stream of consciousness

pretty much had the best weekend ever, which included a treasure hunt of sorts that involved things like "buy a new bar of overpriced soap that has a bunch of chunky seaweed pieces in it". nothing like stimulating the economy with crazy vegan-friendly purchases and then indulging in indian chicken tikka masala. we were all over the map this weekend, doing the things that we like to do and not having to justify them to anyone. we took the kids bowling which was actually pretty fun considering that team gilbert does not usually do family activities that involve organized fun. and then we had giant slices of pizza bigger than our heads. and then we took lulu for her first photobooth experience on her one month birthday. she pretty much slept through the whole thing but it resulted in the cutest strip ever (must post soon). and then we went to REI and tried on clothes and shoes and pretended we had all the money in the world and could buy all this ridonkulous stuff. and then we went and sniffed some overpriced products at lush, which is pretty much the most delicious place in the world. and have i mentioned how much i love fresh hot indian naan? and soy chai lattes? and snow days and hot blueberry coffeecake buckle out of the over? and watching the kids play games with johnny? (i breastfeed and he plays boardgames- division of labor in the gilbert house). and can i also just state for the record how much i love kat von d? i wish kat lived next door and we could trade services- i'd give her massages and she'd give me cool tattoos and then we'd whip up some chili and have some wine and lay on the couch together. pretty much the coolest friend ever, i suppose.

little lulu

i have the intro song to the show "little lulu" stuck in my head on repeat at all times.

"little lulu
i love you-lu
just the same"

it's what i sing to her when i want to calm her
it's what i sing to me when i want to calm me
it's the soundtrack to my days

and the kids just love the part where lulu hangs the lollipop in front of her mouth while she's sleeping and snoring so she can lick it


little lulu i love you-lu just the same...

love, love, love

so it's been all about the love here in gilbertland. being gentle to ourselves, saying no when we have to, asking for help when we need it, and opening our home to visitor after wonderful visitor that wants to a piece of the lovefest. i can't believe it's almost been four weeks since the newest arrival. it's been a blissful few weeks, much easier than i could've anticipated. it's also been filled with some sickness, some scariness, and some ickiness. but overall, i've been floating around in baby la-la-land (or lululand), snuggling on the sweet babe who fills us all up with so much love.

in the spirit of love, i offer you more good things:

*joey calls chips and salsa "ships and salsa", and when he runs out of chips first (because he always does) he says "mumma, can i have some more ships?" and every time i feel like my heart might burst open with love

*going to the ocean in boston yesterday. watching the kids run along the chilly shore with wonderful friends. dodging syringes and dog poop. seeing boo jump into the frigid ocean in drag for the gay men's domestic violence fund. holding lulu in the front pack carrier in her sheep snowsuit

*gray's school vacation week (last week) going much better than i anticipated. hanging with multitudes of our little-people friends. having the week fly by.

*watching the kids paint at the ceramics studio

*having my food shopping all done for the week by 9:06am this morning (i really detest food shopping and want to throw a serious party when i finish doing it)

*sushi dates. chai dates. oregon chai's "slightly sweet" blend. tingy gifting me with sam adams new imperial white beer.

*watching gray try on flower girl dresses this weekend and seeing her so happy when we found the perfect one

*going to sleep at 7pm every night while john sleeps with lulu on his chest

*nursing in the middle of the night when everyone else in the house is asleep, and having lu hold onto my finger

*playing with friends at the library...and gray getting her first library card

*getting over the stomach flu- makes you appreciate regular, non-sick days

*having a week full of nothing-much lay ahead....aaaaaah.

seize the week

this week is going to kick last week's butt. just sayin'.

(power of positive thinking...
need i mention that it's school vacation week?)

also, priceless quote from gray just seconds ago:

"wouldn't be awesome if we had more than one bathroom in this house? because daddy has really yellow pee and it stains the toilet!"

word.

back after a blogging hiatus

after taking a much-needed blogging break, immersing myself in my new little family, i think a good things list is in order:

*can i just say that i had pretty much the most magical birth experience ever? i had a pretty rocking birth experience with miss grace, and joey's, while not perfect, wasn't that bad, but lulu's birth pretty much takes the cake. i was lucky enough to be surrounded by the most fabulous midwife ever invented, a nurse who was also a certified doula (and pregnant herself with her third!), one of my bestest of friends who is also a mama of four little ones (who better to guide another mama through birth), and johnny, who just happens to be one of the most hilarious and rock-solid birth partners out there. even though i had to be induced and have lots of pitocin and my water broken two weeks early, it turned out to be the most magical birth experience ever. i found myself in a really positive and supported place- and instead of getting through it with fear (as i sometimes found myself with birth #1 and #2), this time i gifted myself with only positive messages like "nin, you can do this, you can do this". and it worked. i went from 3cm to 10 cm dilated in 15 minutes, so needless to say the end was a bit intense, but it was all worth it. lulu came healthy and happy and i was literally ecstatic. not exactly like the women that experience orgasmic birth, but i was pretty happy! (and we did take a minute during labor to give some props to the women that manage to have orgasmic births- and how funny it would be in a hospital setting).

*joey, when he gets marker all over his lips. for some reason, every time he colors, he manages to make this happen.

*my mann's orchard dates with joey, that now include lulu. we stick her by the fire in her little carseat and just go about our business eating donuts and drinking organic chai and chocolate milk. she fits in seamlessly.

*watching gray and lulu interact has been the greatest gift over the past two weeks. gray is completely obsessed with her sister and is quite the little mami, always wanting to hold, hug, and smother the little bean with love. the biggest surprise is that it's actually been quite a help- i can give the baby to gray and go and empty the dishwasher, make dinner, etc. and totally trust that lulu is in safe hands (within seeing distance, of course :)

*watching johnny come home from work and lay down with lulu on his chest. he says that he looks forward to his lulu dates all day long.

*emails from friends that keep me sane, esp. from boo and aunties jo&lib. xx

*all the wonderful visits and dates with our peeps over the past two weeks- and all the lubbins that go along with it. meals and gifties and love and listening ears.

*going to the grocery store with a newborn. watching people smile.

*seeing little ones get excited about holding a baby (good thing i'm not a germaphobe!) passing her around and seeing the pride in all my little friends' faces.

*nursing at night. snuggling in bed.

*babes in tie-dye (thanks angela!). she pretty much lives in the onesie that was tie-dyed by dear angela from lovegreendog. i can't get enough of lulu in hippie-gear.

*have i mentioned how much i love the name lulu? i heart lulu.

*even though i have a fever and feel like poo today because i was up sweating balls last night in bed but also shivering, i'm still going to rock today's world and get some major living done.

what's good in your world? xx

introducing....

lulu ruby gilbert
born 12:17am 1/28/08
7 lbs. 8 oz.
20 inches long

happy, healthy, and a bona fide milkaholic.

more news to come. thanks to everyone for all the love, support, and kindness sent our way. xx

updatertins

very very swollen. i don't recognize myself. but i do recognize the world moving and shaking all around me.

xx

baby, you're a fart-head

"baby, you're a fart-head...
zip the baby up! zip the baby up!
baby...you're nice to me."

good luck baby on your impending welcome into the gilbert family. it's bound to be a crazy ride, filled with farts and accidental violence and love.

Thanks!

If you get a chance, click on over to:
http://www.firstgiving.com/winterplunge
and support the Gay Men's Domestic Violence Project and Boo's Winter Plunge into the Atlantic!

Brrrr....

taking today by the horns

yesterday was one of those days
that everyone in the world
seemed like they were in a bad mood
from my usual checkout lady at the grocery store
to my favorite waitress at my favorite restaurant
everyone was a total grouchhead
(except my dad who made me dinner
again
this week)
i myself was in a pretty dang good mood
considering
the freezing temps
icy roadways
and contractions that lead to nothing

so today
i wonder
will people be happier?
will i be able to be happy
after getting up at midnight last night
and having two really terrible dreams,
one involving murder
and the other involving a squirrel
biting my bum?
i woke up screaming twice.

i'm taking today by the horns
i'm going to rent
puff the magic dragon
and pete's dragon
and meet my dear friend
for chai
and eat popcorn
and nap
and do all the things
that i like.

i hope you do, too.
xx

sweet pum

what i love about pummie:

whenever he paints me a picture, he stops, looks at it, and beams with pride. then he looks up at me, and always says the same thing-

"mom, i made this for you. do you want to go inside it?"

and i invariably say yes

and pretend to jump into his work.

i love that his landscapes are so real to him. i love that he believes in himself. i love that the page could just be a big blur of blue, and he still invites me to take a little trip inside. every time.

books i've read 2008

(i'm convinced this necklace is magical. not only was it crafted by one of my favorite mamas...wendy from mother rising, but it has fairy powers. it was supposed to be for gray but sometimes i slip it on when i need to feel extra-special. thanks again, wend!)


so i feel like i've been pregnant for 245 years. people around town that i run into (um, like at the local donut shop, ahem) have been starting to say to me "you're STILL pregnant? when the hell is this baby due?". a little old woman at the checkout counter told me that it looks like the baby has dropped. the guy at the desk at the post office said "god bless you" when i told him that i was expecting my third. then he told me it was a boy. people are having dreams about the baby left and right. i think we're all ready for the newest gilbert to make their debut.

but in the meantime, what have i been doing?

well, reading.

lots of all-night reading. reading from 11pm-3pm. lots of vampire books.

i've read so many books this year, some trashy and some wonderous. what would i do without books to lay with me and keep me company?

here's the complete list of what fed my soul and filled my head in 2008:

Twilight by Stephanie Meyer

New Moon by Stephanie Meyer

Eclipse by Stephanie Meyer

Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer

What is the What by Valentino Achek Deng

I Am Legend by Richard Matheson

The Road by Cormac McCarthy

A New Earth: Awakening Your Life’s Purpose by Eckhart Tolle

Birth: The Surprising History of How We Are Born by Tina Cassidy

A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini

A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle

In Defense of Food: An Eater’s Manifesto by Michael Pollan

Look Me In The Eye: My Life With Asperger’s by John Elder Robison

Buddha: A Story Of Enlightenment by Deepak Chopra

Gluten Free Girl by Shauna James Ahern

The Creative Family by Amanda Blake Soule

Mommy Mantras by Bethany E. Casarjian PhD and Diane H. Dillon PhD

Notes From Nethers: Growing Up in a Sixites Commune by Sandra Eugster

The Geography of Bliss: One Grump’s Search for the Happiest Places in the World by Eric Weiner

Three Cups of Tea: One’s Man’s Mission to Promote Peace, One School At a Time by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin

The Wild Trees: A Story of Passion and Daring by Richard Preston

Legacy of Luna by Julia Butterfly Hill

The Brambles by Eliza Minot

A Wolf At The Table: A Memoir Of My Father by Augusten Burroughs

Sophie’s World: A Novel About The History Of Philosophy by Jostein Gaarder

The Host by Stephenie Meyer

Betwixt by Tara Bray Smith

I Love Dirt!: 52 Activities to Help You and Your Kids Discover the Wonders of Nature by Jennifer Ward

Beastly by Alex Flinn

Luna by Julie Anne Peters

Her Last Death: A Memoir by Susanna Sonnenberg

The Giver by Lois Lowry

Gathering Blue by Lois Lowry

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants by Ann Brashares

Breaking Dawn by Stephanie Meyer

Artemis Fowl by Eoin Colfer

Marked by PC Cast and Kristin Cast

Blood and Chocolate by Annette Curtis Klause

Girls in Pants: The Third Summer of the Sisterhood by Ann Brashares

Chosen (Book 3) by P.C. Cast and Kristin Cast

Forever in Blue: The Fourth Summer of the Sisterhood by Ann Brashares

Marley & Me: Life and Love With the World’s Worst Dog by John Grogan

Girlwood by Clare Dean

Love, Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli

Madapple by Christina Meldrum

Parched by Heather King

Fever: 1793 by Laurie Halse Anderson

Vampire Academy by Richelle Mead

Glass Houses: The Morganville Vampires- Book One by Rachel Caine

Frostbite: A Vampire Academy Novel by Richelle Mead

Burned by Ellen Hopkins

The Vampire Diaries: The Awakening by L.J. Smith

The Vampire Diaries: The Struggle by L. J. Smith

Blue Bloods by Melissa De La Cruz

Minion by L.A. Banks

The Vampire Diaries: The Fury by L.J. Smith

The Vampire Diaries: Dark Reunion by L.J. Smith

Masquerade: A Blue Bloods Novel by Melissa De La Cruz

Tithe: A Modern Faerie Tale by Holly Black

PlanetWalker: 17 Years of Silence, 22 Years of Walking by John Francis, Ph.D.

Evernight by Claudia Gray

In the Forests of the Night by Amelia Atwater-Rhodes

Shadow Kiss: A Vampire Academy Novel by Richelle Mead

thank goodness for vampire trollishness.
and my local library.
and my husband who doesn't mind when i keep the light on all night.

xx

speechless

for some strange reason, i still find myself speechless here. i'm having lots of emotions, lots of ups and lots of laying-downs. gray is pretty good at summing up all the different things i've been feeling:







all because of this...

love update

there's really no words coming
except
i love you
and this crazy life.

xx

snowed in

we were snowed in for the majority of the weekend. it really forced us as a family to s.l.o.w. d.o.w.n. and just chill out. you know, like nap and stuff. it was kind of hard but pretty cool at the same time. there were some moments though where i considered hanging out in the car by myself though to stop the constant fondling and nudging and snugglefestivites that occured.

even though i'm touched-out, i'm feeling ready for the holiday week. hope you are, too. xx

how you likie my new 50 plus pound face? just more to love...

primal urge

i'm getting this really crazy strong almost psycho urge to go and pack a bag for the hospital. something i've never done in advance before, mind you. so what's up with this? i have no baby clothes ready- they are all in tubs in the basement and smell like funky mold. and i don't even know who this little baby will be so i would have no idea which clothes to wash. and i have no diapers or wipes or anything else like that ready to go. and no boobie-pads, which are key in post-labor nina beana land. maybe i should make a run to BJ's and pick up some stuff so i can rest peacefully at night? or i could basically pack a sportsbra and maybe some comfy fat pants and then call myself good to go? my babies really don't need anything except mama's milk and some crap-ass clothes and some lubbins. so i should chill. i really need to chill.

please friends, i urge you to bring me food and chocolate if i go early.

merry

(photo by gray)

trying to see
all the good around me
remaining open
to the signs that the universe is sending me.

listen
stay quiet
be open
slow down
remember what's important
take time
perspective

perspective

perspective.

complain complain

i've stopped sleeping completely. maybe john is right...maybe i am a vampire. i actually do sleep from 9p-12 every night. and then i'm up. but i can't do anything productive. because i'm tired. but i can't sleep. so i watch the food network and i stare at the christmas tree and i eat green apples and pecorino romano cheese.

my girl is sick. the antibiotics didn't work a couple of weeks ago and now she's even worse off than last time. she's got a double ear infection and strep throat and a high fever and weird blistery things on her face. she's a complete beast but i do feel terrible for her. but because i was up all last night, i'm having a hard time walking around taking care of people. the spiced apple turnover for mama after her doctor's appointment helped. but it didn't make the day completely peachy keen. john and i are sick too, but when you have a sick kid, you just can't be sick. so we power on.

speaking of sick, joey just pooped his pants. wanna know how he told me?:
"oops...i just did a little squirtsy-doodle!"

i forgot to mention...the boy is sick, too. with diarrhea. a major case of the squirtsy-doodles.

is it tomorrow yet?

even more good stuff

bellies and the fireplace at my dad's house, which is all the more sweeter because i don't have to get the wood, make the fire, keep it going, etc. and a fire appears whenever i request one. and the baby gets toasty and happy. and i drink tea. and watch the kids tear up the house.

freshly made sushi just for me by whole foods staff without ginger and wasabi that makes my sushi taste like poo.

dates to starbucks with johnny alone and then christmas shopping for the kids (one present each- ha!) and then our annual date trip to annie's hallmark where we buy our special ornaments and drop a ridonkulous amount of cashola but don't feel bad about it because it makes us so happy.

johnny's sympathy heartburn.

rubbing joey's head.

pushing gray to do something she wasn't feeling at the moment but then having it turn out OK and watching her realize that her mama is always right.

joey's impromptu "party" and "cake" last night.

watching joey clutch his new birthday firetruck, even when he's napping, and thinking of little randy on 'the christmas story'.

our rocking christmas tree makes me happy even though there are about 5 or 6 ornaments on each branch, especially the ones waist level and below.

joey just saying to me "mom, can i sit next to you? because i love you."

watching gray eat noodle soup.

christmas movies every day.

my date with joey today.

watching gray run off the bus after school with a huge smile on her face.

huge packages from sweet bloggie friends filled with gorgeous clothes that i can't wait to wear.

getting the mail every day and savoring every holiday card.

the second john walks in from work at the end of a long day.


xx

happy friday

"i am just a speck of dust inside a giant's eye." - the brilliant kimya dawson


happy friday beloved peeps.

xx