momma zen- a review

have you read the book momma zen: walking the crooked path of motherhood by karen maezen miller yet? you should, i mean you really, really should. this book is like a little electric blanket that i take with me to bed every night. i plug it into my brain, into my soul, and the world seems a little lighter. karen maezen miller has that perfect talent with words- she writes simply, beautifully, but manages to pack a (peaceful) punch that leaves you breathless. and you find yourself thinking "huh? how does she do it? how does she crawl into my tired mama-brain and write about what i'm feeling so eloquently? this cannot be possible that someone is so in-tuned to what i'm feeling, except here i am, clutching this book under the covers at the end of a long day...and aaaaaah. i feel better already."

truth be told, i haven't finished reading this book yet. because i.don't.want.it.to.end. i treat myself to bits and pieces here and there as needed. it's like a little valerian root, this momma zen. a chance for me to recenter. a chance for me to remember that i am a piece of something much bigger than myself. that i am not alone in this.

as if this book didn't rock enough, there is a handy list in the back "for the hard days-where to look for help". if your day has sucked so bad that you need a direct-line to the section that will help you through your worst mama moments, you can go to the back, look under the topic of your choice, and be directed to the chapter you need. having some confidence issues? see chapters 4, 20, or 25. i love this book.

i have highlighted this book, because that is how crazy i am about it. i could get tattoos of some of karen's wisest words. like this quote, which i need to frame or something for my fridge:

"as babies grow into toddlers, the conflicts with mom erupt and spread. children have arms and legs and, later, words to fling at you, which they will: getting dressed, getting undressed, eating a meal, going to bed, getting in the car, getting out of the car, taking a bath, brushing teeth, and so on all day long until you both retreat, defeated, back into the night. the trick is to see the battles coming, avert them whenever possible, do what is necessary, and make peace. you can do it, you know, you're the mother, and you have infinite capacities."

the last sentence rings on and on in my ears and in my heart.

there are also some amazing quotes about fatigue which i will use for some of my doula clients and new moms. i would quote them here but this book is SO worth going out and searching for yourself. it is a treat, and a gift. and now it's in paperback! so you have no excuse, dear mama. no excuse.


you can check out more about karen here. it's pretty much like a daily-dose-of-exactly-what-you-need-to-hear (that's my scientific opinion).

and you can order a signed copy of her book momma zen for yourself, for your momma, or for any momma on your holiday shopping list here.

happy weekend and happy reading!

gray is whacked

i was going to write a big long deep post today about how we all have our hangups and problems, but i just can't muster up the energy to do so. so instead i leave you with this video of my dear sweet child, who loves to wear a bikini in the snow, and who wears cat-eye glasses all on her own (without me asking her to) and does the slow and dirty hula in front of the wiggles christmas special.

gray is quite special herself, if you ask me.

hold up wait a minute

breathe in
breathe out
hold on to the little things
the moments in between the kids
biting each other and taking each other's toys away
the moment when you first
lay your head down on your pillow
and snuggle under the blankets
and open your book
only to read a page or two
before you fall blissfully asleep
at 8:15pm
the moment when the kids
and their friends
are playing on their own
making up their own games
modeling healthy behaviors
the moment when you have your third cup
of coffee in the morning
and hit your stride
hold on to the peaceful moments
spent at the dining room table
in the sun
gluing all your vintage buttons
onto a raggedy piece of cardboard
to make the most beautiful
christmas wreath you have ever seen
the moment when
you open your eyes
in the morning
and there hasn't been any fighting yet
and it's too soon to feel your cramps
and everything is perfect.

snow day

ho ho howdy!

i feel like i've been away for a long winter's nap. it's been a busy couple of days and i'm loving it. i'm loving every part of having christmas plans and obligations. every part, that is, except being away from johnny and the kids for a large part of the weekend.

i've eaten more bad (bad meaning really good) food since thursday. i went out to eat thursday night, friday afternoon, saturday night, and then sunday night. since i don't go out to eat very often this was a decadent and delicious weekend, where i could pound back a couple of drinks and drown all my worries in cream sauce. it was exactly what i needed, but after a breakfast of pizza and some of steph's cookies this morning, my jeans hate my guts. is it bad when you have to tuck your tummy into your waistband?

i don't care too much though because the cream sauce was worth it! and i have leftovers in the fridge calling "lunch is near! don't forget about us for lunch!".

today is a snow day, but we headed out early this morning to hang with our peeps. i was motivated because john had already gone out and shoveled and schlepped the snow off my car. now gray is quietly drinking hot chocolate and dipping christmas cookies, so i'll take a moment when i can get one.

there have been concerts and dinners and presents and parties. lunch dates and art projects and butt prints. yes...butt prints. because really, what can you give when flowers and candy just don't convey what you have to say to someone? clearly, the answer is...you paint your kid's bum with that new glittery paint laying around, and then you make fanny prints! nothing says "you rock" better than a little fanny action.



hope your day is filled with tim allen and macaulay culkin's finest moments. xx

absolutely abominable

(hot packs, blankets, and little cold feet)

today i'm scowly. grumpy. pootish.

all before the glorious hour of 5:30am- i was told that i have the exact same "boobs and nipples" as The Bumble (a.k.a. the Abominable Snow Monster of the North) from the rudolph christmas tv special (we have the ornament, for boob reference) and gray stated "joey, don't you wish we never had her as our mother?" because i said we couldn't do glue and glitter at 5am, but we would have to wait until after school.

i really don't have abominable boobies, right?

at least i'm wearing a hipalicious new outfit (new to me- thank you neighbors who give me your old clothes- literally, all the neighbors come knocking on my door with their castoffs) to help me conquer this beast of a day.

may your boobs be perky and your day be bright. and please pray that yukon and hermie don't come, knock me unconscious, laugh at my rack, and then pull out all my teeth.

busy keepin' the couch warm

it's been a lot, and it's been a little.

we've been battling germs, germs of all kinds, invading each of our bodies in different ways.

we've been ingesting herbs and vitamins, and joey has been on steroids and antibiotics.

we've been shopping and dating and eating and entertaining.

i've been knitting some presents and sewing. john and i went on a date to the fabric store (for him) and to hallmark. that's our idea of a date. we heart ornaments. especially ornaments that come in a series. there's just something incredibly dorky yet amazing about a good hallmark ornament. we dropped a serious wad of cash in the hallmark store, and didn't feel bad about it. despite trying to make the majority of our christmas gifts, there's just no denying that little bit of hallmarkieness that the holiday holds for our family.

with the sickness has come the snuggles. my butt and the couch have made love many a times over the past couple of weeks. i've been peed on and snotted on and teared on. i've held joey while he's screamed bloody murder while having his temperature taken by a stranger, right up his poop shoot. the only great thing about the experience is that now that he's older, i can debrief with his afterwards, and when i say "that was kinda funny when that lady went right up your poop shoot", he laughs hysterically.

there's been movies with friends, endless christmas movies. there's been breakfasts and endless cups of coffee. there's been the welcoming of new friends, and the gatherings to eat. there's been sleepless nights with the croup, and cuddling up to the book momma zen by karen maezen miller (more to come on this) and twilight by stephanie meyer.

life has been about cross stitching with the best of friends, about eating dry pork chops that were lovingly made. it's about seeing the growing belly of a dear friend, and visiting with old friends that were in town for the holiday. life has also been about being a referee, constantly aiding the kids, helping them try not to kill each other. lessons about sharing. lessons about taking space when you need it. learning that it's ok to close the door (more like metaphorical doors because our house wasn't designed with real doors unfortunately) when you need it.

i've been reading through a couple of blogs here and there, trying to catch up and get inspired for the holidays. some people's thanksgiving accounts sound completely magical- the homemade food, everything made from scratch all the way down to the cranberry sauce. we hosted thanksgiving here, and it was special in its own way. but let me tell you- mostly everything came from a bag or a box or from the freezer. or a can. can't forget about the cans. the gravy was jarred, the cranberries jellied. we cut corners where we can, and we do what we're used to. it's a coping mechanism. it allows us to crash on the couch at the end of the day and still be ok. we can sit and eat chocolates from the box and debrief together, with everything cleaned up, the dishwasher whirling in the background. we were fed, it was good enough. it was what we could do.

i am thankful

i am thankful
for lots of things
so today we will fill a basket with
scraps of paper
that list
all the things
that keep us full and healthy

i am thankful
for my kids
the good days and the bad ones
even the days that make me feel like pulling out my hair
and the days that i consider using crack to get through it

i am thankful
for the oven
that is baking homemade brownies
(thanks to inspiration here)

i am thankful
for hot packs
and friends on the couch
and mug after mug of tea
when it's snowing outside

i'm thankful
for incense
for going to bed early
and for defrosting turkeys

mostly
i am thankful
for my little family unit
we keep each other warm when it's cold
and when it's hot we sweat together
and during this time of year
you will find us
huddled in the car together
singing to christmas music
on the radio,
driving around
looking at lights.

i am thankful, dear friend, for you.

let's have a little talk- graceisms at their best

i like to shake my booty in your face, originally uploaded by Nina Marie Gilbert.

(i heart this booty shakin' picture that gray snapped of me- a couple of weeks ago we worked on "favorite things" journals, and i gave her my camera for an hour or so to let her snap pictures of some of her favorite things. so it would only be natural that she would take a picture of my shakin' my booty in her face. duh.)

thank god that i'm lucky enough to be a stay at home mama, because if i wasn't i'd certainly be fired with a capital F thanks to these past couple of weeks. grace is home from school today, again. she said to me this morning "mum, remember how i had a bubble in the back of my throat yesterday? well this morning...it's bricks!" and along with the stink eye, and joey's major congestion, we're home again today. i was able to do $212 worth of damage at the grocery store last night after the kids were in bed, so i've got thanksgiving covered.

nothing's gonna keep me down, yo!

when we were stuck in the house yesterday, there was a lull in the conversation. and gray says to me "so mumma, let's talk about something. i'd like to talk about PERIODS. what exactly are periods? are they when people take off their nipples and then grow new nipples? i'd just really like to have a talk about periods."

now's as good of a time as ever, i guess.

slice of life

things have been a bit more balanced here lately, although grace woke up this morning with another raging case of pink eye. which means two things- 1. i cannot get to the grocery store today for my thanksgiving shopping (we're hosting) and 2. it's yet another day with all of us stuck in the house (and we miss our most favorite play date this morning, again). which means, i guess, that we get to do lots of sewing and knitting and christmas crafting, possibly making a huge batch of cookies and definitely eating our way through yet another loaf of pumpkin bread. balance. the good and the bad.

i hearted my weekend for lots of reasons. i got to get out on friday night sans kiddies to go to the opening of the festival of the trees for the peeps (and their peeps) that put the trees together. our tree looked sweet, and special. the framed pictures of the kids were the added touch, and mostly i was just glad that i worked with two women who picked up all of the slack when we were battling the flu and pink eye a couple of weeks ago. (didn't want to write about it at the time because it was so bad). i loved hanging under all the sparkly lights, and having a chance to actually look at the trees instead of wrangle the kids away from them. it was a chance to hang with my mama friends without the kids, which was also a treat. we actually got to have conversations! imagine.

and saturday was spent dating boo- going shopping and trying on clothes and laughing at my funny-in-girl-clothes body. i guess i'm just not cut out for little dresses cut above the knee! and i'm certainly not cut out for wearing anything in the juniors department! size 12 curvaceous mama bodies unite! these little clothes are completely ridonkulous. so to counter the kill-myselfish feelings from the shopping experience, we went antiquing and i immersed myself in all things old. although antiquing with a almost-two-year-old in the stroller is quite an interesting experience....his mission in life was to kick his feet out as far to the side as possible to try to knock sh*t off the shelves. anywho, i found the sweetest little bright red rocking chair- for $22, half off. which means $11. which means with my $10 gift certificate (thanks sal!) i got a rocking chair for $1 plus tax. joey's new mission in life- pick up and drag around said rocking chair around the house with him, everywhere he goes. then snuggle time, with a dash of craft time and wine time and movie time and chinese food time- mama was happy.

then yesterday rocked. baking and relaxing at home, followed by diner breakfast with the fam, followed by a trip into the big city (aka boston) for movie day with aunties jo&lib at MIT. we watched polar express and gorged ourselves of the best kind of worst kind of snackies. we took our boy to a movie! and yes it was insane. but he was mostly good in a kinda bad kinda way. and then we went for tea and pillow jumping at uncle boo's house- because a couple of weeks ago i was playing "open-ended questions" with grace and asked "if you could go anywhere in the whole wide world where would it be?" and she said "uncle boo boo's house in cambridge." so there you go.

and now we're here, at home, watching the grinch at 7am. i have 10 cups of coffee waiting for me, and a butt-load of craft supplies. wish me luck!

xx


in other news, i'd like to wish a belated happy birthday to my girl femiknit. and a happy happy india rockin' trip to my girl leonie.

relax your horses

"you just need to relax your horses, mumma." this sage advice came from gray this morning...early, early this morning. it made me smile, and was one of those little quips that puts the whole picture in perspective. relax your horses. i tried explaining the saying, and telling her about "hold your horses" but she just looked at me and said "i like my way better". fair enough.

since my return, i've had a huge lesson in relaxing my horses. i still haven't unpacked, and haven't had a second to process anything yet. with a house full of visitors in and out, and trying desperately to build up my immune system (which included getting my voice back, with the help of lots of herbal remedies...thanks pix for the advice!), and joey's transition into a big boy bed, we've got our plate full. not to mention us hosting thanksgiving in a week from today! one of my favorite holidays by far (hey mama al! i'm with you on this one).

leaving for the weekend was a much-needed gift. driving away, through the beautiful foliage and snow covered (!) mountains, i felt all the frustrations and anxiety over the past couple of weeks melt away. i wasn't nervous about meeting my new peeps. i felt like i could just be myself and that would be ok enough. even though i was rockin' the black circles, and my voice was a mere croak for most of the weekend, i still was able to just sit and be in the company of some amazing women. amazing...cliche, yes...but amazing. pixie's brain is filled with sage-a-licious knowledge...about everything from herbs to massage to psychoanalysis. and keri was so real and un-intimidating, and i just immediately felt at ease. and she listened. and cared. and wendertins is my soul mama sister living too far away. if we were neighbors we'd be having some serious conversations over tea and coffee and coke on a daily basis, let me assure you. my favorite moments were the sleepy ones in the morning, with our collective hair all askew, and the quiet conversations. and the knitting and the babes running all around. and satch's bright chatter and miles' snuggling that soothed my mama-away-from-her-babes soul. it was a quiet weekend- filled with falling red leaves and deer in the morning. it was a noisy weekend- filled with laughter and boys and a little bit of booty shakin'. it was a gift. my new friends are a gift:


you can read pix's account here.

and keri's account here.

and wendertin's accounts here and especially here.

you can see my pictures from the blessingway weekend here.

so please excuse me while i catch up with my kids. while i do a little quiet knitting. while i practice relaxing my horses. xx

where did she come from?

grace's new thing is busting out with spontaneous prayers. which is funny because we don't really pray. but it's her thing, and i'm so cool with that. here's what she came up with this morning:

"dear god,

thank you for all the great food you give us, and for mumma's boobies.

thanks also for all the stores, and for earlobies."


girl's got her priorities, i guess.

joey speaks part II

since i'm still speechless from my weekend, i figured now is as good of a time as any to post more of joey's words. as much as i don't like the idea of posting my voice here, i like the quiet way that joey repeated after me while playing with his toys. his sweetness is overwhelming. and you get a chance to see what kinds of words we value...you know- poop, toot, and bob barker (don't know what's up with that- he kinda skeeves me out).

i'm home

i'm back from woodstock
filled to the brim with goodness
approaching life with a fresh perspective

i have a serious case of laryngitis (hey c! wanna not talk?)
but have been taken care of
and croaked along with
the best bunch of women
all weekend long

i am going to kick this week's ass.

xx

where i'm at

"i believe that these circles of women around us weave invisible nets of love that carry us when we're weak and sing with us when we're strong." - sark, succulent wild woman

finally, the boy speaks

(if for some reason you can't view the video here, click here to see it)

joey. joey joey joey. he was a little slow to talk (although he's not even two yet so i should really back off, huh?) but now that he's figured it out, he can pretty much repeat any word that you want him to say. and he strings together little sweet sentences like "night night mama, i love you" which sounds something like that but a bit garbled. i love every second of it, and appreciate it even more because we waited a little longer for it (gray was born talking. freak!).

anywho, joey's got a bit of a crush on our cousin/author/amazing mama friend tabatha. he talks about her nonstop, and often can be found chatting on his play telephone with his "tabby". he loves to say "TABATHA...READ IT!" because tabatha is a children's author and often does readings for the kiddos. it's pretty much the sweetest thing ever. but you get a little whiff of some joey attitude when gray tries to coach him...

it's fun to mention that tabatha has her own sweet son named joey... i remember years back being at a christmas family reunion at my nanu's house and playing with tab's joey (or jo-jo) in the backyard and pretty much making the decision then and there that if i had a son his name would be joey and we'd call him jo-jo. that's how sweet tab's jo-jo is. and now i've got my own sweet guy who's obsessed with jo-jo's mama! what goes around comes around :)

life kinda sucks, so i'll buy myself a treat

this week has been so challenging on so many levels. like one of those weeks where it's really hard to get out of bed in the morning. where i find myself squeezing my eyes shut and thinking "i really can't do this for another minute". it's been a lesson in asking for help when i need it, a lesson in life presenting you with challenges because it trusts that deep down inside you can handle them. it's been a lesson in putting everything into perspective. a lesson that some days you just won't be able to make it to the grocery store. and that some days your family is just going to have to suck it up and eat cereal for dinner.

with the rain outside today, and my upcoming trip on the horizon, i feel stronger and better able to get through today. today i am laundry-mama- i am the ointment-applier- i am the shoulder to cry on and the crier-on-shoulders. today i just may ask you to come over and watch the kids so i can get out to the grocery store, and maybe buy myself a little treat.

xx

words of advice from the universe

take the time to find and see the beauty in nature

climb some trees even if it means a possible trip to the ER

play the music in your heart

have a good cry if you're in need of one

leaf-blowers and halloween costumes plus kids cracked up on candy equals fun

let's pray that this week rocks the casbah!

early branding

(nature collecting last week in the forest)


at the end of a long day yesterday, the kids and i sat on the couch, drying off from a bath, and reading some stories before bed. during our reading of "three billy goats gruff" (which i think is a pretty messed up tale but the kids luuuurve it) gray decides to turn the conversation to poop. why not, right? with the most serious of gray-looks, the girl turns to me and says-

"you know, i've seen a goat poop before. little m&m's fall out of their bums."

and i look at her with an eyebrow raised and she says-

"seriously! i'm serious! they have little m's on them and everything!"

gotta love early branding.

circle time

for years now, gray has been part of and a big fan of circle time in some form or another. at the end of her school day she'll report back to me about who behaved and who didn't, what they shared, what they read and who said what. i love debriefing about circle time and i heart what my girl takes away from being surrounded by her peers and sharing.

i've been thinking a lot about adult circle time lately, which just sounds dirty but let's pretend it doesn't. at some point in many of our lives it becomes weird, uncomfortable, and/or socially unacceptable to sit in a circle and share things. i vote that we reinstate circle time for adults, especially women, but more importantly...mamas. mamas need some serious circle time.

and this week, amidst the craziness that is my life of crafting and shopping and cooking and wiping butts and creating a christmas tree for the local festival of trees, i've been lucky enough to be circled by some incredible women. when i feel tired and i'm rocking the hugest black circles under my eyes, i can go to my friend's house and we can drink red wine and scrapbook and watch oprah (we heart kris carr) and then charlie brown's halloween special on tv. and when i need a middle of the day pick-me-up, another friend will join me for an organic lunch, where we will proceed to split (yes split) a whole stick of french bread (i ate most of it). and then there are the two beautiful women who i'm creating the tree with...us three mamas and our eight kids running wild, half-naked, creating magic around us. and in a week i'll be leaving for woodstock, NY for another type of magical circle- a blessingway.

it's an incredible life, filled with endless possibilities for circling, circle upon circle of love.

picture day: a lesson in letting go

gray tooth riot!

as much as i tried to get grace ready for her picture day at school, i realized deep down inside that it was completely futile. there were crusty boogers to battle, crazy short flippie hairs going nuts and being unruly and unclippable, a big swollen gash under her eye from yesterday when she ran into the corner of the librarian's desk at the library. then there were the black permanent marker marks all over her (from the pumpkin debacle last night), all over her hands and subsequently all over my jeans. then there was the outfit- i sent her (no lie) wearing a little sized 18 month shirt that shannon gave us yesterday. 18 months! she's 4 and 1/2! but it was clean, and on top of the pile. weird layers and white pants even though it's almost november. we just couldn't get it together this morning. but i took a deep breath and tried to remember that when i look back on this picture i will smile, because i will remember these things.

peeing waiting wishing

grace and i spent some quiet time alone this morning beefing up on our music knowledge. alternating between our itunes playlists and videos on you tube of some of her favorite artists, the conversation turned to jack johnson. we watched some of his favorite videos and i asked her:

"besides playing guitar and making music, can you guess what one of jack johnson's favorite activities that involves water is?"

and she said "yeah, swimming."

and i said "well, very close. it's something that you do in the water."

and with all seriousness on her face, she looked up and said "oh, peeing. jack johnson likes to pee in the ocean."

i guess surfing comes in a close second.

snippets from 4am

(seaweed mustaches are fun but stinky)


4am this morning-

"mama! mama! T is for TOOT....and for TATER TOTS! are you going to wear your boobie-bras today?"



this week has been one of those weeks. that's pretty much all i can say about it. so if i owe you an email, or a phone call, please be patient with me. sleepless nights, puking, and a tiny bit o'drama have been keeping me busy. happy almost weekend!

BOOTY CALL!

my kids are huge fans of the little puffy snacky snack called "pirate's booty". somewhere along the way, we affectionately started calling it "booty call". and joey in particular looooooves himself some booty call. so much, in fact, that the other day in the grocery store, upon spotting the goods on the shelf, started screaming "BOOOOOOOTY CALL! BOOOOOOTY CALL!" until we went through the checkout, paid, and got home. where i served him a bowl of booty call. people must just shake their heads in wonder at our kooky little booty-callin' family.

this morning i woke up to the sounds of "booty call! booty call mama!" from joey's crib. needless to say, we had a little booty call for breakfast.

xx

heartsongs and shorties

at the beach, i hear her exclaim "look mama! it's a heart! a real heart!" and it really is. this is why i love her, why my hearts pretty much bursts open every time i look at her little being. she is love. she's everything that it's all about. she's my little cheerleader that dances with me all around the house and sings "all you need is love" by the beatles at the top of her lungs. she knows more words than i do and even sings the "duh duh duh duh duuuh" part. and my heart explodes.

so what's a mama to do on a rainy day, when she's worrying about fires and a dear, sweet family and bff? we cut our nails. we cut our toenails. and make some dang quesadillas. and dance around to the beatles. and then i have gray strip down naked (even though it's freezing) to give her a haircut on the deck. i pretty much cut off all her hair, down to nothing. and then i ask her "so do you like having short hair" and she's all "yeah, i guess so, it's pretty cool" and i say "do people at school like your hair?" just because i'm curious about what other little kids say about her really really short hair and she stops in her tracks and says

"yeah, totally. they think i'm sooooo fashionable".

guess i walked right into that one.

in other other news, joey's been sick with the poop shoot riots, so we've been worried about him. what's a mama to do after taking care of a projectile-vomiting little guy all afternoon? well, after hanging over the bowl myself from empathy-pukes, we get in the car, go through the drive-through for more coffee, and then buy a kids book about the life of john lennon. what else is there to do on a rainy, poopy day?

finally, i'd like to thank pix for the email that made my day, and jana and co. for boo-ing our house today. the kids tore into the treats like you wouldn't believe. xx

date sounds

this weekend we had the opportunity to go on a real live date. a date that involved breakfast on the ocean, walking through the leaves holding hands, flirting in the aisles of a small bookstore, and then a walk through the forest. for this occasion i made us a special "date music" playlist on the ipod, which we listened to in the car.

here's our list:

::boy with a coin/iron and wine
::roscoe (acoustic)/midlake
::as i am/lori mckenna
::kissing the lipless/the shins
::breathe/alexi murdoch
::blackbird/the beatles
::collarbone/fujiya and miyagi
::james river blues/old crow medicine show
::wagon wheel/old crow medicine show
::when in rome/nickel creek
::undermind/phish
::holes to heaven/jack johnson
::i'd like to/corrine bailey rae
::thanksgiving/deb talan
::something burning/deb talan
::letter to elise/the cure
::for what it's worth/buffalo springfield
::small axe/bob marley and the wailers
::i'll be seeing you/billie holliday
::i feel it all/feist
::extraordinary machine/fiona apple
::little bombs/aimee mann
::paper wings and halo/lori mckenna

what's the soundtrack to your life?

these past weeks

these past couple of weeks have been filled with all the things that keep me: a whole bunch of sparkly love and snugglins, an ipod filled with new music and new playlists, a stack of new books from the library to feed my brain, watching baseball games and winning, plate after plate of delicious food, baby showers, baby talks, scrapbooks, photos, family, foliage. all the things i love.

in review...


a whole lotta this (from date night with jess and b):

a whole bunch of beach time (about four times in the past week or so- some with winter hats last week, and swimming in the ocean this past weekend):

hats, sweatshirts, ripped jeans, and sand in my crevices:

new boots, tailgating, pizza, wind, sun, surf:

date day, trees, rotting apple smell, crunching of leaves, love:



it's absolutely sickening, and i can't get enough.

to be a kid again

eating peanut butter cups for lunch
and swimming for an hour or so in the bathtub,
perfecting the art of holding our breath under water.
lollipops with grass stuck to them
and a big row of seashells just begging to be painted
with fat gloppy rainbows.
getting lost among the pages
of our favorite richard scarry books
while we drip clam chowder all over our new outfits.

i never want it to end.

our lessons

sometimes when i'm at the park with all my mama friends, i can get caught up in the comparisons. it seems like i'm always the one that's disheveled, i don't pack the right snacks (or any snacks at all, for that matter), my kids are a little bit dirty and a little bit unmatched. truth be told, it's just hard not to compare. it's human nature, and as much as i'd like to remove myself from it, it just happens sometimes.

i was thinking about these comparisons this morning while in the shower. aaaah, the shower...the one place that i get to be alone (sort of, most of the time...if you don't count the kids peeking in once and a while, where i stoop down and dole out wet kisses)- my time to process and think. what i was thinking about this morning was comparisons, and mainly about lessons. i swear we're the only family that i know that doesn't have our kids in some sort of sport or dance. and dance and gymnastics and karate and stuff is great and works perfectly for most kids. and i always have the best intentions to get gray into these types of things. but then she goes and says "but mum, i just want to play the tuba" and i have a hard time hucking her into a tutu.

so instead of getting caught up in the stuff that i don't have gray enrolled in, i tried to think about all the lessons that we do teach our kids on a daily basis, that don't cost us any money at all. our stacks of identification books, which we look through as a family, perusing through birds and butterflies and local trees. or our walks on the beach where we collect shells and talk about marine biology. or how gray can tell you all about lots of bones in your body and how they work. and today, when we got in the car to drive to school, and i turned on the radio and said "gray, who's this singing?" and she replied "bob dylan" and she was completely and utterly right. and then i said "what instrument do you hear right now?" and she said "oh, that's a harmonica!". she can pick out grateful dead songs, and jack johnson, bob dylan, and rusted root. she can tell you about food and recipes and ingredients, and wax poetic about "courtesy bites".

these are our lessons. instead of dance, this is what works for us. music, food, anatomy, identification. we're just a little bit different, and for today, that's good enough.

paring down

i get the holiday bug e.a.r.l.y. and this year it's actually a bit late coming on, but it's hit full force in my noggin. so i've been thinking a lot about things like stuff and accumulation and memories and lasting gifts.

in attempts to pare down the craziness of the holiday season, i've asked (or "proposed") some new traditions (instead of gifts for my kids) for this upcoming holday season:

::for my group of high school peeps, who are overly generous and amazing when it comes to gift giving- i've asked them to let me take a portrait of them holding my kids, so i can print it out and include it in a book that i'm going to compile for the kids for the holidays (or after). the book is going to be called something like "why we're so lucky" or "the people we love and the people who love us". and they'll have it forever. i told them to take the money they would spend on the gifts and take themselves out to dinner. my kids won't know the difference (although i made the mistake of trying to talk through it with gray and she was all "what?!? christmas is cancelled?" and i had to do a bit of backpedaling.

::for one of my most favorite mama friends, instead of buying gifts for our ever-expanding number of kiddies, i proposed that we do a photo swap of the "five best" moments from the past year- we each give each other copies of our five favorite moments. the best part of the whole deal is that it will actually be really hard to only come up with five, since each week is filled with insanely crazy beautiful moments. it's all about paring down. and we're going to get together for cupcakes or cookie baking with some good old fashioned face painting instead of ripping through gifties.

::as usual, my tribe can expect homemade goodies, simple gifts, little tokens of our love. lots of pictures, lots of lasting memories. i really don't want to buy too much shizz this year, not because i'm cheap but more because "why?" i tried to sit down and really think about what's important to me and what's lasting and none of the things i could come up with came from a store. so funk the holiday shopping sprees! if you are one of my peeps and would like to propose some alternative version of the holidays with the gilberts, please do! all the more better if it involves food :)

anyone else out there have any new holiday routines/traditions they are going to rawk out with this year? i'd love to hear about them. xx

today

today my goals are simple- soak up the pure, raw beauty all around me. embrace it. move through the day like it will last forever.

cry me a river- the FHP edition

up until yesterday, i had no clue what an "FHP" was. i'd never encountered the term, and this term had no impact on my life. yesterday morning, we were $285 richer. our bank account was fuller, happier. up until yesterday, my johnny had no idea what $285 worth of FHP's looked like slopped on the basement floor.

so yesterday, we spent $285 on drain king services, who lovingly (sarcasm) extracted $285 worth of feminine hygiene products from our pipes. FHP is the drain king lingo, designed to help uncomfortable drain dudes who huck a huge pile of tampons on your basement floor, leaving it for the husband to deal with. luckily i was only home for the "we have a flood in the basement!" part, where i get to run around the house screaming, and then proceed to try to fit a shower in, only to flood the basement more. luckily i was not home when the drain king dudes extracted all my tampons and baby wipes (who knew they weren't flushable?!?) and pieces of cotton fabric (sorry! we're quilters! they must have gotten in there somehow...but we're not quite sure). luckily i pretty much have the best husband in the world and he spent the day bleaching and bleaching and stepping in poop and then shelling over the big bucks all for the love of FHP's.

note to self: don't flush anything down the toilet. ever.

no mas!

"no mas, joey! no mas!"

despite the quiet spreading through the house right now, these words from grace are still ringing in my ears. for the past couple of weeks since gray has been in her new classroom, she's been obsessing about a fellow student who's struggling with the rules of the classroom. this student is also trying to learn both english and spanish, and the teachers have to constantly redirect him (and by redirect i'm pretty sure that means trying to keep him from beating the crap out of the other students in the class) by saying "no mas!" over and over. and "no, no, no" with a side order of finger-wagging in the face, evidently. gray, being the true-blue parrot that she is, has taken these disciplinary actions straight from the classroom right to the household- and is constantly telling joey "NO MAS!". me, never taking spanish...i had no clue what the hell this meant, and promptly googled it. evidently, it means "no more!" (duh). anyway, poor joey...since he is always doing something slightly bad and completely no-mas-worthy, has taken the brunt of the no-massiness. i'm trying to figure out if this behavior modeling is 1. healthy 2. something i should speak with her teachers about and 3. just totally freakin' cute and i should let her do it. something to ponder, i guess.

as an aside, i wanted to say that i was completely blown away by the responses sent to me by the "bellies and books" post. it was one of those stream of consciousness things that i really didn't think too much about in the moment, but jeez did it bring up some stuff for us. i loved the time and care that some of you put into our emails, and what you shared. we all have some sort of issue with our bodies...and find it so much easier to love the curves and bumps and lumps on our mothers and grandmothers and fellow-women's bodies. it's interesting, it's compelling, and i thank you for sharing. xx

hibernation

it's been hibernation nation around here in gilbertland, making quilts, wearing slippers, and hiding away from the world. well, with the exception of a house full of guests every day for the past week, we've been hiding away. our days have been shaped by new routines- darker mornings and darker nights, comfort foods, and halloween cupcakes. pumpkins crafts and new hats and quilts for the babes. when the seasons change, i always go through changes on the inside, and need a couple of days to process it all and stay healthy upstairs, if you catch my drift.

there's also been trips to farms and orchards, picnics at old castles, beads and flowers strung through hair in the sun, jammies at 12 noon just because, watching halloween movies and reading halloween books, clam and lobster bakes in the backyard coolness, sitting fireside with family and bringing the bedding outside to snuggle with my girl, trips to the fabric store with my johnny who quilts better than i can ever hope to, showers that are a little hotter than usual, listening to the wizard of oz on record, a trip into the city to visit dear friends and see their new house and drink coffee and hang out at a playground on the water, cleaning and organizing the house, soups soups and more soups. and loaves of bread...there's something about this season that just makes me want to eat loaf after loaf of bread. and coffee. can't forget about the coffee...

trying to stay focused and positive- good thoughts floating toward my mini-mama vacation with these wonderful women coming in november. i get to be by myself (not really but you get the point) in a wonderful city for a whole weekend. i just may go into wonderfulness-overload and need to make a habit of such retreats.

so that's it in a nutshell- soups, coffee, and bread. family, my couch, and my bum. and a whole lotta snugglin'.

what's new in your world?

bellies and books

(these are the thoughts in my little kittycat mind this morning- and yes i wear kittycat headbands over my hats)

so last night i was lucky enough to sneak out of my house and steal away to my book group. i heart my book group, and heart my dear friend that introduced me to it a year or so back. i took a bit of a hiatus when they started reading historical war novels because, well, that just ain't my thing. but this month's book was something that i've been meaning to read, and so i gladly read through it and anticipated going back to the meeting.

let me just state for the record that i'm roughly the youngest in the group by about 30-40 years. and i'm not exaggerating. but this may be the biggest reason why i love this group so much...because they are kind, and they welcomed me back with open arms. and we all sit around clutching paper coffee cups, and everyone is so loud that we have to close the door so we don't disrupt the patrons in the children's room. last night, not only were the words "girls gone wild" used in reference to members of the group, but a number of the women pretended to lift up their shirts and flash one another. and an added bonus was that i learned to swear in italian. so there you have it.

as i sat there last night, really zoning out and not listening so much to the discussion of the book (the book was pretty horrible really, but that's besides the point) i looked around at all the women. every single woman was wearing a watch (everyone but me, that is, surprise surprise). and every woman's body was particularly curvalicious, with round soft bellies and shirts stretched over them (including mine). the bellies, i was mesmerized by the bellies. some bigger than others, some more modest in size. i heart bellies.

which got me thinking about babies. and having babies. and all these women sitting around me, most (if not all...i'm pretty sure all) have birthed babies into the world. babies that have left their mark on their mamas bodies, leaving soft full bellies. all these women have stories to tell, and everyone's bodies were speaking so loudly to me that i got completely overwhelmed. i was struck by the power of the circle of life, of birth into old age. i got overwhelmed and i got feverish and i had to leave. i literally had to get up and awkwardly squish myself along the wall and make people scoot this way and that so i could reach the door and leave the library. i was overwhelmed by the beauty of women, by the beauty of life, and my the beauty of bellies, and i had to leave. it was all i could do to stumble to my car and get home, crashing into john's arms.

thank you

thank you hot mulled apple cider. thank you dunkin donuts coupons for $.99 hot pumpkin lattes. thank you miranda july for your incredible brain and the stories that it produces, the ones that i feast on under the covers at 3am when i can't sleep. thank you herbs for balancing my life, and thank you to the chicken that gave its life for my dinner last night. and thank you ellen for dancing and thank you tracy for letting me take pictures of your gorgeous and glowing belly in the soft, soft light of your nursery. thank you to everyone who fills up my inbox with the most inspirational emails, which i save and read over and over again when i need a non-caffeinated pick me up. thank you to leonie for your beautiful art that feeds me at the end of a long day. thank you kim for my new shirt that i'm wearing right now, and which is the most perfect thing ever that i would've never have thought to buy for myself. thank you to johnny for your leathery feet that snuggle me at night when i can't sleep, and you lay oblivious, twitching at my side. thank you boo for pumpkin gelato that i would very much like to have my casket filled with when i die. thank you to grace for your plumper-rumper that i squeeze and massage every morning- the most perfect little fanny connected to the best little girl. and thanks to joey who smells like pee in the mornings and snuggles me and kisses my face, begging me for "jews" (juice) and "nuggles" (snuggles). thank you for a week filled with babysitting, everyone, so i can make my life happen, surround myself with my friends and book groups and work and everything else that makes my life go around.

thank you.

worst/best day ever

gray's reason for not wanting to wear her sling today: "i just can't wear it mum! i'm in my pupae stage!"


my dear gray has been a mix of high highs, and very low lows lately. i like to blame it on the fact that she's in pain from her collarbone and has no other way to express it- and that it's not the early onset of estrogen-rollercoaster-adolescence. she can be a real beast, with door slamming and "uuuuuuuuh! i'm leaving! i'm moving OUT!" and then the next minute be licking on my earlobes, and meowing like a little kitty cat. girls. stinkin' girls. i hate to say that i think boys are easier, but my boy- you kiss him, you snuggle him, you give him juice and a banana and change his diaper every once and a while, and he's happy. my girl- you have to make sure her socks don't scrunch her toes, and oh yeah, she hates socks, "i'm never wearing socks EVER!!!! this is the WORST DAY EVER!!!!". i'll never get it. she came out of the womb with emotions...lots of them. but i wouldn't have it any other way- because with the lows come those fabulous highs, where she finds a moth and really truly believes that it's a fairy- and she screams "i FINALLY found one! a REAL FAIRY! this is the BEST DAY EVER!!".

i wouldn't have it any other way, really.

laughter

i have nothing to say today, but i do have a pretty freakin' hilarious video to share.

wait for the glowsticks.