magic magic and more magic

this weekend, i hope the magic swirls around you.

i hope you are so stinkin' magical that dragonflies and fairies swarm to you and land right on your head when you least expect it.

i hope you think it's really rad that you are a fairy princess and the smallest of creatures feel safe with you.

then i hope you realize what's really happening and you totally freak out and lose your mind.

peace out!
xx

nesting, creating, and hibernating

so here's where i've been these past couple of weeks dear people:

in the office drowning in art supplies, marinating.

staring at the sparkly lights and the jars of goodies all around.

working on some paintings. which is big for me. like huge.

this is my painting. hello, painting. i love looking at it. i love the bits of ephemera and the layers of paint peeking through. i think it would make the greatest addition to a baby's room. i need to take some better pictures in real light (it's been raining here forever so i snazzed up the colors a bit). eventually, it will go up in my etsy shop which i also worked on getting setting up this week (thanks to the support and lubbins of dear pix). if you are pre-interested before it goes up and want more deets, please feel free to email me and we'll talk. xx

so this is me. here, sitting right here. with incense burning all around. and some fall candles. i'm either here or in my basement, sorting through about 30 moldy bags of mixed baby and toddler clothes. spending about $100 on those huge 30 gallon bins, sorting and sorting. stacking and stacking. nesting and preparing for the arrival of this baby who's gender remains unknown. sweeping and sorting and creating. thinking of christmas already. presents to make and design. getting ready for a weekend away in the mountains, sans kiddies. as much as i hate to be away from them again, especially with grace being gone all week until 4pm at kindergarten (kindergarten!)- but i really am looking forward to celebrating the love of our friends, eating in diners, and tucking away in a big hotel bed at the end of the night- just pregnant me and my husband.

so that's the scoop.

what the heck have you been up to? do tell.

when all else fails

when all else fails
i have a burrito for breakfast
and an ice cream cone for lunch.

it's a good thing i don't homeschool

their version:




(i'm sad that the "you're a little flat" part got cut off of this version because it's our favorite part, but i can't find it anywhere right now- you get the point, though...)

our version:



my most favorite part of this video is how happy grace is because she's rubbing the crap out of her brother's earlobies.

hope you have a pooperific day! xx

deep breath in

the things that sustain me:

the beach
eating on the beach
blankets on the beach
laying on the beach and having sand get all over me
swimming in undies at the beach
even though it's freezing out

can you figure out where we were this weekend?

sit with me and wax poetic about my insanity

sit down with me a moment.

and feel free to reassure me that i am not going crazy.

"what's happening?" you ask. "how are you feeling?"

and here's the part where i look at you and tell you that i really have no freakin' idea.


things are wonderful.
still.
but i'm also dealing with all these strange post-squam feelings.
feelings that vacillate between thinking my head might blow off from all the creativity,
where i go to the store and stock-pile supplies and come home and spend the day
creating things with myself and with the kids.
the house is a beautiful mess
of painted papers
and scraps
and baskets of supplies.
there are twinkling lights hanging up in my studio space
and i feel like the floodgates have opened wide
and everything is flowing and right.

but i also feel
overwhelmed
and shut off
like i need to hibernate
like maybe i dind't make enough connections
that maybe people didn't like me enough

all those nasty
g.r.e.m.l.i.n.s.
that andrea scher talked about
are rearing their ugly heads.

why now?

why after all that beauty and perfection?

maybe it's the shock of being back in my daily life,
where rountine is a big ugly beast.
i'm fighting it.
i'm trying to live more genuinely in the moment.

i keep thinking back
to penelope's class
where i gathered sticks
alone
and formed them into a simple circle
and the light was dappled
and shining through the branches up above
into the center of the circle
and i stood inside
and took a deep breath

and just was.

fully full full full

(photo by susan tuttle)

how can i adequately express in words where i'm at right now?
i'm so filled with a new kind of peace that i never knew was inside of me.
i am full.
with new friends and old ones, strengthened.
my tribe, scattered across north america.
a renewed love and appreciation for all that i have in my own life, right in front of me.
my family, who missed me and tell me so.

i really think i should get away more often.


xx

i'm home

i'm home
safe
full
happy

and lucky.

did i mention lucky?

need time to process and drown in the love of my family. back soon. xx

and i'm off

off tomorrow to go rub elbows with some of the most creative and inspiring people in my blogging world. i couldn't be happier and more excited. coupled with the excitement of grace's first day of full day kindergarten tomorrow- this mama may not be getting much sleep tonight. thank god for an endless supply of vampire books to get me through the early morning hours. :)

thank you to all my beautiful people that are helping me make these five days possible. i could spank your fannies with gratitude forever and it wouldn't be enough.

see you next week!

(and yes johnny, i fully understand that i have humongous earlobies and that this picture scares you!!- LOBIES!)

today

today
i picked a bunch of pumpkins
in my dad's yard
with the kids

and today
we are dancing to
old school records on
the record player
waiting for our dear friends from california
to arrive

everything is slowly coming together
as i prepare to leave for five days
there will certainly be damage control upon return
but in the meantime
my mantra is
"today"

and

"the world will go on without me"


sounds simple,
but i do have to keep reminding myself.

so this is what i've been up to

howdy folks
lots going down around here, but mainly cooking this gilbert-child #3
as you can see, the oven is getting f.u.l.l., round, and plumpalicious.
baby is starting to move around, little tiny flutterings here and there reminding me of the oven-times for babes #1 and #2.
trying to keep things in perspective.
trying to savor the time that #3 can't talk back to me, and can't partake in the sibling rivalry.
waiting for squam, waiting to find out the gender of said baby (the day after i get home from squam) so i can stop calling the baby #3 and start calling it by it's name.
our names rock, btw, if i do say so myself, so i'm quite excited.
i love the idea of naming little baby boys these really crotchety old man names. our boy name is "ted" but he will be called teddy. and of course, teddy bear. but can you just picture the freakin' cutestness of a little tiny baby boy named teddy? teddy stonewall gilbert. i could just eat him already.
and the girl name...i'll just wait to share that one with you.

so that's it

food

sewing machine

kids loving and kids fighting

garden

walking in the woods

parties and cookouts

planning

that's my life.
off to an open house for kindergarten.
what the hell would i do if i didn't stay home?

xx

believe

(chickens and tummy)

life is on the brink of change. i can feel it in the air, can feel it all around. it's getting cooler (thank god!) and it's closer to my most favorite of seasons. finally i feel like i can spread my wings and get out a bit and enjoy the outside. we've been traveling, cooking, farming it up, frolicking with the chickens, painting on the porch every day, going to bed early at night. there have been preparations for squam and exciting conversations with inspiring people. there is magic in the air.

not to mention that it's almost time for back-to-school! i hate to admit to being excited about this, but the sibling rivalry (and subsequent scream-fests) have been at an all-time high here in gilbertland (as any of our recent visitors can attest to) so i think that a bit of separate-time for the kids will do everyone a bit of good.

there's just this weird message that keeps permeating through everything that whispers "everything will get easier in a couple of weeks, nina. i promise." and right now i'm choosing to believe.

it will be nice to get away

my mantra for the week.

xx happy almost weekend.

anyone want to rub the buddha?

this is me at 15 weeks. looks like it may be time to move on into the maternity clothes. because most of my peeps are at belly-level, they are always pointing out to me that my tummy is hanging out. i love this buddha of mine, but there's something about somebody pointing out to you that it's hanging out that just makes me want to, um, hide it.

so maybe it's because this is my third pregnancy in five years, but my belly just popped. popped like my midwife said something to the effect of "wow, that's interesting. you are quite popped out, aren't you?" (in a very loving way, of course). and complete strangers (clueless ones, albeit) say things like "due any day now, huh?" and i just laugh to myself thinking- oh, if you could only see me in another 20 weeks. with each of my other pregnancies, i gained 65 pounds of buddha belly (with expansion across the board thrown in for good measure). so i've got a ways to go. so much so that with pregnancy #3, my scale lays dormant and unused under the cabinet in the bathroom (where it lays usually when i'm not pregnant, too). when i go for checkups (like the one i have later on today...and i get to go ALONE! it's the little things...) i get on the scale backwards and tell them that i don't really care to know how much i weigh. call it denial, call it bliss, but i like expanding in a natural way without too much analyzing of what's right and wrong (luckily i've had care providers that have either been supportive of my weight gain or haven't given a crap about it so i don't get too much flak).


one of the best things about having an expanding buddha, coupled with the little people that are eye-level, are the constant lubbins that the bellybaby gets. we still don't know the gender yet, so the kids whisper both names we have chosen for the baby, and then always make sure to say "i love you". it's completely trippy to think that some day early next year this little one will be a full fledged member of team gilbert, complete with their own quirky gilbert traits and team spirit.

go buddha!

don't put your peanut on the table!

it's only 6amish, and i'm already saying things like "don't put your peanut on the table!"

and i don't mean peanut like peanut butter.

also, joey has lost a bit (understatement) of weight following his surgery. he barely had a bum to begin with, but looking at his nakedness this morning, i said "where did your bum go? you have no bum!" and he replied "yes i do, mama. i love to toot in your face!".

so after a big of a blogging break, i feel ready to return. these past days have been filled with ups and downs, with lots and lots of caramel thrown in to remind me of all the beautiful things in my life. there were parties and cakes and songs and beach trips and and fresh veggies and herbs and gift cards to my favorite places and new clothes and delicious dinners and slices of pizza on the sand and dinners alone with my husband and some tears and some snuggles and lots of beautiful messages to remind me that i am loved. and it's a beautiful thing. a beautiful, beautiful, thing.

thank you for being on this crazy ride with me, and spreading your sweet caramel all over my world. xx

maybe

"maybe there is more truth in how you feel than in what actually happens." -ann brashares

"maybe happiness didn't have to be about big, sweeping circumstances, about having everything in your life in place. maybe it was about stringing together a bunch of small pleasures. wearing slippers and watching the miss universe contest. eating a brownie with vanilla ice cream. getting to level seven in dragon master and knowing there were twenty levels to go.

maybe happiness was just a matter of the little upticks- the traffic signal that said "walk" the second you got there- and downticks- the itchy tag at the back of your collar- that happened to every person in the course of a day. maybe everybody had the same alloted measure of happiness within each day.

maybe it didn't matter if you were a world-famous heartthrob or a painful geek. maybe it didn't matter if your friend was possibly dying.

maybe you just got through it. maybe that was all you could ask for."

-ann brashares, from the sisterhood of the traveling pants

life gets busy

this morning in the shower
i had this moment
where i was like
oh crap!
it's less than a month until squam
but there's so much
other stuff
going on
that i feel like i'm not going to be
adequately prepared
to get as much as i
fully can
out of the experience

for example
when am i going to go out
and buy supplies
and create gifties
and pack
and mentally prepare to bathe in the goodness of all my goddesses?
before squam
we've got fifty parties
dance camp
three thousand doctor appointments
and then there's grace's first day of kindergarten
on the actual day that i leave, the 10th.

does anyone out there
feel so overwhelmed
with regular life
that
you worry
that you won't be able
to fully immerse
in the extra special stuff?

or does that just happen naturally?

please help.
(and also, i'd love to hear who else out there will be going...maybe that will make me feel better!)

the dumps

these are the kinds of pictures
that i find
on my camera
when i upload
my pictures
to the computer

and even though
these pictures
may disgust the normal person
or the person who may not
really know team gilbert

i find them
absolutely precious

and i love thinking about
the moment
when grace decides
to rummage through
my bag
to find my camera
turns it on herself
and chooses to document
a big poop
that her brother has taken
in the potty

can i just say that my children freakin' rock?




in other news
joey had his tonsils and adenoids out
on friday
and we spent some time
in the hospital
with doctors and anesthesiologists and IV's and crying and comfort
and beeping monitors and drugs and no sleep
he's home now
and i pretty much
think he's the
most bravest little person
in the whole wide world.

thank you everyone for thinking of us
and calling and emailing and taking caramel.

xx.

can i just state for the record?

that this is me, right now, lying in bed...about to fall asleep even though it's only 6:30pm? (thanks for the shirts, erin...as you can see, i'm already making use of them!)

and that pretty much i am happiest when surrounded by the cutest and most loving children in the world?

and that hugs from friends are like balm to the soul?

and that faces like these make even the toughest of days possible?

and that pretty much i think i couldn't make it in this life if it weren't for supporting, open-hearted, and loving friends (who cook me food, make me sit down, and take care of all the details for me)? thank you mama al and my CT friends for filling my well and getting me ready to face the next couple of weeks.

what fills your well, dear one? xx

life is good

"we can never have enough of nature" -henry david thoreau

"we can never have enough of underbites" -grace eileen gilbert


today i spent the day
at the sewing machine
creating things
and then in a blueberry filed
picking blueberries
with my family
and then
at whole foods
sniffing things
and eating a delicious healthy lunch
and now
i'm having
a moment
of alone time
while the kids
take a walk
around the block
with daddy

so pretty much
life is good

how about you?