tonight

i want a fire in the yard without worrying about catching the neighborhood on fire-

"he felt a delight in wood and the touch of it, neither as forester nor as carpenter; it was the delight of the living tree itself." -JRR Tolkien

yes, i'm quoting a troll, but i love this quote.

'i'm sad, mommy. i hurt my feelings." -grace, just now.

cry for help

i can't stop eating chocolate, sweets, breads, anything called "food." please help. i really just can't stop, no matter how much i read up on the benefits of eating healthy, wonderful, organic food...i absolutely have no resisting power when it comes to halloween candy, m&m's, tripoli's pizza, and fresh loaves (i'm not kidding when i say loaves) of bread from the market.

can it just be because i'm pregnant?

also, for all those concerned/interested, i had a fabulous day today, thanks to my dad and grace...spent 2nd-hand shopping for pants for the little ones (4 pairs!), walking along the water in newburyport, antiquing, watching grace ride her bike, feeding ducks, eating (of course, hello!), and just chatting. all the things i love. it's almost 4p and grace is still napping...i may have officially snapped out of it.

now off for another dip into the m&m's bag!

xo

donkeyballs

dear mama that brought your sick, donkey-coughing, little double-ear-infectionned cherub to the library yesterday,

why? why oh why would you do such a thing? not only did i feel bad for her, but last night at 2am when i was awake and sweating and cold and sick in bed, i felt really, really bad for myself.

hope i don't run into you again.

xo

bring in the funk

(i'm going to randomly post pictures of recent crafting adventures in hopes that i will feel more productive and super crafty despite my funk of a mood-)

i have this tendency to get all weirdly hormonal sometimes and really have to work at it to pull myself out of a funk. needless to say, i've been struggling a bit, working on making the days interesting enough so i don't pull my hair out with boredom and frustration. because i truly feel blessed to be able to stay home and mother grace, to be able to eat what i want, wear what i want, go to the library seven times a week and hang out by the fire during the middle of the day making fairyhouses. i need to stay grounded and healthy, especially now with this little one growing inside. i'm just feeling angsty...and "not enough". not crafty enough and not doing enough. not eating healthy enough and not doing as much as i should. not calling people back and not emailing people promptly enough. sometimes i just get so overwhelmed by the little details. make a whole quilt in a day? sure! knit a scarf or two for christmas gifts? no problem! call the electric company? the deal's off.


what is wrong with me? does anyone else feel so overwhelmed by such nothingness? i need to do something wonderful, have an adventure. john's got something in the works for the weekend, so i'm trying to focus my energies on staying upbeat until then. in the meantime, i've got storytime for 2's (which i love observing...grace trying to battle shyness and boldness at the same time) and doula class tonight.

oh pregnant belly! making it harder and harder to size my aprons...

self portrait tuesday

birthday cigar mirror

today

this is what i feel like today. enough said.

thank you to c.s. lewis and augusten burroughs for making me feel a little better.

fallish

my new favorite pastime is giving gracie my digital camera and letting her do her work. it takes up hours, and she never gets bored. it always ends in her crying when it's time to take the camera away. i love this close-up shot she took the other day of a plastic pumpkin.

this weekend has been spent scurrying, hurrying, and building fairy houses. hot chocolate and whipped cream and sweaters. spinach pie and knitting. getting ready for the twins' christening today. large fruit salad won't fit in the fridge...wondering what to do with it. off to shower.

xo

halleluia, or however you spell it-

this is the image i was left with after putting the camera over the bathroom stall in the basement of the church that em and i went to go see kevin sing at- i missed em in this shot, but not in the next :) she'll be lucky if i don't post it.

can i just say how happy i am to be done my test? very overwhelming, tunnel-vision and sweatin'-to-the-oldies inducing, but done. i'm done! if i fail, i will officially be the only person in hesser college history to have failed the NH state test. so that's an achievement in itself. i'm freakin' done. my dad rocks, papa jean-yo's (how grace pronounces papa gino's), and nana all rock. pregnancy wool pants and the fall rock. grace's new little man pants rock. and can i just state for the record that i love my library? all my librarian trolls, esp. miss kathy and miss meagan, rock. grace had her first day of storytime for 2's yesterday (big girl!) and she was awesome. i try to be unbiased but it's quite clear that grace is the favorite amongst the librarians. they have a really hard time hiding it. and i'm ok with that.

off to diddle. xo!

grace

anyone out there reading this...can you send me a little grace tomorrow for my NH state licensing massage exam? it's a practical exam, with two observers, and to anyone who knows me, i don't do well under pressure, and especially not while being observed. right now i feel pretty at peace with the whole thing, but who knows what will happen on my hour ride up there. i cannot wait until 12:15p tomorrow, cannot wait for the weekend, cannot wait to go shopping for joey yarn for my scarf that i will wear to the hospital.

did i mention that i have wonderful friends who take care of me and love me and shower me with love and attention despite my pregnancy craziness? thank you renee for donating yourself to my cause, to boo for coming yesterday, and for em for the wonderful weekend. i look forward to the next time we can almost catch my neighborhood on fire.

xo

trollspotting

i still feel like i can't write about the weekend...full, wonderful, overwhelming, tiring. but i couldn't help but post these trollspotting pictures of em for boo. taken at the davis square salvation army...em is sorting through, ranking, and organizing stuffed animals, trying to decide which ones seem most "life-like". to give her some credit, she is a teacher, and these were purchased for her class :)

self portrait tuesday

me, my babygirl, lavender, pottery, basket, final harvest. xo

updates of the weekend and crafting to come, if i can get into gear this week.

early

goodbye diapers...we here at the gilbert household are now sporting the nature-maker, shake-what-your-mama-gave-you look for all waking hours of the day! grace's bum looks pimply and rough from running over every wooden surface in our house (remember that next time you eat over and consider eating something off the table or floor!) but we're making progress. thanks to boo, we have a nice up-close picture of the big dookie grace took in her potty yesterday...i just haven't gotten a chance to upload it yet.

thank you boo for your visit yesterday. i had fun having a pregnant breakdown and almost getting bangs with you. i have to say that i was relieved to find no-bangs this morning, but i was still left with the feeling that i'm destined to look cooler than i do, and still need to find a way to make that happen.

i was up at 5am this morning because i'm so excited about-
-the weather
-my emily coming this weekend for the baby festivities
-the circle that boo mowed in my overgrown lawn so we can burn lavender and mint and roast marshmallows in my firepit tonight
-chicken soup
-library booksale!
-grace waking up
-steph picking me up
-going to diesel later
-having a suspected craft-filled day with my favorite people
-seeing john's feet peek out from under the covers
-shiitake mushrooms for breakfast tomorrow, and cinnamon buns!

i need to go jump in the shower...i have too much energy for it only being 7am. i'm going to crash and burn tonight.

thank you john for date night, fisherman's ale, and wings! xo have a good day with the missers.

grace and twine, and a bit of virginia

"For now she need not think about anybody.
She could be herself. And that was what now, she often
felt the need of--to think; well not even to think.
To be silent; to be alone. All the being and the doing,
expansive, glittering, vocal, evaporated...
Although she continued to knit, and sat upright, it was
thus that she felt herself; and this self having
shed its attachments was free for the strangest adventures."

from To the Lighthouse, Virginia Woolf, 1927

grace makes me laugh-

as i sit down at the computer this morning,

grace, who sits on the bed behind me, informs me-

"mumma, i need attention."

needless to say, it's the end of my computer time.

self portrait tuesday-

these pics were taken this weekend at steph's wedding...i love how they are all glowy and surreal. the one on the right is probably the scariest picture i've ever taken of myself, gorging on caramel-filled chocolates, mid-chew. the wedding was awesome, and boo took care of me all sunday AND yesterday, with coffee and farm-trips and dinner. thank you so much. xo

last night

last night was a fun success....i didn't go into labor, grace was so good i was bursting with pride and happiness, and i finally got to give steph her secret wedding scrapbook! overall a great night. i was happy that i had spent the whole week loafing around not walking or lifting too much, because by the end of the night, joey was pushing down hard and trying to make his debut. john got toasty, there was lots of inappropriate laughing, and we watched a movie made by steph's soon-to-be sister-in-law tara that brought tears to my eyes. loved the jewel-gifts, melissa! i'm going to have to try and resist today and not wear mine. thanks for all your hard work.

and boo, i never really thanked you officially, but thank you so much for taking care of me on sunday, when all i wanted to do was sit around on my bum and read the paper and stupid magazines...and you cooked me and my whole troupe both breakfast and a gourmet dinner...(parts of which can be seen above-) thank you, thank you. and thanks in advance for spending your day off today with my wee one so i can go get a pedicure and eat your favorite seafood without you! you are truly a best of besties.

xo

gearing up-

here's a little snuggle/booger shot to cheer everyone's day!

gearing up for auntie stephie's wedding...which means that the begining part of this week has been spent crafting, reading, visiting, relaxing, and not doing much lifting (laundry and grace) or going out anywhere (which would require lifting grace in and out of her carseat). i'm trying to save my poor little uterine ligaments. tonight the festivities begin with the rehearsal dinner and practice, and then various other girly activities until it all culminates in the wedding late saturday afternoon! i'm very excited, to have some QT with my family and friends and to see steph into her new phase of life. i want her to be happy and satisfied, relaxed and confident! the weather may not be the greatest, but we will all certainly have our fill of fun and wine (yes, i'm having one small little glass tonight, and one on saturday, which would qualify as "my fill). and i'm very excited about seeing grace be part of something so big and magical as her godmama's wedding day! her little slippers are the cutest things ever invented. if only i could stop worrying about our frizzy hair...

tiny timmy

my tiniest of timmers has taken a liking to hiding in small spaces...seen here hiding in her daddy's stinky gym bag. even though my house is small, i'm afraid i'm going to really lose her one day! oh the things she finds in the bottom of my closet.

in other news, grace is a big girl now...and sleeps in her own big girl's bed! thank you crystal and collin for the encouragement...leading by example! so far we've had no problems (four nights-) knock on wood!

xo

self portrait tuesday

modeling the secret christmas present scarf for my mom- don't tell!

thank you

a big thank you to philip pullman, genius, master storyteller, for filling up my life with such wonderment these past few months that i've been reading 'the golden compass,' 'the subtle knife', and finally 'the amber spyglass.' the last book will certainly be listed amongst my favorites for years to come. i just finished it and feel relieved and saddened all at once, like a part of my life is over.

two quotes from the book:

"will considered what to do. when you choose one way out of many, all the ways you don't take are snuffed out like candles, as if they'd never existed. at the moment all will's choices existed at once. but to keep them all in existence meant doing nothing. he had to choose, after all."

and

"she flung a mental lifeline to that physical self, and tried to recall the feeling of being in it: all the sensations that made up being alive. the exact touch of her friend atal's soft-tipped trunk caressing her neck. the taste of bacon and eggs. the triumphant strain in her muscles as she pulled herself up a rock face. the delicate dancing of her fingers on a computer keyboard. the smell of roasting coffee. the warmth of her bed on a winter night.

and gradually she stopped moving; the lifeline held fast, and she felt the weight and strength of the current pushing against her as she hung there in the sky.

and then a strange thing happened. little by little (as she reinforced those sense-memories, adding others, tasting an iced margarita in california, sitting under the lemon trees outside a restaurant in lisbon, scraping the frost off the windshield of her car), she felt the dust wind easing. the pressure was lessening."

beautiful, breath-taking, thank you.

in other news, joey is doing well. spent the morning at the doctor's. ultrasound #2. had deep conversation with ultrasound tech. that brought tears to my eyes. how lucky am i to have a healthy, happy, 2lb. 1oz. little baby boy swimming inside me?

xo

love, love, love-

sending happy love to everyone-
em, good luck on your first day of school,
boo, we miss you...hope you had a good audition last night and your cooloo feels better,
crystal, hope you're feeling better...let us know if there's anything that we can do,
steph, no stressies this week! go buy yourself a drink treat and put your feet up!

xo

gracie bouquet in the bathroom

trying to remember some sweet grace moments, like this bouquet of clover she picked for me last week, as she is currently peeing over every square inch of my house while i try to potty train her.

feeling much better this week--i can actually walk without feeling like joey is going to fall out. also have much more energy...working on lots of craft projects (just finished a huge, many-month long project for a dear, dear friend)-

there's a huge crock of chili cooking downstairs, and for anyone that knows me, this puts me in a very very good mood. wishing it was more fallish and i wasn't sweating like a pregnant pig.

xo

self portrait tuesday

taken at church during my friend's rehearsal...my growing legs and red velvet pants-
sexy sexy!

scary wonder

an amazing illustration from my girl gyo fujikawa, from a book "oh, what a busy day!"

there's so much horror and horribleness on the news, i thought i'd post a picture of children playing peacefully amongst beasts, finding comfort and solace from friends. grace is sleeping peacefully now, too, and i keep peeking in at her, looking at her in disbelief and wonder. sometimes, despite all the craziness and scariness in the world, i can find comfort in the little things...

grace pulling at my ears and saying "lobies, lobies, lobies"-
phone calls from joey just to check up-
leftover beef stew-
filling up gas grill tanks with dad as a lame excuse to hang out-
endless tomatoes from the garden, eaten warm with salt, pepper, and vinegar-

xo

puppa's birthday photobooth

why did it post 4 times, you ask? because grace is playing jumprope with my mouse while slamming on the keyboard.

hugs, more thank you's, and science fiction

grace and collin last week at the CGS park...they both look so sweet- but immediately after, grace was pushing collin down and being a complete nightmare, and had to go into time out over and over again.


thank you boo for making me cookies last night and eating my beef stew even though it was 100 degrees outside and you were sweating profusely, and putting up with my crazy, no-boundries family and watching me weed through contractions and anger and also for coming to our library and meeting our librarian and playing with glass shapes, and taking out a knife in the elevator and letting me scold you.

thank you crystal for this gorgeous photo, and allowing me to wake up with smiles from my favorite little ones-

emily, i wish i could come this weekend, i want to come this weekend, but not only am i scared of physically being in the car that long (comfortability-speaking), but every time i think of how it would logistically work out i get nervous-

i have so many creative projects going...homemade gifts for everyone! all i want to do is go to thrift stores and antique fairs. but i'm slowly realizing that without backup to wrassle grace away from precious glass antique pieces, the adventures never quite work out to be quite as fun as i imagine them.

let me just state for the record that little baby joey is turning out to be a complete trollbaby...only allowing me to read science fiction. just finished "inkheart" by cornelia funke, and it was an epic story that wrecked my life, made me wish for more, gave me the worst nightmares- and last night, when i finally finished, i had the best, most peaceful sleep of my life. what shall i read now?

xo

self portrait tuesday

how can i possibly only be 24 weeks?

the partial self

gracie, blowing bubbles at the children's museum-

lately i've been feeling less like "the whole self" and a lot more like "my partial self"
sick, tired, achey, crampy, bloody, icky-
not used to having so much to complain about!
little joey is struggling into the world for sure.
this week was an adventure that i'm glad to report is over-
the good things...a wonderful glass of wine at the wedding-
two whole boxes of gorgeous, brand-new pottery with an old wedding card signed "keep on swinging!"-
birthday lasagna already made for my dad this afternoon-
a garden full of tomatoes-
a fridge full of groceries-
lots of bonding time with crystal and collin-
getting closer to my stress-free time at the end of september-
closer to the fall-
free yarn!-

there's lots more i have to be greatful for! oh, i almost forgot...coconut chip ice cream...

congrats and thank you's

congrats to a dear friend getting married tonight, although she'll never read this
pumping myself up for reading in a big old church tonight...long walk up to the microphone and altar-
hoping i don't have a contraction while i'm saying "love is gentle, love is kind..."

things seem to be better here on all fronts. no more bleeding, and grace's foot is officially not fractured. thank you to everyone for all the kinds thoughts and words and worries and inquiries, even if you haven't gotten a prompt response. you are all amazing.

xo

updates

art show, our front porch...grace's new favorite past-time...right now she's looking over my shoulder saying "mumma, is that my art show? is that my art show? oh i'm all excited!"

anyway, trying to stay positive. today was crazy, still waiting for xray results. i'm spotting and tired and have no energy to be a good mom. not drinking enough. trying to keep this quote, from www.andreascher.com, in my mind-

"My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it's on your plate. That's my philosophy."-Thornton Wilder

thanks for the vibes, peeps.

tiny timmers

taken at an ice cream shop near our house...i probably laughed harder than i should have at the time-

anyway, thank you crystal for taking care of me today even though i was all over the place, contracting, and on the phone our whole visit-

my doc's appt. went fine...joey's great, etc. grace, however, is being seen at 2:15p for a possible broken foot, and for anyone who knows me, you know it's got to be serious if i'm actually taking grace to the doctor, not to mention taking her on the same day that we've already been to the doctor. hi. i'm absolutely insane today. please hope that grace doesn't need a little tiny tim cast. that might break my heart.

also, thank you emily for my birthday surprise in the mail! i haven't been that excited in a while- "babies" by gyo fujikawa! yeah! you're the best.

self portrait tuesday

here's me, 23 weeks preggo...huge and getting huger-
modeling a mystery xmas gift-
sitting in my new favorite chair in my new favorite sitting spot on the front porch

trying to stay positive and in awe of the pregnancy, despite what kevin and i like to call my neverending "toni braxton hicks" contractions...
i've had the song
UNBREAK MY HEART!...SAY YOU'LL LOVE ME AGAIN!
stuck in my head, much to my horror.

9am tomorrow, going in for a checkup to see if this baby is trying to bust out or what. everyone keep yo' fingers crossed.

xo

blackberry harvest

here's part of my blackberry birthday harvest...totally sour and wonderfully delicious-

also, anyone out there know how to make gorgeous necklaces like this...
www.frecklewonder.com
or anyone wanna be my sugardaddy/sugarmomma and buy me one? xo

by the light of grace

love this picture...grace looks surrounded by a heavenly glow.

anywho, long crazy weekend so far filled with good food and lots of debriefing and friends and family, the usual fare around here. ate about 100 clams (i'm not kidding) yesterday and steph's shower in rhode island on the water. ate lobster filled with strange red substance that may or may not have been either eggs or lobster periodness or something else i don't want to talk about. grace has truly been a shining wonder this weekend...and i've been doing lots of staring at her wondering how i made such an amazing human being.

i haven't been giving joey enough water this weekend and he is punishing me with less-than-normal kicks. i need to work better on this.

for all you trolls out there, "necklace of kisses" by francesca lia block is a magical troll gem of a book, completely worth spending one night's worth of reading on...
and now i'm working on "the hobbit", mainly just to hear john snicker in bed at me at night when i open it.

xo

i love myself some curry

isn't this green curry dish gorgeous? my boo made it for emily and tabitha and i. thanks again, boo! too bad i had to eat it with a gallon of cottage cheese because i'm too much of a pussbag to stomach the hottiness of it.

when's the next time you're making me dinner, boo? i be-serve it, especially since it is my berfday coming out now, too.

schlumpface

to all of you loved ones out there
who i owe a phone call
email
hug
response of some kind to
i promise i will get back to you soon
i've been in a bit of a schlump
and i'm in the process of trying to pull myself out

reading "fairy tales and fables" illustrated by the glorious gyo fujikawa...
trying to make sense of my bad feelings and schlumpiness

my new obsession once we start making money here at gilbert central will be trying to bid on gyo fujikawa books on ebay...i've only got my one that until tonight sat underneath my dvd player in our bedroom

so again
i'm sorry
i'll be back

tiny rock child

we've been virtually TV-free here at the gilbert home for almost three weeks now
grace is happier and more inquisitive than i've ever seen her before

adios television!

more 'nuff said...

Latoya Jackson has a twin
and that twin is a drag queen at Jacques in Boston

when you're pregnant...

and all your friends are getting married
and you're off to bachelorette parties every weekend
and everyone is partaking in the festivities, like doing yummy shots called "chocolate cake"

you may or may not be stuck amusing yourself
taking pictures

of yourself

doing shots of blue cheese

(notice the buffalo chicken grease on the "shot glass")

sleepy self portrait tuesday (or wednesday morning...)

here at the gilbert household...

it's been pies, more pies, and pesto...boiling pots of water and salads of herbs and tomatoes and cucumbers from the garden. i love harvesting in the garden, especially with the little one in tow, her little green pail and yellow shovel helping mama dig up the goods.

off this weekend to bridal festivities...looking forward to girl time and silly activities. hope i can keep up with the pack!

check out my girlie and my pink lemonade

flickr
angrychicken
pink lemonade submissions