happy spring

so it's school vacation here in gilbertland, which means i'm sorely outnumbered. and it also means that the wine is chilling in the fridge for mama when it's kiddie bedtime. but we've got some fun things planned this week to keep the week moving along- dates with friends, earth day celebrations, some outdoorsy stuff if the weather gets nice, and meeting the real emily elizabeth from the clifford show (norman birdwell's daughter). there will also be a major amount of sibling rivalry, some time-outs, some mandatory separations, and general referree-ment on my part. luckily, lulu coos and smiles through just about anything, so that's one less thing to worry about.

yesterday we went on some letterboxing hiking adventures which ended in two crying kids and lots and lots of ticks. for all the letterboxes we've found (33) and all the hiking we do (pretty much every weekend day in the spring and fall) we've never had any ticks. which is kind of bizarre but i just considered us lucky. but yesterday was a complete tick festival, resulting in me having to pry one off of johnny's bum this morning. and did i mention that ticks are like my all-time biggest fear? and did i mention that i thought i was taking a black piece of lint out of the corner of joey's eye and it was actually a freakin' TICK? i'm not sure i can go back into the forest. just kidding, but i may need tick therapy or something.

the funniest part of our letterboxing adventure yesterday (besides the fact that it was a grateful dead letterbox called "box of rain" and we had to follow very obscure grateful dead clues that were in song format to find the box) was that we decided to ignore the "steep terrain" warning on top of the clue page and still take our regular stroller (mind you- it's this really cheap stroller that we've had since before gray was born and it's all broken and the wheels are essentaily falling off) on the hike. thanks to the beautiful new england terrain, there was rocks and hills and bridges and water and pretty steep inclines abound, so we had to carry the stroller and it was pretty hysterical. two adults, three kids, one stroller, and a butt-load of ticks. all while singing grateful dead tunes in the forest, smoking pretend joints.

happy spring from gilbertland.

today

today
my goals
are simple

cook some eggplant
burn some incense
plant some seeds in recycled containers
sew up some things from the recycling bin
go to the library
talk to some friends along the way
drink some water
take my vitamins
play school after school
breastfeed here and there
fill up the birdfeeder
listen to some reggae
trim the hair above joey's ears
eat some orange slices

cultivate gratitude for the little, simple things in my life.

where i'm at

(photo courtesy of auntie emily)

so i've been missing here in bloggieland, thanks to facebook and thanks to family. there's been so much living going on, and so much tending to minute-to-minute needs like "mum, can i have some juice?" and "waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah" (meaning, "mum, can i have some milk?" in baby language) and things like that that it seems like every time i sit down to write i get derailed and have to start another time.

like right now. milk calls.


-----------

ok, fully milked

so back to the update. lulu is pretty much the best baby, better than our best dreams and wishes about what #3 held in store for us. people keep asking me how hard it is having three kids, and how it is with a newborn, and i keep dorking out and drooling over my little package of lulu lubbins. this child smiles all day long, coos to us, comes along for all my coffee dates, sits by my side while i quilt and sew and hang out my friends. she takes champion dumps and chills with her brother and sister and lets them kuber her earlobies without a complaint. if she does cry it's because she needs to take a big dump, and then she falls asleep and she's fine again. she's a great sleeper and i'm thinking i get more sleep now that she's born than when she was in utero. the only differnce now is that i can't read vampire books anymore- i now have a voracious appetite for memoirs. it's all memoirs all the time here in gilbertland. and the other thing- girl loves her milk. she nurses and then stops and looks up at me with her ginormous blue eyes and opens her mouth and smiles and smiles. all this cuteness has earned her her nickname "nine pretties". it started by us calling her pretty and then we kept adding them on as her prettiness increased until she got up to nine pretties but it took a long time saying "pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty" every time we needed to address her so uncle booboo just shorted it to "nine pretties".

which brings me to nicknames.

she's got a LOT of them (surprise surprise).

luigi
luigi-board
lubear
luby
luby gills
sippy
sippy galloo
sippy galloobear
lucy
and many more i'm sure but i can't remember now

but the one that has stuck the most is LEWIS. gray and joey don't call her anything else. if strangers ask joey "what's your sister's name?" he looks up at them and without missing a beat he replies "lewis" every time. i'm not sure he even knows what her real name is. which is fine because it saves me from having to explain over and over to people why on earth we would name our child lulu, and what kind of name is that anyway, and do we watch general hospital? when the priest asked us last weekend "what name do you give your child?", i replied "lulu ruby", he replied "what?" but it was a what like "what what?" if you know what i mean.

gray has adjusted beautifully and is the best big sister. she busts into our room in the morning and immediately asks "where's lewis?" she's doing well at school, has been in the newspaper twice, is pretty much reading and is starting to leave notes all over the house that say things like "dear lulu, i love you. why do you suck a binky?" except it will be spelled all weird and i love decoding them. i did get a note from her today that said across the top "this is for mom and dad" and everything was spelled perfectly and i was beaming with pride.

joey has come around nicely and is quite obsessed with lulu. so obsessed that he doesn't want to share "his bee-bee" with his friends. which is super cute but can get tricky at times. he's finally showing interest in learning his letters, and has claimed A as "MY letter". so when we pulled into market basket the other day, he was all enthralled that there was "my letter!" two times in one sign. he's still a very simple guy with very simple needs- organic single serving chocolate milk, "ships and salsa" (chips and salsa), and a mom date every now and then. he's my little red-headed guy and while i sometimes wonder where he came from, i'm certainly glad he's here.

our lives have not changed much- just gotten much cooler. we still have lots of wonderful people in and out, dinners and desserts with endless family and friends, dates and playdates. there's just a little new person that joins us on all our adventures. johnny and i just sit around at night and wonder how the hell we got so lucky to have this life we have.

and that's the long and short of it. cheesy but true.

if you see me around, i'm the one covered in dried spit-up, maybe a mustard baby poop splatter across my jeans that i can't button, but trust me...it's exactly where i want to be.

dear world,

busy doing a lot of this. what's new with you? xx

thank you universe

(notice the sleeping guy in the back?)

if i could say anything
to the universe
today
it would be this:

thank you
for giving me
space
and perspective
and lots of wonderful people
that guide me
to exactly
where i need
to be

thank you
for
the quiet moments
with real life friends
where we can sit
and stare at my baby's face
and that is
enough

thank you
for
those rare
moments
where everything
is still
and perfect

thank you.

quiet

i've been feeling extra quiet here lately. maybe it's the shift in dynamics with having number three with us finally, or maybe it's the season, or maybe it's my new mama-bear protective mode, but every time i come to this space (or to the computer in general), i feel quiet.

blogging is a funny thing- it has sustained me through hard times, and made me question myself and my beliefs. it has challenged me, has lifted me up, and has helped me meet some of my nearest and dearest friends. it has also made me feel icky and closed off and vulnerable and quiet. right now, i find that i'm somewhere in between. savoring the sweet parts and feeling quite closed off to the icky ones.

today i choose to roll with the feelings, and to focus on the good stuff that feeds me. a quiet house, slowly coming into namaste, watching my boy go through the yoga moves next to me. a bowl full of cantaloupe. my favorite mug filled with pulpy orange juice. my babe sleeping in a furry lamb suit next to me. quiet. quiet. embracing the quiet today.

stream of consciousness

pretty much had the best weekend ever, which included a treasure hunt of sorts that involved things like "buy a new bar of overpriced soap that has a bunch of chunky seaweed pieces in it". nothing like stimulating the economy with crazy vegan-friendly purchases and then indulging in indian chicken tikka masala. we were all over the map this weekend, doing the things that we like to do and not having to justify them to anyone. we took the kids bowling which was actually pretty fun considering that team gilbert does not usually do family activities that involve organized fun. and then we had giant slices of pizza bigger than our heads. and then we took lulu for her first photobooth experience on her one month birthday. she pretty much slept through the whole thing but it resulted in the cutest strip ever (must post soon). and then we went to REI and tried on clothes and shoes and pretended we had all the money in the world and could buy all this ridonkulous stuff. and then we went and sniffed some overpriced products at lush, which is pretty much the most delicious place in the world. and have i mentioned how much i love fresh hot indian naan? and soy chai lattes? and snow days and hot blueberry coffeecake buckle out of the over? and watching the kids play games with johnny? (i breastfeed and he plays boardgames- division of labor in the gilbert house). and can i also just state for the record how much i love kat von d? i wish kat lived next door and we could trade services- i'd give her massages and she'd give me cool tattoos and then we'd whip up some chili and have some wine and lay on the couch together. pretty much the coolest friend ever, i suppose.

little lulu

i have the intro song to the show "little lulu" stuck in my head on repeat at all times.

"little lulu
i love you-lu
just the same"

it's what i sing to her when i want to calm her
it's what i sing to me when i want to calm me
it's the soundtrack to my days

and the kids just love the part where lulu hangs the lollipop in front of her mouth while she's sleeping and snoring so she can lick it


little lulu i love you-lu just the same...

love, love, love

so it's been all about the love here in gilbertland. being gentle to ourselves, saying no when we have to, asking for help when we need it, and opening our home to visitor after wonderful visitor that wants to a piece of the lovefest. i can't believe it's almost been four weeks since the newest arrival. it's been a blissful few weeks, much easier than i could've anticipated. it's also been filled with some sickness, some scariness, and some ickiness. but overall, i've been floating around in baby la-la-land (or lululand), snuggling on the sweet babe who fills us all up with so much love.

in the spirit of love, i offer you more good things:

*joey calls chips and salsa "ships and salsa", and when he runs out of chips first (because he always does) he says "mumma, can i have some more ships?" and every time i feel like my heart might burst open with love

*going to the ocean in boston yesterday. watching the kids run along the chilly shore with wonderful friends. dodging syringes and dog poop. seeing boo jump into the frigid ocean in drag for the gay men's domestic violence fund. holding lulu in the front pack carrier in her sheep snowsuit

*gray's school vacation week (last week) going much better than i anticipated. hanging with multitudes of our little-people friends. having the week fly by.

*watching the kids paint at the ceramics studio

*having my food shopping all done for the week by 9:06am this morning (i really detest food shopping and want to throw a serious party when i finish doing it)

*sushi dates. chai dates. oregon chai's "slightly sweet" blend. tingy gifting me with sam adams new imperial white beer.

*watching gray try on flower girl dresses this weekend and seeing her so happy when we found the perfect one

*going to sleep at 7pm every night while john sleeps with lulu on his chest

*nursing in the middle of the night when everyone else in the house is asleep, and having lu hold onto my finger

*playing with friends at the library...and gray getting her first library card

*getting over the stomach flu- makes you appreciate regular, non-sick days

*having a week full of nothing-much lay ahead....aaaaaah.

seize the week

this week is going to kick last week's butt. just sayin'.

(power of positive thinking...
need i mention that it's school vacation week?)

also, priceless quote from gray just seconds ago:

"wouldn't be awesome if we had more than one bathroom in this house? because daddy has really yellow pee and it stains the toilet!"

word.

back after a blogging hiatus

after taking a much-needed blogging break, immersing myself in my new little family, i think a good things list is in order:

*can i just say that i had pretty much the most magical birth experience ever? i had a pretty rocking birth experience with miss grace, and joey's, while not perfect, wasn't that bad, but lulu's birth pretty much takes the cake. i was lucky enough to be surrounded by the most fabulous midwife ever invented, a nurse who was also a certified doula (and pregnant herself with her third!), one of my bestest of friends who is also a mama of four little ones (who better to guide another mama through birth), and johnny, who just happens to be one of the most hilarious and rock-solid birth partners out there. even though i had to be induced and have lots of pitocin and my water broken two weeks early, it turned out to be the most magical birth experience ever. i found myself in a really positive and supported place- and instead of getting through it with fear (as i sometimes found myself with birth #1 and #2), this time i gifted myself with only positive messages like "nin, you can do this, you can do this". and it worked. i went from 3cm to 10 cm dilated in 15 minutes, so needless to say the end was a bit intense, but it was all worth it. lulu came healthy and happy and i was literally ecstatic. not exactly like the women that experience orgasmic birth, but i was pretty happy! (and we did take a minute during labor to give some props to the women that manage to have orgasmic births- and how funny it would be in a hospital setting).

*joey, when he gets marker all over his lips. for some reason, every time he colors, he manages to make this happen.

*my mann's orchard dates with joey, that now include lulu. we stick her by the fire in her little carseat and just go about our business eating donuts and drinking organic chai and chocolate milk. she fits in seamlessly.

*watching gray and lulu interact has been the greatest gift over the past two weeks. gray is completely obsessed with her sister and is quite the little mami, always wanting to hold, hug, and smother the little bean with love. the biggest surprise is that it's actually been quite a help- i can give the baby to gray and go and empty the dishwasher, make dinner, etc. and totally trust that lulu is in safe hands (within seeing distance, of course :)

*watching johnny come home from work and lay down with lulu on his chest. he says that he looks forward to his lulu dates all day long.

*emails from friends that keep me sane, esp. from boo and aunties jo&lib. xx

*all the wonderful visits and dates with our peeps over the past two weeks- and all the lubbins that go along with it. meals and gifties and love and listening ears.

*going to the grocery store with a newborn. watching people smile.

*seeing little ones get excited about holding a baby (good thing i'm not a germaphobe!) passing her around and seeing the pride in all my little friends' faces.

*nursing at night. snuggling in bed.

*babes in tie-dye (thanks angela!). she pretty much lives in the onesie that was tie-dyed by dear angela from lovegreendog. i can't get enough of lulu in hippie-gear.

*have i mentioned how much i love the name lulu? i heart lulu.

*even though i have a fever and feel like poo today because i was up sweating balls last night in bed but also shivering, i'm still going to rock today's world and get some major living done.

what's good in your world? xx

introducing....

lulu ruby gilbert
born 12:17am 1/28/08
7 lbs. 8 oz.
20 inches long

happy, healthy, and a bona fide milkaholic.

more news to come. thanks to everyone for all the love, support, and kindness sent our way. xx

updatertins

very very swollen. i don't recognize myself. but i do recognize the world moving and shaking all around me.

xx

baby, you're a fart-head

"baby, you're a fart-head...
zip the baby up! zip the baby up!
baby...you're nice to me."

good luck baby on your impending welcome into the gilbert family. it's bound to be a crazy ride, filled with farts and accidental violence and love.

Thanks!

If you get a chance, click on over to:
http://www.firstgiving.com/winterplunge
and support the Gay Men's Domestic Violence Project and Boo's Winter Plunge into the Atlantic!

Brrrr....

taking today by the horns

yesterday was one of those days
that everyone in the world
seemed like they were in a bad mood
from my usual checkout lady at the grocery store
to my favorite waitress at my favorite restaurant
everyone was a total grouchhead
(except my dad who made me dinner
again
this week)
i myself was in a pretty dang good mood
considering
the freezing temps
icy roadways
and contractions that lead to nothing

so today
i wonder
will people be happier?
will i be able to be happy
after getting up at midnight last night
and having two really terrible dreams,
one involving murder
and the other involving a squirrel
biting my bum?
i woke up screaming twice.

i'm taking today by the horns
i'm going to rent
puff the magic dragon
and pete's dragon
and meet my dear friend
for chai
and eat popcorn
and nap
and do all the things
that i like.

i hope you do, too.
xx

sweet pum

what i love about pummie:

whenever he paints me a picture, he stops, looks at it, and beams with pride. then he looks up at me, and always says the same thing-

"mom, i made this for you. do you want to go inside it?"

and i invariably say yes

and pretend to jump into his work.

i love that his landscapes are so real to him. i love that he believes in himself. i love that the page could just be a big blur of blue, and he still invites me to take a little trip inside. every time.

books i've read 2008

(i'm convinced this necklace is magical. not only was it crafted by one of my favorite mamas...wendy from mother rising, but it has fairy powers. it was supposed to be for gray but sometimes i slip it on when i need to feel extra-special. thanks again, wend!)


so i feel like i've been pregnant for 245 years. people around town that i run into (um, like at the local donut shop, ahem) have been starting to say to me "you're STILL pregnant? when the hell is this baby due?". a little old woman at the checkout counter told me that it looks like the baby has dropped. the guy at the desk at the post office said "god bless you" when i told him that i was expecting my third. then he told me it was a boy. people are having dreams about the baby left and right. i think we're all ready for the newest gilbert to make their debut.

but in the meantime, what have i been doing?

well, reading.

lots of all-night reading. reading from 11pm-3pm. lots of vampire books.

i've read so many books this year, some trashy and some wonderous. what would i do without books to lay with me and keep me company?

here's the complete list of what fed my soul and filled my head in 2008:

Twilight by Stephanie Meyer

New Moon by Stephanie Meyer

Eclipse by Stephanie Meyer

Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer

What is the What by Valentino Achek Deng

I Am Legend by Richard Matheson

The Road by Cormac McCarthy

A New Earth: Awakening Your Life’s Purpose by Eckhart Tolle

Birth: The Surprising History of How We Are Born by Tina Cassidy

A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini

A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle

In Defense of Food: An Eater’s Manifesto by Michael Pollan

Look Me In The Eye: My Life With Asperger’s by John Elder Robison

Buddha: A Story Of Enlightenment by Deepak Chopra

Gluten Free Girl by Shauna James Ahern

The Creative Family by Amanda Blake Soule

Mommy Mantras by Bethany E. Casarjian PhD and Diane H. Dillon PhD

Notes From Nethers: Growing Up in a Sixites Commune by Sandra Eugster

The Geography of Bliss: One Grump’s Search for the Happiest Places in the World by Eric Weiner

Three Cups of Tea: One’s Man’s Mission to Promote Peace, One School At a Time by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin

The Wild Trees: A Story of Passion and Daring by Richard Preston

Legacy of Luna by Julia Butterfly Hill

The Brambles by Eliza Minot

A Wolf At The Table: A Memoir Of My Father by Augusten Burroughs

Sophie’s World: A Novel About The History Of Philosophy by Jostein Gaarder

The Host by Stephenie Meyer

Betwixt by Tara Bray Smith

I Love Dirt!: 52 Activities to Help You and Your Kids Discover the Wonders of Nature by Jennifer Ward

Beastly by Alex Flinn

Luna by Julie Anne Peters

Her Last Death: A Memoir by Susanna Sonnenberg

The Giver by Lois Lowry

Gathering Blue by Lois Lowry

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants by Ann Brashares

Breaking Dawn by Stephanie Meyer

Artemis Fowl by Eoin Colfer

Marked by PC Cast and Kristin Cast

Blood and Chocolate by Annette Curtis Klause

Girls in Pants: The Third Summer of the Sisterhood by Ann Brashares

Chosen (Book 3) by P.C. Cast and Kristin Cast

Forever in Blue: The Fourth Summer of the Sisterhood by Ann Brashares

Marley & Me: Life and Love With the World’s Worst Dog by John Grogan

Girlwood by Clare Dean

Love, Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli

Madapple by Christina Meldrum

Parched by Heather King

Fever: 1793 by Laurie Halse Anderson

Vampire Academy by Richelle Mead

Glass Houses: The Morganville Vampires- Book One by Rachel Caine

Frostbite: A Vampire Academy Novel by Richelle Mead

Burned by Ellen Hopkins

The Vampire Diaries: The Awakening by L.J. Smith

The Vampire Diaries: The Struggle by L. J. Smith

Blue Bloods by Melissa De La Cruz

Minion by L.A. Banks

The Vampire Diaries: The Fury by L.J. Smith

The Vampire Diaries: Dark Reunion by L.J. Smith

Masquerade: A Blue Bloods Novel by Melissa De La Cruz

Tithe: A Modern Faerie Tale by Holly Black

PlanetWalker: 17 Years of Silence, 22 Years of Walking by John Francis, Ph.D.

Evernight by Claudia Gray

In the Forests of the Night by Amelia Atwater-Rhodes

Shadow Kiss: A Vampire Academy Novel by Richelle Mead

thank goodness for vampire trollishness.
and my local library.
and my husband who doesn't mind when i keep the light on all night.

xx

speechless

for some strange reason, i still find myself speechless here. i'm having lots of emotions, lots of ups and lots of laying-downs. gray is pretty good at summing up all the different things i've been feeling:







all because of this...

love update

there's really no words coming
except
i love you
and this crazy life.

xx

snowed in

we were snowed in for the majority of the weekend. it really forced us as a family to s.l.o.w. d.o.w.n. and just chill out. you know, like nap and stuff. it was kind of hard but pretty cool at the same time. there were some moments though where i considered hanging out in the car by myself though to stop the constant fondling and nudging and snugglefestivites that occured.

even though i'm touched-out, i'm feeling ready for the holiday week. hope you are, too. xx

how you likie my new 50 plus pound face? just more to love...

primal urge

i'm getting this really crazy strong almost psycho urge to go and pack a bag for the hospital. something i've never done in advance before, mind you. so what's up with this? i have no baby clothes ready- they are all in tubs in the basement and smell like funky mold. and i don't even know who this little baby will be so i would have no idea which clothes to wash. and i have no diapers or wipes or anything else like that ready to go. and no boobie-pads, which are key in post-labor nina beana land. maybe i should make a run to BJ's and pick up some stuff so i can rest peacefully at night? or i could basically pack a sportsbra and maybe some comfy fat pants and then call myself good to go? my babies really don't need anything except mama's milk and some crap-ass clothes and some lubbins. so i should chill. i really need to chill.

please friends, i urge you to bring me food and chocolate if i go early.

merry

(photo by gray)

trying to see
all the good around me
remaining open
to the signs that the universe is sending me.

listen
stay quiet
be open
slow down
remember what's important
take time
perspective

perspective

perspective.

complain complain

i've stopped sleeping completely. maybe john is right...maybe i am a vampire. i actually do sleep from 9p-12 every night. and then i'm up. but i can't do anything productive. because i'm tired. but i can't sleep. so i watch the food network and i stare at the christmas tree and i eat green apples and pecorino romano cheese.

my girl is sick. the antibiotics didn't work a couple of weeks ago and now she's even worse off than last time. she's got a double ear infection and strep throat and a high fever and weird blistery things on her face. she's a complete beast but i do feel terrible for her. but because i was up all last night, i'm having a hard time walking around taking care of people. the spiced apple turnover for mama after her doctor's appointment helped. but it didn't make the day completely peachy keen. john and i are sick too, but when you have a sick kid, you just can't be sick. so we power on.

speaking of sick, joey just pooped his pants. wanna know how he told me?:
"oops...i just did a little squirtsy-doodle!"

i forgot to mention...the boy is sick, too. with diarrhea. a major case of the squirtsy-doodles.

is it tomorrow yet?

even more good stuff

bellies and the fireplace at my dad's house, which is all the more sweeter because i don't have to get the wood, make the fire, keep it going, etc. and a fire appears whenever i request one. and the baby gets toasty and happy. and i drink tea. and watch the kids tear up the house.

freshly made sushi just for me by whole foods staff without ginger and wasabi that makes my sushi taste like poo.

dates to starbucks with johnny alone and then christmas shopping for the kids (one present each- ha!) and then our annual date trip to annie's hallmark where we buy our special ornaments and drop a ridonkulous amount of cashola but don't feel bad about it because it makes us so happy.

johnny's sympathy heartburn.

rubbing joey's head.

pushing gray to do something she wasn't feeling at the moment but then having it turn out OK and watching her realize that her mama is always right.

joey's impromptu "party" and "cake" last night.

watching joey clutch his new birthday firetruck, even when he's napping, and thinking of little randy on 'the christmas story'.

our rocking christmas tree makes me happy even though there are about 5 or 6 ornaments on each branch, especially the ones waist level and below.

joey just saying to me "mom, can i sit next to you? because i love you."

watching gray eat noodle soup.

christmas movies every day.

my date with joey today.

watching gray run off the bus after school with a huge smile on her face.

huge packages from sweet bloggie friends filled with gorgeous clothes that i can't wait to wear.

getting the mail every day and savoring every holiday card.

the second john walks in from work at the end of a long day.


xx

happy friday

"i am just a speck of dust inside a giant's eye." - the brilliant kimya dawson


happy friday beloved peeps.

xx

FAQ

inspired by brittany's post about her own pregnancy stats, i offer you some of my most FAQ's about this pregnancy, and way too much information for your own good...

weeks pregnant: 30

pounds gained: about 35 plus at this point

number of babies inside: just one

boy or girl: no clue, but i think it's a girl

do you want to find out?: yes, we've tried (we've had three ultrasounds) but the tech can't see anything because of crossed buddha legs. at this point, we may just end up being surprised which is fine by us.

are the kids excited?: yes, very. especially joey. he's quite taken with the belly and the "bee-bee"

do you have names picked out?: yes. catalina redwood and teddy stonewall. and no, we're not kidding, and no, we're not changing our minds.

are you worried that teddy will hate you when he becomes a man and his real name is teddy? shouldn't you just name him ted?: no. we're not worried. there are many crazy and cruel things about this world, and if teddy's name is the biggest worry on his list, we'll consider him lucky. he can call himself whatever the hell he likes and we won't care. but his name is going to be teddy. and we'll always call him teddy bear. even in front of his partner.

will your daughter's name really be catalina catalano?: no. catalano is my maiden name, remember silly? it will be catalina redwood gilbert.

why redwood and why stonewall?: because. because we likie.

you're huge! do you think you'll make it until feb. 11th (due date)?: i don't know. i'm measuring at 32 weeks. i was informed at my appt yesterday that i should expect another big baby (joey was 8lbs. 13 oz.) which is fine by me. because i like fatty babies. i was 10 days late with gray and about a week early with joey so at this point who the heck knows.

how are you feeling?: just fine! except for when i can't walk. or poop. or during the contractions. or after 6pm.

what time do you go to bed?: around 7:15pm. it seems i can't make it much past that. but then i wake up around 12 or 1am and start my day. thank god for vampire books.



so that's the skinny folks! i'm hanging in there, enjoying the ride. i'm looking forward to meeting my sweet one, breastfeeding, and drinking again (kidding, but not really).

xx

good things part 3

*when gray is in a really really bad mood and threatening to ruin our family time date and beautiful walk in the sunshine, i stop, take a deep breath, and look around for a sign. i see a tree with a nice butthole just waiting to be poked. i say to her "if you put your finger in that tree's butthole i guarantee that your bad mood will disappear."

and it does.

good things part 2

*have i mentioned how much baby loves brussel sprouts? so much so, i fact, that last night, after cooking a whole bunch (four dollars worth, which is quite a bunch) of brussels, i went to sprinkle some salt and pepper on top before eating. unfortunately the pepper top was open (the part that you're supposed to be able to dunk your spoon into) and literally about five tablespoons of pepper dumped on top of my snack. did that stop me from eating them? no. pregnancy at it's best.

*joey watching the movie 'sinbad' right now (totally inappropriate but most of it is going over his head thankfully)...but he keeps screaming "MAN NIPPLES!" every time a half naked dude comes on the screen

*every morning when joey comes into my bed (at 5am) he snuggles in to me in the dark and whispers "i dreamed about the baby" and then pulls up my shirt and kisses my stomach

*refusing to wear maternity clothes this time around

*MAN NIPPLES!

*reading a whole chapter book last night about butterflies that talk and have attitude problems

*the kids going to bed at 5:30pm

*taco night

*library story time

*gray's thankful notes to her teachers

*johnny's cold feet in bed and him hogging all the blankets (i secretly like it)

*double boilers

*muffins

*movie date night coming up tomorrow night

xx

the good things

*gray being healthy and happy again after a couple of bad days last week with strep throat, a strep body rash, and a double ear infection

*a date with johnny this weekend for hot drink treats (chai and triple shot lattes) and then sushi

*christmas parades and seeing the kids on the float with high spirits even though it was about 10 degrees out

*being able to walk today. seriously, walking is pretty cool.

*lower back massages

*reading chapter books with the kids in my bed

*how the grinch stole christmas every day this week

*seeing the faces of the kids at the aquarium this weekend, and getting free tickets. watching the turtle eat lettuce and puke. examining the private parts of sharks.

*having all my thanksgiving shopping done

*vampire series books and the librarians that still love me even though all i take out now are bad young adult books. stacks and stacks of them every day.

*scholastic book order forms and gray getting off the bus today clutching two of them screaming "mom! TWO! TWO of them!!!"

*my date with joey today in front of a roaring, smoky fire reading dr. suess

*feeling the baby kick all night long, trying to imagine what s/he will be like in a couple of months

*connecting with a really fantastic doula-in-training who will attend our birth and who has been to ina may's farm in TN

*having all the dusty fancy plates and wine glasses already washed and ready for thursday

*grateful presents ready to be delivered to neighbors

*thanksgiving placecards

*reading in the car in the mornings while waiting for the bus, the heat blasting

*wearing brown shoes and black clothes and not caring because i'm pregnant and feel like i should be able to get away with any fashion transgression.

*joey's love for reading

*family dinners at the 99

*a whole bunch of appetizers just waiting to be made this week

*a huge pot of chicken soup on the stove right now waiting to be eaten

*family about to get-together and put aside differences this week

*brussel sprouts

*bowls of spinach

*bowls of broccoli

*seeing beautiful friends and family every time we're out somewhere in public- one of the benefits of living in the town that we both grew up in (it's actually quite comical how many people we saw at starbucks last weekend)

*oolong tea

*organic pregnancy tea

*vitamins helping me stay healthy, and keeping my baby safe

*going to bed at 6pm

*cinnamon buns

there's much more, but mama's going to veg for a bit. how's it hangin' in your world? xx

what i need

(photo by gray)

i'm hibernating.
and i can't stop.
haven't been taking many pictures.
haven't been blogging, emailing, phone calling.

i have been
surrounded
by my crafts
and stacks of magazines
and library books
and cup
after cup
of tea.

this is what i need right now
bedtimes at 7pm
vampire stories in the middle of the night
my family snuggled on the couch
surprise pieces of chocolate cake

and that's about it.

but i do miss you. xx

new

new week ahead
and everything seems possible again
starting it off with a new attitude
and a new coat
(vintage find for $5 with generous butt-pleats for my pregnancy butt)
that is bright orange
in the morning light
and a new plate
shaped like celery
gifted to me
by boo
it makes me want to race to the store
and buy celery
cream cheese
and paprika
and invite some friends over

today is midwife visit
and library
and snuggling on the couch
trying not to fall asleep
at 6pm today
because my day
started at 12am

i have been getting quite a lot of reading done
thanks to this
insomnia

off to start
life.

xx

quirky bird

gray is a quirky bird. sometimes bubbly and boisterous, other time moody, withdrawn, and kind of sad, she's always a trip. she likes to dress herself for school and sometimes comes up with some whacked outfits. she also doesn't like to be talked to when she gets off the bus for two hours, until it's time for bed. then she most always will have to go poop, even though it's past her bedtime. she likes carrots and dip and broccoli but you can't get her to eat a piece of cake (the frosting is a different story). she's a conundrum, a mystery that i'm always trying to figure out.

lately she's taken to writing names like "carlos" and "elvis" on scraps of paper (like my shopping lists) with hearts around them. boys at the bus stop run up to her and say "oooh grace, you're so pretty, i love you and you're my girlfriend!" and then i launch into my cheese-ball, "hey, we're all friends, we're all friends with each other on this beautiful planet" blah blah blah and all the little ones roll their eyes, rub their snot noses, and run away.

i'm in for a long ride.

this morning, she created this fantastic card for her bus driver. her bus driver is this pretty rad looking young woman who reminds me of annie lennox. short pixie hair dyed almost white with a nose ring and a love of funky hats. needless to say, gray is enamored. the card was classic gray- all hearts and rainbows and the bus driver's name. and then she said "i have an idea!" and so excitedly wrote "dawn- grace loves you!". she was like "this will make dawn so happy". how could i tell her that it may be borderline inappropriate to court your bus driver? so i smiled and said she'd love it.

and you know what, she totally did. i sat in my car and watched gray excitedly hand over the note, and the bus driver's face lit up like you would not believe. even from the distance i was at, i could tell with certainty that it would be the best part of her day.

and it was mine, too.




have a beautious weekend. i'll be hibernating with the fam. xx

be OK

i found this incredibly inspiring. i hope you do, too.

it's been about

i can't even tell you where i've been or what i've been up to.

it's been a lot about sitting and being in the moment. being away from the tv and away from the computer. being in the leaves. being with the kids and their art supplies and going on dates with them. lavishing them with the attention they both need right now. it's been about being in the kitchen, preparing meals, and nourishing the people that i love. it's about learning how to accept help from others, and loving when people take caramel. it's about the little things that seem so big- having a friend bake a minature "happy halloween" cake for you and hand deliver it. another friend buying me the most delicious italian take-out dinner that i could have possibly imagined. it's been about driving through the city at night past my bedtime in a cow costume. it's about plowing through stacks of books from the library at 2am in the morning. finding ways to surprise others in little ways. letting go of the need for a clean house and appreciating the love that takes place inside it instead.

i'm having guests over today. and instead of cleaning my bathroom at 4am this morning when i came downstairs, i sat down. i took a deep breath. i made a cup of tea and poured a big frosty cup of orange juice. i lit a candle. i thought about all the reasons why i'm lucky to have my life. and then i thought about how all the people that are coming over love me for who i am regardless of how my bathroom looks. there may be hairballs and mold and scary things lingering about in there, but it's real. so it will be as it is. i sat down with the glow of the computer and decided to check in with my bloggie peeps instead.

then i realized that it was actually not 4am but 3am (ah, daylight savings!)

but that's besides the point.

so even though i may be missing from here
i am still here
in the thick of it
spilling apple cider down my chin
all over my shirts
that don't fit anymore
because a baby
is popping out from the bottom

and i miss you
and think about you.

thank you all again for being here with me. xx

early holiday saley-sale

hello dearest of dearpeeps,

just a little FYI that there's a little saley-sale going on in my etsy shop. i really want my paintings to find a home for the holidays. so they are both marked down...way down. it's a great chance for someone to get an original mixed media piece of nina beana work- so hop on over and snag it!

xx
nb.