in worcester, and he was at school in virginia- 10 hours away! he would drive to see me almost every other weekend in his beat-up vintage bmw. the floor was rotting away and when he finally arrived at my doorstep in the wee hours, he would reek of car fumes and be a little lightheaded from all the toxicity.

3. we don't fight.

4. part of the reason why we get along so well is because we're so different. the other reason why we get along so well is because we spend so much time apart.

5. johnny and i were boyfriend and girlfriend in like 5th or 6th grade. i still have the notes that he wrote me. i keep them in my nightstand. i had to break up with him one valentine's day because he bought me a heart-shaped balloon and i was pretty convinced that that meant love, and love meant making out. i wasn't ready for making out ;)

the end.

happy valentine's day!

.period.

so we are obsessed with periods in our house.

and say what you will, but i think that's perfectly fine (i've had some people argue with me on this one---but it's a fact of life! it's normal! it's natural! get over it). we have this old copy of this book called PERIOD that i kind of love (books like this are the main reason why i'm obsessed with library book sales). and randomly gray will just whip it off the bookshelf and lay in my bed and read it. we laugh at the cheesy drawings and the random factiods, and the tampon drawings. it's pretty awesome. even joey knows about periods--- and if you ask him about it, he will say "when i grow up i'm going to be really nice to anyone who has their period". might as well teach them young, i say.

so...!


so the other night, it was late (you know, late for us gilberts, say like 6:30p) and i was putting the kids to bed. i was saying goodnight to lulu and gray came and was all:

"come on, tell me the story about periods again"


and i'm all---
"i'm sooooooooo tired gray. seriously, just go to bed, reread the book again tomorrow, and you can ask me any questions you want and i'll answer them".

and she literally says:

"COME ON! that book is filled with pictures of kids hanging on monkey bars and pictures of the inside of vaginas, and i want to know about PERIODS!"

i almost died.

love.that.girl. she's so right, too. here's photographic evidence:







the monkey bar comment. seriously. it just kills me.

confessions

after reading this post over at freckled nest, i was inspired to do my own confessions post. it's no secret that i love self confessions, debriefing, and real talk! i want to know your confessions, too! here we go:

1. i still suck my thumb every night. and sleep with the same doll that i grew up sleeping with. except now it's just a bunch of rags tied together. my auntie rosie made it for me when i was little- it was the purple hugga bunch doll, but the kind that you would use a pattern and make yourself. once at a sleepover my friends and i decided to play tug-of-war with it and it ended up demolished. i fished it out of the garbage later that night, tying the rags together and saving it. i literally cannot sleep without it---and spend many hours searching for the damn thing. lots of times i find it under johnny's pillow and accuse him of stealing my doll.

2. speaking of slumber parties- i was always a little bit of an odd duck, bringing a notebook/diary/journal and a pen with me and spending most of the time in a corner, laying on the floor writing all night. i still have all of these notebooks and should really scan some of the pages and post them.

3. my favorite food is anchovies. i ate a whole can last night.

4. most bodily function things do not weird me out---in fact, i get paid to massage people's yellowing toenails, toe cheese, and random other weird body stuff that they are embarrassed about. lots of people will profusely apologize to me before or at the beginning of their massage, and i always assure them that nothing really bothers me. thank god, or i'd have a really tough time at work.

5. before i worked as a massage therapist and a doula, i worked for a victims' assistance center and with the department of social services doing caseplanning. it was hard work, going into people's home and seeing some really scary things involving children. when i got pregnant with gray, i realized that i could no longer see babies crawling around dirty carpets with dead cats, and decided a change of career was in order! i wanted to work with people, but in a different way---so my massage therapy path began.

6. the hardest job i ever had was working at a school as a teaching assistant for adolescents with behavioral issues. i literally had to buy a huge dunkin donuts coffee every morning and then throw back a couple of paxil to get through the day. it was the only time in my life that i've ever taken medication like that. the verbal abuse that we received was ridiculous! luckily i worked with good people or i would have never survived. although maybe my stress could be attributed that my husband was away for 10 months in kosovo? yeah, maybe that could have been it. regardless, i loved those kids and still wonder what became of them- and where they are now. the best thing ever would be to run into one of them as a successful and happy grown-up.


those are my tidbits! i love tidbits, so do share if you're inclined. xx

time flies when you're riding the crazy train

things here have been normal, except the exact opposite of that!

we've been riding the crazy train for the past couple of weeks, trying to stay grounded. there have been lots of storms, lots of no-school-days, lots of trips to the doctors and the hospital for a mysterious illness that joey was/is struggling with, lots of blood tests and waiting around for doctors (still no answers), lots of insanity when we fostered a dog for a couple of days and then had to bring her back because she wasn't a huge fan of lulu and john and i didn't feel safe, lots of family dinners, lots of playing wii, lots of quilts, lots of tea, lots of love.

i have learned some valuable lessons this week. about love, about sickness, about quality time, and intention. about making hard choices to protect your family. about how much i love my life exactly how it is. about how even though we ride the crazy train daily, it's also a pretty peaceful train ride that i don't want out of.

love

"love's a manner of being present in the world, not a perfect set of circumstances that leads to untold happiness for you, your lover, and your life. you can't control love, and if you try, bad things will happen.

some things are bigger than you and love is one of them".

-excerpt from inga muscio's 'rose: love in violent times', which is currently rocking my world

some important things

silliness
humor
family
hot cocoa
apple cider donuts
kale
warmth
treats
friends
imagination




love. xx

i'm dreaming...of a...bath.

thoughts of a bath, alone, when the kids are in bed tonight are what's getting me through this crazy witchy hour right now! a beer, my patti smith autobiography, and a nice scalding bath with my new bubble bath. i loved my little weekend vacation more than i can express here, but this monday is payback! and a little someone turns two this week and is making sure to cause as much mischief as possible before it happens.

there are about 10 vintage headless barbies laying around that didn't know who they were messing with.