have a freakin' cookie and take a seat!

have a cookie, will you?

certain things feed my soul, and some of these things include:

homemade chocolate chip cookies, but only after they have completely cooled off

an order of falafel from my favorite restaurant, with a side order of fries, salt, and ketchup from one of those little squat glass bottles

emails between some fabulous women about important things

some books, about important people

conversations with boo that go like this: "hey, did you spring ahead?" "-yeah, did you?", "no, i was just checking to see if you did." regarding the time change

family gelato trips

joey's obsession with lip gloss and his way of rubbing his lips on mine to get some

our tie-dyed easter eggs

and my dyed green index fingernail.

happy end of the weekend. happy birthday, steph!

tea bags

i like
to keep
my tea bags
in an oversized mason jar
on the kitchen counter
because just looking at them
all snuggled up in there
makes me feel good.

there's just too much to say lately so i've been saying not so much. my goal is to do more real one-on-one talking and meeting up with my peeps, and i must say that it's way better this way. life has been really busy with playdates and mamadates and stacks upon stacks of books to be consumed and february blues and spring cleaning and reorganizing and purging and even a little exercise thrown in for good measure. and did i mention that i kicked the coffee habit? this coming from a mama who would have had an IV of the black stuff if i could have. so that was a big one for me....and i don't miss it one bit. the two times i've cheated in the past month ended terribly- one with the worst heartburn of my life, and the second with the worst stomach flu ever (just a coincidence but i still took it as a sign....and note to self- don't get the stomach flu after eating a huge dinner of chicken parm and angel hair pasta). there's an upcoming birth and some corned beef to be eaten and beautiful new photographs from angels to be framed:

thank you mama al! i fondle this photo daily- thankfully it still has the plastic on it, or it would be covered in greasy buttery fingerprints.

one last thing that's really been keeping my head above water- joey's obsession with saying "merry christmas!". except it doesn't come out as merry christmas at all. it sounds exactly like "merry cat-piss". so i wake to the sounds of merry catpiss, and i fall asleep to "merry catpiss, mama. merry catpiss".


it's the little things that make me happy, evidently.

things to distract you: photobooth friday revisited

despite the lack of photobooth posts (and posts in general), there have been photobooths. like this little gem from last weekend: i'm holding a sign that grace made that says "mom". not quite sure if you can see it when it's scanned. i love gray's face in the third square down. i could just eat her.
then there was this strip that john and joey got me for christmas. i love joey's face in the bottom square. in a lot of ways his face pretty much sums joey up- whiny, needy, complainathon-2000. i can just hear him crying to get out of the booth- something between a whine and a cough. we call him whine-bag. we only say it because we love him.
then this solo booth of joey from right before christmas. whenever i feel sad i go over to this strip that is hanging in my kitchen and i focus in on the face that he's making in the third square down. when i look at it nothing else matters. i get these feelings like "i made this kid", and "he's his own little person" and "i could die happy right now".

this is the magic of photobooth strips.

a new earth

"although body-identification is one of the most basic forms of ego, the good news is that it is also the one that you can most easily go beyond. this is done not by trying to convince yourself that you are not your body, but by shifting your attention from the external form of your body and from thoughts about your body- beautiful, ugly, strong, weak, too fat, too thin- to the feeling of aliveness inside it." - eckhart tolle, from a new earth: awakening to your life purpose

um, word.

punches to the soul

the universe has been packing some major punches lately. and coupled with the book "a new earth" by eckhart tolle, i've been doing some much needed soul searching lately. here's my newest message from the universe:

Ever notice, Nina Beana, that in the long run, those who don't eventually go "within," often go "without."

You got the power,
The Universe

damn! that's a serious message. one that's true but not easy.


so i'm off to do some dirty work!

venturing out

this week is school vacation. my goal is to get out every day and do something. i can't believe it's already thursday. this getting out and doing stuff thing really makes the week fly by.

so thursday. hello thursday.

thank god for friends (thank you mama for the dreamiest of days yesterday!). thank god for family. thank god for brothers who bring over drinkies after the kids go to sleep.


off for more adventures.

a sitar kind of day

i wish i could say that it's been a quiet day here. a quiet, peaceful day of baking homemade fresh bread and burning incense and peace love togetherness. instead, i can report that it's been a very loud and boisterous day, filled with baking homemade fresh bread thanks to soulemama's recipe, lots of new music (beastie boys and ravi shankar, with a good dose of bob marley and the beatles thrown in), musings about a fake person that we invented named "lebanon rappaport", thinking about breaking into the local hummus factory for an impromptu tour. the kids have been alternating between eating off my earlobes, trying to crawl up my fanny, and playing "ronkey donks" (which is basically a kid version of sexytime with clothes on).

if i could describe the sounds in my brain they would definitely sound like the manic crazy sitar sounds that ravi shankar busts out with.


today is a sitar kind of sunday.

happy stinkin' valentine's day!

this will be me at the end of the day today. we've got two valentine's parties (not to mention the one that we went to yesterday) and then we're going to the indoor playground, one of my most stress-inducing places ever. i'm trying to channel my inner "peace love togetherness vibe" (thanks, c. for the talk last night, and for calling me a happy hippie even when i don't feel like one), even when the kids will inevitably hurt themselves or hurt others, break some bones, and crash after some major sugar highs!


did i mention that i quit coffee almost a week ago? i'm asking myself why right about now.


happy stinkin' valentine's day!

dear heartburn

hello, heartburn. it's nice to see you again. psyche! it's been a while since you've plauged me- let me see...the last time you stuck around john was in kosovo for 10 months, and i moved away from my home in NY and moved back to my childhood home. i holed up in my bedroom, waiting for news, waiting for anything. it was post 9-11, and everything seemed scary and horrible. i was taking paxil, and sometimes xanax, just to get through the day. because the days were long, and terrifying. i had a shit job that was good work but wrecking my life. working with troubled adolescents that tell you on a daily basis that your hair sucks, your face sucks, you suck- not the best job choice for someone so sad.

so back then, heartburn moved in and didn't leave for a while. but everything got much much better when my new husband came back, we moved back to NY, and we had our life back. life was still uncertain and scary at times, but i didn't have the heartburn anymore.

but now it's back.

but here's the tricky part- life is kind of amazing. so what gives, heartburn? why are you back to eff with me and my digestion? could it be the two bottles of balsamic vinegar that i've consumed in the past couple of weeks? could it be the coffee, the tylenol? could it be hormonal, could it be the banging and dancing in the car? why oh why are you back?

i promise i won't drink balsamic vinegar anymore (even though it's so delicious). i've stopped drinking coffee for you, heartburn, and that says a lot. i couldn't even completely quit when i was pregnant. but i've said a sad goodbye to coffee, and now i've quit it completely for you. what else do you want, heartburn? i'm eating lots of fruits and veggies. what am i doing wrong? even a sip of water sends you into a tailspin, making me gasp for air.

what gives?

please let me know if there's anything else i can sulkily give up for you. because heartburn, you know how much this girls loves herself some food. so don't keep wrecking it for me, ok?

thanks a freakin' bunch,

nina beana

for the record

the kids are playing quietly right now! what what?!? can it be true? until the polly pocket wars begin, here i am.

also, joey woke up at 6:30am this morning, which hasn't happened in weeks. which means that i am less zombielike than usual. which hopefully means that today is a good day.

this weekend was busy and involved actually leaving the house a multitude of times, which was much different from the rest of the week, where we played inside almost exclusively. we had two trips into the "big city" (what gray calls boston). i had a pad thai and we went to our favorite diner. we took some drives. watched boo jump into the atlantic ocean in drag. you know, the usual.

i'd just like to state for the record that fake eyelashes scare the crap out of me. especially when someone wearing the fake eyelashes is getting them trimmed while they are wearing them. (there were no injuries, although there was the chance of a nostril being sliced through).

i love the fallen lashes on the lipsticked lips.

happy birthday to you jen!

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happiest of days to our dear friend jen out in NY! i roused the kids this morning and they did this video for you- you can see gray's attitude because i shut "her show" off to film- joey is happy as a clam as usual. featured in the clip is the "puke bucket", which can also explain gray's crankiness. she's been throwing up for the past two days! so excuse the grouchiness...but HAPPY BIRTHDAY! we love you!

someone's problems are bigger than yours

wiener poopie. i love it. my day feels better already.

on tap for the day

stuck in the muck today, home with two sick kids. there's puking, and crying, and aching. the day started at 4am. i've already ingested 10 cups of coffee. healthy choice? not so much. but it's a mama's survival mechanism, and one's that foolproof for me.

today there are movies to be watched. there is this great book to be read. and alice in wonderland to be read to the kids, and maybe a little knitting nell. classes to be applied for, and card/postcard orders to be worked on. there's sewing to be done and chicken soup to be eaten. there's beautiful bouquets of flowers to be adored and admired, and snow outside to help us realize how warm and snuggly we are inside. there's a floor strewn with matchbox cars, and blankets and the smell of throw up all around. it's one of those days. the good and the bad, all balancing out in the end.

is it 6pm yet?

vagina power

some women choose to pursue, and have the ability to push real live human beings out of their vaginas. it sounds quite raw and raunchy and just not-right seeing it written that way, but seriously…right out of their vaginas. whole heads and arms and legs and chunks of blood and placentas and other bits and pieces come out, just like it was any other day, just like it was the most normal thing ever. human beings. people. they just come on out and meet and greet the world.

as a doula i’ve had the amazing opportunity to bear witness to some of these little humans beings making their debut. some choose to come out through avenues other than the vagina. and it’s just as amazing seeing a woman opened up, and her human love child coming through her abdomen. hello world, it’s me, and i’m here to stay.

what i’m trying to say, really, is that i’m pretty much in awe of women, women’s bodies, babies being born, the strength of the human spirit, pelvic bones, the light in a mom’s eyes when they first hold their baby that they’ve worked so hard for. today i’m honoring all these moms, and all the moms-to-be, and all of us who are a product of some seriously hard and amazing birth work from our own moms.

humans are so cool.

blurs from the universe

(found this picture on my camera- don't know where i was, when i took it, what i was aiming for, but somehow it's perfect for these past couple of weeks- shiny, bright, a blur.)

the universe had a rockin' message for me today:

Yes, Nina Beana, it's time for "good news and bad news"...

You, Nina Beana Gilbert, have just been named the luckiest person alive! The absolute luckiest! No one luckier for trillions of miles!

Can you imagine? Having an advantage in all of your adventures? Good fortune smiling upon you? Joy, passion, and dreams coming true? Folks secretly admiring you from lowered sunglasses? New friends seeking you out? Massive abundance effortlessly drawn into your life? Opportunity and adventure only ever a breath away?

Wow! I'd say things are really, really going to start changing for you!!!

The "bad" news?

You only ever had to visualize.

To the bazaar -
The Universe

i have felt like the luckiest person lately. 2008 has rocked so far. i feel more deeply connected in my friendships, many that have taken a backseat during these last couple of crazy years. when i listen to people i feel like it's becoming easier to really listen instead of just hearing. i feel like things are starting to align. i feel all these things despite the severe sleep deprivation. imagine.

i was going to write a post about mamas and the power of birth and women's bodies, but right now i'm just going to say...

hi, i'm here. i'm going to celebrate tonight with a drink or two, and some leftovers. i'm putting the kids to bed, and then i'm taking the night off. a night to watch TMZ guiltlessly, sipping on a cocktail, eating ice cream soup.

i'll be back in the morn, freshly rested.

what's your one thing?

i have a new philosophy that i've been testing out these past couple of weeks, and so far, it's really been working for me. it's pretty much the simplest thing ever, and not original, but follow along if you please.

basically, every day, at the start of the day, you pick one thing.

one thing that you really would like to accomplish. throw out the long 'to do' list and set your expectations low and i promise you will succeed! sounds backwards, but at least you accomplish one rockin' thing, right?

the great thing about your one thing, it can be little, something that you tend to procrastinate. or it can be this huge random overwhelming project that you've been putting off for months. i've been trying to alternate my one things lately. one day i'll pick something so small and ridonkulous that i find myself getting up off my arse and just accomplishing it. example- cut fingernails. duh! i can do that! and all of a sudden, when i do, i feel all accomplished. fingernails cut, check.

and then other days i'll pick something more time consuming and daunting. like "make three stuffed animals for friends." or "do sunprints with the kids". or "buy a shredder and home office organizing kit and get my life in order". you know, something big. and then i just do it. because all those days that i picked something small to accomplish...they act as my little cheerleaders and then all of a sudden i feel like i can conquer the world.

fingernails today, presidency tomorrow. you get the point.

what's your one thing today?

therapy and the universe

every day, i get a little nugget of wisdom delivered to my email inbox thanks to this beautiful site. it's like a virtual fortune cookie that i open every morning. this morning's packed a punch:

Sure, Nina Beana, you can always find prettier, handsomer, skinnier, wiser, richer, younger, or zippier. But more often than not, one might learn the most, laugh the loudest, and smile the widest with those they've already found, especially when they stop looking elsewhere.

Tallyho,
The Universe



kazam!, right?

yesterday i did some ten dollar therapy and bought a big ole box of my favorite incense and a new bumper sticker for the car. and i used a gift certificate and bought a butt load of valentines for the kids and some blank cards for myself. then i lit those candles and played all the songs and did all the right things. but you know what? yesterday still sucked. last night was pretty amazing, however, sitting around the table laughing with friends. so i'll count my blessings.

but today? today's not going to suck. today is going to rock.

today is one of my favorite days of the year- the local library booksale! it's the day that i save up my extra bills and extra shovey-elbows for! i have a date with boo at some point, where we'll spend hours searching for vampire books and vintage children's books and flower identification books.

therapy, i'm telling you.

naked

"the naked man never mislays his wallet" -japanese proverb

i'm thinking about this quote this morning. i'm not quite sure why. it's the quote from my senior year yearbook, tucked underneath my picture. which wasn't revolutionary but somewhat unconventional for my catholic all-girls high school, with me graduating with fifty something other girls. i've always loved this quote, not just because it has the word naked in it.

lately i feel the need to strip down, to clean up and organize, to make right many things that i've let slip by me for the past couple of months. like i always do at this time of year, i feel pent up, drowning in my own stuff, held back by my lists of to-do's and must sees. i need to refocus and spend more quality time actually doing the things i think about doing instead of sitting around feeling suffocated by them.

can i get a "what what!?!'

when i'm feeling like this everyone around me has the uncanny ability to make it look like they've got it all together. how is this possible? does anyone else feel like poop?

i loved kris carr's latest blog post about reprioritizing. three of her priorities that really resonate with me are:

"Replace online activities with real world actions. Call your pal rather than emailing him or her. Go out rather than getting sucked in."

if only i could eat these words, serve them up in some form that would really stick. i need a recharge. i've felt like shit since before my trip, with headaches every day, sinus crap, and stomach issues. every day i feel run down and don't feel like myself. so today's the day i'm turning it around. i'm going to start by drinking water. because for some crazy reason i've pretty much eliminated it from my diet (i usually have a glass around 4pm) so i'm going to work on that. and i may just go and get some pretty craft supplies and make a little something. and then light some candles and incense and do something fun with the kids. and maybe get some valentines. and then tonight i'm going to make a big fat meal and hang with my friends and catch up in real life. i'm going to stay up past 8pm and i'm not going to read about vampires for a change. i'm going to open up and try to feel like me again.

what what!?!

full size

this morning, at 5am, i was thinkin'. joey burst into the room in full salsa mode (and for anyone who doesn't know what this means, salsa is joey's cat alter-ego), screaming things like "PIRATE!" and "PINECONES!". then gray comes in and starts in with "joey, are you covered in pee? you're a pee head" and hops into bed too. here's what i was thinking- we have a FULL size bed. for four people...at the unsightly hour of 5am. it's mandatory cuddling. it's elbows and knees in the eyes. it's ridonkulous.

maybe someday if we live in a wee bigger house we can graduate to a queen. or maybe even a king (gasp!). but as we contemplate the possible addition of another babe to the family, how can five of us possibly fit in a full? how full is too full?

these are the things i think about at 5am.